In Pursuit of Miriam

by Helen A. Grant

  “Will you help me sit up?” he asked, pleased to find her there.

  Miriam immediately stood and helped him to lean forward while she placed pillows behind him.

  “Do you want me to fetch you a drink?” She needed the distraction of activity. It was one thing to sit with Vincent for the past three nights when he had been mostly unaware of her presence, but it was quite another when he was awake and watching her. She suddenly felt self-conscious and aware of the intimacy of their surroundings.

  “A little later,” he replied. “Will you sit and chat with me awhile?”

  She sat back down on the chair beside his bed. She did not reach for his hand, although she would have dearly loved to do so.

  “You are much improved this evening,” she said. “I was wondering if you needed me to stay with you tonight or if you felt well enough now to be left on your own.” Her heart beat erratically.

  Vincent looked at her with an odd smile on his face, and when he did answer, his voice was so quiet she had to move closer to hear what he said. “I do feel somewhat improved, and should you wish it, I am sure I am able to stay on my own tonight.” He paused, then looked more serious as he continued, “I would, however, much prefer to have your company.”

  At first Miriam was unsure how to respond, but then, realizing that she would indeed prefer to stay with him rather than return to her own room, she replied, “I would be happy to stay with you and keep you company. I have slept during the day and so I am not in the least bit tired. I don’t think that I would be able to sleep if I returned to my room. Shall I order some tea for us? Do you feel you could manage a biscuit or cake?”

  “I would very much like to share a pot of tea with you and I think I may be able to manage a biscuit.” Vincent reached out and touched her hand. “If you left me on my own, I think I would miss waking up in the night and feeling your hand on mine.”

  Miriam felt herself blush again. To hide it she stood up and rang for the maid to bring some refreshments.

  Miriam was pleased to see that Vincent could now manage to drink his tea by himself and was even more impressed when she watched him eat three Shrewsbury biscuits. He was obviously feeling much better.

  “I understand from my mother that I have you to thank for my recovery,” Vincent said. “I don’t know how to thank you.”

  “You can thank me by getting fully well again. I nearly didn’t come here in the first place because I was worried that you would be angry with me for coming to London.” She lifted her chin. “I am glad I did come, though, because you were so ill that your mother would not have managed on her own.”

  He stared at her in amazement. “I am not at all angry with you. I am sorry that up to now you have seen nothing of London other than this house. When I am well enough to get up and around, I can take you to see some of the sights. Would you like that?” He knew that he would enjoy showing her around the city.

  Miriam smiled. “I would indeed like that very much.”

  After they had finished their tea, Miriam thought Vincent was beginning to look tired. “Do you want to lie down again?” she asked.

  “Yes, I think I should. I get tired so quickly. Why don’t you go and get into your dressing gown and rest on the bed with me?” He hoped his suggestion wouldn’t scare her off. “It will be more comfortable than sitting in the chair all night, and I can promise you I do not have the strength to compromise you in any way.”

  Miriam gnawed at her bottom lip; the idea of sharing a bed with him was most tempting.

  “We are married,” he reminded her. “No one would think it unusual.”

  Miriam still hesitated.

  “What if I took a turn for the worse in the night and couldn’t call for help?” Vincent smiled, hoping that this would sway her to stay with him.

  “You’re quite right,” she agreed at last. “I will be more comfortable, and if I go back to my room, I would only spend the night worrying about you…So, I will go get changed and be back shortly.”

  Miriam’s hands were shaking as she let down her hair, changed into her nightgown and put on her robe. She felt very nervous, even though she was sure that Vincent had been truthful when he said he was too weak to do more than share a bed with her. The very thought of being in bed with him gave her warm flutterings in her body that she did not understand or know how to control. She took a deep breath and returned to Vincent’s room.

  She need not have worried because when she returned to the bedroom she found Vincent fast asleep. She took off her robe and carefully placed it over the chair, then, lifting the bedclothes, she slipped into the bed beside him. She lay listening to the even sound of his breathing, knowing it was very unlikely that she would fall asleep. Eventually she relaxed and just enjoyed being there. Vincent had been right, the bed was far more comfortable than the chair; she was a lot warmer, as well.

