The Letters

by Suzanne Woods Fisher

  If Dean were still alive, he would let her pass in peace, dignity intact. The very thought of Dean made her sadder still, if that were possible. Why had God taken Dean, but left her? It wasn’t right for a mother to outlive her child. “Therefore shall his calamity come suddenly, suddenly shall he be broken without remedy,” the proverb read. That was true. She was left broken without a remedy.

  A little later, Vera locked eyes with Rose the minute she stepped into the kitchen from her morning walk. “I’m not going through with it. No matter what you and your fancy English friend say. I’m not doing it.”

  Rose crossed the kitchen floor to start the coffee. “I assume you’re talking about the MRI.” She measured scoops of coffee into the filter, then set it on the stovetop. “It’s your choice, Vera.” She walked up to Vera, seated at the kitchen table, and wrapped her arms about her. “You know that we need you around as long as the Lord sees fit. I need your help raising those children. I don’t know what we’d do without you. Why, there’s no telling what those two little rascal boys would turn into without their grandmother’s fine influence.”

  “So true. So very true.” Vera closed her eyes, squeezing them tight for a long moment. “Bieg der Baam wann er yung is, wann er alt is, kannscht nimmi.” Bend the tree while it is young, when it is old, it is too late.

  “Mim is just starting to turn into a young lady. She needs a grandmother to help her with that. And you don’t want Bethany to end up with a liberal like Jake Hertzler, do you? When you’ve got someone like Jimmy Fisher buzzing around? And then there’s Tobe. I haven’t given up hope that he’ll be home one day.”

  Vera chanced a look at Rose. “You’ll mess it all up without me.”

  Rose kissed the top of her head. “I truly would.”

  A bird screeched, followed by a chorus of frantic cries. Rose hurried outside to see several birds in flight, along with a flock of crows excitedly beating their wings. Obviously they’d been disturbed by someone or something. As she turned away from the window, she caught sight of Mister or Missus Eagle—she couldn’t tell which. It soared elegantly in the distance, circling the farm. For once, the word “awesome” seemed apt. Its beauty and grace were stunning. Hypnotic to watch. It didn’t take long to realize there was no love lost between the eagle and the other birds.

  Luke and Sammy came barreling outside to join her. They had heard the bird racket too. She hushed them and pulled them close to her. “Watch with your eyes, not your mouths.”

  The three of them stared at the sky until the eagle flew off. “Mom, did you hear there’s an egg in the aerie?” Luke said.

  Rose frowned at him. “How do you know that? Were you climbing trees again?”

  “No!” Luke said. “Some of the bird-watchers told us so.”

  There was an avid group of bird-watchers that set up their scopes morning and night to watch the eagles hunt for food in the creek.

  She grinned. “Well, that’s good news. When do you think it might hatch?”

  “Mim said it takes thirty-five days,” Sammy said. “So that would be . . .” He started counting on his fingers.

  Luke couldn’t wait for Sammy’s slow accounting. “In a few weeks.”

  “We’ll have to mark that birthday on the calendar,” Rose said.

  “Don’t get your hopes up,” Mim said, standing by the kitchen door. “The chance of a baby bald eagle surviving its first year of life is less than 50 percent. That’s a fact.”

  Luke’s and Sammy’s faces crumpled.

  Jimmy knew that asking Galen for a cash advance wasn’t going to be warmly received, but he didn’t expect to hear Galen’s churlish opinion about his judgment.

  Earlier this morning, Jimmy had located Lodestar at the Bart Township mud sale. Jonah Hershberger was brushing him down in a makeshift stall. As soon as he spotted Jimmy, he threw the brush down and lit right into him, giving him a lecture that felt like the ones his mother used to give him—causing the very hair on the back of his neck to stand up straight.

  “What’s the matter with you, son?” Jonah bellowed. “Don’t you lock your barns up at night? He’s running loose all over the county! You’ve been awful lucky that Lodestar’s a one-man horse. He can track me like a flea on a dog. But you—” he pointed his finger at Jimmy’s chest—“you don’t deserve a horse like Lodestar.”

  “But I do! I really do. I must have left the barn door open.”

