Good to Me

by LaTonya Mason

  “And there’s—”

  “I know,” he said, cutting her off. “I know there’s a lot of things you want to say to me. But I think if you let me talk first, you won’t need to say half of what you think you want to say. I have some apologizing and explaining to do. I’d like to talk in person.”

  When she did not respond, he continued. “I know what you’re thinking. I’m not up to anything. I’m not trying to pull one over on you. I just want to talk.”

  “I’m not sure that this is a good time. I’ve only been recuperating for a few days. I’m not sure I can handle this right now.”

  “Iesha called and told me about you being in the hospital.” He paused. “I feel so responsible for that. Charity, I’m so sorry for all I’ve done. Can we please talk about this?”

  “I can’t meet you halfway and I don’t feel comfortable having you in my house.”

  “I know. I know.”

  “Can’t we just talk on the phone?”

  “I’d like to see you. I would like for us to talk face to face.”

  She was silent for a moment. Emmitt wondered what she was thinking. “All right,” she said. “You want to talk? We’ll talk here. For one hour and that’s it. What time will you be here?”

  He looked at his watch. “It’s four o’clock now. I can be there by six thirty or seven.”

  “I’ll see you then—”

  “Thank you, Charity.”

  “Don’t thank me just yet, Xavier will not be here when you get here.”

  Although Emmitt did not agree, he could understand her limitations. “That’s fine, Charity. I just want to talk.”

  “Good-bye, Emmitt.”

  “Bye.”

  He was so excited he felt like thanking God. He knew that Charity’s agreeing to meet with him was nothing short of a miracle. He decided he’d leave the praying and talking to God to her. She was the preacher, not him. On the way out, he scanned his CD case and grabbed Brian McKnight’s first album. When he got to the car, he slid the CD into the player and selected track seven. “Never Felt This Way” used to be Charity’s favorite song. While making their wedding plans, Emmitt had convinced her to walk down the aisle to a traditional here-comes-the-bride piece. But on their wedding day, he surprised her by having his cousin serenade her with a rendition of “Never Felt This Way.” He remembered how she stopped in the aisle when she recognized the instrumental chords to the song. Even from the altar where he stood, he could see the ceiling lights reflect her glistening tears. He quieted his thoughts to listen to the words. Emmitt programmed the CD player to repeat the song and he listened to it all the way to Charlotte. He turned down the volume so that he could rehearse what he would say to her.

  “Charity, I’m sorry. I love you and I want us to be together again.” That’s too simple, he mused. “Charity. Please forgive me. I apologize for hurting you while we were married and afterward. I’ve been prideful and selfish. Since Momma died, I realized that life is too short to be unhappy. Unhappiness killed her. I don’t want to die that way. I love you and I’d like to work things out.” Charity’ll never go for that. I’ll just say what’s in my heart when I get there. He smacked his lips out of frustration. It was going to take a miracle and then some for him to pull this off. He was never one to humble himself for risk of appearing weak. He needed some divine intervention and that meant he was going to have to pray.

  “Dear God,” he said aloud, sounding more like he was writing a letter. “I hate to be coming to You like this, but I need Your help.” He looked out the passenger window and saw the driver next to him looking back. He picked up his cell phone and pretended he was dialing a number and he was talking into the phone. “I messed up and I want my ex-wife and my son back, in that order. Since Charity serves You and is raising my boy to do so, I know if I want them in my life, I’m going to have to serve You too. Help me, Lord. Amen.”

  As he was approaching an intersection, he saw a yellow sign with the word ROSES hand painted in red. He decided to stop and buy a dozen for Charity. He pulled into the lot and drove around to where the Latino couple were selling bouquets. He was impressed with their setup. They had displays of floral arrangements wrapped in plastic, as well as vases of flowers. There were even a few people shopping. Mainly husbands or boyfriends who must’ve forgotten Valentine’s Day and were trying to make up, he guessed.

  “Is there such a thing as purple roses?” an older white man asked Emmitt.

