by Ali Parker
"Sounds like a plan." Not a date. A plan.
"I'd really like you to be at the private showing with me. Damon, Bethany and my father are coming as well." I stopped a few feet in front of her and forced myself not to close the gap between us. The welcome mat had been retracted.
"I'll check my calendar, but that would be fun. I love your family." She glanced down and I caught the first glimpse of sorrow.
"I need to apologize to you. I was-"
"No." She lifted her hand, cutting me off. "We had a good weekend together, and I want to leave it as that. If I bring Monday morning into the conversation, it hurts like a bitch. Leave it at Sunday night."
I didn't know what to say, so I nodded and moved past her into the hall as my heart broke in my chest. I was a fool to think there was room inside of her to forgive me.
She wasn't going to, and I didn't blame her.
The judge in my head had spoken.
I didn't deserve it or her.
Denied.
Chapter 26
Erica
Sorrow threatened to suffocate me as I watched him walk toward the elevator. A scream lodged in my chest, burning me from the inside out.
My pride wouldn't let me move, but my heart cried out to run after him. To stop him, throw myself at him and beg him to love me.
So weak. Pathetic. Needy. Everything my mom wasn't.
I turned and forced one foot in front of the other until I made it back to my desk. The large bouquet of flowers from Mitch was almost too much, but the gesture was sweet, kind. Poor Matt for having to see them. He had to be worried that I'd moved on after our weekend together. As if. I wished I could move on, but it wasn't going to happen for a while. No matter how perfect Mitch might be for me. I felt nothing more than an odd curiosity toward him.
"Erica. Is everything okay?" Joan's voice was soft, timid even.
"Yes." I sat down at my desk and looked up toward her as my eyes filled with tears. "No. Can you shut the door for me?"
"Of course, dear. I'll hold your calls until you tell me you're ready for them." The sad look on her pretty face only seemed to draw my tears forth faster.
"Thank you," I murmured and pressed my hands to my face as pain wrapped its ugly ropes of despair around me. I waited until the click of my door let me know it was closed to lose myself. We weren't going to get past what happened. The passion had been too much for him to handle. It scared him and he ran from it. From me.
What kind of man did that? A boy. Not a man.
And yet I wanted to give him grace, to offer him another chance. Everyone treated him like he'd yet to grow up and maybe that was part of the reason he hadn't. It was safe to be who everyone wanted you to be. Hell, I was exactly who my mother thought I should be when I was around her for more than a few minutes. Matt wasn't any different.
Hot tears raced down my cheeks as I stifled my sobs and tried hard to rein in the anguish of knowing he was trying to make amends. I'd denied him. I was both proud and disgusted with myself. What had he expected? Me to jump in his strong arms and let him kiss away the hurt?
Fuck. That sounded so good.
My stomach clenched as I pressed my hands tighter to my face and cried harder, losing my breath somewhere in the middle of the pain. I gasped for air and dropped my hands from my face as I started to hyperventilate. I was terrified to lose him, but without standing my ground and making him come to me as the man he kept trapped inside of him, I was validating his immaturity. I couldn't do it.
"Even at the expense of losing him?" I sobbed again and closed my eyes tightly, wishing the world would disappear.
Not even over losing him. I loved him far too much to leave him believing that he could act any way he wanted and not suffer the consequences. It was bullshit.
A knock at my door surprised me. Joan would never let anyone bother me while I was upset. I'd yet to cry in front of her, but I knew it from past spurts of anger or stress.
"Erica." Mitch. Dammit to hell.
"I'm fine." I got up and walked to the door quickly for fear that he would open it.
"Let me in." His deep voice wrapped around me, offering comfort and I reached for the knob, considering it seriously. No. He would hold me and that act alone would confuse me and bind us together. I barely knew him. No.
"I can't. I'll touch base with you tomorrow, okay?" I wiped at my nose and sniffled, hating that he knew I was hurting. He would use it to his advantage as someone interested in more than a friendship. I couldn't blame him, but I was weak. The only defense I had was a good offense. Keep him at bay until I healed.
"I can hear you crying." His voice was a soft whisper, so comforting. Like the devil at the door when you needed him most. "Tell me what's going on. How can I help?"
"I promise I'll come find you tomorrow. I'm just fighting with my mother. It's stupid and childish, but I'll explain tomorrow. Thank you for the flowers." I locked my door and walked back to my desk, missing out on what his response was. I put my headphones on and closed my eyes, trying hard to pull myself together. No one needed to save me. I wasn't lost nor was I hurt.
I was heartbroken. It wasn't the first time, and it damn sure wouldn't be the last.
***
"Hi there. You looking for something specific?" A short girl with a bobbed haircut bounced up beside me, a huge smile on her face.
I pointed to the puppies in the glass case in front of me. "Can I see the little brown one?"
"You bet. He's a mix between a Schnauzer and a Yorkshire Terrier. Super playful and loves to chew on things." She laughed and left me standing there as she went behind a closed door.
I'd been wanting a pet for as long as I could remember, but it never seemed like a wise investment. Wise could take a hike now. I needed someone or something to love on and be loved by. Not trivial, conditional love like most of the men in my life, outside of my father, had given me. Unconditional love. Joy. Happiness.