  Jonah narrowed his eyes. “What kind of horseman leaves a barn door open?”

  “It’ll never happen again. You can count on me.”

  Jonah squeezed his eyes shut. “This goes against my better judgment.” He opened his eyes and let out a puff of air. “But I’ve got to get this horse sold. Look . . . get me cash for the rest of the money you owe me and I’ll give you one more chance.” He stabbed his finger against Jimmy’s chest with each word: “Last chance, Fisher. I mean it this time. Do. Not. Lose. That. Horse.”

  Jimmy promised to bring Jonah the remaining seven hundred and fifty dollars by noon—but that meant he would need to ask Galen for the cash. His brother Paul had made it clear that he was not Jimmy’s bank.

  An hour later, he pulled his buggy into Galen’s yard and couldn’t find him in the barn or paddocks. He ran to the house and Naomi let him in, pointing to the living room where Galen worked at his desk.

  “Galen, I need to get an advance on a few weeks’ salary. Cash.”

  Galen put down his pen and leaned back in his chair. “What do you need it for?”

  “Can’t you trust me?”

  “No.”

  “I found Lodestar. I need to get Jonah the balance that I owe him.”

  “Jimmy, when are you going to learn?”

  “I’ve learned my lesson. This time, I will keep the barn door shut. Locked!” He frowned at Galen’s reluctance. “Why can’t you just give me a little credit?”

  “I’ll tell you why, since you’re finally asking questions and not just yapping your jowls. Have you ever heard of the Runner Scam?”

  Jimmy shook his head. “What is it?”

  As Galen explained the scam, Jimmy’s head rocked back a little, as if he’d just been slapped.

  “You’ve been swindled.”

  Jimmy shook his head. “You don’t know that. How could you possibly know? You’ve never seen the horse. You’ve never met the trader. Maybe the horse just has a knack for getting out of tight spots. I’d do the same thing, if I was a horse.”

  Galen rolled his eyes, disgusted. “Everything you described about it fits the Runner Scam. A trader sells the same horse a half-dozen times over. As soon as folks get wise to him, he disappears.”

  Jimmy paced the room, back and forth, then swung around to face Galen. “Maybe you’re right, maybe you’re not. But I’m not letting this chance slip through my fingers. That’s the difference between you and me. You’re always watching life from afar . . . you never take any risks yourself. You let chances slip through your fingers all the time. You’re crazy about Rose, any fool can see that, and yet you—” He stopped himself abruptly. He was crossing the line and he knew it by the warning look that covered Galen’s face. He glanced at the clock on the desk and realized he needed to get back to Jonah by noon. “If you’re right, you’re not out any money. I’ll work for you without pay.”

  Galen didn’t move or make a sound, but Jimmy could feel something change in him. He finally stood, walked to the kitchen, opened a cupboard door, and took out a coffee can. “How much?”

  The wind had come up hard in the night and Jimmy woke with a start when a door banged shut. For a split second, he wasn’t sure where he was, then he remembered—he had slept in the barn on a cot in the saddle room—determined to keep Lodestar contained. A gust of wind banged the door shut again. Jimmy grabbed his flashlight and bolted down to the horse’s stall. It was empty, the door wide open. Out of Jimmy’s mouth burst an unrepeatable word that he saved for emergencies.

  He heard something. He flung him
self out the door so fast he bumped his shoulder on the jamb and cried out in pain. Outside, he scanned the farm, hoping to see Lodestar. It was a moonless night, pitch black, and he had to wait for the sough of the wind to still—but he was sure he heard something. There! He heard it again—the squeak of hinges as a trailer door shut tight and then the sound of a car pulling away.

  He covered his face with his hands. He wasn’t sure what hurt more—the fact that he had lost Lodestar for a third time or the fact that he was going to have to tell Galen he had been right all along.

  Jimmy, a young man who considered himself unsusceptible to hoodwinking and swindling, had been hoodwinked and swindled.

  “Mom, Mom, Mom!” Sammy came flying into the house, tears streaming down his face. “The baby eagle died! It died, Mom!”