  “I don’t know, man. That would be nice since my wife’s favorite color is purple.”

  The man chuckled. “Yours too?”

  They stayed side by side looking through the array of flowers. “You like these?” Emmitt initiated the conversation this time.

  “They’re put together nice, if that’s what you’re asking. I have no idea of what to look for. My wife likes to have Valentine’s week, not just Valentine’s Day.”

  “Long as you don’t tell my wife.”

  “How long have you been married?”

  Emmitt looked away. “We’re actually divorced. But I’m in town to see if we can work things out.”

  When Emmitt made eye contact with him again, the man asked him, “Do you know the Lord?”

  “I don’t go to church or anything—”

  “No, I asked you if you know the Lord. Do you have a relationship with Jesus Christ?”

  “No, not really.”

  “Well, I believe our being here at this place at the same time is a divine appointment. Have you been praying to get to know Him?”

  “Yes, I have.”

  “Well, hallelujah, that confirms it because I pray daily to be put in people’s paths so I can lead them to Him.”

  Right there under the canopy flower stand, the man prayed for Emmitt and his family and led him into a prayer for salvation. Afterward, he talked to him for a few minutes more. “You may not feel different. Salvation is not based on feelings. There may be days you don’t feel saved. Salvation is a knowing.” He handed Emmitt a tent folded card that he took from his wallet. “This is a card from our church. It has some Bible verses you be sure to read. To get to know who Jesus is, I recommend that you start with the book of John. Get yourself into a Spirit-filled Bible-teaching church. All of this sounds like mumbo-jumbo right now, but just like He did today, God will lead you.”

  The man paid for his and Emmitt’s flowers. Emmitt thanked the man as they walked to their cars. “Now,” Emmitt said to himself. “I know there’s a God.” He arrived at Charity’s house a little before 7:00. There was not a nervous bone in his body when he rang her doorbell.

  Charity opened the door. “Hello,” she greeted stiffly.

  “Hey. These are for you.” He pulled the roses from behind his back.

  Charity’s voice was still flat. “Thank you.” She stepped away from the door so that he could come in. “Have a seat in the living room. I’ll put these in the kitchen.”

  He felt like he would burst with excitement as he walked into the living room. As far as he was concerned, he and Charity didn’t really have to talk, he felt like what he needed to do had already been done at that flower stand. He picked up the big Bible on the coffee table. He wouldn’t mind reading the book of John. He wanted to know what it said. He flipped through its pages but couldn’t find John. He turned to the front of the book for the table of contents. He then sequentially ended up near the back of the book. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. When Charity entered the room, he slammed the book shut.

  She sat down. “Okay, where should we begin?”

  Emmitt placed the Bible back in its place and turned toward Charity. “I want to apologize to you. I am so sorry for all of the pain I caused you.” Even though Charity had turned her head, Emmitt kept talking. “You have been right so many times about so many things. I apologize for not listening to you, for not respecting you. I’m sorry I didn’t know how to be a husband to you.”

  “I accep
t that,” Charity said firmly. “But that’s not the first apology I want to hear.”

  Emmitt looked at her with a confused expression on his face. When he saw the tears fall from her eyes, he froze in place. He didn’t know whether to reach out to hold her or to let her cry.

  “What about for choking me? Emmitt, you’ve never admitted or apologized for choking me.”

  He held his head in his hands and racked his brain to remember the incident she was referring to. He honestly could not remember choking her. He remembered them arguing over the baby. He remembered shouting loudly at her. Either he cornered or pushed her back to the wall. But that’s all he remembered. “Charity, I really don’t remember. But if I choked you, why didn’t you scream?”

  She stood up fighting mad. “How could I scream when I couldn’t even breathe?”

  Emmitt heard wailing but he didn’t know that it was coming from him. “Oh God,” he moaned in between sobs. “Oh God. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  When Charity tried to comfort him, he held her away with his hand. “Emmitt, don’t do this. Let me help you,” she demanded softly.

  “How come I don’t remember this? And if I don’t remember this, what else have I done that I don’t remember?”

