“Oh, great,” she mumbled as she pulled to the shoulder of the road so she could look things over. If the wheel wasn’t too loose, they might be able to make it home. If not, she’d leave the buggy here, unhitch the horse, and lead it home. Tomorrow morning, she’d call the buggy maker to fix the wheel.
“Stay in your seat while I have a look at the wheel,” Lydia said to Josh. She stepped down from the buggy and had just knelt on the ground beside the wheel, when Josh hopped out and darted into the road.
Before Lydia could get to her feet, a car crested the hill and slammed into Josh.
Lydia gasped and dashed into the road. Her precious boy’s head and shirt were covered with blood as he lay there, unmoving. A scream tore from Lydia’s throat. “No! No! No!”
CHAPTER 21
Soon after Lydia and Josh left, Levi decided to sit on the porch awhile and enjoy the cool breeze that had come up.
When he leaned against the back of his chair and closed his eyes, a vision of Josh playing with Andy popped into his head. Even with four years between the boys, they got along remarkably well. He wondered if it was because they were almost the same size, or because they liked so many of the same things.
Levi’s thoughts went to Lydia, and he smiled, remembering how hard she’d laughed at his family’s silly jokes. It was obvious by the way Mom made over Lydia that she liked her a lot.
I like her, too, Levi thought. I just can’t allow myself to give in to those feelings.
The wail of a siren brought his thoughts to a halt, and his eyes snapped open. He glanced toward the road and saw a rescue vehicle with flashing red lights whiz by.
Curious as to where the vehicle was going, Levi stepped off the porch and grabbed his bike. As he started down the road, he saw the red lights up ahead, where the vehicle seemed to be stopped. There’d been an accident.
With heart pounding and hands sweating, Levi pedaled faster. He dreaded what he might find. Accidents involving Amish buggies happened too often here in Holmes County.
As Levi drew closer to the rescue vehicle he heard a woman sobbing. Shock and concern stabbed his heart when he saw Lydia bent over a small body covered in blood. Oh dear Lord, not Josh!
Levi leaped off his bike, letting it fall to the ground, and rushed over to Lydia. “What happened? Were you involved in an accident?”
Lydia’s eyes were wide as she lifted her tear-stained face to him and slowly shook her head. “My buggy was wobbling, so I…I stopped to see if the wheel had come loose, and then—” Her voice faltered as she choked on a sob. “Josh jumped out of the buggy and—and he ran into the road. Then a car came over the hill, and…”
Levi slipped his arm around Lydia’s trembling shoulders; she was clearly in shock. “The ambulance is here. They’ll take Josh to the hospital, and everything will be all right.” As the words slipped off Levi’s tongue, he knew they weren’t true. Josh was barely breathing. From the looks of all the blood on the boy’s head and shirt, he’d no doubt sustained serious injuries.
When the paramedics lifted Josh onto a stretcher and placed it in the back of the ambulance, Lydia followed.
“I’ll take your horse and buggy to your house and let your mamm know what’s happened,” Levi told Lydia as she climbed into the ambulance. “I’ll see that she gets a ride to the hospital.”
Lydia gave a brief nod, but Levi wasn’t sure she’d even heard what he’d said.
Heavenly Father, Levi prayed, as he lifted his bike into the back of her buggy, please be with Josh, and give Lydia the strength to deal with what lies ahead.
As Lydia sat in the hospital waiting room, anxious for some news on Josh, she pled with God to spare her son’s life. She nearly choked on the bile rising in her throat as she thought about how still Josh had been on the way to the hospital, and how he’d never even opened his eyes. Josh couldn’t die. She needed him, and he needed her. What had happened to the happy time they’d had this evening? All the joy Lydia had felt when they’d left the Stutzmans’ had been snatched away in one split second.
Lydia wondered about the young English woman who’d been driving the car. She’d apologized to Lydia several times and said she hadn’t been speeding, that she couldn’t stop in time because Josh darted in front of her so quickly. The woman had used her cell phone to call for help and then stayed right beside Lydia while they waited. Lydia was sure the woman hadn’t hit Josh on purpose, but she couldn’t help feeling angry, nonetheless. She should have been watching closer. One never knows what they’ll find when they come over the crest of a hill.
