Abandon All Hope

by M. J. Schiller

  Hope glared at him but then stepped forward. “Come on, cut it out!”

  “You son-of-a-bitch!” Phillip yelled. He was now in a place where reason was a stranger.

  “I said, CUT IT OUT, YOU MORONS!” she shrieked, her voice reverberating throughout the parking garage. Both men stopped and stared at her in a way which might have been comical, if she hadn’t been so pissed off. She hit Chase on the shoulder. “Get off him!”

  He let go of Phillip’s shirt, and lifted himself from on top of his opponent’s legs. Phillip scrambled up, straightening his clothes and brushing dirt off them, while trying to retain his dignity.

  “Okay.” She tried to bring her breathing back to normal. “Phillip, I’m sorry, but I love Chase. I always have. I was just trying to convince myself I didn’t. Even if Chase hadn’t come back into my life, I could not have loved you the way you deserve because I’d already given my heart to him long ago. I’m sorry, but no amount of fighting or kissing is going to change the way I feel.”

  Phillip stared at her oddly, as if the concept had just clicked in his mind. His face said it all. This wasn’t a fling. This wasn’t revenge. She truly loved this guy. She would never be his. This appeared to hurt more than any punch could. He stood there with his mouth hanging open for a second, stunned, then turned around and walked away without saying a word.

  His pained expression had been like a dagger through her heart. She hung her head for a second, and then spun around.

  The cabbie was giving Chase a congratulatory pat on the shoulder. “Way to go, Mack.”

  She scowled at the driver who held his hands up in a defensive position. “Okay, okay!” He walked around to his side of the cab and got into the front seat.

  She looked at Chase. “Are you okay?”

  “Fine.” He turned and got into the back seat.

  She sighed and climbed in behind him, uneasy with his mood. Imitating his position she stared at the cracked vinyl seat in front of her. She turned to say something to him, and then thought better of it, closing her mouth and facing forward again. The driver started the motor and put the cab in reverse.

  The car began its downward spiral, staying close to the outer wall already marked with car paint and scrapes, the cabbie unusually quiet. She worked up enough courage to speak. “Chase, I’m sorry about—”

  He interrupted her. “You said no amount of kissing or fighting was going to change the way you feel. Why did you mention kissing?”

  She contemplated this question. Or, rather, contemplated possible ways she could avoid answering this question. She could pretend she didn’t hear it, but they were sitting right next to each other. She could cause an accident…

  “Phillip kissed me in the elevator.”

  “I knew it!” he screamed. “And I’m just supposed to get on an airplane tomorrow and leave you with that guy?”

  She glanced up into the rearview mirror. The cabbie quickly averted his eyes, as if he hadn’t been listening. She dropped her voice. “But you forget,” she answered tentatively, not sure if he would appreciate humor at this point, “I’m way more into you than him.”

  He turned to stare at her, and step by step his features brightened, the jaw relaxed, the fire went out of the eyes, and finally a grin stole over his face. “That’s true,” he responded smugly. He reached over and squeezed her hand. “Hope, I’m sorry. It’s just—”

  “Never mind. Let’s not let Phillip ruin our day together.”

  “You’re right.” He pulled his cell phone out and flipped it open, hitting redial. “Hey, Rudy. Sorry about that. Yes. That’s the address. And you got the credit card number, right? Perfect. That’s fine. I owe you.” He laughed. “Okay. Bye.”

  “What was that all about?”

  “You’ll see.” He clapped his hands. They had reached street level. “So what do you want to do now?”

  “Hmmm… What about making-out in front of the monkeys in the primate house?”

  “Good idea.” He grinned and leaned forward. “To the zoo, my good man.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  The day turned out to be a glorious one, sun shining, seventy-five degrees. It was as if the whole world were celebrating their reunion. Chase and Hope strolled through the grounds of the zoo, just reveling in being together. They both wore baseball caps to keep from being recognized, and it worked, for the most part. Fans either didn’t realize who he was, or if they did, they were polite enough not to disturb them, most just commenting, “I love your music!” and going their way.

