Dirty

by Ella Miles

  I open my eyes, and his arms are on my arms, concern in his eyes.

  “Eden, what’s happening? What’s wrong?”

  I pant, not wanting to talk about it. Maybe if I do, I’ll feel better. Armas will finally be gone.

  “Armas. I can’t escape him. Every time I close my eyes he’s there. Taunting me. I can’t stop reliving that day. I can’t stop reliving him raping me. His dick tearing me open. His teeth ripping my skin. His cum—”

  “Wait, he came inside you?” His eyes widen.

  I swallow needing to face my fears. “Yes, he came. He was close to coming again when you stopped him.”

  His eyes drop to my body like he’s seeing me for the first time. He notices the tiny scars still on my breasts where he bit me. And he sees my sex that is no longer mine. It’s Armas’.

  I don’t think I can ever have sex again. It hurts to think about it.

  I touch his face because he looks like he needs comforting. His somber eyes come back to mine.

  “What do you need?”

  I shrug. “I don’t know.”

  “Come on. There has to be something I can do to help. Bring you ice cream, take you to a movie, give you a massage. Something to help.”

  The word leaves my mouth without understanding what I want myself. “You.”

  His face juts back like he doesn’t believe what I said.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it…”

  I grab the covers to cover myself up along with the embarrassment. His hand pushes them down before he grabs my chin and turns it toward him.

  “You meant what you said.”

  I nod.

  “You want me to make the memories go away?”

  “Yes, it’s stupid. It probably won’t even work. You can’t make the memories go away. You can’t replace them. I don’t even think if I was in love with you could you make the memories go away.”

  “I can make the nightmares go away.” He says it like he believes what he is saying, and it almost makes me believe him.

  I glance down at his rippling chest, preventing my eyes from going lower. I can feel him grinning at me.

  “And you can’t deny you want a taste of my body. What hurt would it do to try?”

  I swallow. A lot. If it feels like he’s raping me, instead of pleasuring me, I’m not sure how I will survive. I’ll die of insanity if I have to deal with both Armas and Matteo haunting me. Matteo has done some bad things, but nothing like Armas. This could make it worse.

  He sighs and starts to get up sensing my hesitation. He’s going to leave me alone with my nightmares. I can’t handle that.

  I grab his neck and pull him to me, kissing him firmly on the lips. His mouth tastes delicious, and he smells heavenly like a musky soap he used in the shower. I pull away, gently trying to give my brain time to think, because there is no way I’m going to be getting any thinking done with my lips locked with his.

  I keep my eyes closed as I rest my forehead against his. “I want you. Fuck me, make me forget. I trust you, don’t lose that trust. It might be the only way you have a chance to get Nina back.”

  He exhales like he’s judging my words.

  “Promise me you won’t hurt me. You won’t rape me. If I say stop, you’ll stop.”

  I open my eyes to wait for his response, needing to see his eyes as he says it.

  He doesn’t say anything. Instead, he grabs my neck and kisses me again profoundly. His tongue sweeps into my mouth, and I forget about waiting for him to promise not to hurt me. I just feel. His tongue dancing with mine as our lips and moans collide.

  He pushes me back as he climbs on top of me, our lips still locked together. I close my eyes and immediately realize it’s a mistake.

  “Stay with me, pretty girl,” he moans against my lips. “I don’t want you crediting someone else with my sexy moves.”

  He grins against my lips as he says it and I open my eyes, smiling a little back.

  We both keep our eyes open as we continue kissing; our eyes moving deeper into each other’s souls as we kiss. His eyes tell me to trust him, though he hasn’t promised he wouldn’t hurt me yet. I don’t have a choice but to trust him.

  Even if I did have an option, I would still be here, trusting him. I would choose anything over my nightmares.

  His eyes change. That’s what I notice first, and then a mischievous grin as he pulls away.

  “What?” I ask, laughing, because it’s clear he has thought of something funny.

  “Nothing.”

  I raise an eyebrow, but he never answers me.

  “Take a deep breath,” he says.