Someone touched Lydia’s arm, and she jerked her head. Mom stood beside Lydia’s chair with a pained expression. “Levi told me what happened. He arranged for me to get a ride to the hospital.” She took a seat in the empty chair beside Lydia and reached for her hand. “Has there been any word on Josh’s condition?”
“Not yet.” Tears welled in Lydia’s eyes and dribbled onto her cheeks. “I’m trying to be patient. I’m trying to be brave. I–I’m praying for the faith to believe that Josh is going to be okay.” The words stuck in her throat.
“Levi said when he was getting ready to take your horse and buggy home that he’d noticed a cat on the other side of the road. I wonder if Josh saw the cat, too, and decided to chase after it.”
“M–maybe.” Lydia swallowed hard. “If only he’d stayed in the buggy like I told him to. I wish…” She stopped talking and leaned back in her chair. Wishing wouldn’t change a thing.
They sat in silence for the next hour until a doctor came into the room and called Lydia by name.
“I’m Dr. Cummings. I need to speak to you about your son.”
Lydia leaped out of her chair and moved quickly toward the doctor. “Is…is Josh going to be all right? Is he seriously hurt?”
“I’m sorry to tell you this, but your boy has suffered severe head and internal injuries, and he’s in a coma.” The doctor’s dark eyes were filled with compassion. “I’m not God, so I don’t know what the future holds, but if Josh is going to pull through, he’ll need a miracle.”
Lydia squeezed her eyes shut. Send us a miracle, Lord. Oh, please, heal my son.
CHAPTER 22
For the next four days, Lydia never left the hospital. She sat in the chair beside Josh’s bed, holding his hand and praying for a miracle. She even slept in the chair and left Josh’s room only long enough to use the restroom or get something to drink. She had no appetite for food and hadn’t eaten much of anything, despite constant pleadings from Mom. The concern she felt for Josh had robbed her of any appetite.
As Lydia sat beside Josh’s bed, staring at his still form, her heart felt heavy with grief. The doctors and nurses had done all they could, but there’d been no change in his condition, and she was beginning to doubt he’d ever come out of his coma.
She reached out to stroke Josh’s pale cheek. It was bruised and swollen, and the bandage on his head nearly covered his eyes. He didn’t even look like her boy anymore.
She drew in a deep breath and tried to relax. Worrying wouldn’t change anything; she needed to hold strong to her faith and keep praying until Josh got well. She needed to believe that God would heal her boy, but her faith was weakening with each passing hour.
Lydia leaned her head against the back of the chair and closed her eyes, reflecting on how many people had come to the hospital to offer their support: Nona and Levi, Menno, Rueben, the bishop and his wife, and several women from their Amish community.
Lydia’s boss had also come by. She’d told Lydia that she didn’t have to worry about returning to work until she felt ready and that her job would be there for her. That was a relief. Lydia didn’t know what they’d do without her job. But her meager income wouldn’t be enough to pay all of Josh’s hospital bills that were quickly mounting up. She’d be paying those for a long time and would probably have to rely on others for assistance. But whatever money she had to spend wouldn’t matter at all if Josh got well. His precious l
ife was worth any amount of money.
The door to Josh’s room swished open, and Lydia opened her eyes just as Mom entered the room.
“How’s he doing?” Mom asked, stepping up to Josh’s bed. “Has there been any change?”
Lydia shook her head as she fought for control. “I talk to him all the time, but he never moves or gives any response to my voice.”
“You look awful.” Mom touched Lydia’s shoulder. “When was the last time you had something to eat?”
Lydia shrugged. “I can’t remember.”
“You’re going to make yourself sick if you don’t eat. What good will you be to Josh then?”
“Do you think he’ll ever wake up, Mom? Do you think God will answer our prayers?”
“If it’s God will for Josh to recover, then he surely will.” Mom took Lydia’s hand and pulled her gently to her feet. “I want you to come with me to the cafeteria so we can get something to eat.”
