Love Me or Leave Me Alone 3

by Nikisha Mock

  As much as I hated to admit it, I decided that I wasn’t gonna lie to him because he didn’t deserve it.

  “Yeah, that was him. He sent me a text right before I made it to the door,” I said shaking my head.

  “Then tell me what’s up, Ciara. You still fucking with him? Be honest.”

  “No! I’m not. Quit telling me to be honest as if you already expect me to lie. I don’t appreciate that.”

  He put his head down. “I’m sorry, Ciara. It looks hella suspicious from my end. I know you gotta see that?”

  “I do and I get it but don’t accuse me of anything because there is nothing to accuse me of. If I wanted Jay, I would be with Jay. Some people have a hard time letting go. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. You can bet on that.”

  “Okay then. Enough said. Now let’s go eat. You looking real good in those jeans, baby girl,” he said as he reached over and rubbed my leg.

  I was still feeling a little salty about the whole scene but I dropped it and half smiled at him. We drove for a little bit and then pulled up in a nice section of downtown. I stepped out of the car at the valet and waited for Darren to come around. We ended up at a real cute bar and grill spot that I had been wanting to try. When we walked inside, I smiled from ear to ear because the place was packed and had a small stage in the back. Onstage, a girl was killing it in spoken word. I told Darren once that I loved spoken word but had never gone to see it live. I squeezed his hand and looked at him to find him smiling at me.

  “See that? That’s the face I love seeing. You happy, baby?” he asked.

  “Am I happy? I’m ecstatic! I love spoken word! Thank you for bringing me here,” I smiled as I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him on his cheek.

  The waitress smiled at us and showed us to our table. The girl on stage was killing it. She was talking about the youth of today. Between her words about how we have to teach them better and show them better, I drifted off into my own little world, wondering what things might have been like if I had followed my high school dream of becoming a writer. I used to sit and write poetry for hours. I didn’t have any siblings so the only thing I had was my writing. It kept me sane. When I couldn’t talk to my mother, I talked to my journal. She never understood how I could stay locked up in my room for hours writing, but I understood it. Writing gave me a release. If I was happy, I wrote. If I was sad, I wrote. I wrote it all down.

  When I was in Florida visiting my mom and her new husband, I found one of my old journals and felt an immediate wave of nostalgia. My mom had kept my room exactly as I had left it and all of my magazine posters and newspaper articles were still on the walls. I had a fascination with journalism back then and it was apparent by looking at my old room. I made a mental note to call my mom soon and make plans for a visit. I didn’t get to see her much because of the distance between us but we only get one mom and mine wasn’t getting any younger.

  In the midst of my trip down memory lane, Darren nudged me. “Hey, you good? You look like you’re deep in thought about something.”

  “I was. I was thinking about how I used to really love writing and that I need to call my mom. It’s been a minute since I did either. I gotta do better.”

  “Ah, she knows you’re okay. But yeah, call her soon. She’ll be happy to hear from you.”

  I nodded and continued enjoying the next artist on stage doing his thing. We were enjoying a great conversation and the ambiance of the place screamed romance. We were so engrossed in each other that we didn’t even notice the woman standing there until she yelled.

  “Darren! Really?”

  Darren almost dropped his drink and I was sitting there stuck on stupid and staring at the mystery lady.

  “You asshole! You were busy running your mouth five seconds ago but now the cat got your tongue, huh?” mystery lady kept yapping while I sat there staring and wondering how long Darren was gonna sit there and not say anything.

  “Angel! Honey, what are you doing here?” Darren stammered.

  “Honey?” I said in disbelief. Somebody bring out Ashton Kutcher because I know I’m being punked.

  “Don’t honey me, you asshole! Is this what you call working late? You’ve been lying to me so you can run around with this whore?”

  Count to ten Ciara. She doesn’t know you.

  “It’s not even like that but let me tell you this though,” he continued to try to explain but mystery lady wasn’t having it.