  He allowed her to sit next to him on the couch.

  “I’m not trying to be your therapist, but because I am one I know that there is an explanation for this. I have just never wanted to accept it. It was easier for me to believe that you were lying about not remembering that you choked me.” She turned his head toward her. “But it’s not uncommon for people to suppress traumatic experiences and to not recall specifics later. Like the time your mother’s boyfriend held you at gunpoint. Do you remember all of what happened that day? What about the day of your accident? How much of that do you remember?”

  Emmitt shook his head.

  “Well, this is comparable to that. Another point of view to consider is the spiritual explanation. I believe this one even more. You were not yourself when your hands were gripping around my throat. Emmitt, you said things you would have never said, to anyone. Do you remember what you said?”

  He shook his head again.

  “You called me all kinds of names, using choice words I had never heard you say, and you threatened to rip my heart out. You were not yourself,” she reiterated. “No one wants to kill me like that, no one but the devil, and what does the devil aim for daily? My heart, the thing that connects me to God.” She closed her eyes. “Even while it was happening, all I could see was red, or blood. I don’t even remember seeing you. Maybe I was blacking out or something, I don’t know. But I truly believe you were possessed, on an assignment from the enemy to take me out. I don’t even remember how it ended. Or why you let go. I don’t remember that.…”

  Emmitt considered everything Charity said and as sincerely as he could he asked her forgiveness. “Will you please forgive me for…” He looked down and then up again. “For… cho—choking you. I would never hurt you in that way. Seeing my mom in and out of abusive relationships and marriages, I have always vowed that I would never hit a woman. And I did. I’m sorry. With God’s help, I’ll never hurt you again.”

  She put her arm around his shoulder and said, “Thank you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to hear you say. But in order to get God’s help, you have to be saved. Are you ready for that?”

  He wiped his face and smiled lightly. “I am already.”

  Charity squealed in delight, “What? When? How?”

  He was so excited he told her the whole story in about a minute.

  “That’s great. I’m happy for you. Xavier will be glad to hear that. We’ve been praying together for you.”

  He sighed. “Speaking of our son. I want to apologize for this whole court thing. I don’t know what I was thinking, or if I was thinking at all. I was feeling sorry for myself about the way my life has turned out and I felt like I needed something to validate me. The only thing I have to show is Xavier. And I guess I wanted to hurt you for leaving me. You told me you’d never leave.”

  “And you told me you’d never hit me.”

  “I know.” He looked away and then back at her. “I’m dropping the court case. You’re a good mother. You’re doing a good job. I’m sorry for this whole court thing and for not supporting you financially.” He held his head down again. “I was so concerned about what you’d do with the money I should’ve sent that I could never send it. Again, I was just wanting you to hurt. I know this is not much, but I want to give you this.” He pulled his checkbook from his back pocket and tore out a check he had already filled in. “This is just a thousand dollars. I plan to send more after all of Momma’s affairs are settled.”

  “Why are you doing all this? Why now? I mean, getting saved, apologizing, giving me money? Why couldn’t you do this two years ago? When I needed you?”

  “I don’t know. I wanted to. I don’t know.” He wiped her tears with his hand. “I love you. I know that this is all a shock. But I want to give you seven days to think about something. I don’t want you to answer now. You have until next Tuesday to decide.”

  “What?”

  “Please consider remarrying me.”

  Her tears came too fast for him to wipe her face dry. “What about Shawanda? Don’t you two have a daughter together?”

  A scowl came across his face. “No! That’s her daughter by another man. I was just with her trying to deny the pain I felt for not being with you.” He received her when she slid closer to hug him. They sat there in silence and awe for at least a half an hour. When they finally started talking again they talked about the desire they used to share about relocating to New York. They both agreed they needed a new start.

  Chapter 29

  CHARITY WAS STILL ON CLOUD NINE from her meeting with Emmitt when her phone rang. She assumed it was him so she didn’t look at the caller ID.

  “Hello?” she answered pleasantly.