With a heavy sigh, Lydia followed Mom out the door.
Menno had just finished lining out the work that needed to be done in his shop this morning, when, floop!—a fat little frog landed in the cup of lukewarm coffee sitting on his desk. It stayed a few seconds, then leaped to the desk and sat there like it had found a new home.
“What in the world?” Menno glanced around the room and spotted Kevin and Carl giggling and running back and forth between a stack of lumber. “All right now, which of you boys brought a frog in here?”
Kevin pointed at Carl, and Carl pointed at Kevin.
Menno grimaced. “When I brought you in here to help today, I said there’d be no fooling around.”
“Sorry,” Carl mumbled as he lifted the frog from Menno’s desk. “We’ll take it outside and put it in the creek.”
“When you get that done, I want you back in here to help Ike and Dennis sweep the sawdust that’s piled up on the floor.”
“Okay, Papa,” the boys said before they scooted out the door.
Menno went to the sink across the room, dumped out what was left of his coffee, and poured himself another cup. As he sat at his desk, looking over some paperwork, he thought about Josh and wondered how he was doing. Due to Josh’s accident, he and the boys hadn’t been able to go to Lydia and Mae’s for supper last Saturday as planned. Even if Josh survived, it would be some time before he was up to company.
Menno glanced at Ike and Dennis as they swept the floor. Don’t know what I’d do if something happened to one of my boys. Can’t imagine what Lydia must be going through right now.
Menno had gone to the hospital a couple of times since Josh’s accident, but so far, there’d been no change in his condition. Kevin had wanted to go along, but Menno had said no. It wouldn’t be good for Kevin to see his friend in such a horrible state.
“I’m really not hungry.” Lydia pushed her food tray toward the edge of the table. “I don’t want to be away from Josh’s room too long. If he wakes up and doesn’t find me there, he’ll be scared.”
“Lydia, please…you’ve got to eat a little bit,” Mom coaxed.
“I can’t. I’m going back to Josh’s room.” Lydia jumped up and raced from the cafeteria. She knew Mom had followed her, for she heard her footsteps echoing in the corridor behind her.
When they stepped into the hallway outside Josh’s room, Dr. Cummings rushed up to Lydia. “I’ve been looking for you.”
Hope welled in her chest. “Is it Josh? Is he awake?”
The doctor slowly shook his head. “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but Josh is gone.”
Gone? The words barely registered in Lydia’s brain.
“He died a few minutes ago.”
A chill rippled through Lydia’s body, and she swayed unsteadily as her blood ran cold and her head began to spin. “I need to see him. I need to see my boy.”
“Of course.”
Dr. Cummings opened the door to Josh’s room, but before Lydia could go inside, Mom touched her arm. “I’ll go with you.”
A sob rose in Lydia’s throat and came out in a scream. “No! I need to be alone with him!”
Mom moved aside, and Lydia stepped into the room. As she approached Josh’s bed, her knees threatened to buckle. He was no longer hooked up to any machines. There was no sign of life in his little body, and she knew for a certainty that he wouldn’t be coming back to her. Josh had gotten his wish; he was in heaven now with his daadi and urgrossvadder.
CHAPTER 23
Tears trickled onto Lydia’s cheeks as the pallbearers took Josh’s small casket from the wagon and carried it to the gravesite that had been prepared for him. As she watched the casket being placed on three wooden boards that had been set over the gaping hole, the shrill cry of a crow pierced the quietness that lay over the cemetery.
It seemed so unreal, as if it was happening to someone else. Josh couldn’t be dead. That couldn’t be the body of her sweet little boy inside the cold wooden box. The anguish Lydia felt was like nothing she’d ever experienced. Losing Jeremiah, as painful as it had been, hadn’t compared to the emptiness and grief that consumed her whole being right now.