  An older man struck up a conversation with Chase when he was buying some hotdogs, though. After the preliminary compliments, he asked Chase, “So, is that Hope?” The man turned to stare at her as she crouched down to talk to a little boy who had commented on her Cardinals hat. “I can see why she inspired you.”

  Chase peered over at her shapely legs and her huge smile as she tugged on the youngster’s Cardinal hat bill. He could just see a bit of her hair trying to break free in the back and he spent a second imagining it spilling out when he removed the cap back at her place. “Yeah,” he said with a contented sigh.

  He strolled over to her and she rose, waving at her new friend. “I leave you for a second and find you carrying on with some new guy,” he teased.

  “Oh, you!” She pulled the bill of his cap down with a giggle, making it hard for him to see. She led him to a bench and they sat to eat. She wolfed down her hotdog and was raring to go.

  He watched her childlike face as she rambled on about one of the animals they had seen. Leaning his elbow on the back of the bench, he faced her. “Don’t you ever get tired?” he asked with a smile.

  “Never.” She grabbed his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss.

  “Ooh! That could be a good trait to have.” Her lips were so soft, and she had a way of kissing him that was instant foreplay. She had just hooked him in with one of those kisses, when she took her lips from his.

  When he tried to pull her back in, she shook her head playfully. “Nah-ah-ah! This is clearly not the primate house.” She waved her hand in the direction of the elephant house directly across from them.

  Looking chagrined, he snatched the map from her hands. “Give me the map!” He searched frantically for anything with even a slight resemblance to a primate. Glancing around to get his bearings, he yanked her up off the bench. “This way.”

  They headed down a hill, and she begged him to stop to watch feeding time for the seals. Next they watched the polar bear swimming. It had a glassed-in tank, and they could watch the huge beast dive into the water, swim toward them, arch his body as he neared the glass, plopping onto his back, and starting all over again. They could see him approach under water, and marveled at the enormous paw pads, which sometimes hit the glass with his backward somersaults. They continued on, spotting and identifying birds in the aviary, laughing at the waddling penguins, and admiring the sleek animals in big cat country. He spotted a house up a hill and dragged her forward.

  “The reptile house,” he said, disappointed, when they reached the top. He consulted the map again. “Where’s the damn primate house?”

  Her laugh bubbled out like the water from the nearby drinking fountains, where parents were lifting their kids for a drink. She pulled him in and kissed him with fervor.

  “I thought you had rules?” he protested weakly.

  “To hell with the rules.” She laughed, taking the map from him and tossing it in a nearby trash can.

  He laughed with her, lifting her off her feet and swinging her around as he kissed her. They stumbled over to a bench in the shade, and she sat with her legs bent over his, kissing in relative privacy. It reminded him of the first night they had kissed on the dock in the pond behind his house. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?” he asked.

  “I think I finally do,” she responded quietly.

  “How would you like to go to see Wicked this evening?”

  “Wicked? The Wicked that’s perpetua
lly sold out Wicked?”

  “That’s the one.”

  “You know I’d love it.”

  “Maybe we’d better get back to your place and change then.”

  “You’re kidding!” she squealed.

  “No.” He chuckled.

  She grabbed his hands excitedly and jumped up. “Really?”

  “Really,” he assured her, standing as well.

  “Oh, Chase! Do you know how long I’ve wanted to see that?” She sprang into his arms, hugging him tightly.

  “Well, come on then.” He laughed, throwing an arm around her shoulders and heading for the entrance. A few minutes later, he commented, “Well, I’ll be damned! The primate house!” It had been right inside the entrance; they had passed it coming in without even noticing.

  * * *

  Chase watched her face in the dark as it was illuminated by the stage lights. To his thinking, this was a better show than what was going on in front of them. Once the theater lights had dimmed, her eyes had been focused on the stage without once looking away. A smile played on her lips whenever there was humorous dialogue; tears filled her eyes with moving scenes.

