Shalia's Diary Book 4

by Tracy St. John

  That meant the collar controls were right here in this room.

  I eyed the desk again. It was a strange piece of furniture given how trays and table tops floated without the need for legs to hold them aloft. Did I dare to hope that meant the computer that controlled the imprisoned menagerie’s collars was in here? Perhaps whatever configuration that made up the machine required a sturdier container.

  The surface of the desk was bare. There was nothing to decorate it, no piece of equipment on its mirror-like surface. I tried to open the drawers, but they were stubbornly stuck ... or locked, most likely. If the controls were in there, I couldn’t get to them.

  I considered the desk further. Perhaps it wasn’t where the controls were at all. But this was definitely where Finiuld had looked when he spoke of giving me the ability to order others. All it would take was a voice command, he’d said...

  With a flash of inspiration, I spoke. “Access controls.”

  The desk transformed. The surface shimmered and I looked at a host of blinking lights, sliding levers, and buttons. The drawers slid out, showing more lights and buttons and slots evidently made for plugging in other machines or drives. My eyes widened.

  Were all the ship’s controls here, the ones that flew it and kept it phased so no one could see it? Or was this just for the collars? I had no way of knowing.

  I looked back at Finiuld, still passed out cold on the floor. My head was in chaos, trying to determine my next move.

  First thing, I needed to know if I could turn my collar’s controls off. That meant finding out if the damned thing was activated right now. Which meant I’d have to touch Finiuld and probably put myself in hell for several seconds.

  My stomach churned at the thought, but I didn’t see any way around this. No doubt the collar was on, but if I was to discover the means to turn it off, I had to be sure of everything.

  “Be strong, Shalia,” I breathed. “You’ll survive it.”

  I would also piss myself from the pain. There was nothing resembling a toilet in Finiuld’s room, so I availed myself of his unused glass. I figured it couldn’t be worse than that brown glop he drank. Maybe he wouldn’t consider the cup ruined if things didn’t work out so I could escape.

  Bladder emptied, I was as ready as I was going to be. Before I could think long enough to talk myself out of doing it, I stepped over to the Little Creep. I touched the tip of my finger to his shoulder.

  Riotous pain exploded. It seemed to go on forever, and I had the awful thought that I’d somehow stayed in contact with the bastard.

  It was only a few seconds though. When you’re in that amount of pain, it feels like a lot longer. When it was over, I found myself laying on the floor about a foot away from my slumbering captor.

  Part one was done. I hoped it would be the last time I felt the horror of that torment. I shakily climbed to my feet and staggered back to the control desk.

  “Computer, turn off the collar worn by Earther Shalia Monroe.”

  There was no sound to acknowledge anything had been done. Lights continued to blink in seemingly random patterns. I had no way of knowing if it had obeyed me.

  Well, one way. Fuck, was I really going to do this again? I had no choice.

  My eyes filled with tears as I readied to touch Finiuld again. I did not want to do this. I did not. But it was the only way to find out if I was free.

  “I fucking hate you,” I whispered to the unconscious Ofetuchan. “I wish you’d just curl up and die.”

  With that, I extended my shaking finger once more. I touched his shoulder. I felt the smooth, plastic-y surface of his fuchsia shirt. Nothing else.

  No pain.

  Hardly daring to hope, I grabbed Finiuld’s shoulder. He muttered something in his sleep and re-commenced snoring. I felt how tiny his arm felt under my palm, how incredibly fragile he seemed to me. I thought about choking the life out of him.

  I stepped back and stared at my hand, as if to accuse it of lying to me. Holy shit, I was free. My collar no longer worked.

  My heart was drumming so fast that I thought it might fly right out of my chest. A million thoughts went through my head in a single second: turn off all the collars. Kill Finiuld. Get to Oses. Free the rest of the prisoners. Fly the ship to our vessel, the Pussy ‘Porter.

  A small voice in my head counseled caution, however. Take your time, it urged. Think things through. Don’t squander this opportunity. It might be the only one you get.

