Girl Last Seen

by Brown, Anne Greenwood; Anastasiu, Heather;

  “So you screwed her boyfriend, told Mary it was me, then convinced her to get revenge on Nick by going out with Donny? You knew his reputation. Tell me you didn’t know what would happen. Tell me,” I demand. And I realize that even now, I don’t want it to be true. Kadence was my best friend once. I don’t want her to be a monster.

  But she doesn’t deny it. She only clicks her tongue at me. “There are statistics to these things. Only one act was going to make it. Maybe not even that! I was simply ensuring that if one of us was going to hit it big, it was going to be you and me, not her. And God, it wasn’t like you were going to take one for the team and do what needed to be done to get her out of the way.” She’s so calm that it pisses me off.

  “No, Kadence. I wouldn’t have.” My voice is cold, absolutely unrecog­nizable. “I would have never done that. That would take a sociopath.”

  Kadence’s pulse beats fast against the inside of my elbow—like a staccato drum, like a metronome.

  My body trembles, but the hand holding the knife is firm. A million thoughts zing through my head at once. Kadence reacting so casually to the fact that a girl was raped. Raped! What she’s put us all through the past week. The town turning against me…hell, the whole Internet. Jude going to jail. I feel hot and cold at the same time. I feel almost giddy with the surges of electricity tingling underneath my skin. I recognize—in almost an abstract way—that this is what people mean when they talk about an adrenaline rush.

  But then my thoughts all take aim and focus.

  “Remember how I told you that my dad took me hunting?” I jab her in the ribs with the point of my knife. I want her to pay for all the lives she’s ruined. “Just one hard push, up and under the ribs. Right here”—I put a little more pressure on the tip of the knife—“to get straight through to the heart.”

  I can sense Kadence’s mind working, twisting out a plot to talk her way out of this. She’s finally taking me seriously.

  “But Lauren, hon, come on. I did all this for us. Have you looked at how many views we’ve been getting lately? And your voice seems to be getting better.” She sounds so genuine. How does she do that? Lie like that even after everything she’s said? If I didn’t know her so well, I’d be tempted to believe the feigned sincerity in her voice. “It’ll just be us again. We have the numbers now, and with the press coverage, I bet we’ll totally get signed by a label. Come on, let’s get out of here. You and me against the world. Let’s do this for real.”

  But I’ve heard enough words at this point, too many words. She can’t rewrite this song because it’s already been sung. I tried to tell her that once before. You can’t rewrite a song.

  I push the knife against Kadence’s side, and she cries out when she realizes that time has expired.

  “Lauren,” a voice says from the shadows, calm and controlled. “Lauren, you don’t want to do that.” It’s Jude.

  I blink hard, glancing away from Kadence only long enough to see him approaching. How long has he been here? I almost laugh. Of course he’s here. Despite all the hell he’s put me through, I’m glad he is. While neither one of us is innocent, at least…I look down and tighten my grip on Kady’s neck…at least we aren’t as guilty as her. Jude and I would have never hurt each other if not for Kady’s twisted interference.

  My heart softens as Jude holds his hands up, palms forward. It’s only right that it ends with all of us here together, and Jude deserves this moment as much as I do.

  Jude continues walking slowly to me, hands still up. Mason glances ov­er at him but shows no surprise, still motionless, his mouth slightly open.

  “Stay back,” I say as gently as I can. I don’t like the look on Jude’s face. It’s like he wants me to put down the knife. Doesn’t he see I’m not doing this only for me? I’m doing it for him too. And for Mary and Caleb and all the others. Not that long ago, I thought it was too late to fix all the things that were broken between me and Jude. I thought there was too much regret to ever wipe away. But I can fix this. I can fix both of us. It would be so easy.

  “No,” Jude says softly, still walking toward me. “This isn’t you, Ren. And this isn’t just about you and Kadence either.”