  When Glinda and Elphaba sang their song about how their lives were changed by being friends, he silently reached into his pocket and handed her a package of tissues he had brought, knowing she would need one. Her face was such a window to her feelings. He could see fear hollow and then spark her eyes. Her sensuous lips parted, and her body jumped even though he was sure she was unaware of it.

  During the suspenseful parts, he wasn’t quite sure she was breathing. He could have been on an entirely different planet for all she was conscious of him, but it didn’t bother him; he was into her being into the play. She clapped wholeheartedly when the actors made their curtain calls, her eyes aglow with her appreciation for their art.

  When the lights came up, she finally turned to him, squeezing his hand. “Oh, Chase! Wasn’t it fantastic?”

  He chuckled. “It was fantastic, all right.”

  She seemed disappointed. “You didn’t enjoy it as much as I did?”

  “Sweetheart, I don’t think even if the actors had family members in the audience, they could have enjoyed it as much as you did.”

  “Oh!” She rose and swatted him on the arm in feigned annoyance. “Like you weren’t crying, too.” He stood, shaking his head. “You weren’t?” She turned to walk away. “Well that’s just because you’re a heartless bastard,” she said, just loud enough for him to hear.

  He roared and grabbed her around the waist, kissing her neck. She spun in his arms, grabbing his face and kissing him. “Seriously. Thank you so much for bringing me. I’ll never forget this.”

  Her eyes were damp with the passion of her emotions, and he felt the familiar squeeze of his heart only she had the power to give him. She wore a long, black dress, with a straight cut that draped across her curvy body beautifully. Her hair was up like it had been in the video, and despite her tears, she looked perfect to him. He felt like he couldn’t breathe.

  “My God, you are gorgeous! Do you have any idea what you do to me?” His voice husky, he gathered her into his arms, kissing her in the virtual seclusion of their booth. Eventually, he took his lips from hers, laying his forehead against hers and still holding her close by the waist. “Let’s go home and have dinner.”

  “Okay,” she agreed. “I’m not sure what I have in the refrigerator, but I’m sure I can throw something together.”

  “Throwing things together is my specialty. Let’s get out of here.” He took her hand and led her out the back exit the manager had let them use, the same man who had supplied their tickets. Chase had wanted to hire a private driving service, but that could have drawn unwanted attention to Hope’s location, so they had taken a cab.

  When they got back to her condo and were sauntering down the hall together, she gestured to something ahead on the carpet. “What’s that?” It appeared to be right outside her door. When they reached it, they discovered a tray with dishes on it. “What is this? Did someone leave this here?” She glanced around at the neighboring doors as if searching for a clue. He took the key from her hand and opened the door.

  “I think it’s our dinner.”

  She smiled, seeming to catch on at last. “Our dinner?”

  “How do beef tips in a burgundy wine sauce and garlic mashed potatoes sound?”

  “Scrumptious! You did this?”

  “I knew we’d be hungry and”—he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it—“I wanted you all to myself. No fans, no interruptions.” She blushed prettily and seemed at a loss for words. “I hope everything is still warm enough. Traffic took longer than I anticipated.”

  “I can’t believe you planned all this.”

  “Hope, I just wanted to give back to you just a little of the magic you give to me every time we’re together.”

  “Oh, Chase!” She was obviously choked up.

  “Now, no more tears, we’ve had enough of those tonight,” he teased, kissing her cheek. “It’s so nice out, though. Do you think we could take this out on the roof? I should have ordered a table…”

  “No, that’s okay. We’ll just take a blanket and eat it like a picnic.”

  “Are you sure? You might get something on your dress.”

  She shrugged. “That’s what black dresses are for. They hide every stain. I’ll go grab a quilt.”

