by Felix Brooks
Waseem chuckled. “Maybe you’d better. So I don’t kiss you, either.”
Brent pulled back. He hadn’t even left yet, and he was already wondering when he could see Waseem again. “You still planning to work out with Emmett today?”
“I’ll be there.”
“Me too. See you then.”
***
Brent transferred the stir-fried beef and vegetables onto two plates and handed one to Paige. The kitchen in his apartment smelled like sesame oil and soy sauce. “Yum,” Paige said as they took seats at the breakfast bar.
“You decide on a project for your sculpture class yet?” he asked.
“Holly wants me to do a feminist statement featuring a uterus or something, but that’s so cliché, don’t you think? I’m tossing around the idea of a modern fertility goddess, a curvy woman with a baby at her breast. Something pretty and earthy and voluptuous that really speaks to people on a primal level.”
“That sounds awesome,” he said, because he wasn’t sure what else to say. Fertility goddesses weren’t something he had much of an opinion on. “So, um, what do you think of Waseem? Do you like him?”
She glanced at him sideways. “Well, yeah. He’s a great guy.”
“What would you think of me, like, dating him?”
She dropped her fork and stared. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“It turns out I’m demisexual. And gay.”
She pressed her hand to his forehead, like he must have a fever or something. “And you figured this out since yesterday?”
“I kind of figured it out last night, when I kissed Waseem.”
“You kissed him.” She narrowed her brow and combed her fingers through her auburn hair. Her eyes stared off at a distance, then turned back to him. “After how many beers?”
“Three beers, I admit. But I saw him again today, and I still like him. I’ve got a normal crush. I mean, I assume it’s normal. Or…typical. Whatever the right word is.”
“Brent…” She crossed her arms, apparently at a loss for words, which was unusual for her. “For the three years I’ve known you, you were dating Karen, talking about getting married. And suddenly, you’re gay—even though you’ve never had sexual feelings for a man before. Doesn’t that seem kind of abrupt to you?”
He shrugged. “Since I’m demisexual, I didn’t know I was gay until I developed feelings for someone. Besides, this didn’t happen all at once. It started last semester, when Waseem and I started getting closer. I just didn’t recognize it for what it was. I thought I liked him as a friend. It didn’t cross my mind I might be gay.”
Absently, she tossed around the broccoli and red peppers on her plate with a fork. “Brent, honey, you know I love you…but think about what you’re saying. If you start dating him, that’s not going to be an easy path for you.”
His stomach bottomed out. “My parents will lose their shit.”
“I’ve read the horror stories. Ultra-religious parents who disowned their college-aged kids. Left them with no way to pay for food or shelter, much less tuition. I’m not saying your parents would do that. But you need to think this through.”
He nodded thoughtfully. “I admit, it won’t be easy. But Paige, you don’t know what it’s like for me. Growing up, I always thought I’d get married and have kids like everyone else. Since Karen and I broke up, I thought maybe I’d lost that chance. Now, it feels like I’ve gotten a reprieve. If I don’t at least try…”
He pinched his lips together. So many things could go wrong. He was a business major, so maybe it would help to think about this in terms of return on investment. What were the odds of success? What were the possible consequences of failure?
“I’m not going to rush into anything. But I can’t explain how great this feels, to want someone, when I’ve never felt that way before. Can you try to be happy for me?”
She laid her hand on his. “Of course I’m happy for you. Just promise you’ll be careful. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Brent couldn’t imagine a nice guy like Waseem hurting anyone. But opening himself up to love meant risking a new kind of pain. Was it worth it? Picturing Waseem’s gentle smile and his rock-hard body, Brent already knew the answer to that question.
Chapter 9
Monday, Waseem was in the weight room spotting Brent, and damn if his dick wasn’t as hard as the bench press bar. Watching those muscles flex, listening to him grunt the same way he would if he were sliding that sweet cock into Waseem’s body… He tried not to think about it. But celibacy was a new experience for Waseem—at least, celibacy by choice—and he hadn’t developed the necessary coping skills.