  Rose wrapped her arms around her youngest son. The bird-watchers had made the discovery and told Luke and Sammy the news as they went to school. It rankled Rose that those bird-watchers didn’t think about the hearts of a little boy. Couldn’t the news have waited?

  After Sammy had finished his cry, she washed his face and walked him to school through the field, so they didn’t have to talk to the bird-watchers. When they went into the schoolhouse, she noticed that Luke was slouched at his desk, looking sad. She also noticed that Luke’s desk was exactly one stretched-out arm away from the teacher’s desk. It surprised Rose that Mim hadn’t informed her Luke’s desk had been moved. Mim usually kept her abreast of Luke’s crimes.

  “I’m sorry Sammy is a little late today,” Rose told the teacher, who understood there had been a crisis without needing an explanation.

  As Rose walked back through the fields, she went up the hillside to watch the eagles. Missus Eagle was on the edge of the nest, her white feathered head bowed. Mister Eagle was at a distance in another tree. That was typical—it was rare to spot the two eagles together. Usually one protected the nest while the other hunted, then they would switch roles.

  “I just heard.”

  Rose turned and saw Galen approach her. “What do you think happened? Do you think another bird attacked the eaglet?”

  “Eagles don’t have any predators. They’re at the top of the chain.” He stood beside her, watching the mother eagle on the side of the nest. “More likely, they’re just inexperienced parents. They messed up. Maybe left it alone too long. It was cold last night. It might have chilled. Or starved.”

  “Do you think the eagles will leave the nest and not come back?”

  “Maybe, but maybe not. Time will tell.”

  “I know I shouldn’t give human emotions to birds, but doesn’t she seem sad to you?”

  “She does. She truly does.”

  At that moment, Mister Eagle flew next to Missus Eagle on the nest and tucked his head against her neck. It seemed as if he was trying to give her comfort. Heartbreaking! Rose turned away, buried her face in her hands, and her shoulders shuddered.

  Galen moved so his chest grazed her back and wrapped his arms around her. Turning her chin slightly, she said, “How can the world be so beautiful and yet break the heart?”

  Galen drew in his breath. There were moments in life when something had to be said, or be left unsaid forever. It wasn’t the best time for it—he knew it wasn’t—but he had to speak.

  Twice, he opened his mouth to say the words; both times, words failed him. For a moment, he lost focus. He never lost focus. Never, though earlier, he’d lost his breath when he saw Rose coming toward him on the hillside, the hazy morning sunlight casting a glow about her. Sometimes out of nowhere the sight of her could snatch his breath and make his chest hurt. She was beautiful. Graceful and beautiful. He wanted to protect her from all the sadness in her life. The emotions shimmering in her tear-filled eyes tore at him, so he wound his arms about her, pulling her into the shelter of his very being. Finally, he said, “There are sad times, but there are good times too. Like . . . now.”

  She pulled away from him and turned to face him, puzzled. “Now?”

  “Yes. Now.” He cleared his throat. “This very moment. This is a good time. For me, anyway.”

  She turned her deep-gray eyes on him, calm and penetrating. “Galen, what are you trying to say?”

  He had yet to take his eyes off her. “Rose . . . I . . . care about you. And what I want to know is this . . .” He cleared his throat again. “Would you let me court you? Sometime? Soon?”

  She looked surprised, her mouth formed a small, tight O. Her eyes popped, then mysteriously, filled with tears. Were these sad tears, happy tears, angry tears, outraged tears, a little of each? He couldn’t tell. He was relieved she wasn’t leaping down the hill.

  The moment stretched between them until finally she spoke. “Galen, I have children to raise and a farm to run, and I’ve got to make money to pay back those investors, and a son who seems to be facing serious legal problems.”

  He swallowed hard. “You take a lot of chances, and you stand up to them all. Why not take a chance on me?”

  “Because . . . well, for one thing, because of our friendship. It means so much to me. I don’t want to lose that.”

  “Why would we lose it? It’s our foundation. I want to build on it.”

  She didn’t speak for a long moment. “Galen, my husband broke my heart and then broke it again.”

  “But I’m not him.”

  She studied him. Indecision played across her features. At long last she set her jaw and lifted it, and his heart missed a few beats. To his surprise, she took his hand. He felt it, cool in his own, believing, for a moment, that she might love him the way he loved her.