  “Tell me what? That you have been lying to your wife all this time? How long, Darren? How long has this bullshit been going on with this bitch?”

  1, 2... Oh fuck it, she called me a bitch!

  “Angel, is it? I’m not sure what’s going on here but if you call me a bitch one more time, you’re gonna have a whole new set of problems and they don’t have anything to do with Darren,” I said nonchalantly.

  Before mystery lady had the chance to respond, a real light-skinned brother with a bald head and gold chain walked up on her, damn near snatching her up.

  “Is there a problem here, Angel? You got something going on that I don’t know about?” brother man yelled, all up in her face.

  At this point, Darren stood up. “Yo, who the fuck is this? You mean to tell me you over here questioning me and you here with this dude?” he yelled while ice grilling the guy.

  “You damn right, she’s here with me. Who the fuck are you?” old light bright barked back.

  “Hey! Now, let’s all calm down. I’m sure all of this can be explained in a reasonable tone. We are making a scene,” she tried to say in a hushed tone, as if she wasn’t over here acting a fool herself five minutes ago. I laughed. All of this was pure comedy to me. All eyes were on us by now and I was glad the performers were on break and music was playing because I’m sure we would have been called out for making such a scene.

  “Fuck that! You were talking about me lying to, and I quote, my wife, and yet you’re here with some other cat. Please explain to me the problem with this picture? You know what, I can do you one better. How about you go back to wherever you and, I’m sorry my dude I didn’t catch your name?” Darren said.

  “Ray,” the guy replied.

  “Okay, Ray. Dear, why don’t you go on back to wherever you and Ray were sitting and leave me and my baby alone so we can finish our date.”

  “Your baby? So this is how it ends, Darren? After everything, this is how you wanna go out?” she said and I saw the tears forming before they fell.

  Darren shook his head and lowered it. Then he looked up and in a voice that sounded so certain he said, “This is how it ends. We should have done it a long time ago. We both know that. I wish you well, Angel. I’ll have someone come and get my things in the morning.”

  I sat there. I didn’t know if I should be mad, sad, or what. This was a scene straight out of a movie. Angel looked at him. Ray was looking like he was ready to kill her. I’m guessing he didn’t know she was married. Either that or he was as thrown off as I was. Either way, it was a crazy ending to an almost perfect night. I had to laugh. Angel looked defeated. I watched them all to see what the next move would be. She didn’t get ignorant and try to get out of pocket with me so that was a point for her. I’m not sure how I would have handled that but I know she would have regretted it. I don’t play that shit, especially when I was as blindsided by this as she was.

  “You don’t have to send anyone for your shit. It’ll be outside waiting on you,” Angel said as she attempted to walk off and make a grand exit. But with the quickest reflexes I have ever seen, Darren reached out and grabbed her hand in a vice grip.

  “Angel, I’m only going to say this once. If you put my shit outside, you will regret it. Now have a nice night. I’ll send someone for my stuff first thing in the morning,” he said in a voice way too calm for the ice grill he had on his face. Angel looked shook. I’m sure my expression matched hers. I didn’t even know Darren had it in him because he was always so calm and cool. I’ll admit, it actually turned me on a l
ittle bit.

  Angel walked away without saying another word. Her friend Ray followed behind her like a lap dog. Darren returned to sipping his Disaronno and watching the show as if nothing happened. I wasn’t going to sit there and do the same.

  “Soooo, when were you gonna tell me you were married?” I blurted out.

  “I told you I was married before,” he said nonchalantly.

  “Exactly. You said you were married, as in past tense. You certainly never said you were still married and you never said you still lived with her!” I was getting loud which was not the intention but I was hot at this point. Things could have gone all the way to the left quickly if his wife had been an old ratchet bitch and I didn’t appreciate being put into that type of predicament.

  “First off, I don’t live with her but a lot of my things are still at the house we shared. Secondly, we have been in a weird space for a long time and instead of actually saying the words, we kinda let it play its self out. I’m not sure why she decided to act the way she did now but you know how you women are,” he said. I wasn’t having it though.