He focused on the reps, because he and Brent were both at risk if something went amiss. This was no time to get distracted. If Brent got hurt because Waseem wasn’t paying attention, he’d never forgive himself.
Waseem stopped him at twelve. The guy liked to push himself—he was disciplined, just like Emmett. But instead of Emmett’s brashness, Brent radiated a quiet confidence. Waseem found that sexy as hell.
They headed for the locker room and Waseem’s heart pounded. During the football season, he had waited in the coach’s office until the other guys were done, then took his own shower. A lot of it was for their comfort, but it wasn’t like Waseem was immune to the influence of all those athletic bodies. And he was definitely not immune to Brent’s.
It was doubly weird with Emmett there, because Waseem hadn’t told him. It wasn’t his place to out Brent. He and Emmett had never had secrets before. They could talk to each other about anything. It was a level of trust he’d never had with anyone else, and keeping quiet about something this major in his life was difficult.
Although weirdly enough, Brent had told Jake. Maybe it was easier to confide in someone objective than in a friend. But Emmett had gone through a similar situation when he first fell for Jake. Emmett could help Brent if he’d let him.
Waseem kept his eyes firmly on his locker while he undressed. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he headed to the shower. But Brent was walking around in all his glory, towel draped over his shoulder. Waseem stopped short at the sight of him, tight glutes and tribal tattoos decorating his massive upper arms.
“Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Emmett’s voice broke through Waseem’s reverie, and he realized he was staring.
“Uh…” was all he could say because his brain was starved for oxygen. All his blood had headed for points south.
“He wants to do me,” Brent said in a cocky voice before stepping into a shower stall.
“Not cool!” Emmett said.
“It’s not like the whole team is here,” Waseem said.
“If you want to coach teenage boys, you need to be more careful than that.”
Ire shot up Waseem’s spine. “Fuck you. Brent’s not a teenage boy.”
“Yeah. And I might let him suck my dick.” Brent’s voice rose above the sound of running water. “I haven’t decided yet.”
Now it was Emmett’s turn to stare. “You…what?”
“Brent’s having an identity crisis.” Waseem got into a stall and showered quickly. They couldn’t really have this conversation there, because anyone could walk in at any moment. It was a progressive campus, and it was unlikely anyone would take on the three of them together, but it didn’t hurt to be cautious.
They got some Chinese takeout and went to Brent’s place. Jake and Paige had plans with a group from the LGBT center planning a Valentine’s Day party, so it was just the three of them. They stood at the breakfast bar devouring pot stickers and beef lo mein.
“It’s none of my business,” Emmett said to Brent, “but do you seriously want a piece of that loser?”
“If my parents find out I’m gay…let’s just say, it won’t be pretty.”
Waseem was no stranger to conservative religious views. It was hard to find a mosque that didn’t condemn homosexual behavior. Fortunately, he had grown up in a strong and supportive family
, and had gotten through his teen years without internalizing the anti-gay message.
“So what are you saying?” Emmett asked. “You’ve been in the closet all this time?”
“Not exactly.” Brent’s face flushed and his gaze fell to the countertop. He looked so uncomfortable, Waseem wanted to take him into his arms. “I’m ace.”
Emmett stared. “Ace. A high-testosterone guy like you.”
“I…” Brent sipped his beer. “I can’t explain it, Emmett, any more than you can explain being bi. And I shouldn’t have to, not to you. Jake thinks I might be demi. That makes sense to me.”
“Jake knows?” Emmett looked wounded, his lips turned down, a scowl wrinkling his forehead. “Since when are you and Jake even friends?”
“Emmett, stop being a dick,” Waseem said. “This isn’t about you. Brent did a courageous thing, coming out to you, because he trusts you. And instead of thinking about how you can support him, you’re whining because he told Jake first. Jake was a peer counselor, remember? Brent’s got questions. He’s adjusting to his change in status, just like you did when you realized you were bi. So why don’t you try being a friend to him? Give him some advice instead of the third degree.”