  “Do you mind if I wait a little while before giving you my answer?” she asked gently.

  He did mind. He had hoped she would say yes at once. But he remembered his manners and took a step back. “Of course not. Take all the time you need.”

  Rose could hardly bear to see the pained expression on Galen’s face after she told him she needed time to think. His voice had gone flat, no longer throaty, warm, inviting. He waited, but there was nothing more to say. She was not going to say yes on a whim. She had to go home and ponder his question. The silence fell heavy between them, thick and cold, and after a moment too long of it, he turned and left.

  He had shocked her when he told her he wanted to court her. Shocked her . . . and yet . . . it hadn’t shocked her at all. Their friendship had been deepening. Hardly a day went by when they didn’t see each other, talk to each other. She counted on him in a way she didn’t count on anyone else. Did she love him? Was this love? Did he love her? He looked so devoted, she felt almost weak. What had she done to deserve all this love?

  Would she like to be courted by Galen King? Well, why not? A part of her answered back. Really, Rose, why not? He’s kind and caring and he’s the best friend you’ve ever had. And he loves you. You know he does. You’ve known it for some time. You’ve seen it in his eyes.

  But then the practical part of her brain kicked in. Galen was much younger than she was. His life could be—should be—just starting with a young woman. Hers was inching toward the midline. His life was fairly uncomplicated. Hers was a big tangled spool of thread and she was just starting to figure out where the thread began. She had no idea where it would end.

  Besides, there was a reason Galen had remained single. Hadn’t she learned her lessons about independent men?

  No. She should definitely not entertain any thought of being courted by Galen. Put those thoughts right out of her head. Banish them now.

  On Monday three bad things happened. First, Mim received a B on last week’s vocabulary sentence. Teacher M.K. thought she hadn’t tried hard enough. Second, a horrid sixth grade boy, whom Mim considered to be a blight on humanity, told her she looked like a chipmunk in glasses. The glasses part didn’t bother her as much as the chipmunk part. She was very sensitive about her teeth and took excellent care of them. Excellent. She did not want to be toothless when she was older, like so many of the people in Mammi V
era’s church. Third, Danny didn’t even look her way at church yesterday. Or today at school. Not once.

  Mim wanted to talk to someone about Danny Riehl. Was it significant that he didn’t look her way? Was it possible that he thought she looked like a chipmunk too?

  She thought about asking her sister, but Bethany thought of Mim as a little girl. She would tell her to stop wishing she were older than her years.

  She thought about talking to Naomi, but lately Naomi had been so enthralled with Bethany that she hardly knew Mim was there. It wasn’t like that when they first moved to Stoney Ridge. Naomi spent equal time with both sisters, which was only fair because, she acted like she was right between them in age. But when she turned eighteen, she seemed to think she was much closer to Bethany’s age than to Mim’s. She would only spend time with Mim if Bethany was at work.

  Mim checked herself. What kind of advice would Naomi give to her? First, she would be shocked that she was even thinking about being in love with a boy. Second, she would tell Galen, straightaway, about Mim spending time on a hillside with that same boy. At night and unchaperoned. She wouldn’t understand that it was perfectly innocent and they were only stargazing.

  And what would Galen do? Mim smiled. Probably listen to his sister and quietly dismiss it. That’s one thing she liked about Galen. Unlike most of the people in her life, he did not overreact.

  She had a mental list of whom she would not talk to about being in love with Danny Riehl: any girl at school. Mammi Vera. Her brothers.

  That left her mother.

  Her mother was the one person Mim did want to talk to about Danny. Her mother would not overreact and she would not think Mim was too young to be in love. This afternoon, she was going to find a window of time alone with her mother and ask her about love. She reached home ahead of the boys and went right into the kitchen. It was empty. There was a note on the kitchen table:

  Mim, Luke, and Sam,

  I have taken Mammi Vera to Lancaster to get the MRI test. Delia Stoltz drove us over. We won’t be home until late. Mim, start supper. Luke and Sam, feed goat, chickens, sheep, and horses. Boys—Mim is in charge until Bethany gets home. Mind your sister!