Last Kiss in Tiananmen Square

by Lisa Zhang Wharton

  “Gorbachev is coming. We have to keep our oath not to disturb the normal functions of the public and the government. So we have to leave the square soon,” said Yumei, who was leaning against Longfe’s chest.

  “What? Longfe is back?” Baiyun jumped. Then Li Yan poked her and pointed to the left, where to her surprise, was Dagong. He wore clean shirt and jeans. He was growing a mustache and beard.

  Dagong stepped forward and threw his fist into the sky. “I represent all the workers here in support of keeping the movement alive!”

  “Dagong!” Baiyun ran toward him and gave him a big hug right in front of everyone. She was no longer shy. Dagong went further. He held her head in his hands starting kissing her passionately. Their lips touched and were melted by their love toward each other. Then they sat down on the step holding each other tightly.

  “Dagong, I thought you were arrested. Did you escape? Should I hide you?” Baiyun looked at Dagong puzzled.

  “That would be nice if we could hide somewhere for a while,” smiled Dagong. “I guess I don’t have such a luck. They let us go because the top hadn’t decided what to do with us.” He turned and started kissing Baiyun again.

  Baiyun didn’t stand up to argue. She was very satisfied to be with Dagong. Although she somehow agreed with Yumei’s logical argument, she wished the movement would go on. She could not imagine how she could go back to her normal school life if the movement suddenly ended. It was like she had opened a mystery book and couldn’t wait to read all the way to the end. The argument ended with no conclusion and the leaders sat down from physical weakness.

  Baiyun, feeling exhausted, started to doze off until Dagong’s voice came from a seemingly remote planet.

  “My little angel. Can you stay awake?”

  “No, my eyelids have been fighting with each other for a while until they both went dead.”

  “Oh, no. I hope they were not dead. You can sleep on my laps,” said Dagong while letting Baiyun fell into his lap. He stroked her shining but messy black hair slowly.

  “Do you feel warmer now?” Dagong was holding nearly asleep Baiyun.

  After an hour, she sat up but soon fell into Dagong’s chest. “What a beautiful night! It is so strange that it is the night while we are waiting to die. Who knows? Maybe we are in heaven already.” She smiled and felt safe in the embrace of Dagong.

  “How do you know it is a nice night with your eyes closed?” asked Dagong.

  “I can smell the steamed bun in the air. I can hear the breeze blowing by my ears. I can also feel the stars in the clear sky staring at me.”

  “Big Li, Big Li.” A woman’s sharp scream broke the momentary silence. Baiyun and Dagong bolted toward the scream. After several days of hunger striking, the unusually strong Big Li finally collapsed. Longfe was holding his body and trying to feed him water. But his mouth clenched tightly, his body shivering. Yumei and others piled blankets on top of his body.

  “Maybe we should send him to the hospital,” suggested Longfe.

  Xia Nan came over and added: “See, people are dying here. Why don’t we withdraw? We have already done enough.” Since the movement began, he had disappeared for a while. His sudden appearance didn’t surprise anyone who knew him, and did not make him more any persuasive than before. No matter how much sense he made, people just disagreed with him. They booed him instead.

  A worker walked by who didn’t know what was going on and joined the conversation.

  “Are you a student leader? Shame on you!” He spit on the ground. “You shouldn’t tell people to surrender. You should lead us to fight until the end.” Some leader!

  While this was happening, Li Yan did find a motorcycle to take Big Li away. Although even with a high fever, he seemed to know one very important fact – he wanted to stay. He held on to the tent as they carried him away. The tent tore away and then he tried to hold onto the cement ground. Blood oozed out of his dark and grease covered fingers.

  “Don’t take me away. Let tanks roll over my body. There are two hundred thousand people here. Our blood will drown the troops. Our iron bones will ruin their vehicles.” After these seemly last words, Big Li collapsed again.

  Baiyun came over and held on to his hands tightly.

  “Let him stay. We are going to die together, aren’t we?”

  Suddenly there was silence. The word “death” finally registered in everyone’s mind. It seemed that they need a moment to comprehend. The loud music was still playing in the distance. Crickets began chirping.

