My Unexpected Love: The Beaumont Series: Next Generation

by Heidi McLaughlin

  Elle thinks I’ve been hiding. I suppose I have. I couldn’t let her see how I felt, knowing she had no recollection of the night we spent together. I didn’t want her to see the anguish I was in, how hurt I was that the night we finally end up together, she can’t remember a single thing that happened. I guess I was wrong there too, but how do you tell someone you so desperately want to be with, that you slept with and then she shunned you. “Oh, by the way, that thing you do with your tongue…” Definitely a conversation I never planned to have.

  I bang my head against the door and close my eyes, hoping that somewhere, somehow, an answer about what I should do comes to me. Unfortunately, all I see is Elle, and right now I can’t trust my own judgment.

  There’s another knock at my door, followed by Talia’s voice saying my name. What part of “I need to think” isn’t clear? The first time she came over, I get it, she’s bringing me food, but why’s she here now?

  “Ben?” she says right before knocking again. “Your food’s getting cold.”

  Is she staring at my door through her peephole, waiting to see if I’ve taken the food? I don’t want to think the worst of her, but she’s starting to annoy me a little. I push away from my door and go into my room to change into jeans and a sweatshirt. I was serious when I said I needed to think. I do. I don’t know what I’m doing and whether I should go to Elle or not. These answers aren’t written in a manual or notebook for easy reference. Any decision I make will be life changing, and I have to be able to accept that.

  With my jacket in hand, I grip the knob of my door, pausing to look through the spyhole to see where Talia is. I can’t deal with her right now. Thankfully, she’s not in the hallway so as quietly as I can, I open my door, shut and lock it behind me before rushing toward the stairwell.

  It’s Friday night, the streets of Manhattan are bustling with activities. The bar scene is starting to come alive, the dance clubs are about to open their doors, and for a city that fines drivers for honking their horns, the loud beeping from cars is a bit obnoxious. I walk, with no destination in mind, watching people as they stroll past me. New York, much like Los Angeles, offers a variety of lifestyles here. From young to old, married to single, from straight to gay, this city has something for you.

  I find myself in the middle of Times Square, climbing the giant red steps until I’ve reached the top. From here, I can see everything and everyone. In front of me, a man has his arm around his girlfriend, and he’s whispering into her ear. I’m curious about their relationship, wondering how long they’ve been together and if she’s the one for him. If she is, how’d he know? All along, I’ve thought of Elle as being the one for me, but lately, I’ve been questioning why she is, given that we’ve never even been together. How can I be in love with someone who I’ve never dated? Is it even possible?

  The people watching soon grows boring, and I’m back on the street, walking away from the tourists who gather to watch the mega billboards and the odd people who dress up as characters. There’s a man who dresses up as a baby, complete with a diaper. It’s creepy, and in my opinion, he should be arrested. For what, I don’t know.

  Up ahead, the marquee from the Manhattan shines brightly in my direction. Even without knowing it, I’ve walked to her hotel. I stop at the front door, and the bellhop opens it for me, but I hesitate. What happens when I go in? I haven’t a clue, I just know I need to see her.

  Her floor is quiet, not that I expected a place like this to have a ruckus party, but you never know. I knock on her door and wait longer than I expected. When she finally opens the door, she stands there in one of her stupid little tank tops and boxer shorts on. As soon as I step in, she lets the door slam shut behind me.

  Now, what do I do? Part of me wants to sit on her couch and talk things out, while the other half of me wants to kiss her senseless. I have no idea what part will win out, that is, until she steps in front of me and removes my jacket, tossing it onto the floor. My hand finds the sweet spot on her hip, touching her exposed skin to my cold flesh.

  “I’m sorry my hand’s cold.”

  “It’s okay, Ben.”

  I’ve always loved the way my name sounds coming from her lips. “Did you mean what you said earlier about going on a date?”

  When Elle looks at me, her lower lip is between her teeth. I cup her face and let my thumb pull her lip down. Its plumpness is tempting me to place my mouth on hers.