  “Exactly!” I say, gratified that he understands. “You’re right. You’re a part of this too. She has to answer for what she’s done to us.” A part of me still thinks I should feel threatened by his advance, but that part of me is growing smaller and smaller, like the sun pulling away to a pinprick of light as I sink deeper and deeper into the blackest water. The Nathan I know, the Jude I know, would never hurt me. The Jude who hurt me was simply pushed too far. Because it wasn’t just Kadence who did that to him. It was me too. I saw him being bullied after we called him a stalker. The names they called him, teasing him about his acne. For years. God, has all this been some kind of penance to pay?

  “Ren,” he says, “put the knife down. You don’t want to hurt her. She’s not worth it. She’s not worth it because of what it would do to you. You’re worth ten of her. Ten thousand of her.”

  How can he say that to me, of all people? I failed him when he needed me most, that lonely boy back in seventh grade who I completely abandoned. My best friend.

  “I’m sorry,” I say to Jude, my voice quaking. Even though I still have Kadence by the neck, my knife in her side, Jude is all I can see. “I’m so very, very sorry. How can you ever forgive me for what I did to you?”

  “Lauren,” he says again, “I already forgave you. The second I saw you at your bedroom window last week, and probably a long time before that even. That was just the first time I realized it. But can you forgive me? Will you look at me, Ren? Please,” he begs.

  The room is silent until I obey. Finally, I lift my eyes and our gazes lock. “Can you forgive me?” he asks again. “Saying I didn’t mean for you to lose your voice doesn’t excuse what I did. All I can say is I’m sorry and beg you to believe me when I say I will never hurt you. It kills me that I ever did and you have cause to doubt that.”

  He squeezes his eyes shut, and it’s as if I can see the weight of guilt slamming into him like a thousand-pound lead ball. “But I’m so, so sorry. I hate those words”—he runs his hands down his face hard before looking up at me—“because they aren’t enough. If you were willing to give me the chance, I’d spend every opportunity showing you I’m the kind of guy you can trust.” Then his face falls a little. “But I understand if you can’t ever get past what I did.”

  He moves to take a step back from me, but I speak up to stop him. “I forgive you.” These words at least are so easy to say. I can’t ever forgive Kadence, but Jude was never malicious like her. And his anger at the way we ruined his life is different from Kadence’s complete disregard for the feelings or lives of others. Jude must be a much bigger person than me. Actually there is no question about it. He’s always been the better person.

  “I love you,” he says simply, baring everything to me. “I have since we were kids.”

  I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head. His words are too painful to hear. How can it be so easy for him? I doubted him, thought the worst of him, not even thirty minutes ago. But he never lost faith in me. Even when he thought I might have done something to Kadence, he brought the videos to me and asked me about them. He never condemned. I don’t deserve him.

  And then, it’s like Jude has read my mind. “You’re a good person, Ren. This isn’t the way your song is gonna end. You deserve more. So much more.”

  My heart shatters into a million little pieces. Kadence must sense it.

  “Lauren,” she says. She has the audacity to speak, to taint this holy moment.

  “Shut up!” I say, shoving her away from me, suddenly repulsed by the idea of even touching her. She turns and smirks like she always knew she’d come out of this okay. “I’m done,” I say. “I’m so done. I’m disgusted with this whole thing. I don’t want anything more t
o do with you.”

  Jude closes the gap between us and takes me in his arms. My knees buckle with exhaustion, and I’m glad he’s strong enough to keep me from falling as I quietly go to pieces.

  “Jude. Lauren,” Mason says finally. Quietly. Almost apologetically. I’d forgotten he was here. “You can go home now,” he says.

  I turn my head from Jude’s chest to look at Mason. He looks tired and sad. Still, it’s better for him to learn what Kadence is now rather than wasting any more of his life on her.

  “It’s okay,” Mason says. “I can take Kadence home.”

  Jude lifts his chin from the top of my head. “Seriously?”

  Mason shrugs, looking uncomfortable. “Figure she needs a ride.” Then he turns to Kadence and adds, “Is that okay, Kady? Can I take you home now?” Even now, after everything, I can see the wistful longing on his face as he stares at her. I swear, he can still see his whole perfect fantasy future laid out with her. As if it could still be possible. I feel so sorry for him.

