The Knight's Armor

by Paul Gamble

  “Go, Trudy, go!” Mrs. Emerson yelled.

  Trudy spun around like an airplane propeller. Two more long rods slammed into the wall above her, missing her spinning body by a fraction. Trudy let go of the bar she was holding and caught one farther up. As more and more bars thwacked into the wall it was almost as if Trudy was creating her own adventure gym. Jack began to suspect she was showing off.

  “Just a few more…” Trudy panted as she twirled from one to another.

  “Be careful!” Jack shouted. “They’re getting closer!”

  With each leap Trudy made, the motion sensors seemed to be getting more accurate. What made it worse was that with each successive effort of spinning and leaping between the bars on the wall Trudy was getting slower.

  “Trudy, you need to freeze again,” Mrs. Emerson shouted. “They’re getting too close.”

  Trudy smiled as she spun. “I want them to get too close.” A metal bar shot toward her and the tip caught the edge of her shirt, tearing it.

  “Okay, that’s probably close enough now!” With those words Trudy spun around one of the bars for the last time then let go, launching herself through the air. Three more poles burst from the wall and fired toward her. Trudy curled herself into a ball and tumbled in a graceful arc. Her body brushed the ceiling and she started falling, right past the part of the wall where the motion sensors were mounted. The three sharpened poles missed Trudy by mere millimeters and crashed into the wall behind her—right into the motion sensors. There was a sudden fizzing and a shower of sparks as the sensors were smashed into a million pieces.

  Trudy tumbled toward the ground. At the last minute, she reached out an arm, spun around a pole, and landed with a neat somersault. She turned and smiled at Jack and her mother, who were safe to move again.

  “You’re amazing, Trudy.” Mrs. Emerson smiled at her.

  “That is the general opinion,” agreed Jack.

  “Now let’s get out of here before Merlin arrives.”

  They quickly made their way along the tunnel and out into the sunshine once more. Once outside, they made their way to the exit of the zoo and phoned for a Ministry car. As they traveled toward the museum, Trudy kept looking at her mother, almost as if to make sure that she was still there.

  * * *

  MINISTRY OF S.U.I.T.S HANDBOOK

  GYMNASTICS AND ACROBATICS

  ORIGINS

  Many people assume, based on the abilities of modern-day gymnasts, that acrobatics were invented by the most coordinated and capable of their tribes. And yet this is entirely erroneous.

  The truth is that the original acrobats were actually the most clumsy of their group. People who were well coordinated generally found life to be relatively easy, walking from one place to another. The clumsy people, however, could never make a journey without tripping or tumbling—they therefore had to learn how to fall head over heels without hurting themselves.

  And you can see this in modern gymnastics—because it isn’t actually that hard to do a forward roll; it’s just hard to do one without causing a severe back injury.

  * * *

  29

  HOMECOMING QUEEN

  Somehow word got back to the Ministry of Mrs. Emerson’s rescue, and when they arrived, the corridors of the building were full of people overjoyed to see her. Grey; the Bear; Mike, the intelligent vertical beam of blue light; the tiny quartermaster; and all manner of people and things lined up to greet Mrs. Emerson and shake her hand. Trudy shuffled her feet while this went on, smiling proudly. Jack thought it was strange for a child to be proud of her parent. Normally parents were slightly embarrassing and best kept out of the way at public gatherings.

  After a while the frenzy died down and the staff started drifting back to their day jobs. Of all the Ministry staff, only Trudy, Jack, Mrs. Emerson, and the Minister were left. The Minister urged them to follow him back to his office.

  “Do you think you’re up to a debriefing, Tania?” the Minister asked Mrs. Emerson.78

  “Fit as a fiddle and ready for active service again.”

  “You got captured by the queen of Atlantis?”

  Mrs. Emerson frowned. “I’m afraid so. I thought I could take on the Atlanteans with The Speed, but their continual use of aquarobics makes them quite fierce opponents.”

  The Minister nodded. “I believe Trudy and Jack found that out too, but luckily they defeated them in the end with a little help from Cthulhu and the kraken. But that’s all very much yesterday’s news. Today’s problem is Merlin, I believe.”