  “I meant every word. It’s taken me a long time to realize that each time I look for love, that each time I look at my parents or my sister and Noah, wishing I had what they have, that the person who could give me unconditional love, has been in front of me for years. I’ve just been too blind to see that it’s you.” She takes my hand and leads us over to the sofa. When we sit, our thighs are pressing together. I shouldn’t get excited as this is nothing new for us. We’ve always been this close.

  “I will never forgive myself for the way I treated you the morning after your party. I was a cold-hearted bitch, and I wish I could tell you why I blocked it out, but I can’t. All I know is that I remember the night fully, Ben, and it was amazing. I’ve never felt so connected to someone, except for you. I don’t deserve you. You and I both know it, but I’m asking for a chance. We may not be right for one another, but we’ll never know if we don’t try.”

  “What about the partying, Elle? The drinking?”

  “I haven’t touched alcohol since your party. I knew something was different when I woke up, but when you told me nothing had happened, I don’t know… it was like a wake-up call.”

  “And the other guys?”

  She shakes her head. “There’s no one else, Ben.” Her fingers brush through my hair as if it’s the most natural thing to do. Looking at her, it’s hard to believe I’ve been with her, but my body has no qualms about wanting her.

  With my hands on her hips, I pull her onto my lap until she straddles me. “Am I making a mistake here?”

  “No, I don’t think you are. It took you leaving for it all to hit home. You’re not just my best friend, Benjamin. You’re the only person I look forward to seeing every day. Your voice is my coffee, my kick-start to start my morning off right. For weeks on end, I’ve wandered around campus, looking for you, needing just to see you so I could feel right again.”

  How is it we can both feel the same way and never tell each other? None of this makes sense, and instead of overthinking it and beating the “what ifs” to death, I lean forward and brush my lips against hers, testing her responsiveness. Elle reciprocates fully, wrapping her arms around me and plunging her tongue deep into my mouth, all reminiscent of the night that changed us forever.

  27

  Elle

  Any reservations I had about Ben are gone. His hands and lips feel perfect against my body. The sensations I’m feeling are like no other. I’m anxious, and I have butterflies in my tummy. I’m nervous because I’m afraid he’s going to pull away.

  That he might realize this isn’t what he wants, Yet, I’m so over the moon happy because he’s here and in my arms, and he’s kissing me.

  Ben and I part, and I use this opportunity to rub my thumb over his freshly kissed lips. I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face. Everything about this moment feels right and perfect. That is until Talia’s face pops into my mind. I disengage from Ben, despite his attempt to hold onto me.

  “What’s wrong,” he asks.

  “Talia. Isn’t she your girlfriend? Because you said she was and we were just kissing… I don’t want to come between the two of you.” There’s a pinch in my heart, thinking Ben is already committed. It’d be my own fault for waiting so long, for not asking him again when he started pulling away what really happened the night of his birthday. This would be karma at its best, and I deserve it.

  “If she were my girlfriend, I wouldn’t have kissed you like I just did and I definitely wouldn’t be here, sitting on your couch, thinking about how much I want to be with you right now.”
>
  “I’m a bit confused. Do you live with her?”

  He shakes his head. “No, we work together. We’re part of an internship at Omni.”

  “Omni? Oh, Ben, that’s wonderful.” I’m truly happy for him. Omni is the best marketing company in the world according to my dad.

  “It’s a dream come true.”

  His words give me pause. His hopes and dreams, they should be my priority as mine has been his. He came with me to California because I asked him to, even though I knew he would excel at a different school. But, the thought of being away from him for years, and only seeing him on vacations made me physically ill.

  What kind of friend am I? I get up from the couch and pace the small living area of my suite. I’m tense, and my hands fidget with anything they can touch. I tug at the hem of my shirt. My hands push into my hair, pulling it from side to side. I bite the end of my nail and pick at the skin around it until I dig too deep, causing me to cry out.

