by Ali Parker
Erica didn’t chastise me again for speaking of the worst possible scenario. Instead, she lay still, watching me.
“His wife died, Erica, and Raven is all he has left. I don’t think …”
I couldn’t even go on. I didn’t know what I thought. The world was falling apart, and all I could do was stand there and watch it collapse.
Erica sat up, her brows knitted together. “Lanie, you’re doing everything you can.”
I sighed. “Yeah, but is it selfish of me to want him to open up right now?”
“No.”
“It kind of is,” I said at the same time, answering my own question. “He told me he needed space, so I need to respect that.”
“Yeah.”
I studied Erica. “Are you just agreeing with everything I say?”
She collapsed back against the cushions. “Okay, look. As I already pointed out, you’re doing everything you can. You’re providing Andrew with all the support you can. Whether he takes it or not is up to him. But just because you’re not hearing from him doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you around, you know?”
“Yeah.” I fingered the edge of the blanket. “I know.”
There was a knock on the door, and we looked at each other.
“That was fast pizza,” Erica commented.
Jumping up, she checked the peephole before opening the door. A heavily-breathing pizza guy stumbled in.
“Sorry,” he gasped. “I tried the elevator, but it wouldn’t work.”
“Yeah. It’s messed up right now.” Erica made an apologetic face.
“Hm.” Wearing an unhappy face, he shoved the pizza box at her. “Have a good night,” he dryly said before turning and going back down the stairs.
“Jeez.” Erica closed the door. “Like stairs ever killed anyone. Shit.”
I couldn’t answer. That awful knotting feeling was back in my stomach. I’d tried to focus on everything Erica and the pizza guy were saying, but thoughts of Raven and Andrew hovered in the background the entire time.
“Hey,” Erica gently said. Quickly crossing the living room, she put the pizza box on the coffee table and perched on the end of the couch closest to me.
“It’s just …” My voice shook, so I took a deep breath and tried again. “She’s more than a student to me. She’s someone I love.”
“I know.” Erica touched my hand.
“God.” I shook my head bitterly. “This waiting, it’s awful.”
“Yeah.” She nodded. “But it’s going to end. It has to eventually. She’s not going to be in that coma forever.”
“Sometimes people are in them for years.”
Erica rapidly blinked and shook her head, as if trying to shake off what I’d said. “Yeah, but her doctors didn’t say that might happen to her. They said she’ll likely wake up soon.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“There.” She stood up and walked into the kitchen. “Settled.”
“Hardly,” I muttered under my breath.
If Erica heard what I said, she ignored it. With plates and paper towels in hand, she returned to the living room and ceremoniously dropped slices onto the plates.
“Thank you,” I said as she handed me my plate. “I mean, not for the pizza. For everything. For being here. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
She smiled. “Hey, it’s the same for me. I depend on you big time. We’ve been best friends since before we could write. If that hasn’t already changed, it never will. We’ll be hobbling around the retirement home together, hitting on the cute male nurses, and raiding the vending machines.”
I laughed. “Do retirement homes have vending machines?”
“I’ve heard some do.” She shrugged. “And maybe even a swim-up bar.”
“Wow. I didn’t know it was that fancy.”
She nodded as she took a bite of pizza. “Oh my god,” she mumbled with a full mouth. “This is so good. We should do this every week.”
“Lay on the couch and eat pizza?”
“Or every night. Whichever.” She took another hearty bite and picked up the remote control. “The only thing this is missing is reality TV. Any preferences?”
“No.” I picked at my pizza, my appetite still MIA. I had no preferences for anything anymore. I didn’t care what happened as long as Raven and Andrew were all right.
“Lanie?”
I grunted a little to show I was listening.
“If Andrew’s absence is really getting to you, call him tomorrow.”
“Why tomorrow?”
“Because tomorrow is Friday, and Andrew said he needed a few days of space. Tomorrow makes three since he said that.”
“Wow, that’s astute.”
“I try.”
I nibbled on my thumbnail. “The hint I got was that I should wait until he gets in touch with me.”
“Lanie.” She put her pizza down and stared at me like I was missing some crucial point. “This isn’t the time for gender games.”
I frowned. “I’m not playing games here.”
“Just do what’s best for him.”
“I am!” I cried, starting to get angry.
Erica held her hands up in surrender. “Chill out. I’m on your side.”
“Sorry,” I sighed, rubbing my pounding temples.
“All I’m saying is you should check in on him. If he still doesn’t want to talk, then let him be. It’s what you want to do anyway.”
“Yeah,” I conceded.
My stomach rumbled, and I looked down at my pizza. Had I eaten lunch that day? I remembered packing it, but when I tried to think back to the hours at school, nothing came. The day, just like the whole week, was a blur.
“I’ll call him,” I decided out loud. Just saying the words made my soul feel lighter. Picking up the pizza, I took a bite. My stomach growled for more. I guess I hadn’t been taking care of myself that well.
“Good. Now let’s lose our minds in this crazy shit.” Erica nodded at the television as she clicked it to a reality-show network.
I stared at the screen, but the images blurred and all the words turned into one long buzzing noise. What was Andrew doing right then? Was he at the hospital?