  “Hey, Charity, it’s Sharon. I’m so glad to hear your voice.”

  She’d been meaning to call Sharon but did not know how she would receive her. “It’s good to hear from you, too. I’ve been wanting to call but I didn’t know if you’d be comfortable.”

  “I felt the same way about calling you. I—”

  “Sharon, I don’t mean to interrupt but I need to thank you. Thank you for saving my life. The paramedics say if you hadn’t called when you did, I would have been dead within five minutes.”

  Sharon sighed. “That was no one but God. I wasn’t even supposed to be there that morning. One of the persons who mans the phones on Tuesday mornings called in sick. They called me at the last minute and asked me to man the phone for a few hours. I’m an intern there.”

  “How did you recognize my voice?”

  “I wasn’t really sure but it was like something told me who you were before I even recognized it.”

  “I just thank God through you. Because of y’all I’m doing well. I’m taking time to think about what I’m going to do. I know you’ve heard about Present Day closing?”

  “That’s talk of the town until another tragedy comes along. Are you going to open another practice?”

  “I don’t know. I’m receiving some unexpected money and I’m considering working in the ministry full-time.”

  “That’s wonderful. Not to change the subject, but besides finding out how you were doing, I wanted to see what your plans are for this weekend. I need a road buddy.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “To Kentucky to see my brother.”

  Charity didn’t know if she should go since she was considering Emmitt’s proposal, but she was eager to meet her brother in the Lord. “Uuuuh. I want to go.” She paused. “But, I don’t know. Does he know about what I did?”

  “Oh no, I wouldn’t do that.”

  “Bless you, you’re a sweetheart. Anybody else would’ve told the whole town by now.” They both laughed. “I do want to go.” Charity looked for an inconvenience,
“What time are you leaving?”

  “Visiting is Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, from eight in the morning to three. I’m off on Friday so we can travel that morning, rest up that evening, see him on Saturday, and head back home.”

  “Let’s see, today’s Saturday. Does he know you’re asking me to come?”

  “He doesn’t even know I’m coming.”

  “That’s even better, count me in. Let me make all of my arrangements and I’ll call you back later tonight.”

  The bags under her eyes were proof of Charity’s exhaustion. The seven-hour trip kicked her behind, and if she had known that Kentucky was covered in snow, she wouldn’t have come.

  “It can’t be time to wake up,” Sharon said without even rolling over.

  Charity stepped away from the mirrored sink and looked back at the clock on the nightstand. “No, it’s five ten. I just can’t sleep.”

  “Girl, I’ll sleep for the both of us. I’m tired. Get me up at seven.”

  “Okay,” Charity said simply. She wished she could crawl back into bed, but she knew she wouldn’t sleep. Her mind was too preoccupied with meeting Joseph. Why was she even here? she wondered. What was he like? What would he think about her? What would they do or talk about from 8:00 to 3:00? She was getting anxious just thinking about it all.

  She retrieved her Bible from her duffel bag and went into the bathroom. She closed the lid and sat on the toilet. “Lord,” she prayed. “I thank You for this day, and for its mercies. Thank You for going before me today and accomplishing Your will. I will not be anxious or fearful. What can man do to me?” Scripture began to ring up out of her heart. “Fear of a man will prove to be a snare, but my hope is in You. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and my soul knoweth that full well. Give me wisdom, Father God, to know how to handle every situation. I thank You in advance for hearing and answering my prayer. It is with Jesus’ name that I can do all things. Amen.” She flipped through the pages of her New International version, desiring to read from the Book of Psalms. She turned through them, passing her favorites but stopped at Psalms 107. She figured she stopped because she was wasting time, but when she got to verse ten, she knew that it was referring to Joseph. “Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom, prisoners suffering in iron chains, for they had rebelled against the words of God and despised the counsel of the Most High. So He subjected them to bitter labor; they stumbled, and there was no one to help.” She reread the passage. “What are you trying to say Holy Spirit?” she asked aloud. She kept reading. “Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble and He saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains.”