  Miriam knew the exact instant Vincent awoke because his breathing changed. He turned onto his side and was looking directly at her.

  “You look very beautiful with your hair down,” he murmured as he reached over to stroke her hair.

  “Th-th-thank you,” whispered Miriam, uncertain how to respond. She turned on her side to face him so she could see his expression and see if he was teasing her. He looked serious.

  As she self-consciously moved her hand to her hair, Vincent took hold of that hand and brought it to his lips, gently kissing her fingers one at a time. Miriam could not understand how this simple act could make her insides churn and her breasts ache. She blushed, very confused.

  “Do you want me to stop?” Vincent moved from kissing her fingers to putting them into his mouth one at a time.

  “No…yes…no…oh dear!” The pleasure this gave her was so exquisite she couldn’t think straight, never mind speak coherently. She had no experience of such feelings and thought Vincent must think her foolish. Tears filled her eyes.

  Vincent, seeing her tears, immediately stopped what he was doing. “I’m so sorry, my dear. I was indulging myself and did not realize you were not happy.” He let go of her hand, feeling ashamed of himself.

  Miriam did not want him to stop, but she could not express how she felt. “I…I liked it but…I cannot explain…I’ve never felt like that before, and…it was making me uncomfortable. No, that’s not right…Oh, I don’t know what I mean!”

  He smiled. “I forgot what an innocent you are. You may not believe me, but I am pleased that what I was doing made you feel something.” Vincent’s words made Miriam’s heart beat even faster. “Just for tonight let me hold you while I sleep. I promise I will do no more.”

  Miriam was not sure how she would feel if he held her, but decided she would be overreacting to refuse this simple request. She turned her body so that her back was to him. She then felt Vincent curve his body around hers as his arms moved around her waist. She was encircled by him and could feel the heat from his body through his nightshirt and her nightgown. She felt herself grow very warm, but knew this was not because she was getting a fever. When she felt him gently press a kiss to the back of her head and whisper a good-night, she felt tears again flow silently from her eyes. She was not sure what her body wanted, but whatever it was, it was affecting her in a major way. She wanted to tell him how much she loved him, as she had when he was unconscious, but something held her back. Fear, perhaps, of making more of a fool of herself.

  Soon she felt Vincent relax and heard his breathing slow down, indicating he had fallen back to sleep. Miriam also finally relaxed and dozed in and out of sleep until morning. She decided that she should return to her own room before Mason came in, and so, when she heard noises indicating that the household was beginning to stir, she went to get up. She tried lifting Vincent’s arm, which was lying over her body, but found this not an easy task; his arm was so relaxed it was a dead weight. She tried a bit harder and had almost freed herself when that same arm circled her more tightly and pulled her back, fitting her body snugly against his again. Yet she�
��d have sworn he was still asleep.

  “Vincent,” she whispered, trying to wake him. She squeezed his hand. “Vincent. I think I should go to my own room.”

  “Mmm,” was his only response, and he continued to hold her closely. He didn’t release her until Mason came into the room some minutes later.

  “Good morning, my lord, my lady,” Mason greeted them, his face expressionless.

  Miriam blushed to her roots and dove under the bed covers

  “I trust you slept well?” Mason said impassively, though Vincent thought he saw a twinkle in his eye.

  “Very well indeed,” Vincent replied calmly. “Would you please find Susan and ask her to come up and see to her mistress?”

  “Very well, my lord.” Mason left the room, closing the door behind him.

  Miriam emerged from the under the covers to find Vincent grinning at her.

  “You are enjoying this, aren’t you?” she demanded and picked up a pillow and threw it at him.

  “Oh, yes,” he replied catching the pillow and throwing it back at her.

  Miriam couldn’t suppress a laugh as she jumped out of bed and scurried to her room as Susan arrived.

