If for Any Reason

by Courtney Walsh

  The rest of the guys, including Hollis, all said it would never last, this religion thing, but as far he knew, Jimmy and Jesus were still going strong.

  It had been Jimmy who’d shown up at Hollis’s bedside after the accident. Jimmy was the one who sat there for hours, telling stories, reliving glory days, reassuring Hollis that he’d come back from this. It was his old friend who’d listened quietly while Hollis worked through his anger—at himself, at God, at the whole world.

  And it was Jimmy who’d mentored him out of that anger, who’d shown him what grace and forgiveness looked like.

  After all, the man had handled getting traded with more grace and forgiveness than anyone else Hollis had ever known. “God’s got a plan, Mack,” he’d said. “I’m trusting that.”

  And it had worked out. Hollis hadn’t liked it, but Jimmy thrived—and he finished his career on a high note. Later, Jimmy had said, “Told you God knew what he was doing. He’s got my back—and he’s got yours too.”

  Some days Hollis believed that. Other days, like when he was faced with his greatest obstacle—winning over his daughter—he wasn’t so sure.

  Hollis walked the length of the dock, Jolie in front of him, the rest of the family behind him, and Emily at his side. As soon as Jimmy spotted them, the man lifted a beefy arm and hollered a long, drawn-out “My man, my miracle man!”

  Hollis reached the end of the dock and walked into his old friend’s waiting bear hug. Jimmy squeezed him (hard), then pulled back. Hollis patted Jimmy’s stomach, which, he had to admit, had grown since they’d both played the game. “Still looking good, Crank.”

  “You don’t look too shabby yourself, Mack.” Jimmy’s hands were on Hollis’s shoulders, his eyes bright. Even if the man hadn’t said a word, Hollis would’ve known he was genuinely happy. There was something different about him—had been for a while. Jimmy said it was “the Jesus,” and Hollis believed it. When it came to his faith, Jimmy approached things his own way. God wasn’t something far-off in the sky that couldn’t be grasped or understood—to Jimmy, he was as real as Hollis and the other guys he called friends. Hollis now aspired to that level of faith—a real, tangible relationship with God. Sometimes it felt attainable. But often it felt like his mistakes firmly placed a wedge between him and “the Jesus” that made it impossible.

  “How’s the hip?”

  Hollis glanced at Emily, aware they had her full attention, and quickly changed the subject. “I’m doing great, Crank. I want to introduce you to some people.”

  “Your people,” Jimmy said.

  “Right, my people.”

  Jimmy finally released Hollis from his grasp and faced the others. Hollis started on the introductions, pausing for a moment on Jolie. “And this is my daughter, JoJo.”

  Jimmy’s grin widened. “Finally we meet.”

  Jolie blinked in surprise. “You’ve heard of me?”

  “You kidding? Your dad used to show your baby pictures all around the locker room.”

  For the briefest moment, Jolie beamed, but as soon as she met Hollis’s eyes, she went cold again.

  Jimmy must not have sensed the tension between the two of them because he gave Jolie’s pigtail a tug and said, “Good thing you got your looks from your mama.”

  JoJo smiled. “You haven’t met Emily.”

  “Ah,” Jimmy said. “You must be Hollis’s new love.”

  Emily’s eyes widened. “Guess again.”

  Jimmy arched one eyebrow upward.

  “This is one of my oldest friends, Emily Ackerman.”

  “Ackerman? Like the arts center?”

  “You know it?” Emily asked.

  “Everyone knows it. Used to be one of my favorite places to go on the weekends. They always had something going on. My wife took a pottery class there. Bought her a kiln that she’s used twice.” Jimmy laughed a hearty laugh. “Probably better they stopped doing all those classes. At least for my wallet.”

  Confusion spread across Emily’s tightly knit brow.

  “It’s a great day to be on the water,” Hollis interjected. “Thanks for the favor, man.”

  “Are you kidding? We should’ve done this years ago.” Jimmy stepped down into the boat, then helped Jolie in. She immediately raced toward the bow. One by one, Hollis’s family got in, leaving him standing on the dock with Emily.