  She rolls her eyes. “Sure. You can help me with my stuff.” She kicks one of the overstuffed garbage bags by her chair.

  “Come on,” Jude says, tugging at my elbow. And we leave before I change my mind and decide to scratch her eyes out after all.

  Thirty-Six

  WXLN News

  Sunday, April 8

  6:00 p.m.

  “And now,” says the news anchor, face solemn, “breaking news out of Pine Grove. Kadence Mulligan, the YouTube sensation beloved here in Minnesota and all over the world through her fans online, was discovered dead early this morning.”

  Several pictures of Kadence Mulligan flash across the screen—one of her that looks like a high school photo, and then two more of her from America’s Talented Kids. The last is a short video of her singing, though without the audio.

  The female co-anchor speaks as the photo montage continues. “Mulligan has been missing for nine days, since her performance on March 30 at Cuppa Cuppa coffeehouse, where she was last seen. Police discovered Mulligan’s body at a warehouse not even seven miles from her parents’ residence after a distress call was received through 911.”

  “For more on the story,” the anchor says, “we turn to local correspondent Kristi Clemens with Washington County Sheriff Vu Nguyen.”

  The screen changes to Kristi Clemens and the sheriff standing in front of a warehouse surrounded by police tape and police cars. The sheriff is in a shirt and tie. His sleeves are down but they’re wrinkled as if they’ve been rolled up all day.

  A small crowd has also gathered. A few people wave at the camera. Kristi Clemens stares off into the distance with a slight frown as if in concentration or waiting for something, pressing an earpiece to her ear.

  A few seconds later, Clemens stands taller and arranges her face into a serious expression.

  “Sheriff Nguyen”—she turns to the man beside her—“we’re stand­ing outside the warehouse where Kadence Mulligan’s lifeless body was found early this morning. Walk us through what happened here last night.”

  The sheriff nods. “Well, 911 received a call shortly after midnight last night, stating that a young female was not breathing.”

  “Young female. Kadence Mulligan.”

  He nods. “Yes. Kadence Mulligan, though that was not determined until later.”

  “And you say she wasn’t breathing? What was the cause of death?” Clemens’s eyes are bright as she pushes the microphone toward the sheriff, then brings it back to her own mouth quickly. “And who made that 911 call?” She shoves the mic quickly back in the sheriff’s face.

  He blinks as if startled by so many rapid-fire questions but recovers quickly. “She was found by an acquaintance of hers from school. Her death is being reported as a catastrophic medical event.”

  Clemens’s eyebrows drop low as she nods along. “And what exactly does that mean? Catastrophic medical event?”

  “That is yet to be determined. An autopsy will be performed shortly. We expect the preliminary report tomorrow morning.”

  “What about your previous prime suspects from when this was still categorized as a disappearance or worse? Lauren DeSanto and Jude Williams? Are they being held in custody?”

  The sheriff clears his throat. “There are no suspects in the case at this time.”

  “But isn’t it true that the deceased’s missing laptop was found in one of the suspects’ possession—in Jude Williams’s vehicle?”

  The sheriff looks startled, but then he stands up straighter. “There are no confirmed suspects at this time. Thank you, and again, we will have more information in the morning. Right now all we know is that it is a horrible, horrible tragedy.”

  He turns away and the camera swings fully to Kristi Clemens. “Indeed, a horrible tragedy here in Pine Grove, Minnesota. Less than two weeks ago, this reporter was present for what would turn out to be Kadence Mulligan’s last concert.”

  The screen plays a long shot of Kadence singing the chorus of “Sweet Regret.”

  Hazardous deeds

  Should only be done

  by those who can’t look back.

  What’s won is won;

  what’s lost is gone;

  But oh sweet regret, sweet regret.

  The screen cuts back to Clemens standing in front of the warehouse.

  “We will keep you up to date with more breaking news on this tragic case as this community demands answers about what took bright teen star Kadence Mulligan far too soon.” Bright white teeth flash. “Kristi Clemens reporting.”

