by Ali Parker
"Oh, I'm well aware. You and Kendal have been all over me to fix my problems with Beth, but it's a little more complicated than a 'sorry’, right?"
Kendal was Damon's best friend from college, and just happened to be the accounting professor that Bethany was working for. It was a hot, complicated mess.
"Yeah, it's much more complex than that." I got up and glanced at the clock. "Wish me luck. I'm headed up to the office to get her. She agreed to fish tacos and a trip to the art store."
He groaned. "You guys are so damn weird."
"Or maybe we're normal and you're weird."
"Whatever. Good luck. Keep me in the loop."
"Not a chance." I hung up and slipped the phone into my back pocket before putting on a pair of tennis shoes, grabbing my wallet and keys and heading out.
Seattle was beautiful, the utopia I needed it to be. It wouldn't take too long before I'd close down the lease on my place in Dallas and move to the Northwest for good. It was far too complementary to my personality to deny it.
I got in the Audi and drove toward downtown as a million thoughts moved across my mind. Maybe half the struggle with Erica was more like a struggle with myself. I wanted to be loving and fun, but the minute the bedroom door closed, I could feel this aggressive beast rise up inside of me. It was so far away from how I saw myself that I struggled with it all the damn time.
If I could figure out a way to accept that I was complex... not one dimensional, then maybe things would work out. Maybe.
I pulled up to the side of the building and lifted my hips to get my phone out, but paused. Erica jogged toward the car as the wind blew hard. How long had she been standing by the door, waiting for me? It warmed my heart and re-instilled the hope in my chest.
She hadn't given up... not yet. Her blond hair whipped around and she let out a soft yelp as she got in the car, slammed the door and turned to face me.
"Jeez. The wind is crazy.” Her blue eyes were filled with more questions than I could begin to answer.
I reached over and gripped the side of her face, pulling her close and kissing her softly several times. Some part of me expected her to pull back, but she didn't. I enjoyed a few more kisses, licking at her lips to taste as I growled low in my chest.
"I don't like Mitch bringing you flowers." I kissed her again and moved back to my seat.
"Then tell him that." She buckled up and pressed her hand to her chest. "And keep your lips to yourself until I decide if I'm over you."
"You're not." I pulled out into traffic. "But I'll let you come to that conclusion yourself."
She snorted, the sound too damn cute. "You almost get hit by a car and now you're going to be ballsy?"
"I should have been ballsy from the beginning." I licked my lips, wanting to taste her again. "It's the struggle inside of me that I'm fighting, Erica. It's got little to do with you or us."
"There isn't an ‘us’, Matt. You left without a word and I'm not sure I'm willing to let that happen again. How many more times will you leave because of your internal struggle?"
"You need to go change at your place?" I reached over and took her hand into mine, not willing to back off for even a second.
"Yeah." She let out a soft sigh and glanced toward the window beside her, as if giving up on fighting me.
"I'm not leaving again, okay? Let's just have fun today and you accept my apology. I woke up to a note from you that sounded like something you'd leave the pool boy who works for you." I shrugged as she turned her gaze back toward me. "You deserve better than me. Far better. I'm just trying to work through that."
"Are you interested in me? In us?" The neediness in her voice scored me.
"Yes, baby. Very." I brought her hand to my mouth and kissed her several times. "I'm sorry for my fear, for my ignorance. Let's rebuild our friendship and push when we're ready to push, okay?"
"Okay," she whispered and reached up to brush tears off her cheeks.
She was crying? Shit. My need to run flared up, but I swallowed it back down and continued to kiss her hand until we pulled up to her apartment.
"I'll be right back." She reached for the door, pulling her hand from mine.
"Want me to come with you?" I released her.
"No. Just wait here." She got out and I watched her until I could no longer see her. My cock was rock hard, my heart racing, my palms sweaty, but the dominant part of my spirit was in complete control.