  “Where’s the steering wheel?” Jolie called from the front of the boat.

  “Hang on. I’ll show you!” Jimmy rushed off and Hollis took his spot, then lifted his hand in Emily’s direction.

  She hesitated for a moment, then finally slipped her hand in his. The second their skin touched, he felt it in his toes. Their eyes met and his breath hitched in his throat.

  What was it about this woman that captivated him so wholly?

  He quickly summoned his most nonchalant self. “You’re not afraid, are you?”

  She stepped into the boat and got her footing, then straightened and looked him square in the eye. “Of course not, Hollis. Don’t you remember me at all?”

  He did remember. He remembered everything about Emily, including the time she refused to leave the beach during a tropical storm. Hollis and Hayes knew their mom would be furious if they didn’t come home, but Emily insisted on surfing “one last wave.” She seemed to have no concept of danger.

  But looking at her now, he saw no trace of that girl, only one with a knack for pretending. He didn’t buy this act for a second. She wanted them all to believe she was still that same girl, unafraid and confident, but he saw the truth she tried to hide.

  What happened to you, Emily Ackerman?

  He followed her eyes to his hand, which was still wrapped around hers. He let it go and instantly felt the coolness of her absence on his skin.

  She slung her bag over her shoulder and walked toward the rest of the group, seemingly unfazed, as Jimmy reappeared at his side. “She’s a looker, Mack. She could be the one.”

  Hollis shook his head. “No, she’s not.”

  “What? Why? If she’s not good enough for you, who will be?”

  “Nah, Crank, you’ve got it backward,” he said. “I’m not good enough for her.”

  Jimmy laughed. “Well, maybe she’ll take pity on you.” He made his way to the front of the boat to ready the rest of them for their day on the water, and Hollis watched Jolie sit so close to Emily, he wondered if his old friend was annoyed.

  Judging by the look on her face, though, she was anything but. Jolie pulled her phone out and scrolled through photos—maybe from the wedding?—and Emily asked questions and kept his daughter utterly engaged in a way he had never been able to do.

  His mom stopped trying to get everyone situated and made her way over to Hollis. She followed his gaze to Jolie and Emily, then put a hand on his arm. “She’s awfully good with JoJo.”

  “Yeah,” Hollis said quietly. “She is.”

  “You’re doing just fine, kiddo,” his mom said as if sensing his frustration over his inability to connect with his daughter.

  Mom was kind to take pity on him, but he’d made almost no progress and they were already a week into their month together. He was running out of time.

  Jolie erupted into giggles, and Hollis glanced over to find Emily’s eyes drilling straight into him. Maybe she could see right through him the same way he could see through her. Maybe she was thinking the man in those wedding pictures was far better suited to be Jolie’s dad. Maybe she was thinking Hollis was a first-rate jerk for letting his daughter practically grow up fatherless, the same way Emily had grown up.

  And maybe she would be right.

  But Hollis wasn’t a quitter, and the thought of another man stepping in as Jolie’s dad set his bones on fire.

  He had to do better. Keep every promise. Do more than expected. He was going to have to be SuperDad if he had any hope of winning back his little girl.

  He only hoped it wasn’t too late.

  CHAPTER 18

  “I WAS IN A WEDDING
right before I came here,” Jolie had said. “Wanna see pictures?”

  The girl curled right up next to Emily and pulled out her phone.

  The conversation had started off innocently enough. Meaning, Emily wasn’t trying to pry. She was curious, though, about so many things, not the least of which was why Hollis and Jolie’s relationship seemed so stunted and why Jolie thought her dad didn’t want her to stay the entire summer.

  “Of course,” Emily said. Because who wouldn’t want to see pictures of a wedding? And also because she secretly wanted to see what the girl’s mother looked like.

  The wedding was beautiful. Jolie’s mother, Jana, wore the most exquisite strapless dress with a beaded bodice and the perfect amount of pouf to the skirt. She looked stunning. And Jolie, in her yellow bridesmaid’s dress, the epitome of adorable.