  I’m suspicious, but I slowly inhale, trying my best to trust him. He grabs my hands and shoves them over my head in one fluid motion while he kisses my neck.

  “Matteo,” I cry out, not liking my hands not having control. Even though being able to move my arms wouldn’t be enough to stop Matteo if he wanted to rape me.

  He kisses my neck, and I come unglued from the way he is sweetly kissing, lapping over my neck, making all the nerves in my body tingle.

  “Tell me you don’t like it. Tell me you want me to stop.”

  I moan loudly as his kissing turns to nibbling and then biting.

  “Stop,” I moan, but my cry isn’t compelling.

  He grins against my neck.

  “I don’t believe you.”

  I swallow.

  His mouth drops to my hardened nipple, and I freeze thinking of the last time a man’s teeth were there. How rough and terrifying it felt and how it was the final step before he plunged inside me.

  He doesn’t hesitate at my anxiety. He takes my nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue around before biting, hard.

  I yelp at the sudden pain, but it’s not pain. Not like when Armas bit me, although I’m sure they both bit me equally hard. There’s a difference; one I can’t figure out.

  “Tell me to stop,” he says again, with his teeth still tightened against my nipple.

  “Stop,” I say, but it’s softer than the first.

  He moves to the other nipple, giving it the same treatment, my back arches against his lips, wanting him to take my nipple into his mouth deeper, to bite harder.

  I feel his cock against my stomach as I arch my back, diving into my belly, pressing harder, as his erection grows. It should scare me, the feeling of how large his cock is growing. He wants me, badly. And if I genuinely begged him to stop, he wouldn’t. He would hurt me worse than Armas. Both physically and emotionally.

  “Grab the bars on the bed,” he commands as he pushes my arms up.

  I do.

  “Don’t let go,” he orders, his eyes threatening before he releases my hands. I keep my hands on the bars like they are tied up, and I can’t move them, though I can.

  His dark eyes dip down as his lips travel down my neck, breasts, and stomach. His tongue tasting my skin, sending chills through my body and an ache I’m not familiar with deep in my belly.

  I close my eyes, trying to gulp down my fears that are sneaking in. I know what happens next. Next, his cock drives in me. He’s not a nice man. He’s not going to wait for my body to adjust. He’s not going to wait for me to come or even attempt to make me feel good. He’s going to get what he wants and hopefully not hurt me too badly in the process.

  I hold my breath, and Armas starts creeping back in while I wait for his erection to be pushing at my entrance.

  Instead, I feel something much lighter and wetter. It traces slowly over my lips between my legs as hands gently push my thighs wider. His tongue laps over me and my eyes fly open to watch him.

  I’ve never had a man lick me so intimately like he is. Most men I’ve been with use their fingers to get me off. It’s ecstasy. Any man I’m with after this will be required to lick me if he wants me to have sex with him.

  His tongue continues over my folds until he finds my clit. He flicks it fast as my juices fill my sex. He licks them up, spreading them over my clit as I moan an
d arch my back.

  I pull at my hands wishing I could touch him. Wanting my hands free to play with his thick hair.

  His eyes tease me as he looks up at me and then he plunges his fingers inside me while he keeps licking my exterior.

  I expect pain. But it’s nothing but pleasure. An experience I haven’t felt with a man before.

  His fingers slip in and out quickly while my legs begin to tighten around his head and my eyes roll back in my head. My toes curl as he continues licking me and I scream.

  “Jesus,” I cry as I come on his fingers, his tongue not slowing down until he’s pulled all of my orgasms out of me.

  My body needs to rest, but he doesn’t let me rest. Not until he gets what he wants. His fingers pull out of me, and I feel my legs being pushed wider as he kneels between them, pushing his cock nearer my entrance.

  He doesn’t wait for permission. He pushes his cock inside me, making me cry out from the intrusion.

  But I don’t feel pain. Not one drop of it. My eyes widen as he smirks, holding my legs but not moving while he waits for me to realize how much my body is aching for him.