  Ben’s hands are on my shoulders. He’s comforting me when I don’t warrant his affection. “I’m such a horrible person,” I say, turning to face him. “You… you’ve been my rock for years, and I’ve been nothing in return. I should’ve never asked you to move to Los Angeles. How can you stand me?”

  “Because I love you,” he says as if it’s the simplest answer ever.

  “But why, Ben?”

  He gently holds his hands against my cheeks and looks into my eyes. “You make me smile, Elle. I laugh when I’m with you, and when we’re not together, my heart doesn’t feel the same. I can’t tell you why or how, but to quote Selena Gomez, the heart wants what it wants, and my heart wants you.”

  “Your heart is familiar with me.”

  Ben pushes my hair behind my ear, never breaking eye contact with me. “From the moment I met you, I fell hard. I chased Peyton in the hallway because I was adamant she was you, and when I saw you sitting at the table, it was like the sun was only shining down on you. You gave me the time of day when you could’ve easily told the new kid to get lost.”

  “I thought you were hot.”

  “And we became friends because that’s what my mom told me to do. She said friends first, but Elle, every time we went out, I wanted to kiss you goodnight. Every vacation we went on, I told myself this would be the moment, and yet I never said or did anything.”

  “Why not?” I step a bit closer and place my hands on his waist. Ben smiles and pulls me to him.

  “I was afraid of ruining our relationship. At that time, I’d rather have you as my best friend than anything else.”

  “What changed?”

  Ben leans down and kisses the tip of my nose. I want more, but not until he answers the question about Talia. “Peyton’s accident really hit home. When I saw her in the hospital, I had this moment. I realized I didn’t want to be your best friend anymore. I wanted more. I wanted us to build a life together, start a family.”

  “You wanted, but not anymore.”

  “Bad choice of a word,” he says. “I still want it, but up until you accosted me on the street, I had no idea how you felt.”

  I step out of his grasp and turn toward the sliding glass door. The city is still alive and bustling with activity. The last time I was here, I rarely left the hotel room or the tour bus. Most of the time when my sister and I, and sometimes Ben, would tour with the band, we were isolated, or we didn’t have time to explore. It all depended on schedules.

  “Up until the night of your birthday, I hadn’t looked at you as anything more than a friend.” I stare out the window with Ben’s reflection behind me. “There was a girl, she was flirting with you, and I saw red. I thought, ‘what is she doing with my man?’ and I had no right to interfere, but I did. I was drunk and acting stupid, and yet you placated me when you should’ve told me to go home. We fought, I remember that clearly.” I turn to face him. “What I blocked out was when we started kissing and how I started taking your clothes off. You asked me if I were sure and I said I was. I wanted to be with you Ben, please never doubt that.”

  “Then how do you explain the morning after?” he asks.

  “Fear. Being afraid I ruined the best thing in my life.” I shrug. “My therapist says I blocked it out because I was scared that our friendship was over.”

  “Therapist?”

  I nod. “I’ve been going. She helped me remember that night, and once I did… God, Ben I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did. You deserve so much better than me.”

  Ben rushes toward me, his mouth colliding with mine. It’d be so easy to get lost in this kiss, to tangle our limbs together between the sheets and forget everything, but I can’t. I find myself pulling away again.

  “Elle,” he whispers my name with so much passion, my knees buckle. What I wouldn’t give to be able to love him freely right now.

  “Tell me about Talia. I know you, Ben. You must feel something for her.”

  Ben takes my hand and leads me over to the sofa where we sit down together, our thighs touching. “Like I said, we work together. We live across the hall from each other because that’s where our manager put us. I guess for weeks we’ve sort of been dancing around each other. I’ve been hesitant because I’m in love with you, the quarter is almost over, and I just wasn’t sure.”

  “But you like her, unless you go around kissing people for the fun of it.”

  Ben smiles. “No, I do like her, but she’s not you, and honestly, that’s been my biggest battle, trying to get over you.”