  For once, I listened to that mote of reason. After all, Finiuld was down for the count here. I had time to make sure we could all be freed. I was not going to be stupid, not now, not when so many lives counted on it.

  First things first. I needed to get rid of the biggest threat to me and all the rest. I had to kill Finiuld.

  I stared down at him. Damn it, he looked so small and helpless. He was. His only control over me had been through the collar and what he could do to Oses. He was utterly at my mercy.

  I looked around the room for some kind of weapon. There was nothing that resembled a blaster or a knife. I saw no stabbing or shooting implements at all. Nothing I saw in the room seemed heavy enough to bash him with either. I had no quick and simple way to finish this. I would have to go hands-on.

  I looked down at Finiuld again. I felt how much I hated him. I had killed before, killed those who had threatened me. It had been awful taking the lives of others on Earth, something I still had nightmares about. Those men’s faces haunted me, and it didn’t matter that they had left me no choice but to do it.

  The Tragooms I’d been ready to kill on the transport wouldn’t have been so bad, I thought. They really did seem more animal than sentient, like rabid dogs needed to be put down for the protection of all. Maybe killing Finiuld would be like that. God knows, I despised him enough.

  Yet I would be killing a helpless man. Could I be that cold? That brutal?

  I thought about Oses. I thought about my unborn child and what it would mean to have it caught here with Finiuld. I knew I could do it then. It would haunt me for the rest of my days, but I could do it.

  I squatted down on the floor next to him. I rolled him over. I thought I would sit on him, pinning his arms and keeping him down while I strangled him. I hoped he would not wake for it. If fate was kind, he would slip away unknowing of his life leaving him. I may have hated him, but I still had an aversion to him suffering.

  As I straddled his body on my knees, arranging him so he couldn’t fight if he did wake, I noted the little device on his belt. It was the phase converter, the tool that allowed Finiuld and anyone he was in contact with to pass through solid objects.

  I suddenly saw a way out of the horrible duty I had to perform. I could go and get Oses. I could let him kill Finiuld instead.

  I was so relieved by the idea that I didn’t consider at first how monumentally stupid it was. I knew it was cowardly, but I am not a killer. I can do it when I have to, but if I can find a way out of it, I will. I thought this was such a situation. It only occurred to me later that I didn’t know my way back to the containment where Oses was. I could have wandered lost for hours for all I knew. Meanwhile, Finiuld could have recovered consciousness, discovered I was loose, and regained control of our collars. Then there would have been real hell to pay.

  That didn’t occur to me right then. All I cared about was that I could get out of murdering someone in cold blood.

  I grabbed the phase thing off Finiuld’s belt. I needed to figure out how it worked so I could get out of the room. Then I would turn off all the collars and get Oses.

  I looked it over. It really did resemble a kazoo, except there were no openings. Smooth and gold, it also possessed no controls or buttons, at least none that I could see.

  I’d never heard Finiuld say anything to activate it either. Perhaps it was enough to simply be contact with it? Maybe Finiuld touched it with bare skin, like his fingers, when he wanted to phase.

  I stepped to a nearby wall, clutching the phase c
ontroller in my hand. If it worked, I should be able to walk right through. I went for it.

  Thank goodness I’d been careful in my approach, because the wall was as solid as ever. I bumped into it gently but could not go through.

  Okay, so something was needed to activate it. I mused over the gadget, turning it over and over in my hands.

  “Activate phase,” I said, hoping that would somehow get me what I wanted. But no, when I put my hand against the wall it still wouldn’t let me through.

  Finiuld never spoke to get his phase on. Maybe one simply thought at it? I gave that a try and still came up empty.

  I puzzled over the thing for a long time. I tried every idea no matter how crazy to make the converter work, becoming more and more frustrated every second. Here was the means for escape, and I couldn’t use it! No matter what I did or said to the thing, I couldn’t phase and I couldn’t get out. I was stuck in Finiuld’s bedroom.

