The Goblin Queen and the Sigil of Altazan (The League of Sinister Means Book 2)

by H. K. MacTavish

  “I see it,” Leo says.

  I know you can see it. A nearsighted ghoul could see it!

  “Can you disarm it?” Gerald asks.

  Ha! Oh Gerald. I love your optimism and concern. This is a goblin trap. They are much better with pits and having things fall on you from the ceiling. Trapping an old fort like this isn’t really their strength. Now, if you heroes decide to go into their warrens you’ll find plenty of really great traps.

  “I have this,” Katie says. She bends over with ease as if she isn’t encased like a sausage in all that leather. “Got it.”

  “Good job,” Leo says.

  I sigh.

  “Okay, what about that?” Gerald asks. He is pointing to the crude wall erected in front of the group.

  “It looks solid,” Cassandra says.

  “Can you blast through it?” Katie asks.

  “Even if I was at full strength, it would take a lot of effort. And I don’t know how thick it is. This could be a long tunnel that stretches for several feet,” Cassandra says.

  “And moving them by hand would take too long,” Leo says. “We’ll take this room.”

  “Okay,” Cassandra says.

  Katie and Gerald take their positions and Leo is ready to kick in the door again.

  Crack!

  And there goes another door. I am going to start taking these out of Leo’s hide! Do you know who does a lot of the work on these doors? Me! You think goblins can manufacture doors like that? No. You heroes are going to replace every last fucking door that you’ve kicked in!

  “No one here?” Leo asks.

  Nope. This is my private dining hall when I’m entertaining. There is a long table and a shorter table, upholstered chairs, a few paintings along the walls. The walls are stone but I always thought of adding in wood paneling to make it feel a little more warm. Maybe a proper fireplace. The one that is there along the north wall is part of the original fort so it is at least a century old…

  “Think this is worth anything?” Gerald asks as he looks at the painting.

  “I think it might be,” Katie says.

  The Forlorn Forest? It is. You leave that painting alone! It’s mine!

  “This looks like a rich room,” Cassandra says.

  It is. I’ve worked hard to keep it goblin free. Leave now! I didn’t want goblins in here for a reason! One fireball and the rugs and paintings are ruined, the chairs are smashed…just continue on!

  “This won’t take long,” Katie says with a smile. She pulls out…her dagger? No! No! Stop!

  My paintings! She’s cutting the paintings out of the frames! You are damaging them you…bitch! You’re destroying fine works of art for a quick bit of coin! Stop! She’s cutting another one! I can hear the canvas as she cuts it! You….fucking bitch! Oh, I’ll make you regret taking those. Those are mine!

  “Leave the rugs and tapestries,” Leo says.

  “Those are far too heavy,” Katie says. “I’d need to come back with a wagon. Still…it might be worth the trip. Don’t you think?”

  “For these?” Cassandra asks. “Definitely.”

  Katie is rolling the paintings up while the other three are poking around the room. She opens up a small bag around her waist and shoves them in. Oh, she has one of those magical bags that holds a lot of stuff, does she? I’m not surprised the rogue has one. Once I take care of her I’ll have a bag like that.

  Katie is looking along the walls when Cassandra calls out.

  “Katie. Come check this out,” Cassandra says.

  Oh no. No! Stay away from there! Where are my goblins? They are waiting in the next room. I go to them and open my mouth. No. They’ll cause more damage. Fuck! I go back. But they’re going to find my private stock! No…the goblins will certainly break everything.

  “This does look odd,” Katie says.

  “Think it is a switch?” Cassandra asks.

  “You find a secret door?” Gerald asks.

  Yes! It is! Go away!

  “Maybe,” Katie says. She’s all excited. I am going to burn that excitement out of her for this! “I got it!”

  Go screw yourself Katie!

  The door opens revealing my private stock. Rare brandies, wines, whiskeys, rums…everything! Even some good dishes and…

  “Oh my! Is that real silver?” Katie asks as she enters.

  It is real silver! My silver! I don’t want your grubby fingers all over what I’m going to put in my mouth!