I hoped he was getting enough sleep, eating what he needed to.
And I hoped Raven was doing all right as well. It didn’t matter that we were in the same city. I felt a million miles away from the both of them. In a short amount of time, they’d become almost like family to me. I never wanted to be without either one of them.
For the millionth time that week, I prayed I would never have to be.
Chapter 50
Andrew
I cocked my head, listening as the shower spray hit the tiles around me. Was that …?
Killing the shower, I jumped onto the bathmat and yanked my waiting towel from the hook. Tearing ass out of the bathroom so fast I slid slightly on the floor, I careened into my bedroom. The phone, sitting on my bedside table, still rang. I hadn’t missed the call.
Gasping, I snatched it up—and blinked in surprise to see Lanie’s name.
“Hello?” I answered, heart thundering in the base of my throat.
She hesitated. “Hi.”
I gulped. “Hey.”
It had been three days since she left the hospital, and I wondered often if I’d done the right thing by sending her away. I’d thought I had it all figured out the other night, but the more I mulled over it, the more I realized I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.
“How is Raven?” Lanie asked.
I could barely draw the breath to answer. “The same.”
“Oh,” she said in a quiet voice.
“Yeah.” I looked down, noting the wet spot I was creating on the carpet. “How are you?”
“I’m fine,” she said quickly. “Fine. But what about you?”
“Been better.” I cleared my throat. “Look—”
“I know you told me you needed some space, and I understand that. I’m not calling to press
ure you to see me. I just wanted to know how you’re doing. I needed to check in.”
I nearly gasped from the force that hit me. Lanie’s words were what I needed to hear. I just hadn’t known it.
“What are you doing tonight?” I asked.
“Oh. I’m, um, nothing really.”
“Come over. Please.” I stopped myself there, though I wanted to go on and say things like, “Right after work” and “I have to see you.”
“Okay,” she answered, her heavy breathing giving away her emotion—yet just what kind it was I couldn’t tell.
“I’m about to go to the hospital to see Raven, but I’ll be home around four. Any time after that.”
“Sure. Can I bring you anything?”
“No, Karen has everything covered. Just bring yourself.”
“Okay,” she repeated.
“Bye, Lanie.”
We hung up, and my gaze drifted down. I’d almost forgotten I wore nothing but a loosely-wrapped towel. Hearing from Lanie had shaken me, made me crave her more. I needed her touch, if only for a little while. Once I put my hands on her, I would be able to forget about the hell I currently lived in. Not for long, no. But even one hour was something.
Dressing quickly, I tore ass to the hospital. Everything was the same. Same machines. Same immobile, silent Raven. Same doctors with the same answers to all my questions.
I wasn’t sure how much longer I could take it.
Leaving a little earlier than I planned to, I drove home, taking a long way. There was nothing for me to get to. The thing that mattered most lay behind me, stuck in a hospital bed.
Parking in the garage, I slipped back into the driveway and quietly entered through the front door. Not in the mood to talk to anyone, I wanted to make sure Karen wouldn’t hear me coming in. The signs of her presence were in the air, in the form of the smells of cleaning products and laundry detergent. She always did a deep clean on Fridays. It seemed not even a tragedy could change that.
Tiptoeing down the hall, I slipped into my office and quietly closed the door behind me.
And then I just stood there.
I’d cleared my schedule for the next two weeks, so there was no work to be done. I’d finally called my parents and told them about what happened, so there were no phone calls to be made.
There were just the silence and all the fears that lay hidden beneath its surface.
A knock on the door made me jump. “Yes?” I asked.
“I saw your car,” Karen said through the wood. “Would you like something to eat?”
I smiled to myself. As much as I’d tried to avoid my housekeeper while coming in, now I was glad to hear her voice. “Sure. Just bring me whatever.”
Two minutes later and she was back.
“That was quick,” I said, opening the door.
Karen stood there with pursed lips. “There’s someone here to see you.”
I checked my wristwatch. Fifteen till four. “Lanie?”
“No,” she slowly said, and then someone stepped forward.
Though I’d never seen Jason in person, I recognized him instantly. I’d gone through every single picture on his social media accounts—looking for what, I didn’t know.
“Hi, Mr. Marx,” he said. “I’m Jason.”
I felt my jaw tighten. Jason blinked and shoved the hand that wasn’t restrained by a cast into his hoodie pocket.
“I know who you are,” I said in a clipped tone.
His eyes nervously shifted toward Karen, who smiled in a strained way. “I suppose I’ll get back to it,” she announced before turning and speeding away.
I kept my eyes on Jason, hoping he could feel from my gaze how much I hated him. “It’s good you’re here. I’ve been looking you up.”
“Y-you have?”
“Yep.” I crossed my arms. “Come into my office, and we can talk.”
Jason licked his lips, looking for a second like he would reconsider.
“That’s why you came here, isn’t it?” I asked. “To talk?”
“Y-yeah.”
I jerked my head at the chairs. “Let’s do this.”
Pulse racing, I took my seat behind the desk. This was it, just what I’d been waiting for. I no longer needed the hospital, the police department, or parents to tell me Jason was a bad egg. I was about to collect all the evidence myself.