  “When were you under me?”

  Ben laughs and shakes his head. “Seriously? You’re going to quote Ross right now?

  I shrug. “We are in the city. I figured why not.”

  Again, Ben starts playing with my hair. His jovial expression turns serious. “I’ve been under you, your spell, or whatever it’s called, since freshman year. And honestly, I’m glad I have, but moving forward, I’d love the chance to put you under mine, to show you what kind of man I am.”

  Kiss him, you crazy fool. “And Talia?”

  “I need to talk to her. I owe her at least that, plus an apology. She’s really sweet and kind, and honestly, if I weren’t in love with you, I’d pursue something with her.”

  “You told me she was your girlfriend. You led me to believe you were living with her.”

  Ben pulls back and sighs. “I’m not happy about lying to you, but I didn’t know any other way. I thought if I told you I had a girlfriend, you’d leave me alone. What I didn’t count on was you realizing I was gone. Stupid, on my part, but thought you wouldn’t notice, especially since I started separating myself from you.”

  “Because I didn’t remember?”

  He nods.

  I grab his cheeks and turn him to face me. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why not yell and scream at me? Confront me? I knew something had happened, but I couldn’t figure it out. When Peyton and I went to Aruba, Noah had made sure the plane had roses and champagne for her, and I told her I wanted a love like hers. She told me I had it if I opened my eyes and finally looked at you. I told her then that I thought we slept together but wasn’t sure. All week, I thought about you and what you were doing, wondering if you missed me half as much as I missed you.”

  “Believe me, I have.”

  “So why not tell me, Ben?”

  He inhales deeply and looks away. Ben pushes his thumb and index finger into his eyes. He does this when he’s about to cry. “I was afraid you’d tell me it was a mistake and I’d rather live with you not remembering than hating me for the rest of my life.”

  “Oh, Ben,” I cry out as tears start to fall from my eyes. I climb into his lap and pepper him with kisses, ones I hope he wants from me. “I could never hate you, even when you were trying to push me away. I’ve spent countless hours trying to figure out my life, and the only thing that makes sense to me is you. You’ve been my constant for as long as I can remember and I don’t want to give that up unless you do.”

  Ben’s arms wrap arou
nd my waist. “Not a chance in hell. I’ve been waiting for you for a lifetime.”

  “Can we try, Ben? Can we date and see if our connection is real, and not based on years of friendship? I want us to be sure, the both of us.”

  “I’ll happily date you, Elle Powell-James. Starting with tomorrow morning. Can I show you the city?”

  I nod. “I’d really like that, but first we need some sleep.” I slip off his lap and take him by the hand, pulling him into the bedroom. The comforter’s pulled back from when I was lying in here earlier. I kneel on the bed and look at Ben. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, except if I stay here, I’m going to want to touch you and I think we should wait.”

  “Wait for what?” I question.

  “Until we’re sure. Sex complicates things.”

  “We’ve slept in the same bed before, Ben. We can put a pillow between us.”

  Ben laughs as he comes into the room farther. He takes my hand and kisses the top of it. “I’m in love with you, and I’m not asking you to say it back to me, I am asking that you let us take things slow, let our relationship build until the point where we know without a doubt that we want to be together.”

  “I can do that,” I tell him. I rise on my toes and place a kiss on his lips. “Until tomorrow.”

  “Bright and early. I’ll pick you up.” Ben kisses me again. It’s short and perfect and leaves me longing for more. “Sweet dreams, Elle.”

  28

  Ben

  It seems as if the only thing I’m really good at right now is leaving Elle. Evident by the fact that I’m walking alone back to my apartment and she’s blocks away, after asking me to stay. The decision I made was the right one though. Had I stayed… well, I don’t think having a pillow between us would’ve kept me away from her. What started tonight, is what I’ve been waiting for - a chance. A chance to finally prove my worth to her, to show her I can be everything she wants in a man and more.