Stricken Desire

by S. K. Logsdon

  “Um… it’s not what you think Em. Please… don’t.”

  I cut him off. “Stace it’s okay. Don’t worry. I’m glad you got jiggy with it last night. You needed the release.”

  He exhales loudly into the phone. I can tell I just took a weight off his shoulders.

  “It’s not 1997 anymore Em and you’re not Will Smith. So for your sake and mine don’t ever call it that again.” He chuckles. “But yes I did twice, actually. Guess it’s been pent up a while.”

  Yeah well I’m so not telling you I did it twelve times last night after you left and it was with Johnathan and he got off four times. Now that would be way too much sharing.

  “Whoa! TMI, I just asked about the sex I don’t need the specifics. Except is she a blonde too?” I snicker into the receiver.

  “Well, to be honest. Nope.” He sounds okay. He sounds like he likes that it wasn’t a blonde. Good for him! It’s about damn time for him to change it up.

  “I’m happy for you Stacy I want you happy that’s all I ever want.”

  “Thanks sweetie. I will catch you later. Think we might hit it a few more times. He’s so… She’s so sexy. I’ll text ya the details where to meet for dinner. Love ya.”

  “Love you too Stace and you have fun.”

  Oh my god! I think my best friend just told me he does dudes too. I knew it! I knew he didn’t just fuck women. I don’t think he’s gay. He can’t be. But he’s too emotional to be completely straight. I’ve always had my suspicions but I’ve never asked. I guess I never cared either way. I’ve heard him mention tight and hard bodies before when he describes a date to me but never a thing about that body having a cock between its legs and not a pussy. But to think of it most women are soft and smooth not hard and tight. I wonder is he a pitcher or a catcher? I am so going to have to ask him that. It doesn’t matter but I can see Stacy as a catcher big time. He’s got that sexiness to him like a woman. His eyes seriously look like a woman’s. I’ve always been jealous of them. A bi sexual best friend. How strange. But at the same time I dig it. Maybe now I can talk to him about men too. Or not. Shit, I dunno.

  Chapter Eleven

  I’ve spent the entire day lounging in my hotel room. Well not my entire day because I did sleep until midafternoon. Stacy texted me the restaurants local around six and we’re to meet up around eight. I’ve got James to drive me or that’s what Stacy said. Not sure why he’s not driving the guys but he’s not. I haven’t heard a peep out of Johnathan all day. No texts, no knocks at my door. Nothing but silence. I can’t say it doesn’t hurt, because it does. Bad. But at the same time I knew this was happened. I shouldn’t have kidded myself thinking otherwise. That was foolish on my part.

  A knocks at my door. My stomach jumps into my throat. Maybe it’s him!

  I turn the nob and pull it open. James and his big buff Taylor Lautner glory is standing on the other side of the door decked out in all black a gun holstered across his chest. Totally hot. Not my type but he would seriously make a woman happy.

  “Hey James.” I smile.

  “Miss. Bronwyn” he nods. “I am here to escort you to dinner tonight.” He holds out his arm. I dash back into the room snatch up my purse and then tuck my arm into his.

  “Should I get my bags?” I ask shutting the door to my suite.

  “No, that has already been arranged to be picked up and taken back onto the bus.”

  I ride down the elevator with my escort. The elevator has three people in it when we step in and two of them are very attractive women who can’t stop staring at him. I unlatch my arm out of his and reach around to goose his ass. I am so going to put a show on for these two women. Making them jealous is on my list of things to do tonight. We ride down and he doesn’t say a word and just lets me rub my arm along his and pinch his butt a few more times. The woman are staring hard and I want to laugh but then I’ll give my intentions away. They nearly sprint out of the car and the man just looks back eyes me rather seductively and makes his way to wherever.

  I tuck my arm back into James’s and we head out toward the Mercedes that I see is parked right outside.

  “Sorry.” I muttered.

  “Whatever for? Miss Bronwyn.” he cracks a tiny smile out of the corner of his mouth.

  “The women in the elevator were ogling you I just thought it only appropriate to put a little show on for them. To make them jealous. I know that wasn’t nice of me. But I’ve had a few rough days.”

  He opens the car door for me.

