Broken Ties (The Broken Brother Series Book 2)
Page 4
I clear my throat to get the Priest’s attention. He stands and comes out and immediately motions me to the front bench that’s meant to symbolize a pew.
I take a seat beside him and immediately break out in tears. When I feel his tender hand on my shoulder and squeeze, I know I made the right decision to come here.
“I don’t ask if any of you are Catholic anymore. It’s not like anyone has a choice, I’m pretty much it. I’ve learned to put the specifics aside and just listen. If you need an ear and guidance to God, I’ll be that for any of you boys. What you are sacrificing for my freedom is all I need to know to do everything I can for each and every one of you. So just tell me why you are here and what you need from me.” His voice is soft and comforting like my father’s, and I’m immediately set at ease.
I start by telling him about the ambush. The pain of losing a dear friend, a brother. The pain of losing touch with the ones that survived. The loss I feel everyday not having them in my life. The girl that in one night stole a piece of my heart. The love I have for what I do, but the fear I have of losing control of my sanity. Lastly, the panic I felt a few short hours ago. I’m barely surviving on minutes of sleep, afraid of closing my eyes and having the nightmares come along. The fear of losing the confidence of my new brothers, of keeping their six.
“Son, I’m not going to say I have the answers. I’ve seen a lot during my times with the troops. I started in the field and giving last rites to men my age as they took their last breath. I have my own nightmares. I can tell you that the most therapeutic thing I’ve experienced is knowing I’ve helped someone. I’ve provided them with words of God and words of comfort. It keeps me going. We are merely men. I wear a collar and a ring showing that I’m married to God. But I’m just a man like you. I can tell you to pray, but that doesn’t work for everyone. You need to find your peace in your own way. Prayer, mediation, reading, or simply putting yourself out there for others. I’ve learned that my tribulations are minor compared to some out there. I find comfort in knowing that I am doing good in the eyes of God. When I wake from a nightmare, I quickly reflect on the good that came from it. The survivor that I was able to comfort and stop from hurting himself. The lives I’ve saved by simply being there.” He pauses and squeezes my shoulder again.
“I’ve compiled a list of books to read, if that is your thing. If not, I suggest maybe running or exercise. There’s endorphins that help calm a man. I’m also here, if you need someone just to talk to. Sometimes all you need is a friend to listen. I make a pretty good friend.” He stands and goes into his makeshift office and returns with an index card with a few book suggestions.
I feel a lot better after listening to his words. They calmed me and made me think about how it could be worse.
I placed the card in my pocket and shrugged my shoulders. I guess I’ll try reading. It was my fall back growing up.
It’s still going to be a long nine months.
Chapter Six
Alyse
I’m sitting in the office and realize that I never emailed Kaden back. I quickly pull up my email and click on the last message I received from him. It’s pretty clear that he’s given up on me, and I fight to keep away the tears. I glance over at a sleeping K.C. and think that I need to reach out. I can’t keep this from him. Even if a relationship never comes out of this, I owe it to that sweet little baby to know his father. I just pray that my intuition of Kaden being a good man is true.
I start the email and find that my hands are shaking as I try to type:
Kaden,
I’m so sorry that’s it’s taken me so long to respond. Your emails went into my spam folder and I’ve just discovered them. I hope you are okay and everything is going well with your tour. I just want you to know that I have not stopped thinking of you since that night. I’m usually not that type of girl. I don’t do one-night stands. But I felt a connection that I cannot deny. Please stay safe and I hope to hear from you soon.
Thinking of you,
Alyse
I hit the send button and sit and stare at the computer screen as if he’s going to instantly respond. I shake my head and continue on with taking care of some bills.
Kat walks in a few minutes later and shoos me and K.C. out the door. She’s been a Godsend. I don’t know what I’d do without her help.
“If any emails come in from Kaden, can you text me right away? I’ll be checking, but K.C has a checkup later this afternoon and…oh listen to me. I feel like a teenager again,” I say, bouncing on my toes.
“I’ll let you know, I promise,” Kat says, laughing.
At K.C.’s appointment the pediatrician comments on how he’s off the charts in both weight and height. He didn’t flinch or cry when he got his boosters. I was a little concerned with that response, but the pediatrician said he’s seen it before and not to be concerned. He shows emotions, mostly happy ones, so as long as that continues, everything looks good.
I check my phone for emails once I have K.C. buckled into his car seat. There’s nothing new, and I can’t help but to feel disappointed.
♦♦♦
Every day K.C. gets bigger and sweeter. At six months, he’s already rolling and trying to pull himself up. His laughter is infectious. He gives me a workout every time I pick him up. Weighing in at twenty pounds, he’s already in twelve-month-old size clothes. He’s clapping and waving and even blows kisses. I swear I heard him tell Kat and Britany bye the other night. I can see Kaden in him every day. From what I remember, he has his strong jaw line. His eyes though, they are a mixture of both of ours. A unique mix of brown and green that everyone comments on how striking they are.