Jason awkwardly sat on the edge of one of the wingbacks, his eyes jumping all around the room. “I like your house.”
“Hm,” I replied, the words “thank you” only a remote possibility.
Jason audibly gulped. I could only assume he’d shown up on my doorstep out of guilt. He probably worried that people would soon find out the truth about what happened that night and so, in an attempt to cover his ass, concocted a story to bring over to me.
Little did he know, that wasn’t going to work. I’d been hunting Jason all week, and I finally had him in my crosshairs.
“Mr. Marx.” Jason hesitated. I stared him down, letting him take his time, hoping his skin crawled and chills shot up his spine. “I’m sorry,” he finally gasped.
“Uh-huh.”
His eyes bulged. “I really am.”
“I’m sure you are,” I tartly answered.
Jason made a little choking noise and looked down at his lap. “It was my fault this happened,” he whispered.
“I know. So what were you on?”
“Huh?” He looked back up, acting like he didn’t understand.
“What substance were you on?” I slowly enunciated every syllable. “Or substances.”
“Nothing,” he insisted.
“I’m not the police, Jason. And I’m not your parents. Actually, I’m probably a hell of a lot more diligent than all of them put together. I know there’s something you’re not saying, and I’m going to find out the truth.”
He paled. “I wasn’t taking anything, Mr. Marx. I swear. Raven and me, we went to this party, but I didn’t have anything to drink—because I was driving, see?”
I rested my clasped hands on the desk and leaned into them. “I know there are things that the drug test at the hospital might not have picked up. So what was it?”
“Nothing. It was just an accident.” His eye started to twitch.
I exhaled heavily, my breath feeling like fire coming up my throat. “What you did was one thing,” I slowly began, “putting my daughter in a coma. But now, to come in here with this act …” I stood, unable to stay seated for the shaking in my whole body.
Jason licked his lips. “Really, Mr. Marx. It was an accident!”
I slammed my palms onto the desk. “Tell me the truth!”
Jason jerked in his seat. “I am!” he choked out. “I am.” His shoulders hunched over, and he started shaking.
I froze, staring at the boy as he cried.
“I wish it was me in that coma,” he gasped, face turned down. “Raven doesn’t deserve this.”
Another round of cries filled the office, and still, I stood there like an idiot.
A knock on the door pulled me out of my reverie.
“Everything all right?” Karen asked.
Shit. She must have heard me yelling at Jason.
She heard me screaming at a high school kid. I had to repeat it one more time for my dumbass self to understand it.
What the hell was I doing?
I cleared my throat and stepped up to the door. “Karen, we’ll take some water.”
Still not looking at Jason, I grabbed the box of tissues from the windowsill and handed them to him before leaning against the window myself. The cold from outside crept through the glass and chilled my back, but I stayed where I was. Returning to the spot where I’d been when I shouted at Jason didn’t seem right.
“I’m no kind of man,” Jason babbled. “Getting my girl in the hospital like this. I know that, Mr. Marx. I’m pathetic.”
“Jason.” I sighed and rubbed my tired eyes. “You’re not pathetic.”
He turned hi
s red eyes to me. “You think I am.”
I pursed my lips. “Maybe I was wrong.” I cleared my throat. Apologizing had never come easily to me. “You said you weren’t drinking or on drugs.”
“And I wasn’t!”
“And the police and hospital say the same, so I guess I have to believe you.”
His shoulders relaxed. “Thank you.”
I gave a jerky nod. Surprisingly, learning once and for all that Jason hadn’t been under the influence didn’t make me feel like I’d thought it would. I’d expected the truth to lighten the weight on my soul, but I felt the same as I had before.
“It was a dog, huh?”
A pained look crossed his face. “It came out of nowhere. It was running so fast, and Raven screamed at me to look out, but it was right in front of us.” His dull eyes fell to the rug.
Thinking about what those moments must have been like for Raven made my chest constrict. Did she know what was happening? Was she lucid for the whole crash? Or was she knocked out almost right away? And where was I the moment it happened? Staring into Lanie’s eyes, most likely.
I pushed the painful thoughts away.
“Thank you for coming here, Jason.” My voice was stilted, but I went on. “It takes a lot of courage to apologize.”
He nodded, lips tight and eyes still wet. Whoever this kid was and whatever kind of mistakes he had made, at least he had a heart.
“Did the doctors say when Raven will wake up?” he asked, eyebrows rising in hope.
“Soon.” The word felt like a heavy stone rolling out of my mouth. “And they don’t know what it’s going to be like for her once she does. She’ll definitely need therapy, but they don’t know for what yet. It could be it’ll take her some time before she can walk again, and that’s going to be hard. She’ll need real support. People to be there for her every day, but people who can also give her space when she needs it.” I gave Jason a firm look. “If you don’t think you’re up for it, then tell me now.”
His back straightened. “I’m up for it! Mr. Marx, I want to be here for Raven. Whatever she needs, I’ll give it to her.”
I nodded. Again, the kid had heart. I wasn’t so sure he understood what he was pledging himself to, though.