I wasn't giving up on 'us' anytime soon, if ever.
Chapter 28
Erica
"Dammit," I muttered as I walked into the darkness of my apartment. I'd promised myself I wouldn’t let him sweep me off my feet, and he hadn't yet, but it was a matter of time. "Yeah, minutes."
If he wasn't everything I'd dreamt he could be over the last few years it would be different, but he was. Just because he had tucked tail and run the weekend before didn't mean he wasn't still that man underneath the fear.
I pulled my dress over my head and changed into a pair of jeans, a nice blouse and black flats. A quick brush through my hair and touch up on my lipstick and I was jogging back downstairs. Annoyance at the fluttering of my heart rose up sharply in my chest. How could I so quickly forgive him?
Because he was earnestly sorry. He wasn't a dick, he was lost but searching, just like I was.
He watched me like a hawk as I walked toward the car. It's the way I'd wanted him to look at me since meeting me.
What about Mitch?
"What about Mitch?" I snorted and reached for the car door. The older man in my office and I had hit it off really well. If Matt wasn't in the picture, I'd not have thought twice about taking Mitch up on his offer for another dinner, and another, and another. I glanced over at Matt as he smiled.
"You look good. Really good." He ran his hand up my thigh and squeezed softly.
"Just friends right now." I pulled his hand from my leg. "Remember? Until I feel like I can trust you with my heart."
"All right." He pulled the car out of the parking lot and headed toward town. "But don't let that old bastard at the office take my place. He could be your father. He called me son this morning."
I laughed loudly and clamped my hand over my mouth. "Did he really?"
"He did." Matt gave me a funny look. "He's lucky I didn't refer to him as pops just to give him a taste of his own medicine."
"He's a great guy, Matt."
"Yeah, and one that wants to get in your panties. Fucking dirty old man!"
"And you blame him?" I lifted my eyebrow, flirting a little.
"What? Hell no. He's smart. Who wouldn't want to spend time with a beautiful woman like you? I'm just pissed about it." He gripped the wheel a little tighter, causing his arm muscles to flex.
"I see that." I reached out and ran my hand over his forearm. "There's nothing going on between us. I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about us."
"We're just friends, remember?" He clamped his hand over mine and leaned forward, licking at my fingers.
I stifled a groan and pulled my hand from him. "Stop it."
"Not a chance in hell. I messed up. I gotta make it up to you."
"You sure do." I snuggled back in my seat, letting the sadness inside of me dissipate for the time being. We might not become anything, but it was nice to be around him again regardless. "Hey. I wanted to go by sometime soon and pick up this little puppy I found at the pet store."
"Oh yeah?" His voice lightened. "I love dogs. What is he?"
"A mix between a schnauzer and a Yorkshire terrier. He gets to maybe fifteen pounds. I really want someone to greet me at the door when I get home."
"Why not get a butler? A female butler?" He glanced my way and smirked. "At least they can feed themselves and they know how to crap in the toilet."
I chuckled. "They're also capable of giving me attitude, moving things around in my apartment and being moody just because. Dogs are loving no matter what."
"This is true. You wanna go by now and we'll
just skip the rest of the evening and go back to your place?" His voice had a hint of hopefulness in it.
"That sounds good, but I'm starving and I know you have your first showing coming up. Let’s go to the art supply store, grab tacos on the way back to your place and get everything set up. If there's still time to get the dog tonight, we can go up there later."
"Perfect. The showing is two weeks from today, which means I gotta get that painting on the canvas and work hard and fast to get it ready."
"Did you finish the sketch?" I turned my head a little to study him. His jaw flexed as if he were nervous with me looking at him. My insides turned to mush as I watched him. It was sickening to know that I was going to give him another chance. A chance that he could use to possibly hurt me, but I was. I had to.
He glanced over at me. "Yeah. It's beautiful, but nothing like the real life inspiration for the piece."