Emmett nodded, his expression even. “Yeah, man, sorry about that.” He bent his arm up and shook Brent’s hand. “Didn’t mean to question you like that. I’m just surprised. But seriously, you’ve never been interested in anyone before—and you choose this loser?”
Brent grinned. “Yeah, I know I could do better, but—”
“Dude!” Waseem said. “I just stood up for you.” He bumped up against him playfully.
Brent turned to him and smiled, eyes bright with pleasure. It had been a long time since anyone had looked at Waseem like that, as if he set the stars alight.
Waseem brushed his hand against Brent’s arm. He couldn’t help it—he needed some kind of contact. But just when he thought maybe Brent wasn’t ready, the guy surprised him by clasping their hands together.
Waseem’s whole body flushed with happiness. His eyes met Brent’s, and it was like looking into infinity. How was it possible that everything had changed so quickly? They had barely even embarked on a relationship, and already he felt like Brent was his future.
“So what about Karen?”
Waseem jumped. Emmett’s voice surprised him. Within a span of a few seconds, he’d gotten so caught up in Brent he’d forgotten Emmett was even there.
“What about Karen?” Brent asked.
“You’re gay and ace, yet you dated her for five years.”
Brent’s expression fell. “Oh. That.”
Waseem laughed out loud. Really, the situation was hysterical. Poor Karen, though.
“I think, like, maybe I was romantically attracted to her, but not sexually?” Brent said. “Does that make sense?”
“Yeah, total sense,” Emmett said. “With my high school girlfriend, I was the opposite. I was sexually attracted to her, but not romantically. She would kick my ass if she knew that, though.”
“I guess what made it even more confusing for me,” Brent said, “is that I’m demi. I need to have an emotional bond before I can feel attraction.”
“Yeah, but that’s pretty typical,” Emmett said. “How can you be attracted to someone you don’t even know? I mean, I get how people can enjoy getting off together, but that’s not the same as attraction.”
Waseem’s can of seltzer water clanked against the granite countertop. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Emmett scowled. “That’s how attraction works. You can appreciate someone aesthetically. If you’re horny and you like the way they look, you might want to have sex with them. But that’s not attraction. Attraction has an emotional component.”
“Holy shit.” Waseem stared at him. “Emmett, have you ever been attracted to anyone besides Jake and Tawna?”
Emmett shrugged. “My sister thinks maybe I was attracted to a guy who lived next door when we were teenagers.”
“You’re twenty-two years old, and you’ve been sexually attracted to three people your whole life?”
“Yeah, so?”
Waseem looked at Brent. “Do you want to tell him?”
“Dude, you are totally demisexual.” Brent’s words were teasing, but his smile was huge. Waseem could only imagine what a relief it was for Brent to find someone who could relate to his experiences. Even if Emmett was clueless about it.
“No,” Emmett said, “I was with Tawna for a long time. That’s why I wasn’t attracted to anyone else.”
“I’m attracted to five or six people a day,” Waseem said. “I can’t even control it. Hot dude crosses my path, and I get a little flutter inside. It’s not like what I feel with Brent—with him, it’s a gale-force wind. But yeah, for a split second, my nervous system alerts me that an attractive man is close by.”
“I’ve never felt anything like that.” The corners of Brent’s mouth drooped.
“That’s fine.” Waseem kissed his temple. “You’re fine the way you are.”
Emmett set his jaw hard. “I’m not demi.”
“If you don’t identify that way,” Waseem said gently, “that’s your call. No one gets to make that decision for you.”
“Damn straight.”
Waseem smiled. As long as Emmett was happy, that was all Waseem cared about.
The same was true with Brent—except that things were more complicated. Waseem wanted to date Brent more than he’d ever wanted anything. But the truth was, it didn’t matter what Waseem wanted. Not if it could endanger Brent’s future.