  Mrs. Emerson nodded. “That’s certainly who was keeping me prisoner—until my daughter and her friend helped me escape.”

  The Minister turned to Trudy and Jack. “How did you find your mother?”

  “There were a few clues—we knew Merlin needed somewhere that he could store grain without anyone noticing, and we thought of the zoo.”

  “That’s right,” Jack agreed, “but the major clue was when a woodpecker arrived and spelled out the word zoo for us. Originally we thought that it was a message in Morse code.”

  Trudy’s mother wrinkled her face. “Why on earth would you think that?” she asked. “I mean, who would teach a woodpecker Morse code? How would you even do that?”

  “Yes,” agreed Jack. “Thinking back on it now, it was a really stupid idea.” Jack began to suspect her mother was the source of Trudy’s interpersonal skills.

  “When Merlin came to feed me in the cavern, he often brought some woodpeckers with him.”

  Jack nodded. It made perfect sense that Merlin would befriend the woodpeckers in a zoo. After all, he was the carpenter who had made the round table in the Middle Ages. Back then they wouldn’t have had drills or electric saws. Training woodpeckers to undertake intricate carving work would have made the job considerably easier.

  Trudy’s mother continued. “Over a number of months I gathered up bugs and worms, any kind of insects I could. I used them to feed one of the woodpeckers. Eventually he became friendly.”

  “And then you told the woodpecker about Trudy? And asked him to take a message?”

  Mrs. Emerson looked sternly at Jack. “You have some fairly outlandish ideas, Jack. You can’t give instructions like that to a woodpecker. I just showed him this picture of Trudy standing outside her school—it’s the picture of her I always keep in my purse. Then I scraped out the word ZOO on the ground alongside a rudimentary map. He was an intelligent bird and thankfully he seems to have figured out what I wanted him to do.”

  “Wait a minute,” Trudy said. “That makes perfect sense! Because you were feeding the woodpecker, he would have stopped eating Merlin’s food. So, it’s definitely something in the health food and animal food that allows him to control people and animals.”

  “Brilliant, Trudy!” her mother said. “But … how would he do that? I mean, you can’t control people with food just because it’s fortified with iron and vitamins.”

  The Minister interrupted. “As interesting as your escape is, we need to focus on what Merlin is planning next.”

  Mrs. Emerson nodded. “He seems to have been working with the queen of Atlantis. From what Trudy and Jack have said I don’t think Merlin was actually helping the queen as much as he was using her to further his own ends.”

  “I think that’s right,” Jack spoke up. “Both the pirates and the Atlanteans were digging under the ground. We suspect Merlin was looking for Excalibur—King Arthur’s sword. It’s hidden under our school rugby field for some reason. It also seems to be connected to the electricity network, but we have no idea why.”

  “Did you bring it back to the Ministry?” The Minister asked.

  Trudy shook her head. “We couldn’t; it’s stuck in the stone and we weren’t able to pull it out. Plus, it’s protected by suits of armor that can move. They’re practically invincible. Even if you knock them to pieces they pull themselves back together.”

  Mrs. Emerson turned to her daughter. “Trudy Emerson! I won’t have that kin
d of talk. You know that when we put our minds to something and work hard at it we can achieve anything.”

  “Yes, Mum,” said Trudy. Jack was shocked, partially because he’d never seen Trudy so meekly agree with an adult about anything, but mainly because he was amazed that there was someone in the world even more terrifying than Trudy herself.

  “What do we do next, then?” asked Jack.

  The Minister looked sternly at them all. “You and Trudy will continue with your investigations. Tania, you’ll be fully debriefed and have a medical examination.”

  “Not with the Ministry doctors!” Trudy said quickly.

  “No, we’ll get her to go to a regular doctor.” The Minister smiled.

  Mrs. Emerson tutted. “I don’t think there’s any need for…”

  The Minister interrupted her. “Tania, you know the rules. Agents are only allowed on active duty if they are completely fit. Agents operating at less than one hundred percent effectiveness risk endangering entire cases.”