Her legs trembled as she stood on the uneven ground next to Mom and the other mourners who’d come to share in her grief. Lydia wished more than anything that she’d never moved to Charm. If she and Josh had stayed in Illinois, this wouldn’t have happened. Josh would still be alive, happily playing in their yard or coloring a picture at Lydia’s kitchen table. Should she go back? But what was there to go back to? Jeremiah was gone, and so was Josh. Nothing would ever be the same.
I wish I’d been nicer to Josh when he was alive, Mae thought as she stared at the small handmade coffin that held her grandson’s lifeless body. As the pallbearers set Josh’s coffin in place, Mae glanced over at Lydia. Her shoulders shook. Tears streamed down her face. First she’d lost her husband, and now her only son. It didn’t seem right that someone as young as Josh should die. The death of a loved one was never easy to accept, but for a mother to lose her child—that just wasn’t natural. Parents were supposed to die before their children, not the other way around.
Mae glanced at the group of mourners standing nearby and noticed the look of compassion on Rueben’s face. She hadn’t been free to begin a relationship with him because of Dad, and now she wasn’t free because Lydia would need her.
Maybe someday, she thought, if he hasn’t found someone else by then. But I can’t worry about that right now.
Mae slipped her arm around Lydia’s waist. Her first priority was to help her daughter through this horrible time of grief.
As the graveside service came to a close, it tore at Levi’s heart to see the look of agony on Lydia’s face. It wasn’t that long ago that they’d buried her grandfather, and now here they were saying good-bye to her only son. Levi hadn’t known Josh very long, but he’d quickly established a fondness for the boy. He couldn’t imagine how Lydia would deal with the loss of her son in the days ahead. It would probably be a long time before she’d come to grips with it. If there was only something he could say or do to comfort Lydia during this time of grief.
Levi’s brother Andy had taken Josh’s death hard, too. He’d been looking forward to visiting Josh last Sunday and seeing the kittens he’d found in the barn. Andy had been so upset that he hadn’t wanted to come to the funeral today. Mom had agreed to let Selma stay home with him, while Betty and Peter took care of things at the store.
When Levi heard a familiar series of honking, he looked up and saw a flock of geese flying overhead in a perfect V formation. He didn’t know why, but it made him think of Josh, whom he felt certain, was flying free in heaven with no more pain.
During the funeral dinner that followed the graveside service, Lydia received condolences from many people, including Levi and his family. It was hard to know what to say in reply to their sympathetic comments, and with each hug or look of concern, her heart felt like it was being torn in two. Even with the support of these caring people, she couldn’t accept
the fact that God had taken her son, and she wasn’t sure that she could go on without him. Besides missing Josh for the joy that he’d brought to her, Lydia’s precious boy was the last link she had to Jeremiah. She missed them both so much. Why hadn’t God answered her prayers and made Josh well? She felt as though He’d turned His back on her.
“Let us know if there’s anything we can do to help,” Nona said, giving Lydia a hug.
Lydia, feeling as though she were in a fog, could only manage a nod.
Levi stepped forward then, speaking in a tone of comfort and hope, but his words barely registered in her brain. She just wanted the day to be over so she could go to her room and be alone.
When Levi’s family moved aside, Menno and his youngest boy, Kevin, stepped up to Lydia. “I’m sorry for your loss,” Menno said. “I know how hard it can be to lose someone you love.”
“Jah.” Lydia’s throat felt so swollen she could barely speak, and her fuzzy head had begun to pound.
Kevin looked up at her with tears in his eyes. “Papa says Josh went to heaven. He said my mamm’s there, too.”
All Lydia could do was nod. Please leave me alone. I wish everyone would just stop talking to me and go home.
As though he could read her mind, Menno nudged Kevin’s arm. “Go find Ike now, and tell him I said to get our horse and buggy ready. It’s time for us to head home.” He touched Lydia’s arm lightly before he moved away.
“Why don’t you go up to your room and rest awhile?” Mom said when she joined Lydia a few minutes later. “You look so mied.”
“I…I am tired, and I’ve developed a koppweh.”
“Go rest then. You really need it.”
Lydia shuffled toward the stairs. She wished she could crawl into bed, close her eyes, and never wake up. She wished God had taken her instead of Josh.
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