"Flattery will get you nowhere, sir." I turned back to the front as he pulled into the parking lot of the art store.
"No? Damn. I'll have to try something else then." He parked the car and got out, moving to the front as I got out and joined him.
"You got a lot of tools in that arsenal of yours?"
"Yep. Flattery failed, so we're moving to humor and casual touches that look innocent, but they're simply not."
I laughed and reached for the door. "You can show your game plan to the other team."
He pressed his hand to my lower back, the tops of his fingers pressing into my ass. "You're not the other team, Erica. You're my team."
I swallowed hard and walked into the store. "I love this place."
"Me too. It's like automatic hard-on for the artist." He wagged his eyebrows and moved to get a cart. "Help me get all the supplies I need." He pulled a piece of paper from his back pocket and handed it to me. "You want to mark things off or get the stuff?"
"Mark things off." I put my purse in the buggy and bumped his hip. "I'll push too."
"A woman who can multitask. Hot." He moved ahead of me, giving me a great view of his cute little ass in his jeans. The broadness of his shoulders and thick muscle along the top of his back had my thoughts diving into the shallow end of the pool.
We were two consenting adults. Sure, he'd hurt me by not calling, but I'd hurt him with my note that morning too. Why hadn't I thought more about leaving him something so impersonal to wake up to?
Because he chose to sleep on the couch instead of the bed with you. Why?
"You lost in thought?" His breath was warm on the back of my neck.
I stiffened. "I guess so. I didn't even see you move behind me."
"It's a lovely view back here." He ran his nose down the back of my hair, breathing in deeply, and sending chill bumps racing across my skin.
"What's next on the list?" I whispered roughly as my nipples budded.
"Paint." He moved away and turned down the paint aisle. "I know we're not really back to where we were, but I'm going back to Dallas next weekend. I'd love for you to come with me. Bethany and Damon are planning their wedding, and Bethany mentioned a few times how well you did on my father's wedding with the decorations. You think you might be-"
"Of course I'll help." I pulled out my phone and flipped to my calendar. "I need to be in Dallas next Saturday anyway for a meeting with your father and your brother."
"Excellent." He stopped in front of the paints and bounced on his toes. His energy was contagious, and I found myself feeling lighter, happy. "You still doing yoga with Lanie on Sunday nights?"
"Yeah. Why?" I smiled as I leaned against the cart. No way was he wanting to come to my yoga class. He almost died the last time we were there. I lamented over not getting to see him suffer for the days that followed.
"I want to come with you." He handed me a few tubes of paint and knelt down to grab several others.
"You almost died last time." I took the paints and dropped them in the cart. "Matt, you don't have to fit yourself into my life to get my attention."
He stood, dropped a few more tubes of paint into the cart and reached for me. His hands felt so fucking good on my shoulders as he squeezed softly and moved down my arm. The determination in his eyes left me wanting to pant, but I held myself together by a string. There was no way I was going to play the fool again. I'd just have to tread as carefully as I could around him.
"I wanna fit myself in every part of your life," his eyes moved around my face, "your work, your fun, your sexy little body too. I fucked up. I know that, and I'm not promising that I won't fuck up again, but I'm completely into you."
I had no clue what to say, so I kept quiet and nodded, feeling like a stronger personality had finally started to emerge in the man I loved. He leaned down and brushed his lips by mine as his fingers brushed down the side of my neck slowly.
"Friends don't kiss," I murmured against his mouth. "And how do you already have me captivated again? I hate you."
"I know you do, but plan on changing that." He kissed me again, and moved back, his voice changing. "All right. Let's grab a large roll of canvas and the supplies to build a platform and get outta here. I'm starving and I have a beautiful naked woman to paint. Life couldn't be better."
I rolled my eyes and exhaled through my nose as I followed him around the rest of the store. He was going to win the battle with me. No questions asked.
***
"All right. What do you think?" He stepped back and lifted his hands toward the blank canvas we'd spent the last hour building in his place.