I still have not received anything back from Kaden. I’ve sent a few more just simple “how are you doing” emails, just in case mine are going into his spam folder, too. I try not to think anything bad happened to him.
I’m making my usual subs and dancing along with the music coming through the speakers. I bought one of those bouncers that hook up to the doorway. K.C. is laughing and bouncing right along with me. I hear the ding of the door and glance over my shoulder. Each time it happens, I pray that it’s Kaden. Although I know his tour isn’t quite up yet, I can’t help but hope. Of course, it’s not him, but to my surprise I see the smiling face of Rigs.
“Hey there! It’s been a while. How are you doing?” I call out.
“I’m good. I’m in town visiting Bryce. I told you I’d stop back in the next time I’m in town. Holy shit! Look at your little man. Hey there, buddy!” Rigs says over the counter to K.C.
“Ba, Ba, Ba,” K.C. squeals out ending with slobbery bubbles.
“He is adorable, Alyse. Have you gotten anymore emails from the father? Sorry, you don’t need to answer that,” Rigs says.
“It’s okay. I haven’t received any more. I have been sending emails to him, though. I’m getting worried. His email address is the generic af.gov one. I’m assuming the first part is nickname. You had me thinking after the last time you were in here. It has my mind wondering if that’s what it is, how the hell he got it, and what it means. I mean Spanks167 is pretty weird,” I say, laughing.
“Wait… what? Did you say Spanks?” Rig says with a serious look on his face.
“Um…yeah…why?” I say, stopping my motions of making the subs and turning completely around.
“What are the fucking chances? Sorry,” Rigs says, looking over at K.C. “I totally see it now. This is freaking unbelievable, Alyse. I told you. Fate.”
I see his face break out in a huge smile. “What are you saying, Rigs? I’m freaking out a little right now,” I say unable to stop the matching smile form on my face.
“Big guy, bald. Talks a lot about random weird stuff?” he says while digging his cell phone out of his pocket. He brings up his photos and starts scrolling through them. He stops on one and turns his phone around.
“That’s him. Oh my God. That’s Kaden,” I say, grabbing his phone and enlarging the picture of Kaden with a g
roup of guys who all have their arms around each other.
“Kaden McIntyre. He was in my unit, Alyse. It was the 167th,” I hear him say.
“McIntyre. Hear that K.C.? Your daddy’s name is Kaden McIntyre,” I say, laughing as tears start streaming down my face.
K.C. let’s out a happy squeal and starts clapping his hands. It makes me laugh even harder and cry even harder.
“Those are happy tears, right?” Rigs asks.
“I can’t believe this. Is this even real? I mean what are the chances? Do you have any more pictures of him? Can you forward this to me? Please?” I almost beg.
“I think I have a few more. Type in your contact information and I’ll send them to you. It’s fate, Alyse. I told you, it’s fate,” Rig says, smiling.
I quickly type in my cell phone number into his contacts and ask him to send me the picture. I hear the ding of my cell phone and rush over to get it from behind the register. Pulling up the picture again, I make a copy and then enlarge and crop the one so it’s only him. Taking my phone over to K.C., I bend down and hold the phone in front of him showing him his daddy.
“That’s daddy, K.C. See your daddy?” I say.
“Da,” K.C. says, clapping his hands.
“Oh my God. Did you hear that? He said Da,” I exclaim.
“Well, let me tell you a little something. That dad of his is pretty much a genius. No lie. He has a photographic memory. He’s a bit socially awkward, but really a great guy. Always reading a book and constantly spouting off useless facts. He was closest to Bryce, but we all were pretty close. I considered him one of my brothers. I want to tell Bryce, but I’m kind of thinking I want to do this as a surprise. Plus, I don’t want to be negative here, but we have no idea how things will turn out, now do we?”
“No, we don’t. I want to be optimistic, but I need to be realistic. He will be coming back to being a father. That’s not something to be taken lightly. I have no idea how to even go about telling him. I don’t want to do it through email, but do I just show up and yell ‘surprise?’” I ask.
“I can’t tell you what to do. As a man, I don’t know if I would appreciate having something like this just sprung on me, but I would want to know. This situation is different, though. I’ll be there for you. I still have some military contacts. I’m assuming that he’s based out of Virginia. I’ll see if that’s true, and I’ll do some leg work to try to track him down for you. Keep emailing him. Hopefully he’ll email back, and you can get some more information from him,” Rigs says with enthusiasm.
“Just knowing his name is more than I thought I’d get. To have you just waltz into my deli and know him, it’s really incredible, Rigs. I’m feeling overwhelmed and just incredibly happy right now,” I say.
“It’s fate,” Rigs simply says.
“Fate. It has to be,” I reply.
That night I received a few more picture text from Rigs. I couldn’t stop staring at them. I finally have pictures. I think about him and how he doesn’t have any of me. So, I pick out a few of my favorite selfies and bring up my email.