  Thirty-Seven

  Lauren

  DeSanto Residence

  Sunday, April 8

  6:00 p.m.

  Jude and I didn’t learn about Kady’s death until this morning. Mason texted me around 4:00 a.m. to let me know what happened. Nuts in the gas-station junk food she was eating. No EpiPen. I called 911, but it was too late.

  The sheriff found Kady’s laptop in Jude’s truck shortly after dawn. I don’t know what that will mean. No matter what Mason tells Kopitzke, I’m afraid for Jude. I still can’t understand it, how we got to this point. Kady is dead. I can’t find my bearings. Nothing seems real.

  I don’t leave my bed all day. My parents remain close, but they’ve left me alone to grieve. There’s nothing they can do to make things better. I feel sorry for them. For Jude. For Mason. For me. Mostly for Kady. Despite everything, this wasn’t how it was supposed to end.

  I struggle to know how to react. I don’t know what to feel. I’ve never lost anyone close to me. All my grandparents are still alive. It scares me to think that Kady isn’t here. She must be somewhere. Where is she? It’s impossible that she simply doesn’t exist. She was always larger than life and now…

  Last night, after Jude and I left the warehouse, I felt amazing. I’d conquered my demons, conquered Kady, or at least her hold on me. I’d become the person I wanted to be—strong and if not completely forgiving, then at least willing to be the bigger person and walk away.

  But now she’s dead. And I’m thrown right back into not knowing anything anymore. Should I have stayed? Would she be alive if I’d stayed and forced her to ride home with me? Should I have called the cops when I first thought about the warehouse? Yes. That’s what I should have done. Shoulda, woulda, coulda.

  I don’t even know how to cry. It should be simple, but my body is a foreign thing. I can’t formulate a thought. I can’t muster up a tear—not one lousy tear—for my best friend. It’s not because I don’t want to. I just can’t find myself in all of this. I still remember her ugly words at the warehouse. But I also remember the girl who befriended me in seventh grade. The girl whose eyes would light up when we made music together back in the early days.

  Every muscle in my body constricts. I feel like I could turn inside out. I open my mouth to scream but no sound comes out.
I didn’t want this. I never wanted this. Kady made me angry and confused and all kinds of things I’d never felt before, but I never wanted her to die.

  The whole time she was missing, I never really thought she was dead. Kadence Mulligan couldn’t be dead. The world is a strange and unfathomable place if something like that could be true. But it is. Kady is gone.

  Jude comes over. My parents don’t protest. They let him into my bedroom and close the door behind us. He curls up beside me and doesn’t say a word. There’s nothing to say.

  In the background, my small TV starts to play the familiar bars of the local news show. The local news anchors’ voices—barely louder than a whisper—trickle across the room.

  Jude gets up to turn off the TV, but I stop him. I want to see Kady.

  I sit up, and the screen fills with photos and video of her singing. There’s such life in her eyes.

  My chest seizes and finally a sob rips up and out of me, racking my body into ugly convulsions that I cannot stop. I’m drowning, and I think I may die too.

  “Shhh, shhh,” Jude says. He cradles my body in his lap, wraps me in his arms, and rocks me sweetly, rhythmically.

  Though my eyes are now clouded with welcomed tears—tears that tell me I am human and not a monster—I watch the screen, desperate for another look at Kady, but it’s that blond reporter now talking to some official onscreen.

  What about your previous prime suspects from when this was still categorized as a disappearance or worse?

  “That’s enough,” Jude says. He sets me gently on the bed and gets up.

  Lauren DeSanto and Jude Williams? Are they being held in custody?

  The sheriff clears his throat. “There are no suspects in the case at this time.”

  “But isn’t it true that the deceased’s missing laptop was found in one of the suspects’ possession—in Jude Williams’s vehicle—”

  Jude clicks off the TV.

  The silence beats at the walls, and I am afraid. For me. For Jude. And for Mason. What must he be going through right now? I hope he’s not alone.