  “You’re welcome to touch me however you please Miss.” He nods.

  “James don’t be like that.” I touch his arm that’s rested on the door frame. “If you don’t want to me to do that you can tell me no. I promise I won’t tattle.”

  I slide in the back.

  “Miss Bronwyn if I had a problem. Trust me I’d let you know.” He winks and shuts the door.

  We drive five blocks or it seems about that far and we pull out front of a brick front pizzeria with the name ‘Angelos’ on the front in big red letters. The paps are stationed outside only a handful of them and maybe ten fans. I am sure more are about to show up but that’s the name of the game. James let me out and escorts me to the door. A pap throws a voice recorder in my way.

  “Miss Bronwyn, Miss Bronwyn. Sources say you and Johnathan Striker are a couple now. Do you have a comment?” the neatly dressed pap asks.

  James leans down and whispers in my ear. “You don’t have to say a thing if you don’t want to.”

  I nod understanding that I don’t have to. But I want to make this clear.

  “What’s your name?” I ask the pap.

  “Rachel. Miss. Bronwyn.” She smiles. Yeah, she knows it’s coming. An exclusive with the same woman who socked Johnathan the lead singer of Stricken in the nose. She’s going to make so much money over this. Well good for her. Right place, right time, I guess.

  “Well Rachel, Mr. Striker and I are NOT in a relationship at this time. Nor have we been before. I am the bands Co-Manager for this tour. That is all.”

  “Do you want to date him? Or does he you?” she presses on.

  “I cannot comment for Mr. Striker you know that Rachel. But for myself I do not know what I want at this time.” I turn and leave and head into the pizzeria my arm tucked into James.

  I hear “Thank you! Thank you!” being shouted from Rachel who’s still crowded outside the door.

  “Please tell me you did not just give a pap a real quote!” Johnathan snaps as soon as I walk into the door. He’s standing there waiting for me. Sexier than the night before in a white button down dress shirt slouched up to his elbows, a pair of dark denim ripped jeans, a fancy watch and dark brown flip-flops with a matching belt. Sex on a stick in living and breathing pissed off-color. The other men are stuffed into a giant booth in the back paying no mind to us with a few women tucked under their arms. Stacy has one too. But I am sure it’s a new one because I am positive the one from this morning was a dude and not a chick. Has to keep up appearances I suppose.

  “Yep I did.” Johnathan observes my arm tucked into James and points a blank stare at his bodyguard. James slips away and I am stuck dealing with macho man with an attitude problem.

  “Why? Why would you do that?” he shakes his head. He looks confused. That makes two of us. I am confused as to why he would even care. He’s the one that left me this morning after we made love all damn nightlong. Not that I am bitter or anything. I mean I knew it was coming. But shit, it doesn’t hurt any less and standing in front of him looking this hot is like rubbing salt in my wounds.

  “They asked me if I was your girlfriend and I told them no. I didn’t think that was a problem.” I shrug and tilt my head to the side to peer around him at the guys engrossed in conversation in the empty pizzeria.

  I glance up at him and he looks seriously pained.

  “Did this morning mean nothing to you?” he says quietly. His voice is dull and full of melancholy.

  “Yes... Of cou
rse it did. A lot actually. But I know what is was for you and I’ve already made my peace with that so let’s just pretend this never happened and get on with dinner shall we?” I whisper harshly, staring at his chest avoiding his gaze. I can sense it boring into me.

  “Okay we will eat but this conversation is not over.”

  “Never is.” I say to have the last word and scoot around the side of him and sit next to Stacy who instinctively throws his arm over my shoulder. Johnathan takes his seat at the end of the table on a chair he slides up.

  “Hey yo, J man why’d you ditch us last night? Missed ya bud. We got hooked up with these hotties and a few others had us a big fucking orgy and Keith’s room.” He eyes all the women at the table except me. Yeah I know I wasn’t there jackass I was fucking your buddy in my hotel room.

  “Yeah. But D we talked about this last night though. We didn’t want J there. Sorry J… But you know how it is. We have a fuck fest and your cock gets most of the attention. I kind of liked not feeling like I have a serious deficit hanging between my legs for once.” Price says and punches Johnathan in the shoulder.