  He raises an eyebrow, asking if I’m ready and I bite my lip in response.

  “I got you, beautiful.”

  He rocks in and out of me, and my body comes alive like it had been dormant all these years, waiting until his cock reached inside and brought me back to life. I can feel everything. Every magnificent craving inside my body. Need. Excitement. Lust. It all takes over, pushing out the negative emotions I’ve been living with for months. Far too long to understand what’s happening.

  I forget about everything except being here with him. I’m willingly having sex with my kidnapper and enjoying it. What’s wrong with me? And why didn’t I make him fuck me sooner?

  He thrusts, and my body responds.

  “Oh my god!” I cry when he rocks deeper, hitting a sweet spot I didn’t realize existed within my body.

  “Tell me to stop.”

  I chuckle as he brings my body higher. There is no way I want this to stop.

  “Tell me to stop!” he demands, his voice harsh.

  “Stop,” I whisper.

  “Louder. Scream it.”

  “Stop!” I scream, and my body comes at the same time he does. Pouring his seed into my body.

  I close my eyes and then open them with a goofy grin on my face while Matteo’s cock still rests inside me. When I finally catch my breath again, I ask, “Why did you want me to yell stop?”

  He pulls out, and the emptiness is instant. I want him again. Now.

  He stares at my hands, and I realize I can let go. I’d forgotten I could let go, that they weren’t tied above my head.

  “Because I wanted you to realize you have more power than you think. You have control over your body. You have control of your memories. Only you have the power to get rid of the nightmares.”

  I swallow hard, listening to his words. He stands up, and pulls the covers over me.

  “Now sleep.”

  “Wait.”

  He stops.

  “Sleep with me. You’re right, I have the power to make sure my nightmares don’t come back, but your arms holding me might help.”

  I think he’s going to say no. In fact, I expect it. He doesn’t speak.

  He walks around the bed, pulls the covers down, and climbs in still naked. He reaches down to my leg, making sure it’s propped up on a pillow, and wraps his arms around me. I close my eyes, and for the first time in a long time, I don’t think I will dream of Armas. Because my body is consumed with Matteo.

  12

  Matteo

  I wake up with Eden’s arms wrapped around me. My body is far too warm, but I won’t dare move her. I like her skin against mine too much to care about something as silly as being too hot.

  What’s gotten into me?

  I’ve become a wuss in a matter of moments. Ever since I rescued Eden from Armas. Although, I didn’t arrive there fast enough like I thought I did. I thought I stole her back before the worst happened. I was wrong.

  I think I helped her now though. She didn’t wake up in the night. No thrashing or apparent night terrors. And she’s still asleep now, despite it being well past eight in the morning. We’ve been sleeping for over ten hours.

  I saved her from Armas, but she should be equally terrified of me. I thought fucking her again would stir up the memory of me raping her.

  It didn’t.

  I’m not sure what I want more. Her to remember me raping her and be afraid of me, or her to forget about it forever.

  Her sultry eyes eventually open and she grins when she gapes at me.

  “Good morning,” she says, smiling like I’m her favorite person in the world.

  I stroke her hair automatically. “Morning.”

  She bites her lip.

  “How are you feeling?” I ask.

  “Good. Really, good. I didn’t have any nightmares.”

  I nod.

  We both stare at each other, not sure where to take this from here. For one, I need food and coffee in my system to think straight, and then I have to get to work. I can deal with Eden later.

  “You hungry? I can have one of the servants bring you some breakfast. I don’t think you should walk all the way to the dining room until your leg is further along in the healing process.”

  “Eat with me here.”

  I raise an eyebrow. “Why?”

  The covers slip, and I’m rewarded with a view of her perky breasts and nipples, which I can still taste in my mouth.

  She doesn’t cover up. Instead, she blushes.

  “I know you aren’t the rainbows and hearts kind of guy. I know you are still evil. But I have a proposition for you, and I think we could both use some coffee first.”

  I frown.