  Vincent was feeling much better in many ways that morning. He realized that his appetite had returned and that he was looking forward to some breakfast. More importantly he was feeling very pleased at Miriam’s response to him last night. She had obviously been affected by his touch, and even though he would have liked to go further, he doubted he’d have been strong enough. Besides, Miriam had been unsure of what she was feeling, perhaps a bit afraid, and he needed to give her time. He also wanted her to tell him that she loved him, knowing that he was awake to hear it.

  It had felt so good holding her in his arms through the night. Her small body fitted perfectly with his and he was looking forward to repeating the experience, but he would take things at her pace. He did not want to frighten her. As he lay there quietly thinking, he wondered if he told Miriam how he felt about her she would confess her own feelings for him. What if he had died? She would never have known that he loved her. And he did. He knew that now.

  He tried to think back to when he had first begun to feel love for her. Perhaps almost from the first time he met her, although for some time he did not recognize his feelings as love; at first he thought it was a brotherly feeling he had for her, and then just a natural masculine need to protect her. Now he understood that such feelings were part of his love for her. When he had seen her so upset in the barn just before Christmas, he had felt utterly wretched; perhaps that was when he had recognized that what he felt for her was more than just brotherly or protective. Far more.

  Vincent was pleased to see his mother when she came to his room later that morning, bringing with her a dish of broth.

  “Mother, it is kind of you to visit me with sustenance, but I beg you—have that broth returned to the kitchen and order me a proper breakfast. My appetite has returned.”

  The countess smiled. “It’s good to see you so much improved!” With that she pulled the cord to summon a maid, who arrived almost immediately.

  “Please bring some scrambled eggs and toast, and return this to the kitchen,” the countess said, handing the girl the dish of broth. “Oh, and a pot of tea, as well.”

  Very soon Vincent was tucking into piping-hot eggs and toast, and much to his mother’s delight, he ate every morsel. He had just finished when the doctor arrived, followed by Miriam.

  “My word,” exclaimed the doctor, “you look much improved. Temperature back to normal and appetite returned. You will feel weak for some days yet, but I think that you can now start getting up a few times a day, though you must rest as soon as you feel tired.” He looked at Miriam. “You must make sure he does not overdo things, as that may hamper his progress.”

  “I will keep a close watch on him, Doctor,” promised Miriam, smiling at them all.

  When the doctor left, the countess asked Miriam if she would mind staying with Vincent during the afternoon while she took the opportunity to do some shopping.

  Vincent said that Miriam might also want to go shopping. “I will be fine here if you would like to go. I have Mason to see to my needs.”

  “’Tis a pleasant suggestion, but I confess I am a little tired and would prefer to stay here.” In truth she was reluctant to leave him. She looked at the countess. “Vincent has promised to take me to see the sights of London when he is feeling strong enough, and I am happy to wait.”

  The countess smiled. Although she had been so against the marriage to begin with, she had come to like and respect her daughter-in-law. She was pleased to see her son and Miriam so apparently happy with each other.

  “I am going to rest now,” Miriam said, “but I will get up for lunch. Vincent, do you think you will be able to manage a light lunch?”

  “I am sure by lunchtime I will be hungry again. Will you join me for lunch in my room?” he invited. Miriam smiled and nodded her assent before leaving the room.

  Just before lunch, when his mother had left to prepare for her shopping trip, Vincent decided that it was time he got up out of bed and sent for Mason to assist him with this.

  Vincent was shocked at how weak he was. Mason brought his robe and had to help support him as he put his feet on the floor and tried to stand. He leaned heavily on his valet as they made their way to a chair at the table by the window. How those few steps tired him!

  He had recovered somewhat by the time Miriam knocked and entered his room for a lunch that was invitingly displayed on the table. She had dressed with care in a sprigged muslin gown, and Vincent thought how fetching she looked with the blue gown mirroring the blue of her eyes. He smiled at the surprise on her face when she discovered that he was not in bed.

  “You did not think I would invite you to lunch with me and then be ill-mannered enough not to sit at the table with you, did you?” he teased.