  “Look at all the bottles,” Cassandra says.

  My bottles! Do you know how long it took me to collect all of that?

  “Check this out Leo!” Katie says. “Enough booze even for you.”

  “I could use a drink now,” Leo says.

  Something smashes on the ground. What broke? What was it? I can’t see!

  “That looked expensive,” Katie says with a laugh.

  You are laughing? Oh, you are going to suffer for this…

  “Well let’s not waste it on the ground…except for this. I can’t stand Beronian Wine,” Cassandra says throwing the bottle to the ground.

  Smash!

  No….my Beronian Wine. Do you have any idea how expensive that is? Or how rare? And it’s…it’s gone?

  Katie uncorks some rum and takes a sip.

  “Good rum,” Katie says.

  “Gerald! Come check this out!” Cassandra says.

  “You guys go ahead. I want to finish checking this room out,” Gerald says.

  “I’ll snag you a bottle…” Katie says.

  Smash!

  “What was that?” Gerald asks.

  “Just plates,” Katie says.

  Just plates? Those were not just plates! Those are precious…

  Smash!

  “Just whiskey,” Cassandra says.

  I do not have ‘just whiskey’ in there! Stop! Stop it! I need to cast a spell at them…get them to stop smashing everything in that room! Maybe if I attack poor Gerald I…

  Wait a second. They split the party. Gerald is outside my secret room looking under tables and chairs. This is wonderful! I can close that door up and seal it with a barrier. Oh! Let me see, how did that incantation go? I begin to cast my spell. Those heroes will pay for this!

  The secret door seals back up.

  “Hey!” I hear Cassandra call out.

  They are now trying to figure out who tripped what. Ha!

  “Gerald,” I hear faintly. “Can you see the switch out there?”

  “Let me find it. Hold on!”

  Oh, you won’t have time to hold on. I’ll just cast from this scroll and boom! Barrier!

  “Shit!” Gerald yells as he leaps back from the secret door.

  “What happened?” Cassandra yells, her voice muffled.

  “A barrier!”

  “What color is it?”

  “Pinkish purple,” Gerald says.

  “It’s a force barrier,” Cassandra says.

  It’s probably not good for me that she knew exactly what kind of spell it was and didn’t sound concerned. I should hurry.

  I start scrying in the next room, which is a kitchen.

  “Go into the next room and capture the priest!” I command.

  “Yes highness,” the goblin says.

  The goblins run off. There are a dozen of them. More than enough for poor Gerald.

  I look back into the other room and I see Gerald and he looks scared. Don’t wet yourself now Gerald.

  “Goblins!” he yells.

  I want to see the panicked look on the faces of the others. Oh, the door is open, is it?

  “Hold on!” Cassandra yells.

  “Hurry Cassandra,” Katie says.

  What is that wizard casting?

  Flash!

  The barrier is still there, but it won’t be for long. Katie and Leo have their weapons in their hands ready to charge out of my room. Cassandra begins to cast again.

  Flash!

  The barrier is wavering. How are my goblins doing? They better be
able to handle this one task.

  Gerald is backing up, trying to defend himself. One goblin spears him in the arm and he cries out in pain. He had a real spear, with a metal tip? Aww…Gerald brains that goblin but two others have jumped up on Gerald’s back. He’s flailing about now, unable to strike properly at the goblins.

  Flash!

  Wow. That barrier isn’t going to last long. I look over at the barrier on the side door to the temple where I am. Perhaps I should look for a different spell for that door.

  Flash!

  Come on! Take him down! Take him down! The heroes are going to be out of that room and it will be all over! This is my only chance!

  There! Gerald is on the ground. They have him! In the mass of goblins I see one hold up his mace. Great! Fan-fucking-tastic! Now, bring him too me. They are looking at the doorway where the other three heroes are trying to get free. No, no, no. Don’t you dumbasses screw this up for me!

  “Bring him to me!” I bellow.

  “Yes highness.”

  “Gerald! Gerald!” Katie cries out.