  “Look at the stars in the sky.” Dagong had more experience dealing with crises.

  “Yes. The ‘Hunter’ (Orion) is right over my head.” Baiyun replied.

  “It’s so clear today and I can see his sword,” said Li Yan.

  “Really? Where is it?” Longfe soon realized there was really a constellation named “Hunter” which was over his head in the sky. Yumei showed him once, which was something he didn’t know from growing up in the city.

  “Oh, I see. There are arms, head, legs and his belt. I get it.” Longfe was pleased with himself. At this moment, a small victory meant a great deal.

  “I have heard we would all become stars after we die,” said Yumei, “maybe we should form a constellation.” Her voice was low but clear.

  “Yes. Let’s form a sword that can penetrate the sky. So whenever the Government leaders look into the sky, they will shiver from our mighty strength,” said a young, baby-faced student.

  “Let’s turn into thunder and shake this regime into extinction!” Longfe’s sudden poetic skill had surprised everyone.

  “Let’s turn into lightening and electrocute those conservative leaders.” Even Li Yan spilled out poetic lines.

  “Dagong, I hope we still know each other after we die,” said Baiyun, resting comfortably in Dagong’s chest.

  “We will become spirits and will not know the difference,” said Dagong.

  “That’s too bad. We haven’t done anything together yet,” said Baiyun regretting that she stopped Dagong last time.

  “It is too late, girl. You haven’t enjoyed the greatest joy in the world and now you are going to die, my poor Baiyun.” Dagong scraped his pinky on Baiyun’s small nose. He was teasing her. He understood what Baiyun meant. In fact at this moment, he wished to press his lips against Baiyun’s, and kiss and hug her passionately. Then he would bring them into the highest peak of joy. He knew this was not the time for it. But when? He asked himself sadly. He had lived through most of his live as a dog by tolerating every kind of insult and suffering. The only driving force in his life was to hope that someday a miracle would happen and his fate would turn around. Here, when the happiness finally arrived, he was about to die. This was the fact that was hard for him to swallow.

  “What are you thinking?” said Baiyun. She was too tired to open her eyes.

  “I’m thinking about what our life is going to be like after we both have gone to heaven.”

  “Let me tell you. We are going to have a house among the evergreen trees. We will manage a farm and have half a dozen kids.” The corners of Baiyun’s mouth were lifted up slightly. Her two big eyes opened and stared at Dagong like mirrors.

  “Yes. Baiyun.” Dagong kissed her.

  “De, de…” A motorcycle stopped by. Both the driver and a rider on the back seat were well equipped with helmets, shining leather jackets and thick quilted pants as if they were impenetrable.

  “This is the message from the headquarters of the United Student Union,” after putting on a pair of glasses, the middle aged woman in the motorcycle passenger seat started reading, “We have no intention to withdraw tonight. Our negotiation with the government has failed. We want to force them to the negotiating table again by staying here. With Gorbachev’s visit tomorrow, our movement is going to attract international attention. Up to now, there are no sign of Government troops coming into the square. Rest well and be prepared for tomorrow.”

  From the voice, strong and male-like
, Baiyun realized that the lady who just read the message was her mother, Meiling. She was stunned. Meiling was among the brave students and ready to sacrifice her life. No longer being ashamed of seeing Meiling sitting on a motorcycle with a younger man, she ran toward them.

  “Mother.”

  “Baiyun, I’m so glad that I find you here. I have been looking for you,” she held Baiyun’s small face, “let mother look at you.”

  “Mother, I’m Ok.” No wanting to be treated like a child, she pushed away Meiling’s hands.

  “Ok. Stay here and be strong. Mother is proud of you.” Meiling reached over and hugged her. Then she took out a bag of hard-boiled eggs and handed them over to her.

  “I’m a hunger striker, mother,” said Baiyun while trying to push away the eggs.

  “You can save it for later.”

  Lao Zheng took off his helmet and shook hands with Baiyun. He winked at her and Baiyun looked away immediately. She didn’t like the way Lao Zheng looked at her.