  She took the seat opposite him and fussed over him. “Are you thirsty? Can I get you a drink? Are you warm enough? Shall I fetch you a blanket to cover your legs?”

  “Enough, enough,” he laughed, enjoying her attention. “I am very comfortable, thank you. Be seated and eat before the meal goes cold.”

  They enjoyed a meal of poached salmon with asparagus, and Vincent began to tell her about some of the sights he would take her to see in London when he was feeling stronger. As always, they talked easily, falling into comfortable silences every so often. When the meal was finished and cleared away, Vincent felt his eyes beginning to close. Miriam noticed.

  “Vincent, you look tired. I think ’tis time you returned to bed. I promised the doctor that I would not let you do too much.”

  “I think you are right,” he conceded, hating that he was so weak. “I’ll call for Mason to give me a hand.”

  “No, I can help you,” said Miriam, determined to be steadfast for her husband.

  Vincent rose, took a moment to steady himself, then leaned on Miriam’s arm. Slowly they began to make their way the short distance to the bed. They had just about reached it when his legs buckled and he fell forward onto the bed, taking Miriam with him.

  As he lay there trying to get his breath back, he heard Miriam sobbing and feared he had hurt her. When he twisted around to look at her, he found that she was not crying, but laughing so hard that tears pooled in her eyes.

  “I say, what’s so funny, my lady?” Vincent was admittedly confused. “Do you find my weakness amusing?”

  Miriam could barely answer him she was laughing so hard. “Oh, no, please don’t take offence. I was thinking that it was foolish of me, whose legs give way at the slightest provocation, to think I could help you get back to bed. And then…I know this is wrong, and I pray you forgive me, but I also found it funny watching someone else have their legs give way under them. Now I know why, when I was a child, my friends were sometimes amused rather than sympathetic when I collapsed to the ground.”

  “You cruel little minx.” Vincent lau
ghed, then reached for her and pulled her over so that they were both lying fully on the bed, face to face. Then he put his hand behind her head and kissed her on the lips. What began as a playful gesture changed as he felt Miriam responding to his kiss. Suddenly feeling the beginning of arousal, he deepened the kiss, while his hand caressed her back and shoulders. She did not pull away from him; in fact, she began to tentatively explore his body with her hands.

  He lifted his head slightly and groaned. “My God, Miriam, you do not know what you are doing to me. I want you so much.”

  Miriam’s answer was to bring her mouth back to his to continue with the kiss. When her lips parted, allowing him inside, he felt his body harden and knew for him there was no turning back if she continued. He made one last effort.

  “Miriam, are you sure you want this? If we do not stop now, I don’t know if I will be able to control myself.” He hesitated, then, “I love you Miriam, I will not hurt you.” There, he had said it. He had told her he loved her. It had come out naturally, and now he held his breath, wondering what her reaction would be.

  He felt cold when she pulled away and sat up to look down at him. In that moment he thought that he had rushed things and lost her. Then he looked into her eyes and saw the wonderment in them.

  “Did you say you loved me?” she asked in disbelief.

  “Yes, I did…and I do,” he admitted. “I know that I have been in love with you for many weeks, but have fought my feelings, aware that when you married me it was not for love.”

  Vincent could see a sheen of tears in Miriam’s eyes and then she said the words he longed to hear. “Vincent I love you so much it hurts. When I saw how ill you were when we came to London, I was afraid that I might never get the opportunity to tell you. I never expected you would come to love me; I never thought any man would love me in that way…Are you sure you love me?”

  “Oh, yes,” he said, and to reassure her further, he took her once more into his arms and covered her mouth with his. He slowly began to undo the buttons on her dress and pulled it down from her shoulders to reveal her chemise, covering small, perfect breasts. He nudged the chemise aside to bare a breast, then brushed his fingers over the nipple and felt it immediately become taut. He then moved to gently suck it and heard her moan with pleasure. Dress now fully unfastened, she helped him remove it, leaving her clad only in her chemise. His hands began to explore her stomach and thighs through the thin cotton.