  Ha! I can’t help but laugh. Oh, this is wonderful. A celibate priest and soon I’ll have that peasant woman back. I’ll have the Sigil of Altazan cast and the heroes will be captured in no time! Come to me Gerald! Once I’m done using you to cast my spell I’ll corrupt you. And there is nothing the heroes can do about it!

  The Priest and the Queen

  Gerald is mine! Now the heroes will have to be careful and take their time. They don’t have any ways to heal their injuries. I will slowly bleed them on their trek to me!

  Gerald will make an excellent replacement for that peasant that lost his head. The damage the goblins did to me will be repaired. It feels good to be victorious. It feels amazing to be so great! I’ll show everyone just how powerful the Goblin Queen can be! And that reminds me…

  “Where is the peasant woman that escaped?” I ask.

  She should have been captured by now. How far could one peasant woman get with my goblins after her?

  “I don’t know highness,” the goblin says.

  What? Did this mutated swamp scum just give me an answer I did not want? How can he not know where the other peasant is by now?

  “What do you mean you don’t know? It was one peasant woman! How can one woman escape all of my goblins?”

  “She is smart?” the goblin offers.

  Well, I can’t argue with that from a goblin.

  “Go down, past the cells, and into that little crevice that she escaped through and find out what is taking so long,” I command.

  “Yes highness,” the goblin says.

  “And I want someone to return and tell me what’s taking so long!” I yell after the goblin. I hope he heard me. He better have.

  How could this happen in the first place? It is just one peasant woman. She’s not a hero or anything important. How can she escape me for so long? It just isn’t possible.

  I just had a terrible thought. What if the goblins killed her and they haven’t returned with her because they are afraid to let me know. If that is true I will kill all of them! I need her! I still have some time today, don’t I? What time is it anyway? I can’t cast the spell until around midnight. Let me scry outside my lair. It’s almost dark. I have a few hours at most. A few hours to get Gerald out of his armor, the peasant woman beside him, and then I’ll cast the Sigil of Altazan. Then the power of the Sigil of Altazan will be mine!

  Speaking of Gerald, where is he? I look into my cauldron and search for him. Where are you? There! He’s almost here. Excellent. He’s struggling but he can’t overpower that group of goblins. He’s just wearing himself out. Good. He’ll be a much easier prisoner to deal with if he is tired.

  And the other heroes? They got out of that room, did they? How much damage did they do? I’ll just scry…

  Oh…you little shits! Half the bottles are smashed. Half! The other half are missing. They cleaned me out! I don’t see any bottles of anything on the shelves. The plates…the good ones…all destroyed. They can’t do this to me! This isn’t fair! All of my liquor…gone. The wine, gone…

  “You hear me?” Katie yells from the other room.

  Oh, I hear you. And you’ll get what you deserve for destroying all my liquor and wine. And my dishes! You think you can do this to me and not face repercussions? I can hear you and now you will hear me!

  No. Don’t do that. Don’t act angry. It will just make them think they’ve hurt me. I don’t want them to think that they’ve done anything to injure me. I’m the one that is superior. I need to act like it.

  Don’t make any of these heroes think they’ve won. You captured Katie’s brother, the group’s only healer. This is a triumph for you. Don’t piss it away with all of your bottles and plates and good silver that they’ve put their dirty, grubby fingers all over…stop. Deep breath. Now speak as the queen you are Vivian.

  “I hear you. And welcome to my domain. I didn’t invite you so if everything isn’t prepared, don’t blame me,” I say.

  “I’ll blame you for anything you’ve done to Gerald!” Katie yells.

  “Aw, poor little Katie. Don’t be so sad. Are you sad?”

  “Give me back my brother!” Katie screams.

  It feels so good to see that pretty little face of hers all twisted in anger. And she can’t do anything about it. That must be frustrating, Katie.

  “No. How does it feel? To come in here, proud heroes, and suffer such a loss. And there is nothing that you can do about it, is there? How does it feel to be feeble Katie?”

  “I’m not feeble. You’ll find that I am more than capable enough to take my brother back! And I will force you to pay for what you’ve done.”