  She carried the quilt and champagne bucket; he got the rest. Luckily no one else had had the same idea, and they had the rooftop to themselves. The food was delicious, the champagne delightfully cold and bubbly. He stretched out on his side, talking to her about his upcoming tour, and for a little while, they were able to forget that in the morning he would be leaving. They had chocolate mousse for dessert, and then she fed him strawberries and whipped cream while he lay with his head in her lap. After a while, feeling full and a bit tipsy, they stretched out together on the blanket, staring up at the stars, still visible tonight, despite the bright lights of the city.

  “Chase, this was an absolutely wonderful day.” She sighed.

  He intertwined his fingers with hers. “I hope we have a lot more of these days, Hope,” he returned softly.

  “Will you take me miniature golfing?” she asked after a pause.

  “Of course.”

  There was another long pause. “I haven’t been miniature golfing in a long time. I might need some tips,” she said slyly.

  He smiled at the stars. “I think I can manage that.” He rolled over on his side and kissed her.

  When their kisses became more impassioned, she pushed him gently. He stared down into her sultry eyes and she said, “Let’s go to bed.”

  He helped her to her feet, and they gathered their belongings in silence. They left the dishes at the door for the caterer, and took the remainder of the champagne, strawberries, and whipped cream to the bedroom. Once again in candlelight, their heads light from the champagne, they gradually disrobed. He reached up and pulled the clip from her hair and it fell down, the curly ends bouncing seductively at her shoulders, taking his breath away.

  Perhaps seeing his reaction, she dipped her head back and closed her eyes, swinging her hair freely behind her, then bringing her head forward quickly so the ends cascaded over her shoulders, landing just above her breasts. She raised an eyebrow and gave him a come-hither smile, which left him weak in the knees. He scooped her up and threw her on the bed. He fed her strawberries, and then trailed them down her body. Their coldness sent erotic shivers through her. He kissed the sweet juice away and made love to her with a terrible slowness, drawing their pleasure out, until they lay quietly together.

  They didn’t speak; the pain of his impending departure another player in their bed. They wanted to lie together for as long as possible, not giving into the sleep that would steal away the hours, but exhausted from their day, they were soon breathing in rhythm with each other, her head on his chest.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

/>   Chase stood on the tarmac, his hands on Hope’s shoulders, peering into her eyes. It had rained overnight and the temperature had dropped dramatically. He shrugged in his dark brown leather jacket, thankful he had packed it along with jeans, and a thin black sweater. She wore a short, chocolate brown sweater and jeans with a blue jean jacket, which wasn’t nearly heavy enough. A chilly breeze made her shiver. She had her arms around his waist, hands stuck in his back pockets.

  “Are you sure you can’t come with me?”

  “Babe,” she said, torn, “I promise, it’ll only be a few weeks.”

  He nodded his head soberly, glancing toward the plane, but he seemed not ready to leave her yet.

  “You promise you’ll call when you get there?” She played with the zipper of his jacket. “Now that you’re back, I have an irrational fear that you’ll be taken away again.”

  He nodded. “I”ll call, I promise.” He gazed into her face as the wind blew a few strands of her hair across her forehead. He bent down and kissed her tenderly, and then he left. He watched her from the window as the jet taxied away, seeming small as she hugged her arms to herself, the wind still beating against her mercilessly. He felt the knot in his stomach twist tighter.

  * * *

  Hope promised herself not to fall apart until she got home to her apartment. She filled her mind with work. How was she going to get close enough to Antonio Vasculli to find out about his connection to Robert Mulrooney? She mulled this over as she drove through the streets and into her parking garage and then thought about it all the way up to her twelfth-floor apartment.

  When she opened the door, she immediately spotted the huge bouquet of roses on her coffee table. Chase must have asked the landlord to put them in her apartment when they arrived. They were spectacular. Their petals were white in the center with a light pink that bled out to the dark-pink-tipped edges. She inhaled their fragrance deeply. She plucked the card out from their midst, and read it: Miss you already. Love, Chase. She ran her fingers over the words, as if they could make her feel his skin, know his touch.