  “Mother, I’m proud of you too.” Then she ran away because she could feel tears swelling in her eyes.

  “This is your mom? Woo!” After Baiyun’s mother had left, Longfe and others cheered for Baiyun.

  “So what? Where is your mother,” shouted Baiyun proudly.

  “Our mothers are at home and praying for us. Your mother is the brave one. Hooray!” More cheers came from the crowd.

  Baiyun felt proud. Meiling was no longer a mother she was ashamed of; a dirty woman and a whore like neighbors called her behind her back. Now she had a brave and patriotic woman as a mother. What more could she ask? She was also surprised that Meiling hugged her. This was the hug she had been waiting for many years. During the last ten years, she and Meiling were not very close. She disagreed and disliked Meiling’s life style. Meiling’s endless love affairs had caused embarrassment for Baiyun and her crazy old father. For years, she and Meiling’s relationship was business-like. They were business partners to run their household. Or rather Meiling was like a sick sister, who had screwed up her life and could not get back on track; a psychiatric patient who needed Baiyun to consistently confess her problems. Now she had Meiling back.

  “Baiyun, you are crying. What has happened to you?” asked Dagong.

  Baiyun did not answer. She started dozing off again. She felt peaceful here at the square in the middle of the chaos, especially with Dagong.

  After several hours, Baiyun opened her eyes. Dagong was still cradling her head, but with his eyes closed. She saw the sunrise. The sun emitted rays of lights into the eastern sky like streaks of red dye. She suddenly felt that she was sitting on top of a mountain. The Forbidden City and the Monument People’s Hero had turned into golden palaces in the distance. Thousands of sleeping people on the square had become rocks. The wind blew her matted hair and it felt so fresh.

  “Dagong, Dagong, where are we? Are we still alive?” Baiyun tried to wake up Dagong.

  “What?” Dagong opened his sleepy eyes, “what are you asking?”

  “Do you know where we are? Are we still alive?”

  “In Tiananmen Square. We are still alive!” Dagong exclaimed.

  “Oh, we are not in paradise? We are still alive? I’m so disappointed,” pretended Baiyun.

  Then they both jumped up and hugged each other. Then Longfe and Yumei came over.

  “We are still alive! We are still alive!” Students, one after another rose up under their thick blankets, and cheered. They were so happy that the government troops didn’t come in, clear up the square and cause the bloodshed.

  A new day had started under such an enthusiasm. It was like a big victory, a huge triumph for simply being alive.

  Soon an order came from the United Student federation leaders that everyone, and especially the hunger strikers move to the east side of the square.

  In order to show the government that they were negotiating in good faith and did not mean to disrupt the first Sino-Soviet summit in thirty years, the student federation was still trying to clear the square or at least the part of it. Of course, it was too late. It was just too chaotic in the square. People asked all sort of questions. “Where is the eastside?” “Why do we have to move?” When someone began to move, others soon filled up the vacancy. Somehow, they moved the hunger strikers to join the students from other colleges.

  After eating and drinking something, Big Li had recovered and was strong enough to join the Hunger Strike again. The radio station moved too. Baiyun decided to follow the hunger strikers because they were the biggest news. She switched to be a reporter again from a hunger striker just temporarily. Yumei and Longfe were still holding the fort as hunger strikers despite of Yumei’s poor health. The number of hunger strikers had drastically increased since last night. The number jumped from 300 to near 1000 among just Beijing University students alone.

  Yumei hugged Baiyun and said, “Well, I guess our big journalist needs to stay strong and well fed.”

  “Yumei, I admire you. Be careful,” said Baiyun, finding tears around her eyes, “Dagong went home to get some blankets. Maybe I will return to the Beida Hunger Strike group tonight.”

  Then Baiyun pulled Yumei to the side and whispered into her ears, “Dagong is married, his seven-year old son was lost in the square and his wife has gone crazy.” Baiyun looked straight into Yumei’s eyes waiting for her reaction.

  “My God, your life is soooo complicated. I guess misery always looks for company,” said Yumei sympathetically. “You are a big girl and you can deal with it.” Yumei bumped her shoulder to Baiyun’s.