  “What I’ve done? Oh, dear little Katie. I haven’t done anything. You are the ones trespassing. You invaded my realm,” I say with a laugh.

  That laugh pissed her off. Ha! She can’t think of anything to say and that just makes me laugh louder!

  “What are you afraid of? Why are you hiding from us? Come and face us witch!” Cassandra yells.

  Oh, Cassandra. If being a hero or top billing at a brothel doesn’t work for you there is always comedy.

  “Witch? I’m no witch Cassandra,” I say. “I am a powerful sorceress. And why would I face you?”

  “Because you want to prove you aren’t a coward!” Cassandra says.

  “You want me to face the three of you all by myself and you call me the coward?”

  “Brave words for a villain hiding behind an army of goblins,” Leo says.

  “Hiding behind an army? Like Randolf? Where is he by the way? I mean, since you abhor hiding behind an army I can only assume that he is here to help reclaim his possessions. Randolf! Where are you?”

  “He isn’t here,” Leo says.

  “He didn’t send us!” Cassandra says.

  Bullshit he didn’t. These heroes are just Randolf’s lap dogs.

  “I know he sent you. I know bitches when I see them and I’m looking at three of Randolf’s bitches right now!”

  “We are here from the village of Andronsburg,” Leo says.

  Andronsburg? That’s the name of that village? What a stupid name.

  “What does a pathetic village of peasants want with me?” I ask.

  “To free the peasants you kidnapped!” Leo says.

  “Kidnap? I am merely using resources at hand. And no, you can’t have them back.”

  “We will find you and make you suffer for your crimes!” Cassandra yells.

  “The only one to suffer is the three of you,” I say.

  Only one...three...bah!

  “You should have stayed out of my lair. This is only the beginning of your suffering. Leave now or it will be all three of you joining Gerald in servitude!”

  “We won’t stop until we have your head or see you in chains,” Cassandra says.

  “Ask Gerald about that Cassandra. Oh, I apologize, he isn’t with you anymore, is he? Where could he be?” I say, laughi
ng. Oh, every time I laugh they just get more pissed.

  “You seem to know our names,” Leo says.

  He is the perceptive one. I guess it doesn’t take a lot of intelligence to make it as a warrior.

  “And you don’t know mine?” I laugh.

  Oh, look at them, all angry and filled with this impotent rage. They can’t do anything to me! I’ve hurt them and there is nothing they can do in response.

  “You should leave while you can. Oh, the things I’m going to do to Gerald.”

  “You leave him alone!” Katie yells.

  “If you want him back come and get him,” I say. “The only reason you’re even still alive is because I’ve willed it.”

  They don’t know it’s a little white lie.

  “Come on,” Leo says. “We will find you and put an end to you!”

  “Brave words from the man who earlier got his balls stuck in the floor,” I say with a laugh. Why Leo, is that wrath I see on your face? “That must have been so humiliating, your manhood trapped. Flames licking your little soldiers. Why don’t you tell me how that wasn’t the most humiliating moment in your life? Tell me it wasn’t degrading to have your prized possessions trapped like that by a woman.”

  He hates that! I must remember to bring it up more often.

  Gerald is brought in. Enough gloating. I have some work to do. I remove the image from my scrying pool. Let the heroes waste time thinking that they are talking to me.

  Gerald is dumped harshly to the ground with a loud clatter. He looks up at me and I can tell how much he is suffering. He hates me now but I can corrupt him and then that sister of his. Two heroes, turned to my side!

  Don’t get ahead of yourself Vivian. You need to break this priest first. This, incredibly handsome priest.

  “So, you’re the Goblin Queen?” Gerald asks.

  Oh, the fun we are going to have after I cast my Sigil of Altazan.

  “I am,” I say walking over towards him. “Take off his armor.”

  “Yes highness,” a goblin says.

  They begin to rip the armor from Gerald and he winces in pain.

  “Careful. Don’t damage the goods,” I say with a smile.

  “Yes highness.”