  Mrs. Emerson slammed her fist down on the Minister’s desk. “I think you’re underestimating the danger we’re facing here. This is Merlin. At one stage he was practically ruler of all of England and Wales.”

  “Tania. The rules are there for a reason. And just because you won’t be on a mission, it doesn’t mean that we won’t be looking into this. Jack and Trudy…”

  “They’re twelve,” shouted Mrs. Emerson. “They aren’t ready to face potentially the biggest threat that the Ministry has ever dealt with!”

  Jack felt slightly put out by this. “Can I just point out that we’re more than capable of dealing with Merlin, whatever he’s up to. I mean, we weren’t the ones that got captured by him.” The minute the words were out of Jack’s mouth he regretted saying them. Mrs. Emerson turned and glowered at him. Jack noticed that her hands balled into fists the way her daughter’s did when she got angry. But at least she wouldn’t hit him. Adults weren’t allowed to hit children.79 Mrs. Emerson’s eyes narrowed and she turned to look at Trudy. There seemed to be a moment of psychic communication between Trudy and her mother. Then Trudy shrugged, balled one of her own fists, and punched Jack in the shoulder. Mrs. Emerson smiled and turned around to the Minister. Trudy looked slightly sheepish and mouthed “sorry” at Jack.

  “They are children. Merlin was reputed to be one of the most powerful scientists of his day. He was so powerful people mistook what he did for magic,” Mrs. Emerson said firmly.

  The Minister shook his head very slowly. “You’re off the case. Go to the doctor and then go home.”

  Mrs. Emerson stared at the Minister for a few seconds and then turned and stormed toward the door. Trudy followed her. When Mrs. Emerson noticed, she spun on her heel. She glared at her daughter and then her eyes softened. “Trudy, no—you have to stay.”

  “No way! I’ve just gotten you back. There’s no way I’m leaving you.”

  Mrs. Emerson hesitated for a second before grabbing Trudy and giving her the longest hug imaginable. Then slowly she pushed Trudy away. “You have to stop Merlin. Freeing me wasn’t enough. If Merlin has a plot, you can be sure it’s big. He’s used to controlling entire countries.”

  “But you were missing for months and…”

  Trudy’s mother shook her head and then spoke through gritted teeth. “The Minister’s right—I spent months chained to a wall underground. I’ll need some rest before I’m back in shape. What I need is for you and Jack to try to find out what Merlin’s up to. By then hopefully I’ll be back in good enough condition to fight him.”

  Trudy hesitated for a second but then nodded sadly.

  “Now, you and Jack stay here with the Minister. I’m going to go home and see your father.”

  Jack could tell that Trudy was practically bursting to ask her mother if she could go along too. But he also knew that she would never say that out loud. Mrs. Emerson hugged Trudy again. Then she walked toward the door. “I’ll see you tonight,” she said, smiling at her daughter. Then she turned to the Minister. “You’d better make sure they’re okay. If anything happens to my daughter, I’ll be coming back after you—and you know I will find you.”

  Mrs. Emerson walked out the door. The Minister gulped nervously. “Maybe we ought to get you both some extra training. Just so you’re fully prepared for whatever happens next.”

  “What kind of training?” asked Jack.

  The Minister thought about what Mrs. Emerson had just said to him. “Learning how to hide effectively is always useful.” For just a second the Minister seemed to cheer up, and a mischievous look appeared on his face. “Get the Misery to teach you how to become invisible.”

  * * *

  MINISTRY OF S.U.I.T.S HANDBOOK

  HIDE AND SEEK

  WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS

  Given the wide range of skills and abilities that Ministry operatives have, it is unsurprising that many of them become world champions in a variety of areas. One example of this was John Johns, a Ministry operative who was the world’s most successful hide-and-seeker. If you ask John Johns about his career in world-championship hide-and-seek, he will proudly take you to his trophy room, throw open the door, and let you see dozens and dozens of empty trophy cabinets.