  She’s still my prisoner. I don’t like her thinking she has any power over me. I have the control, not her. But I guess I need to listen to whatever she thinks she gained yesterday so I can put her back in her place.

  I step out of bed, sensing her gaze on my ass.

  I smirk.

  She still wants me. I walk over to my dresser and pull out a dark pair of boxer briefs and put them on. I walk to my closet, pull a pair of sweatpants out, and put them on before walking back out.

  She’s biting her lip when she gawks at me.

  “Coffee no sugar, extra crispy bacon, and eggs sunny side up?” I ask, although I know it’s what she wants.

  She nods with a grin.

  Damn that grin. It’s beautiful. Just looking at it makes me happy.

  I dash down the stairs to put in our order and impatiently wait before I carry both of our breakfasts on a tray upstairs.

  When I return, I place the tray on Eden’s lap before climbing into bed next to her and taking my coffee off. I start drinking it while I wait for her ridiculous proposal I’m going to say no to.

  She takes her time and drinks her coffee while nibbling on the bacon on her plate. I made sure the cooks prepared plenty of bacon for her since it’s her favorite part of breakfast.

  “So you going to tell me what your proposition is or what? I have a lot of work I should be doing.”

  She sighs and twirls the piece of bacon between her finger.

  “Fine. I would like to make a deal with you.”

  “I figured that. What kind of deal?”

  She sucks in a breath. She’s nervous. Her hand is shaking slightly, and her breathing has sped up.

  “The kind where I get more sex like last night.”

  I laugh. “Nina tried the same thing. You can’t seduce me and get me to fall in love with you to help you escape. If I fell in love with you, it would only make you more trapped. Remember how it turned out for Nina?”

  She blushes. “I’m not trying to convince you to fall in love with me. That’s not what I want.”

  “What do you want then?”

  “I want more sex like last night. Sex that makes me feel good but in c
ontrol. I don’t want to be raped. I want the kind that makes me feel stronger afterward.”

  I shake my head. “Not going to happen. Last night was a one-time thing. I did it because I don’t want another guy in your head. Now I can talk to you. Question you. Torture you. Or rape you without worrying you are thinking about any man but me.”

  She laughs, but it’s nervous. “You won’t rape me.”

  I raise an eyebrow and inch toward her, watching as the breathing in her chest becomes weaker. “I won’t?”

  “No, you won’t. I believe your story. You love Nina or are still obsessed with her or whatever your feelings are toward her. I believe that to be true. If you want to have a chance at having Nina back at the end of all of this, then you won’t rape me. You know she would never forgive you for it. She’ll forgive you for kidnapping me, but not rape. That’s how I know you won’t do it.”

  I frown. “Fine. But that doesn’t mean I’ll fuck you. I have plenty of women at my disposal to fuck when I want.”

  She smirks. “You might. But they aren’t who you want. You want Nina. And me. Admit it.”

  “No. I like hurting women. Raping them. I don’t fuck often. Not for a woman’s pleasure.”

  “Fuck me, and for every time I let you fuck me, you hold off looking for Nina for one week.”

  I narrow my eyes chuckling softly. “That sounds like you get two things you want and I get nothing.”

  Her eyes hide behind her lashes. “I said fuck me how you want. Rough, dirty, filthy. Do what you want to me, and if I don’t stop you, then Nina gets one more week of freedom.”

  “You think fucking you last night was that good for me?”

  “Yes,” she breathes.

  She knows me too well. I don’t understand it, but fucking her last night made my top five all-time fucks. Nina, making up the other four.

  “I’ll never get Nina that way. Why would I follow your plan? Why wouldn’t I just hurt you until you talk?”

  She smiles, her face light and airy because she thinks she’s won. “Because you love Nina. That’s why you won’t hurt me because you can’t hurt her. I believe you love her. I think your love might be a lost cause. But it’s also the only way you can ever have her. I won’t talk if you torture me. As you can see, that hasn’t been working out well for you so far. I might talk if you gain my trust. Show me I’m right in my realization that you love her and will protect her. You are the better man for her and I’ll tell you where she is.”