Kaden,
You won’t believe what happened today. There was a man who had come into the deli a few months ago. He bought a sub, lol. We struck up a conversation and he promised to visit again when he was in town. Well, he showed up today to grab a few more subs, and somehow, we ended up talking about you. You won’t believe this. He knows you. You were in the same unit before. His nickname is Rigs. He sent me some pictures of you. I then realized that you don’t have any of me. So, I’m attaching a few.
I hope you are well. I hope to hear from you soon.
Thinking of you,
Alyse.
Chapter Seven
Kaden
We’ve been non-stop for the past few months. I haven’t had a chance to even breathe. I haven’t had any instances, which is good. I think the reading helps. I’ve been out of touch, though. Every place we went had no internet. As soon as we landed in Germany, I high tailed it to the barracks and connected to the wi-fi. I loaded my email and sat there for a while when I saw that I had a few messages from Alyse. I was upset that I missed them and hoped to God that I hadn’t missed an opportunity.
I find myself smiling as I read through the emails. I almost drop my laptop when I read the last one. I can’t believe she met Rigs. What are the chances? When I saw there were photos attached, I almost couldn’t control myself. Images instantly popped into my mind of the night we shared. Her beautiful green eyes seemed to be looking right at me.
I immediately click to respond, but I don’t really know what to say. My awkwardness starts to rear its ugly head. I feel so stupid, but I need to tell her something. I feel like she may think I don’t want to talk to her or worse, I’m dead.
Alyse,
Sorry that I haven’t responded. I’ve been to a few countries over the past few months and without internet access. It’s so good to see your beautiful face. I’m safe. Just a few more months and I’ll be stateside again. My first stop will be to that little diner to load up on carbs. I think I’ve lost twenty pounds. I cannot believe that you met Rigs. That’s unbelievable and incredibly awesome. I’ve been trying to get hold of my brothers from my last unit. I’m really excited to think that I’ll be able to see him again. Tell him I said hi and if you can give me his contact information, that would be awesome. Hope to hear back from you soon. I miss you.
Thinking of you too,
Kaden
I can’t stop looking at her picture. I almost forgot what she looked like. I still see her eyes every time I close my eyes, but now that I see her entire face, it brings those images into my head again of that night. It’s bad being confined into a huge room full of bunks with several other men. It’s not like you can just reach under the covers and jerk off. Although, I really don’t care. I’ve actually jerked off in the shower with people coming in and out. That’s what I tell people about how I got my nickname. I tell them I got it because I spank the monkey whenever I want. Of course, it’s not reality, but the real reason is lame. I don’t like feeling lame.
Fuck it. Other guys do it all the time. I’m hard and I’m uncomfortable. I need a release. It takes me only a few strokes until I’m emptying into my hand. I take one last look at Alyse’s beautiful face and immediately fall asleep.
♦♦♦
Alyse and I have been emailing back and forth now almost daily. She sent me Rigs’ contact information and I’ve corresponded with him as well. It feels like a little bit of weight has been lifted. Not only do I have Sporto back, I have Rigs as well. Now I just need to find Beast. Rigs keeps avoiding the barrage of questions, it seems. I’m not sure what that is all about. However, I feel like my life is finally getting back on track. My current unit has even made comments about the smile that seems to never leave my face.
I wanted to video chat with Alyse the other night, but she said she was dealing with some things at the deli and couldn’t. She seemed sincere, but self-doubt kept niggling at my gut. I wonder if she’s found someone else. From her emails, I wouldn’t think so. At least she seems to be very interested in me and what I’m doing. Still, I get the feeling like she’s hiding something. I emailed Rigs about it and he was just as cryptic. He told me she just has a little something going on that is taking up the majority of her time. He also said that I will understand when I get home.
Home. That’s a funny word. I don’t feel like I have a home. It’s certainly not at the base. I really do need to look into more permanent housing. It’s not like I can’t afford it. I just don’t see any use in having something more permanent when I’m constantly getting deployed. It’s easier to have all my life possession fit in a rucksack.
One more month. Rigs says that he’s going to bring Alyse to the base the day I land. It seems a bit surreal that I’ll have someone there waiting for me other than my folks. They usually try to make it, but they will actually be out of town this time. I’m freaking out a little about seeing them both. T
here’s an excitement to see Rigs again, but I’m nervous about seeing Alyse. We met once and although we were very intimate, it wasn’t like there was a whole lot of conversation between us. Outside of the grunts, moans, and few words of passion.
The emails have helped though. I feel like I know her. I know her schedule. How she loves grilled cheese paninis. How she has to sleep with a fan on with one leg sticking out of the covers. I know she doesn’t like shellfish but will eat frozen pizza on any day of the week. I know she loves to come up with new recipes and that she started offering high protein/low carb choices at the deli. Small things that make me feel like I know enough to know I want to know more.