  Must be some kind of dude code for dude your cock is huge and woman like it more than my average one. Or that how I read it anyhow. Johnathan seems to understand and clasps his hand on his band mates’ shoulder.

  “It’s cool. Bro. I was tired so I hit the head early last night.” He says. Man he is so lying and it wasn’t even a good lie. Stacy peers over at me and I stare straight ahead at the wall behind Price’s head. If I look at him I am afraid he’ll just know. He can seriously read me like a damn book sometimes.

  “I call bullshit bro.” Keith chimes in with a wicked smile.

  “Yeah me too. Total bullshit. We stopped by your suite at like three this morning and nobody answered the door and I called your cell a bunch. So either you were fucking some chick in your room or in theirs. But there was defiantly some fucking going on. You don’t go days without it and it’s been four or so for you so I know last night was so your night.” D adds.

  Please don’t see the guilt on my face, please don’t let this give me away. I gaze over at Stacy and he’s staring straight at me. His hand tightens on my shoulder. Oh, fuck he knows! He’s putting it together. But if he asks I am still going to deny it. I’m not fessing up. Water board my ass and I’m still not letting this out.

  “You guys are serious dumb asses you know that! I go to sleep early knocked the fuck out with my ringer off and you think I automatically have to be between a woman’s legs?” Johnathan scoffs his tone ruthless.

  “Yep.” Keith comments.

  “Dude, we know you. We’ve know your ass for years. You don’t go four days without a fuck. A tight hot pussy is what gets you off man. Three, four times a week usually on the road. Shit I’ve seen you binge like twice a day every day for a few weeks straight. Three at a time in the back of the bus. I know you weren’t in there playing checkers.” D adds again with a very dirty laugh.

  Cue the salt. This is so painful my chest is killing me. I rub my heart and I can see him looking at me out of the corner of his eye. I feel like death warmed over and I am sure I don’t look any better. All the color has drained from me and I suddenly feel ill. Very ill. This is so not the conversation I need to be listening to right now. I need to leave and go back to the bus and cry in the shower and take a Tylenol PM and knock the fuck out for a few weeks. I am so stupid to think he’d meant everything last night. Even more dumb, thinking if we got together I could satisfy him. Three at a time. Yeah I can’t do that. I don’t share and I don’t have a tenth of a percent of experience that those women probably had. I’ve never even rode a man or done doggy style, which I hear is amazing. I’ve never touched a cock let along had my mouth on one. This man is way out of my league on a hundred different fronts. My hands are starting to sweat, I rub them on my shorts. If I don’t stop my freak out now I am going to hyperventilate.

  “Listen guys I don’t think I’m that bad. I know I’ve had my moments but last night I seriously just went to sleep. I’m glad you dudes got some hot tail. I needed the rest. I’ve been out of it lately.” He voice is low and calmer. I can see his eyes on me. I know he can see the pain on my face I can’t hide it even if I wanted to.

  “Dude you are that bad. But that’s cool. We dig it. We’re all basically the same. Breed from the same cloth the five of us. I bet you are tired… oh shit I totally forgot about last week you had those five hot women fuck you senseless. If I remember correctly you couldn’t walk the next day. I think Stacy had to carry you into the shower.” D adds. I fucking hate this man.

  I am going to be sick. I need to go I have to go. I take a bite of the cardboard pizza on my plate and stand and leave. I have to find James to take me back to the bus. I can’t sit and hear about this another minute. I run, my heels clicking the whole way into the room next door searching desperately for James.

  “What are you doing?” Stacy says following me. I bend over and put my hands on my thighs and breathe in and out slowly. Oh shit I am hyperventilating. My head feels dizzy and I think I might faint or throw up or both. This is so wrong! I hate Johnathan! I should have never fucked his magic cock. So much for making love. It might have been that way for me but it wasn’t for him. God I am so damn stupid!

  “I. Need. To. Leave.” I heave out between long breaths.

  “Oh, no Em, please don’t do this.” Johnathan begs, running into the room after me he kneels down in front of me rubbing his hands on my shoulders.

  What the fuck does he think I like feeling this way? Do I like having salt poured into my veins! NO I DON’T! He did this to me. He hurt me and I allowed it. I’m such a dumb bitch!