  “No I don’t know how we are. Why don’t you tell me since you’re the expert? The only thing I’ll give you is that you did not seem fazed by the fact that she was here with another man. That still doesn’t excuse the fact that you lied to me. I don’t have time for these games. I’ve been up front with you about everything that is going on with me and you left out some major details about your own life. Tell me how that’s cool, Darren?”

  He paused for a second. I guess he was considering my words. I was over it at this point and was ready to go home. What had started out as a wonderful date night had officially been ruined.

  “What do you want me to say, Ciara? I don’t feel like I lied to you. Maybe I should have explained all the little details about me and Angel but to me it, as well as she, is irrelevant. If I wanted to be with my wife, I would be. But she ain’t the one sitting here at this table with me, now is she?”

  I hated that he was right. Something still didn’t sit right with me about the whole thing. I told him as much and asked him to please take me home. We didn’t run into Angel and her new man again. That was fine by me. The ride back to my house was quiet and that was okay with me too. I wasn’t sure about Darren and I don’t like playing guessing games. He didn’t know it yet but I was about to put his ass in time out.

  Chapter 8

  Eva

  “Well hello, Miss Harris. How are you doing today?” Dr. Jones greeted me with his usual handshake and perfect smile. I was trying to maintain my cool and not stare at him too long. As always, he was fine in his dark blue sweater and khaki slacks.

  “I’m doing okay except for the fact that the dreams are back. A friend of mine was shot and it was very traumatic for me. I’ve been having the nightmares since then. I want it to go away. This is crazy,” I shook my head.

  “I see. Well as you stated, that was a traumatic event. With any person suffering from PTSD, there are certain triggers that we must be aware of. For you, it’s guns and shooting. These things may not always trigger an episode but they can. I suspect this is the reason for the reoccurrence of the dreams. So good for you that you recognized the culprit. Now all we have to do is work on getting you back into a place where you are no longer feeling a prisoner to these dreams. Have you still been blowing bubbles with your daughter?” he asked with a smile.

  I smiled back. I hadn’t done that as often as I did at first. He reminded me that it really was a great stress reliever.

  “I’m making it a priority to get another bottle of bubbles today, Doc, I mean, Dr. Jones,” I said.

  He laughed a bit. “Since we are in the office I won’t say anything about the whole ‘doc’ thing. Now, outside of the office is a different story.”

  I tensed up immediately. Was he flirting with me again? How exactly did he expect me to be calling him anything outside of the office? We’re not friends. I had no plans of seeing him at all if I wasn’t sitting in this chair. I didn’t want to make things awkward for us so I smiled a little and agreed with him.

  “What about the Lexapro? How’s that working for you?” he asked about my meds, switching the subject. I was thankful for that.

  “I actually don’t like how it makes me feel. I don’t feel like myself when I take it. Sometimes I feel a little jittery, as if I can’t sit still. I never liked the idea of taking medicine anyway. Do you think we can wean me off of them?”

  “Of course we can. I’ll start with prescribing a lower dose for you. We will stagger you off of them. If you’re still stressed out about these dreams, the medicine will help with that, but I understand if you don’t like it. Would you be interested in trying any other medications? I have several in mind if Lexapro isn’t a good one for you.”

  “With all due respect, I don’t really want to take anything. I can get through this. I know I can. The shooting set things off for me but I’ll be okay,” I said. I was adamant about not taking any mind-altering drugs.

  “Very well then. Eva, I must say that you have made considerable progress since our first meeting. I think we can shorten your visits to once every two months or as needed at this point. I still want to gradually pull you off of the medication but other than that, I don’t see any reason to waste your time having to come up here to talk to an old boring guy like me,” he said with a laugh.

  I knew he was joking. He wasn’t old at all. Nothing about him seemed boring. In fact, he was helping me a lot and he didn’t even know it. Plus, he was my regular eye candy. I hardly considered it a waste of time.