  “I love her dress,” Emily said. “So many details.”

  “Yeah, it was really pretty,” Jolie said. “You think you’ll want a dress like that? When you get married?”

  Emily laughed. “I don’t think I have to worry about that, at least not for a very long time.”

  “Really? Aren’t most people your age married?”

  Emily shifted. Yes. They are. “I don’t think marriage is for me.”

  “I thought everyone wanted to get married.”

  “Not everyone, I guess.” If she were honest with herself, maybe Emily would’ve had a different answer. But some days being honest was too hard.

  “I was the only bridesmaid,” Jolie said. “Because I’m Mom’s favorite person. She wanted me to know that even though she’s got Rick now, it’s still me and her, just like always.”

  Emily had glanced at Hollis, who, unfortunately, looked very much like someone she would want to be more than friends with. He was wearing a plain gray T-shirt that looked like it had been worn a thousand times and a pair of navy board shorts. She couldn’t imagine he wore flip-flops very often, but today he pulled it off. Then there were the trademark aviators and baseball cap—not his team, she noticed.

  “How often do you see your dad?” Emily asked.

  Jolie swiped the photos until another one appeared. “Oh, hardly ever. He’s a baseball star. We used to see him more—well, I did. He never wanted to marry my mom. She says they might’ve been a mistake but I sure wasn’t.”

  “No, of course not.” Emily chewed on that for a minute. “So you’ve never lived with your dad?”

  “He was always traveling,” Jolie said matter-of-factly. “Then after he had his accident, we never saw him. Mom said he wasn’t himself and that he needed time to get better. I think he even forgot my birthday that first year.”

  Emily had read about the accident. In fact, she’d gotten almost obsessive about it. Hollis had been driving when another car ran a stop sign and T-boned him. He’d shattered his hip and the doctors were afraid he might never walk again. Baseball looked like something in the past, but somehow he came back.

  That’s when they started calling him “Miracle Man McGuire.” For a while, it seemed like he’d made a full recovery, but could those injuries have been the reason for his retirement? He wasn’t really that old.

  Emily glanced at him, and though she couldn’t see his eyes behind the sunglasses, she felt him looking back at her. What was he thinking about his daughter befriending Emily the way she was? Was he worried about what she might say?

  Or had fame and fortune turned Hollis into the kind of person who didn’t care?

  “If I tell you a secret, do you promise not to tell my dad?” Jolie looked at Emily, her blue eyes intent.

  Emily wanted to say, “Of course you can trust me,” but what if Jolie told her something Hollis needed to know?

  “I don’t know if I can keep secrets from your dad, JoJo.”

  The girl smiled. “You called me JoJo.”

  “Should I not?”

  “’Course you should. We’re friends.” Jolie’s grin was toothy, and once again Emily was struck by her authenticity. “My secret isn’t bad. It’s just that I don’t think my dad really wanted me in the first place.”

  Emily’s heart wrenched, the pain of that feeling all too familiar.

  “Oh, kiddo, I don’t think that’s true. You heard Mr. Williams—your dad loves you.”

  Jolie shrugged. “I think if you really love someone, you find every way you can to be with them. That’s what Rick told Mom. I heard them talking about it. He wants to adopt me.”

  Emily glanced at Hollis. Did he know any of this? “Wow, what do you think about that?”

  “My dad’s a great baseball player,” Jolie said. “But he’s not a very good dad. Rick said that too. That’s also the part you can’t tell my dad.”

  For the rest of the afternoon, those words echoed so loudly in Emily’s mind she could hardly wrap her head around them. She didn’t know Hollis anymore, but she never would’ve guessed he was the kind of guy to not take care of his family. It was the exact opposite of what had been modeled for him.

  He had so many people—“his people,” as Jimmy had said. Didn’t he know how lucky he was?

  At the same time, as angry as that made her, didn’t he have the right to know if Jolie’s stepdad wanted to adopt her?

  By late afternoon, the sun had worn everyone out, including Jimmy, who had successfully given them the perfect day out on the water.