  I heave my chest in and out. I need to calm the hell down. I can’t, my mind is twirling and swirling and I can’t see right side up.

  “Baby, Oh baby. Please calm down. It’s going to be okay.” He keeps rubbing. All the while I know Stacy is standing very close and watching this whole fucking this play out. I am such a bitch. I know this has to be hurting him.

  “Don’t. You. EVER. Call. Me. Baby. Again.” I huff out slowly between breaths. A chair is brought up to by backside.

  “Sit down Miss. Bronwyn” I hear James say and I collapse into the chair.

  “Thanks” I pant. Sweat is trickling down my face oh and shit so are tears. I am crying! No! Be strong! Don’t cry in front of him. You’re letting him win.

  Asshole scoots closer and places hands on my thighs caressing them. I am shaking and crying and I cover my face with both my hands.

  “Did you do this to her?” I hear Stacy finally chime in, his voice is like acid dipped in acid and fried in it to make it extra crispy.

  I want to scream. YES HE DID! But I’m just as much to blame. I allowed him in and he hurt me. I stay quiet and my sobbing worsens.

  “Baby, look at me. Emily. Please. I’m so sorry. Just look at me. I need you. I need you to look at me.” He begs. In his panty dropping voice. I don’t move.

  “Answer me mother fucker did you do this to her?” Stacy barks loud and ferociously, he’s like a lion protecting his Nala.

  I can feel Johnathan shift in front of my body angling toward Stacy.

  “I didn’t do this to her. No. They did in there. She doesn’t need to hear this shit about me.” He snaps.

  “She already knows that Johnathan why the fuck would she care anyhow?”

  Oh, No! Here is comes. Here comes the truth! I pray, Please God don’t let Stacy hate me. Please make this pain go away. Please just please let Stacy stay my best friend. I need him.

  “She cares just like I care Stace. I love her and I told her that last night.” Johnathan says his voice is even, giving nothing away.

  “WHAT!!?” Stacy screeches it pierces my ears. “You fucking love her? I’ve loved her my whole goddamn life and she won’t have me. What makes you fucking think she’d ever consider having your ass? I’ve never hurt her and never would. You on the other hand would sell her int
o sex trafficking if it suited your needs.” He spit’s, raw and to the point.

  “I know she’d have me Stacy because I think she might feel the say way I do. I’m sorry man. I know you love her and I understand why. I love her too.” He talks low and nice. Treading lightly with fragile Stacy.

  I sob louder, shaking.

  “Did you fuck him last night? Emily Sue Bronwyn, did you fuck him?” his voice is harsh and it shreds my heart. This pain is so unreal. I always thought physical pain was the worst. No this is the worst pain in existence.

  I nod.

  “OH MY FUCKING GOD! You fucked him! After I left last night. Son of a bitch.” I can’t see him but I can hear him pacing and breathing hard. Anger saturates the air.

  I rub my eyes free of tears and look for him. He has his hands on his head tugging his shaggy hair. Pacing in long strides. Johnathan is kneeling his hands still on my thighs. Not paying a bit of attention to Stacy his eyes are firmly planted on me.

  “Please don’t hate me Stace.” I muttered under my breath. He hears me, stops, comes next to my side and gazes down upon me. Ignoring Johnathan.

  “Em, I will never hate you. I love you you’re my best friend. I don’t like that you fucked this jackass.” He nods towards Johnathan. “But I’m here babe. You got me for life whether you want it or not.” He smiles. I exhale hard I didn’t realize I was holding my breath.

  “As for you.” He stares daggers at Johnathan. “I am ashamed of you Jonathan. I thought you were my friend and I thought you respected Emily in some way. Or me at least enough not to talk your way into her panties.” He snarls.

  “I didn’t talk my way into her panties. I think she wanted me there. I wanted to be there Stacy. I don’t want you to be hurt you, one of my closest friends. But I need her and I love her. I’m not going to apologize for making love to the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I can’t do that even if you want.” He says softly and my heart somehow swells and throbs happily in my chest. The butterflies are back and fluttering at full speed. The pain is slowly decreasing.