She walked back out and I laughed as my heart swelled in my chest.
Yes. That feeling. Exactly.
"Here you go. This little guy is six weeks old. Still a baby." She handed him to me and I cuddled him against my chest.
"Six weeks old? You're so cute, little guy." He licked my nose and I laughed. "I love him already."
"Then you should get him. He's a thousand, but he's well worth it. Has all his shots and stuff."
I let out a sigh as he snuggled up against me and started to chew on the top button of my dress. "I want him so bad, but I'm just not convinced that I'd be a good pet owner."
"Then do this," she reached out and took him from me, "take a few pictures, go home and put them on your fridge. I'll put a five-day hold on him and if you can't live without him in five days, come back and get him."
"I like that idea." I reached out and ran my fingers over his head. He barked and wiggled in her arms, trying to get down, or back to me. I wasn't sure which. "Okay. I'll try what you said, and if I can't live without him, you'll see me in here on Sunday."
"Perfect. Take some pictures." She put him down on the ground and I pulled out my phone, laughing as I followed after him. He got into just about everything he encountered, but I loved it. I'd be back on Sunday, without a doubt. Or maybe sooner. I wanted to bring Matt by to meet him, even though it was stupid. Matt and I were done before we started, but the part of me that begged for reconciliation said that Matt would be raising the little guy with me.
I wasn't sure how to feel about any of it, so I ignored it, took my pictures and headed over to Lanie's to pick her up. She had something to do on Thursday night during our usual girl night, so we were getting together that night, which was perfect.
No way in hell I wanted to be alone.
***
"Wow. You look like hell." Lanie opened the door to her apartment and stepped out into the hallway. "You really did have a rough day."
"I told you I did." I wrapped my arms around my chest, wishing I had gone home and freshened up a little b
efore dinner instead of going to the pet store. What was I thinking? I was horrible with pets, kids and other people. Too much responsibility made me want to hide under my bed.
"I'm sorry, boo." She wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "I'm thinking tacos and margaritas tonight. How does that sound?"
"Delicious. I wanted to go to a movie, but I have to be in early in the morning. There's no way I'm going to make it on five hours of sleep. So just dinner tonight?"
"I'm down with anything you want to do." Lanie smiled at me. "Tell me about your crappy day."
"You tell me about your date last Friday. You haven't filled me in yet. You said it was terrible with a capital T and left it at that. I wanted details."
She pinched her nose and widened her eyes fully, using a nasally voice and looking insanely creepy. "He was a lot like this, and he drooled a little when he chewed his food. I'm pretty sure he was from another planet."
I snorted and walked out into the chilly fall night. "The Mexican place you're talking about is just down the block, right?"
"Yeah." She pulled her hand from her face. "He was horrible. We barely made it through dinner, and I lost my appetite when he took his second bite of dinner. Never again. I'm done dating. Period."
I laughed and slipped my arm into hers. "No. You're too great of a catch. We just need to find the right guy. A good guy."
"This coming from the woman that told me the guy she was after was a good guy." She pulled me closer as we half stumbled down the broken sidewalk in our heels.
"He was. He is." I shrugged. "He's just scared, Lanie. We all are in some way, right?"
"Hell yeah. I'm terrified." She shivered and giggled. "So does that mean you're going to give him another shot?"
"I'm not sure yet. I want to, but my pride isn't letting me." I shrugged and released her as I approached the door.
"Then tell your pride to take a hike. I'd give him another chance if it's just fear."
"Right, but what if he runs every time we get close?" I walked in behind her and breathed in deep, letting the greasy smell of chips and cheese offer me comfort. "Then what? I just grow old and heartbroken over a man who's never going to commit?"
She told the hostess that there were two of us and glanced over her shoulder. "How many chances have you given him, Erica? One? Two? Ten?"
"This would be the first." I got her point before she made it, but it wasn't that easy. He used me. Made love to me and gave me more hope for love than I'd had in a long time. And then he left... without a word.
"Then give him another shot." She followed the hostess to our table and sat down, giving me a look. "Is he going to have that showing soon? I seriously want to go with you guys. I have this weird feeling that I'm going to meet my man there."
"What? Really?" I laughed and picked up the menu.
She pushed it back down. "I'm being for real. Don't forget to take me."
"It's two weeks from Friday. I'll find out how many tickets he can get, and if nothing else, you can have mine."
"Good. That's real love right there."
"Or something like it," I mumbled and turned my attention back to the menu. The last thing I wanted to do was stand beside Matt while he revealed a painting of me completely nude to the elite in Seattle, including Kent and Damon. Maybe it was a bad idea to let him sketch me in the first place.
Too late now.
Chapter 27
Matt
The weather was a little bit more biting in Seattle than Texas, but it was good for me. I pushed myself hard, forcing my jog into more of a run as I moved down the harbor with the other joggers. Erica was constantly on my mind, driving me mad with the need to have reconciliation. My family thought so much of her, and I was right behind them, but she wasn't having anything from me. My indecision to call left me not even friend-zoned, but put into the category of a new employee that she'd never seen a day in her life.