  John Johns does not have a single trophy, ribbon, or medal. And that’s how you can tell how amazing John Johns is at hide-and-seek. Because if they can find you in time to present you a medal, well, then you clearly weren’t hiding hard enough.

  * * *

  30

  HAPPINESS AND SECRETS

  Training in the Ministry was overseen by the world’s grumpiest teenager. His black, lank hair hung over his eyes and he wore a baggy black sweater with the letter M emblazoned on the front. He was rather appropriately called “the Misery.” Jack was slightly scared about going to see him. Apart from anything else, it almost certainly meant that he was going to get shouted at. Any training with the Misery involved a level of shouting and humiliation. When Jack had first met the Misery, he assumed that he just enjoyed being mean. But more recently he had realized that he was mistaken—because the Misery didn’t really enjoy anything.

  Trudy had always been happier about visiting the Misery. She seemed to share a kind of bond with him—inasmuch as anyone could have “fellow feeling” for a perpetually unhappy teenage boy. However, on this occasion she seemed even more happy than normal. If Jack hadn’t known better he would have sworn there was actually a skip in her step.

  “Why are you so happy?” Jack asked. “I thought you’d be annoyed about having to leave your mother.”

  Trudy looked at Jack as if he had two heads.80 “Jack, my mother has been missing for months. Okay, I was annoyed that I couldn’t go with her, but for the first time in what feels like forever I know that when I go home my mother will be there waiting for me. And that’s the best feeling in the world.”

  Jack thought about this and reflected on how it was quite possible to have “too much of a good thing.” After all, both of his parents would be waiting for him when he went home, and all that they would have for him would be a series of awkward questions. It certainly didn’t make him want to skip along the corridor toward the Misery’s room.

  * * *

  When they arrived, the Misery was sitting cross-legged on the floor. As usual, although there was some light in the center of the room, it was impossible to see the walls, which were shrouded in a perpetual and nearly impenetrable gloom. Jack wondered if the room was just a physical manifestation of the Misery’s mood.

  Jack and Trudy peeked around the door. “He looks busy,” Jack said. “Maybe we should just leave him alone.”

  Trudy glared at Jack, knocked on the door once, pushed it fully open, and walked in. The Misery looked up from the floor, peering at Trudy and Jack through his long black bangs. “Well, well, it’s my two favorite agents. No doubt you’re here to improve yourselves at training.”

  Jack didn’t know if there was an infinite amount of sarcasm in the world. But if there wa
sn’t, there was a serious risk that the Misery was going to deplete Ireland’s share well before the end of the decade.81

  The Misery stood up and then did something completely unexpected. A tiny smile appeared on his face. “I hear your mother’s back, Trudy.”

  Trudy smiled back. “Yes.”

  The Misery stopped smiling almost immediately; apparently he felt you could overdo the touchy-feely stuff. “That’s quite enough of the pleasantries. What particular training are you going to be awful at today?”

  For a second Jack thought that the Misery was being unkind, but then he remembered their last attempts at training and realized that, statistically, he had a point. From previous experience Jack was likely to be awful at whatever the Misery taught them.

  “The Minister suggested you might teach us how to hide properly,” Trudy said.

  The Misery’s face fell instantly. “Exactly what did he say?”

  Jack had never seen the Misery look nervous before. It was amusing and yet disconcerting at the same time. “He told us that you’d teach us how to become invisible. But, I mean, that’s impossible. I assume it was just a figure of speech.”

  The Misery’s shoulders sagged. If he’d become any more floppy he would have turned into a puddle on the ground. “If he’d asked me to show you anything … anything else, I’d have done cartwheels82 … but he said invisible?”

  “Well … yes.”

  “Sit down.” The Misery indicated the floor in front of him. Jack and Trudy sat down in similar cross-legged poses. “Becoming invisible is the hardest thing any agent can do.”

  In the past few weeks Jack had learned how to move at almost impossibly fast speeds and also how by shocking yourself you could stop breathing for short periods of time. The first skill had been acquired by being shouted at and the second by being unfairly startled. If becoming invisible was going to be even harder than that, Jack wasn’t sure that it was a skill he really needed.