Only Brent could decide what was right for him, how much risk he was willing to take. Waseem would respect Brent’s choices and protect him no matter what.
Even if it meant they couldn’t be together.
***
They headed to Harmony Hall and found Jake and Paige sitting on Jake’s floor with pink and red paper hearts strewn between them. They were stringing them onto white yarn to make garlands.
“Need any help?” Brent asked.
“Thanks, but we’re just about finished,” Paige said.
“Good, then you can help me with something else.” Brent tore a sheet of paper from Paige’s notebook and picked up a pen from Jake’s desk. “I need to make a list of the pros and cons of dating Waseem.”
Waseem’s face warmed, but everyone else laughed. It wasn’t even a little funny to him, but he was willing to play along. And to be honest, it was good that Brent could be light-hearted about it, that he wasn’t entirely freaking out over the change in how he identified.
“This should be good.” Emmett opened the fridge and handed out beers, plus a lemon-lime seltzer water for Waseem.
“Pro,” Brent said, “he looks like that.”
Waseem posed, showing off his biceps. He was cool with Brent being attracted to his body, as long as it ran deeper.
Brent licked his lips, then looked toward Paige. “Con, my parents will disown me.”
Jake jumped in. “Pro, Waseem is the nicest guy I know.”
Waseem’s chest swelled. That meant a lot, because Jake was the nicest guy Waseem knew.
“Con,” Paige said, “you figured out you were gay three days ago.”
Brent crossed his arms. “What difference does that make?”
“It’s a major life change. You need time to adjust.”
“I can do that while dating Waseem.”
Paige eyed Brent intently. “And maybe break his heart.”
“That’s a chance I’m willing to take,” Waseem said. “He’s worth it.”
Brent smiled at him like a six-year-old being served a big helping of cake and ice cream on his birthday.
Emmett joined in. “Pro, he will have your back no matter what.”
That made Waseem choke up a little. The semester before, when Emmett and Jake were having problems, Emmett had accused Waseem of siding with Jake. In fact, Waseem had been stuck in the middle, playing mediator most of t
he time. It was good to know that Emmett appreciated that fact now.
“Con,” Paige said, “you and your girlfriend of five years only broke up a month ago.”
“My feelings for Karen were nothing like what I feel for Waseem. I was confused because I’m a gay, bi-romantic demisexual.”
Paige shook her head. “You’re just throwing out big words because you’re in denial.”
Jake shrugged. “I actually think he might be right—that he was romantically attracted to Karen, but not sexually.”
Waseem nodded. “That would explain it.”
Brent met his eyes and smiled. Attraction sparked between them like they were the only two people in the room.
“Pro,” Brent said, his gaze still fixed on Waseem, “he’s a great kisser.”
“Con,” Paige said, “if your parents cut you off, you won’t have a way to pay for your senior year of college.”
“We’ll figure something out,” Emmett said.
Paige threw her hands up. “This is pointless. You guys have already made up your mind.” She looked over at Waseem. “Nothing personal—I think you’re an amazing guy. I’m just watching out for my boy.”
“I get it,” Waseem said. “Love is always a risk. It’s good to go into it with our eyes open.”
“We’ll keep it on the down low,” Brent said.
Paige rolled her eyes. “There are already five of us who know.”
“I trust everyone in this room,” Brent said.
“Amber will figure it out,” Jake said. “She knows Waseem too well. But she’ll keep it to herself.”
“What about Demonté?” Brent asked.
“Demonté is book smart,” Emmett said, “but otherwise, he’s clueless. So is Niels, mostly, but he might catch on if the two of them keep making eyes at each other in the locker room. If Niels lets something slip to Claire—”
“That would be a disaster,” Paige said. “I’ve never met anyone who can talk like that. She doesn’t even stop to breathe—like she has gills or something.”
“So we’re agreed that Niels is the weakest link.” Brent’s brow wrinkled thoughtfully. “I propose we kill him.”