"Tonight," I mumbled and turned to head downtown. Traffic was crazy, but it would keep me alert and aware of my surroundings and not let me dive too far into the hamster-wheel conversation in my head. Should have called. Told her you loved her. Asked her to be yours. Should have called. Told her you- "Fuck!"
I jerked back as a car honked and skidded to a stop beside my thigh. A second later and the guy would have hit me. I glanced up to see the sign across the street telling me to stop. Lifting my hands, I apologized as he got out of the car. Sickness swelled in my stomach.
"I'm sorry." I continued as if I didn't know him.
"Matt? Jeez, man. You gotta watch where you're going. I almost hit you." Mitch moved around the front of his sleek black Lexus and reached out to grip my shoulder. "You okay?"
"Yeah. I thought coming downtown to jog would help me keep my focus." I snorted and glanced around. What were the freaking odds that I'd almost be hit by the man after my girl? My luck all the way. "That didn't work as planned."
He laughed, but I could tell he was shaken. "It's a good idea, but maybe do it at night or earlier in the morning when it's not rush hour traffic."
Someone honked behind us and Mitch turned to offer the other driver some choice words as I worked to catch my breath. My heart was thundering in my chest. He drives a Lexus. Wears a suit like a boss. Has his shit together completely.
"All right, well, sorry about that." I pulled from him and nodded as he glanced back, his cheeks flush.
"You too, and be careful. See you Monday, son." He turned and walked back to his car.
I waited for the walk symbol to come up and jogged across the street. Son? Was he so much older than me that he needed to call me son? Did he call Erica child? Make her call him daddy? I growled in disgust as my thoughts continued to dive in the dumpster.
She was coming with me to dinner and the art store tonight. It was my time to try and win back a small piece of her. Surely her feelings were still intact seeing that she'd been after me for two years and I hadn't even looked her way.
Or maybe that was the fun part. Maybe she was all about the chase.
I jogged across the street and almost got hit again. "Shit."
Time to head back to the harbor and jog where the other joggers were. In a car-free zone.
***
I got back home around ten and stripped before getting into the shower. My phone rang about the time I moved under the warm spray and let out a long groan.
"Really?" I opened the curtain and reached out for the phone. Erica. Well worth the trouble. "Hey. You're not canceling tonight, so don't even try."
"No. I was just worried. Mitch told me he almost ran you over this morning." The tension in her voice caused my heart to swell. She was hurt and angry, but no way was she over me. Not even close. I just had to play my cards right and she would be mine.
"It's no big deal. I wasn't paying attention. Too much on my mind." I ran my hand through my partially wet hair and wished like hell that she was in the shower with me. We'd get clean just to get dirty again.
"What's that in the background? Is it raining where you are?"
I chuckled. "Yeah. I'm in the shower."
"Oh." The pause between us was comfortable, though I hoped that she was envisioning being in here with me.
"I'll be up there in a little while. I'm not going to be able to mope around this apartment all day. Get off early and let’s go see the city together."
"I have a million things to do today. Let's meet up at seven or eight tonight."
"No way. Delegate. I'm coming up around one or two."
"Matt. That's in two to three hours. There's no way I can-"
"Make it happen. I want to see you. I don't deserve to, but I'm not taking no for an answer. All right?" I felt something swell inside of me that wanted to force her to behave. The good old Bryant aggression.
"Yeah. I'll be ready," she whispered roughly as if someone had sucked the air from the room around her.
"Good. See you in a bit." I hung up and moved back under the showerhead, closing my eyes and enjo
ying the warmth of the water. My body ached for me to take care of myself, but the hope that I'd have her trapped beneath me by the end of the night forced me to deny myself. I wanted every ounce of pent up lust and energy to go into her.
I finished up and got out, changed clothes and made a pot of coffee before sitting down and starting to work on my sketch. My phone buzzed, and I picked it up, hoping it was Erica again. Damon.
"What's up, bro?" I answered and tilted my head to press the phone to my shoulder so I could continue to work on my sketch. I'd have it done by the time I headed up to the office. After that, it just needed to be blown up and transferred to the large canvas for painting.
"I heard you almost got hit while jogging this morning." He sounded exasperated.
"This Mitch guy sure is a talkative little bitch." I snorted and brushed my thumb down the front of Erica's chest, smearing the charcoal a little.
"Are you all right, and what the hell do you have against Mitch? Have you even met him?"
"Yeah. I'm fine, and I met the old coot on Wednesday when I went up to the office to tell Erica I was in town. He brought her a large vase thing full of flowers. Seems like he's got his eye on a much younger woman. Mine."
"Oh shit. Seriously?" Damon chuckled.
"It's not funny. He's the kind of man she deserves." I sat back and held in a sigh.
"How do you know the type of man she deserves? You're being a presumptuous cock, by the way."
"Thanks. That's almost a compliment coming from you." I got up and wiped my hands down the front of my shirt.
"Fix this shit with Erica or I'm going to fix it for you. There's only room for one asshole in the family, and I'm the older brother. I get first dibs."
I smiled. "This is true. I'm working on it. It's not as easy as you think."