  As a couple of hours slipped by and I couldn’t solve the riddle of my escape, I started to panic a bit. Eventually, I would have to deal with Finiuld because he wasn’t going to stay unconscious forever. Killing him was out of the question as long as I couldn’t get out of the room. Being stuck in there with his rotting corpse and slowly dying of starvation was not on my agenda.

  I had an opportunity to do something. But what?

  I eyed the collar controller device. If I turned off all the prisoners’ collars, I was sure Finiuld was bound to notice. At the very least, I could turn off Oses’. But no, Finiuld had said he’d give me control over Oses. So maybe he’d be able to read the funny blinking lights and know that both our collars were off. Even if he didn’t see anything amiss, he’d be re-activating the Nobek’s controls when he made me able to command him.

  I was in an extremely sticky place. It got stickier as Finiuld began to shift and mutter in his sleep. I guess Ofetuchans threw off the effects of drunkenness faster than we Earthers do. It became apparent after a few minutes of this that he would be waking soon.

  What was I to do? I could try to overcome the Little Creep physically and make him turn on the phase gadget so I could move through the ship. The trouble was, he could turn my collar back on with just a voice command. There was also no guarantee I could compel him to use the phase tool on my behalf or tell me how to use it myself.

  With a sick feeling in my stomach, I realized my best hope was to keep my own collar turned off and pray Finiuld didn’t catch on. By pretending it still worked, I could hope to somehow catch the Little Creep off guard sometime soon and conjure an escape for me, Oses, and everyone else. It seemed stupid to not make something happen right then and there, but I am no tactician. I don’t fight battles or wars or even crazy alien leprechauns. Figuring out the best way to escape this mess I was in was so far out of my realm of knowledge. The only thing I did know for sure was I couldn’t afford to fuck up this little bit of an advantage I had gained. To implement it effectively, I needed Oses, who was trained to get out of tight and dangerous spots. It was the best I could do.

  I told the control gizmo, “Disappear.” I had no idea what the correct command would be to make it look like a desk again, but my order seemed to suffice. It reverted to a blameless bit of furniture, no blinking lights to be seen.

  Finiuld was beginning to stir in earnest, and it was then that I realized I still held the phase gadget in my hand. An electric pulse of terror coursed through my body. If I was caught with it or trying to put it back on him, he’d know I’d turned the collar off.

  I crouched next to the Little Creep. My shaking hands turned dumb as I tried to re-attach his phase thing-y to his belt. I must have tried to make it adhere three different times. All the while, Finiuld muttered louder and louder, shifting about. His eyelids began to flutter. At last the controller stuck, and I sprang back, getting clear. My ass fairly bounced on Finiuld’s little bed as I sat down. I tried to arrange myself to look as if I’d been lounging bored the whole time he’d been crashed out.

  He sat up and blinked at me. “What – what happened?”

  Hoping my booming heart wouldn’t tear right through my chest, I scowled at him. “You passed out. You left me here with nothing to do but pace the room and wait for you to come to your senses, you jerk. By the way, I pissed in your drinking cup. Next time, show me where the toilet facility is or I’ll shit in the middle of your bed.”

  Finiuld stared at me for a moment. His eyes strayed over to the collar control panel, now cleverly disguised as a desk. He looked at me again.

  I used bravado to its fullest extent in that moment. I felt anything but the dominant female he wanted me to be, but I played the bitch for all I was worth. I didn’t want him to check to see if I’d figured out how to turn off my collar.

  I glared at him. “I am not pleased, Finiuld. You have made me wait uncomfortably while you slept off your moment of weakness. I am sick of the sight of you. Take me back to Oses now. At least he knows how to treat a woman.”

  Finiuld slowly stood, wincing and grabbing at his red-tufted head as he did so. “I am sorry, Shalia. I don’t know what got into me. The last thing I wanted to do was make you unhappy.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest, still convinced my pounding heart would break through at any moment. It took everything I had to calm the shaking that wanted to take over my body. “You do not deserve my company. I want Oses. Now.”