  They’d motored out around the sound, stopped to admire Brant Point lighthouse, grazed on packed lunches and snacks from Bartlett’s Farm, and soaked up every drop of sunlight.

  Emily spent most of the day with Jolie, though groups shifted throughout the course of the day, giving her time to catch up with Harper (who was, it turned out, a marine biologist when she wasn’t running marathons), visit with Nan, and joke around with Hayes. She even spent a little time conversing with Mr. McGuire, who insisted she call him Jeff.

  To which she’d replied, “Okay, Mr. McGuire.”

  She entertained them with stories of her travels, relishing the way it felt to have their undivided attention.

  The only person Emily didn’t talk to was Hollis, who stayed a bit removed from the rest of the group pretty much the entire day.

  Twice she watched as he awkwardly tried to connect with Jolie, and twice he seemed utterly lost.

  But being there, with them, she remembered how it felt to belong. She remembered how it felt to matter. She’d forgotten those feelings for a reason.

  I need to protect my heart.

  Now, as the boat pulled up to the dock and Hollis jumped out to tie it off, emotions threatened to blow Emily’s cover as a free-spirited woman without a care in the world. She hadn’t come back here expecting to know anybody, and she certainly hadn’t expected to be taken in by Nan and Jeffrey McGuire. They’d always had this way about them—the whole family—of making you feel like you were one of them, no questions asked.

  But Emily had gotten used to not being one of anybody. She’d gotten used to being mostly alone, and the way her relationships always ended made the loneliness easier. It wasn’t worth the threat of pain, so Emily had surrounded herself with people but never let any of them matter.

  The McGuire family didn’t fit into that plan and she knew it.

  She needed space. She needed to clear her head and remember why she was here. This wasn’t a vacation—she had work to do. Besides, the day had shone a light on things about Hollis that had wrung out her insides.

  She felt angry with him and angry for him at the same time.

  Once they’d all unloaded and said good-bye to Jimmy, Emily carried a pile of towels back to Hollis’s Jeep.

  “I think I’m going to walk,” she said as he worked to put everything back in the vehicle.

  “Back home?”

  Not trusting her voice, Emily nodded.

  “That’s a long walk. I can take you wherever you need to go.” There was that concern lacing his brow again. His eyes held her captive for one-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, three-one . . .
She looked away.

  I don’t need you watching out for me.

  Emily slung her bag over her shoulder. “Thanks for letting me tag along today.”

  Jolie wrapped her arms around Emily’s midsection and squeezed. “Thanks for telling me about acting. I’m going to google the arts center as soon as I get home and see if they decided to have a show this summer after all.”

  Hollis’s eyes snapped to Emily’s. She hoped it was okay she was encouraging Jolie’s love of theatre. He quickly looked away, shut the hatch of the Jeep, and faced Emily and Jolie. “You sure you don’t need a ride?”

  Emily squeezed the handle of her bag, clutching it to her shoulder. “I’m sure.”

  She needed air. She needed deep breaths. She needed to remember why she was here. And she especially needed to remember that people—particularly the handsome ones—needed to be kept on the outskirts of her heart.

  Emily gave another wave to Jolie and started off in the same direction as all the tourists, hoping to get lost in the throng. She passed the shops selling overpriced Nantucket sweatshirts, T-shirts, and hats and went straight up Broad Street. How could she have forgotten? How could she have put this all out of her mind?

  She fell in behind a group of tourists, day-trippers who marveled at the cobblestone streets, the brick sidewalks, the assortment of colors popping off of the boutiques and stores along the way. Normally, Emily might’ve wanted to pass the slow-walking cluster, but today she was quite happy to take her time, to see Nantucket through their eyes.

  Maybe they could help her find the beauty she’d long forgotten.

  Though, after the day she’d had, that could quite possibly be the worst thing for her.

  Her phone buzzed in her purse. She stopped right outside of Mitchell’s Book Corner on Main Street and pulled it out, expecting a text from Jolie, but instead found herself staring at an incoming call from her grandmother. She’d been back in Nantucket for a week, and this was the first time her grandmother had called.