  “But how should I deal with it?” yelled Baiyun. She couldn’t believe Yumei’s reaction. This was her happiness they were talking about. In the last few days she had been so happy thinking her white prince had finally arrived. Yet the happiness was so short-lived and it was going to slip away soon. Maybe Meiling was right. It was not worth a while to suffer through the pain.

  “All my life I just want peace. You see what I end up getting?” Baiyun started sobbing.

  “It is because you are crazy and weird,” Yumei’s voice was getting louder.

  “I agree with you one hundred percent!” answered Baiyun.

  “Baiyun, don’t worry. You should enjoy while you can. Who knows how long we are going to be alive,” said Yumei while looking deeply into Baiyun’s eyes. She gave Baiyun one more hug and walked away to join the other hunger strikers.

  As usually, Baiyun decided to concentrate on the work at the news center to deal with the current crisis. Since so many people had joined the hunger strike, she felt that the News Center needed her even more to cover such an important historical event. At this time, she enjoyed being an individual. Besides she liked being a journalist. Dagong has been serving as the sole radio repairman at the News Center besides being the head of the Beijing Worker’s Union and the leader of hunger strikers among the workers. But he had to deal with his own family crisis first.

  By the time they set up the news center again, it was already 11:00am. There was still no sign of Gorbachev. Then the news came in through the radio broadcast. The welcome ceremony had taken place at the airport instead of Tiananmen Square. Then she heard Dagong organized a worker’s water fast behind a group of students who had poured gasoline on their bodies and were ready to set themselves on fire. They were protesting Government’s refusal to conduct a direct dialogue with the students.

  “Where are Dagong and his water fast group?” Baiyun asked Broomstick, a messenger on the motorcycle.

  “They are in front of the Zhongnanhai compound, right in the center of the power.”

  Baiyun nodded. Zhongnanhai was the top Chinese official’s residence. Protesting in front of it meant visibility and danger, which, of course, was no longer an issue. Most people here on the square were either thinking about death or ready to die.

  Broomstick, moving closer, asked Baiyun “Are you Dagong’s girlfriend?”

  “Yes,” said Baiyun. Baiyun felt proud even though Dagong was
married. But at this time of life and death, details like that didn’t seem to matter.

  “You’d better get there soon. They have been there for almost two hours. They refuse to eat or drink anything. People were pouring water onto their faces but they refused it. And some of those students could set themselves on fire anytime,” said Broomstick anxiously.

  Baiyun jumped onto the back of Broomstick’s scooter and raced to the Zhongnanhai compound as fast as she could. “Self Immolation - Burning oneself to death” was an idea that appalled Baiyun. Baiyun’s aunt had burnt herself to death by pouring gasoline all over her in a bathtub due to a psychological condition originated during the Cultural Revolution. Although she was not there when it happened, the event had given her many nightmares.

  Baiyun had to jump off the scooter half mile from the Zhongnanhai compound. With the number of people surrounding it, it was impossible to go forward. Fortunately with her special radio station pass, she was able to go through the crowd to get to the front.

  Sitting in a row behind a white line were five young men with shaved heads. They wore monks’ gray cotton robs and sat cross-legged. They held their palms together right in front of their noses. Their gasoline-coved heads were shining under the sun like huge pearls. Their robes had been drenched with gasoline. A cigarette lighter was located in front of them. Behind them was a row of water fast workers who wore white shirts and black pants. They sat in the same gesture as the front row protesters with their backs erect and heads slightly bowed.

  At this moment, Dagong was arguing with a soldier whose bayonets directly pointed at Dagong’s neck. There were a dozen soldiers with rifles in their hands guarding the gate to the Zhongnanhai compound.

  “What do you want?” said the soldier.

  “I want to go inside.” Dagong’s voice sounded hoarse.

  “What for?”

  “Do you see people are dying? Do you have … eyes to see that?” At his emotional peak, Dagong was stuttering, “These…these precious students are preparing to burn themselves to death!” He shouted and his neck even touched the tip of the bayonet a few more times, “I want to talk to a government official!”