  Perhaps if he had not been hung over and probably still a bit inebriated, Finiuld would have noticed the tiny tremble in my voice. That would have most likely done me in, but luck was on my side for a change.

  Looking like a kicked dog in his shame, Finiuld held out his arm to me. “I will take you back to your Nobek. I promise to make this up to you, Shalia. I will.”

  I said nothing. It occurred to me that this might have been a test. Maybe he hadn’t thought the collar’s pain mechanism off. It had been on when I touched him before while he was passed out. Taking his arm and not reacting would tell him that I’d turned my collar off.

  If Finiuld figured that out, he’d kill Oses. Terror filled me in an instant. What should I do?

  The Little Creep’s face bunched up at my hesitation. He looked as if he’d crumple in grief. “I really am sorry, Shalia. Please. Don’t be angry with me.”

  I had no choice but to play along and hope for the best. I had to hope Finiuld had telepathically commanded my collar off and did not suspect I was free of his control.

  It seemed to take forever for my hand to leave my side. I watched as it drifted towards Finiuld, praying with all of my being that it would be okay. I couldn’t feel my arm. It floated away from me and reached for destruction.

  I put my hand on Finiuld’s elbow. He gave me a tremulous smile and tugged me to the wall. I nearly fainted in my relief that I hadn’t been found out.

  We passed through the wall with no trouble at all, along with all the others that lay on our path back to the containment area I shared with Oses. I was too thankful that my ruse had gone undiscovered to be pissed off that the phase changer worked now. I was also focused on marking our route in my memory for possible future use.

  Finiuld and I kept contact, right into the containment where Oses paced back and forth like a caged tiger. Seeing his worry for me, right there in the open like that, closed my throat. The big brute truly cared. It meant so much, especially when I’d failed to find the answer to our escape.

  Finiuld bowed to me before we parted ways. “I will make up for my stupidity, Shalia. You’ll see how I wish to serve you now.”

  With that, he stepped away. As soon as I no longer touched him, he disappeared.

  Oses thundered over to me like a stampeding buffalo. “Shalia! Are you all right?”

  “Fine, no thanks to Finiuld,” I said in my haughtiest tone, speaking fast to keep Oses from interrupting me. “Would you believe he got drunk and fell asleep? I had to wait for him to wake up all that time. The nerve! How dare he treat me that way!”

  Oses’ ey
es sharpened at my bizarre rant. His next comment let me know he understood my worry that the Little Creep remained nearby, unseen and spying on us. “Shameful. I would never do that to you, my Matara. Nothing pleases me more than your happiness.”

  I lifted my chin and looked Oses over, as if evaluating my personal property. “Which is why I keep you around. I told Finiuld you know how to treat a woman.”

  “Let me tend to you now to make up for what you’ve been through.”

  With the Nobek’s prodding, I sat down on the ground. He commenced to rubbing my feet, which at any other time would have set me off giggling. Oses was the last person in the universe I would expect to be playing the slave boy part. After a few seconds however, I was in heaven. That man knows how to massage. I practically melted under his touch.

  After some time of that delight, Oses cocked an eyebrow at me. In a tone so low I had to strain to hear, he said, “The containment shimmered about two minutes ago. I think we might be safe to speak now.”

  I leaned forward to get as close to him as possible. He moved so that my lips brushed his ear. “My collar is turned off,” I whispered.

  Oses turned his head to look at me. His deft fingers froze on my instep for an instant before continuing to rub. “How?”

  I quickly related the whole story to him. I finished by asking, “Did I fuck up by not killing him when I had the chance? Or by not turning off everyone else’s collars? Or at least yours?”

  He considered for a few seconds before slowly shaking his head. “Considering you couldn’t make the phase device work, I think you did the best thing under the circumstances. Excellent work, Shalia. Excellent.”

  I warmed under his praise. I was relieved to know I hadn’t messed up. And then Oses asked the question that let me know I had fucked up after all.

  “My Matara, did you attempt to transfer control of the phase gadget using that collar control panel?”