"I love it. It's perfect." I walked around the five-foot structure and put my hands on my hips. "You sure it's not too big for what you're doing though? I'm not sure anyone wants to see a life-sized picture of a naked woman."
He scoffed. "Are you serious right now? Everyone wants to see a life-sized picture of a beautiful, hot, sexy naked woman."
"Wait. You're still talking about sketching me, right?" I smiled and walked to the kitchen to clean up from our quick dinner.
He followed me and stopped at the doorway. "You like this place?"
I glanced up and wadded the papers from our tacos in my hands. "Yeah. I really do. It's open and there's probably a ton of light during the daytime. Am I right?"
"Yeah." He turned around in a circle, closing his eyes and breathing in deeply before pinning me with a hungry stare. "There's only one thing missing."
"What's that?" I tossed the trash and picked up his keys. I wasn't spending the night. There was no way I was ready for that again. It seemed to be the one thing that had him running for the hills. He and I needed to talk about the why behind his reaction a few weekends back before I opened my body, and subsequently my heart up to him again.
"You." He smiled. "It's missing you, and your little dog too."
His witch voice caused a chuckle to bubble up inside of me. I handed him the keys and pressed my hand to his strong chest. "Well, I don't have the dog yet, so it's just me."
"That's what I said." He reached up to touch my face. "You sure you don't want to stay the night with me?"
"I can't." I glanced down and pressed my forehead to his chest. "The last time I did, you ran away. I'm not sure that wasn't something to do with me."
He pressed his fingers softly under my chin and forced me to look up. The love in his eyes forced me to recognize that my future belonged to him if he wanted any part of it.
"I understand completely. I'll make it up to you, Erica. I just wanted to become the man you deserved before I stepped into your life fully. Someone like Mitch."
"Mitch?" I shook my head and pulled back, grabbed my purse and walked to the door. "Come on. I'm tired."
"You know what I meant." He moved in behind me and closed the door as we walked into the hallway.
"No, I don't. I've been trying to get your attention for two years. I'm a big girl. If I'm good with you not having all your shit together before we start dating, then that's my decision."
"And are you good with it?"
"I was
." I wrapped my arms around myself and walked toward the parking lot.
"And now?" He slipped his strong arm over my shoulders, pulling me against his side and making it hard to walk.
"I'm not so sure."
Chapter 29
Matt
Taking her home the night before was like stabbing myself in the chest. It was my fault that she wasn't staying, and not that I blamed her one bit, but it didn't deaden the pain of watching her walk into her apartment alone. She didn't even look back. I spent Saturday working on the portrait just to keep myself from slipping into depression or eating everything in the house, which wasn't much. I was grateful for Sunday showing up fast. It gave me a chance to at least see her.
"And today is a new day." I mumbled in my car as I sat in the parking lot of the yoga place. I pulled down the mirror above my head and lifted my eyebrow playfully before smiling. I could do this. I could win her back, and I would.
"You coming?" A knock at my window caused me to stiffen.
Lanie. Erica's best friend.
I got out and smiled. "I am. Did she tell you that I was up for an afternoon of torture and couldn't imagine letting anyone else share it with me besides you?"
She laughed and ran her fingers through her hair. She was pretty, petite. Too small in my opinion, but it was irrelevant. She wasn't Erica.
"You're too much. Just try really hard this time not to fall over and topple all of us over with you." She giggled and I smiled.
"Really? I did that on purpose. You just gotta bring that up?" I was a little surprised that she wasn't pissy with me after everything that happened with Erica, but maybe they weren't as close as I was giving them credit for.
"Yeah right." She opened the door and moved in as I paused and glanced back toward the parking lot.
"Is Erica not coming?" Worry swirled in the pit of my stomach. Surely she would have called.
"She's already here. Her car is in the shop." Lanie stopped by the front desk and picked up two towels, tossing one toward me.