  “I don’t consider talking to you a waste of time at all. You have helped me see things differently. I’m learning how to relax when I feel stressed. This helps and I appreciate it. I’ll be seeing you again soon,” I said as I smiled and stood to leave.

  He wrote out a prescription and handed it to me. As usual, he walked me to his door and rested his hand on the small of my back, above my ass. This time it seemed to be a little lower than normal or appropriate. It sent chills through me. I ignored it as best as I could and got the hell out of dodge. That man was extremely fine. His intelligence turned me on more than I knew it should have. I got to the car, thankful that the session ended when it did because I was feeling some type of way being that close to him again. When I looked at the prescription, I noticed there was a sticky note attached to it.

  It has been a pleasure working with you but I have to be honest. I am very much attracted to you, Eva. I hope this doesn’t offend you in any way, as that was not my intent. You’re beautiful and you have a sincerity about you that draws me to you. I’d love to have dinner with you one night if you’ll agree to it. I know your relationship status so forgive me if I am overstepping my bounds. But I see it in your eyes. You want to say something but you’re too shy to say it. So, I’m helping you out. Here’s my personal cell number. Call me. You can say anything to me and it stays with us.

  ~B

  To say I was shocked was an understatement. I knew I had no business doing it but I quickly locked his number into my phone. Then I crumpled that sticky note and tossed it out of the window. I couldn’t risk Tyler finding it. Especially when I didn’t really have any intentions on using it. I was flattered that another man saw me in that way. But, I loved Tyler. I was about to be his wife. Granted, his actions lately had me raising an eyebrow but I didn’t really think he was cheating on me. Plus, I had never been the one to cheat.

  There was something about Dr. Jones that had me curious though. I was thinking that maybe I should stop making appointments to see him. It was time to face these dreams anyway. I think my fear had been setting the stage for them to affect me as bad as they had been doing. Either way, being in close proximity with the good doctor was no longer good for my relationship.

  Chapter 9

  Ayanna

  I was so excited I could hardly stand it. I watched as the nurse gave Cam his discharge paperwork and asked him to sign a
few things. His arm was in a sling but he said he was alright. It was hospital protocol to take patients out in a wheelchair. The nurse told me to get the car and they would meet me downstairs. As she helped Cam get into the car, I couldn’t help but smile at him.

  “What you smiling at, girl? I know I look like shit,” Cam laughed a little bit.

  “You are sexy to me, handicapped and all. Wait till I get you home. I’ll show you how sexy you are to me,” I said with a devious grin.

  “Yo, I need you to drop me off at my crib though. I’ll have Chris drop me off at your spot a little later. I need to get some stuff first.”

  Cam wasn’t fooling me. He needed to be with his boys so he could talk about what they were gonna do about Fallon and Tracey. I didn’t really think Cam would murder his own sister but you never know. Since the word was already out that Tracey was out of jail, I was sure that Cam knew this information as well.

  “Why you get all quiet on me, Yanna? I know what you’re thinking. Trust me girl, I got this. Ya man is coming home to you, just give me a minute,” he said and reached out to squeeze my leg. I wasn’t buying it but I let it go.

  “If you say so. Call me when you’re on your way. I need to go get some groceries and a few other things. I don’t wanna miss you.”

  “A’ight. Come here girl.”

  We had pulled up in front of his house. He leaned over to kiss me. I kissed him back and hoped that he would chill out but I had my doubts. I watched him go into his house before I drove off. When my phone rang I noticed it was Eva.

  “Hey girl, I need your help. Where you at?” she came onto the phone lively and excited.

  “I just dropped Cam off at home. What are you so happy about?” I laughed.

  “Girl, I ain’t happy I’m nervous! The doctor has made his intentions known and wants to take me out to eat. He gave me his personal cell number. Yanna, how do I handle this situation? I love Ty. You know that. But there is something about doc, I mean Bryce that does something to me every time I’m around him.”