The Goblin Queen and the Sigil of Altazan (The League of Sinister Means Book 2)

by H. K. MacTavish

  That’s why shells are awesome.

  A shell, eh? Well, that could work. Let’s see…what shells do they have here. Ah, the Door Shell. No ingredients, just an incantation and some finger waving? All right!

  I cast a quick spell to lower my barrier. Easy since I put it up. Next I will cast the shell and…there is a brief flash of yellow scales over the door and then nothing. Is it up?

  I walk over to the shell and poke it with my finger.

  Yellow scales appear briefly.

  “That won’t hold against Cassandra,” Gerald says.

  “Oh, I think it will,” I say. “Much better than that barrier.”

  “You don’t know how powerful Cassandra is,” Gerald says.

  “You know I’ve been watching you, right? I’ve seen her fight,” I say.

  “You’ve only seen a fraction of her power.”

  “Look, I know you really want me to be frightened of your little group and you’re just trying to build up your friend to be something other than the first wizard to die in a blizzard, but I’m not really worried. You’re wasting your time.”

  “Fine. Cassandra will be here soon and then you’ll see for yourself,” Gerald says.

  Smug little priest…

  No. Leave him be Vivian. You have the other heroes to worry about. And yes, Cassandra is a powerful wizard but so are you.

  Where is she anyway? I walk over to my cauldron, wave my hand over the water and an image of Cassandra appears. Where is this? The kitchen? What are they saying?

  “…around,” Katie says. “Just straight to that bitch.”

  Oh, I’m a bitch now? I’ve certainly struck a sore spot for little Katie.

  “Which is where?” Cassandra asks.

  “Can’t you…find him?” Katie asks.

  “I dare not try,” Cassandra says.

  “Why?”

  “Because the last time I played with scrying here I got knocked. Hard,” Cassandra says. “And I was never that great at it in the first place. Scrying like the Goblin Queen is doing requires…sacrifices.”

  And you will get another wallop to your pretty little head if you try to scry on me again.

  “What kind of sacrifices?” Katie asks.

  “Real sacrifices, Katie,” Cassandra says.

  “Can you at least try to use what power you have?” Katie asks.

  Someone isn’t clear on the definition of no.

  “No,” Cassandra says bluntly.

  “Without Gerald we need Cassandra as strong as possible,” Leo says.

  “Fine,” Katie pouts.

  Leo puts a hand on Katie’s shoulder.

  “We’ll find him,” Leo says.

  “I’m…worried. And I know,” Katie says. “I know we’ll find him.”

  I know you’ll find him too. I plan on putting you all in cells close together.

  “What room is next?” Cassandra asks.

  “Let me peek through the door,” Katie says. She walks up to the door and peers in.

  Not just kicking in the door? Well, go on. Take your time. Despite being in the deep deep, wherever the fuck that is, I have ordered an extra big order of goblins to smother you with.

  “How are my friends doing?” Gerald asks.

  “Hush. I’m watching them fail,” I say.

  “If all you have are weak spells and goblins I can’t imagine them failing,” Gerald says.

  Weak spells? I have not just used weak spells…

  No. Don’t tell him that. Let him be surprised.

  “I captured you, didn’t I?” I say, smiling smugly at him. He doesn’t have a response for that. Oh it feels so good to be so superior. What are his friends doing now?

  “…ss hall of some kind. Lots of goblins in there making a racket,” Katie says. She looks to the other door and opens it a crack.

  “Wait…” Leo says. Katie just holds up a hand and looks out.

  “It’s a hall,” Katie says. “We could sneak past.”

  “She hears us, remember,” Cassandra says.

  “Not if she is interrogating my brother. She’s probably not looking at us now. We could sneak past the goblins in the mess hall there and check out the other rooms or just run down the hall…”

  “And if we pass up the room where she has Gerald locked away?” Cassandra asks. “She could have Gerald just around the corner.”

  “We do this the way we have been. Cassandra, you think you can manage some crowd control?” Leo asks.

  Oh shit, she’s going to fireball the room.

  “Yes,” she says.

  I turn my scrying to the goblins in the great hall. The tables here are solid oak and have stood up well. These are only a couple of decades old, however, so I know that they aren’t the original tables. Whatever mercenary outfit was using this place twenty or thirty years ago had one hell of a carpenter with them. Even the goblins haven’t destroyed the benches or tables and they are constantly climbing all over them.

  I try and get them to eat here when possible just so I have a good supply of troops but I guess extending the warrens drew a lot of them into the underground. There is only a fraction of the goblins that are normally present. I mean, there are still a couple dozen at least, but not the hundred or so that are usually here.

  I shouldn’t dwell on what I don’t have. I just need to focus on what I do have. Which is a fraction of the goblin power that I am accustomed to.

  I sigh. They’ll have to do.

  “Heroes are coming. They’re going to cast a fireball so stagger yourselves!” I command.

  “Highness?”

  Ahhh! Goblins frustrate me so much! I could rip out my hair right now! Those stupid looks on their faces…they don’t understand? How can you not…ahem. Just try again Vivian. In smaller words that they will understand.

  “Heroes are going to make with the big boom and fire! So spread the fuck out!”

  “Yes highness!”

  “Goblins aren’t that smart, are they?” Gerald asks.

  “Shut up!” I yell.

  It’s hard enough to concentrate without Gerald yammering in my ear.

  Crack!

  The destruction of yet another door signals the beginning of another battle. At least my goblins have enough time to prepare this time.

  Leo charges in first, and boy, does he charge! He rushes past two goblins knocking them to the ground before cleaving the head off a red sashed goblin with one clean hit! He took out a red sashed goblin that easy?

  Katie throws a dagger at the nearest goblin, plunging right into his neck while pulling out another dagger to stab yet another goblin. She holds out her hand and the dagger flies back just in time for her to parry a goblin’s crude spear.

  And Cassandra? She does cast a ball of fire right in the back ranks of the goblins. She misses any goblin with a red sash on but takes out three goblins armed with crude javelins.

  Wow. Where did this come from? Okay, fine! I can unleash hell too! I have spells. I just need to make sure that it is the right spell of protection this time from Mabh and Vashti’s book. Let me flip through their book…here! This will protect a couple of my precious red sashed goblins from serious harm!

  I cast the spell on some goblins with red sashes, one by one.

  Whoa. That took a bit out of me. I feel a little lightheaded. Doesn’t matter if they finish the heroes off. The goblins aren’t aware that I’ve done anything. One charges Leo.

  “Behind you!” Katie yells to Leo as she throws her magical dagger. It just glances off. She appears stunned. As she should!

  “She’s enchanted them!” Cassandra says before Katie can ask how or why.

  Leo spins around after getting cut up by another red sashed goblin and finds his own blade is not cutting any better than Katie’s dagger.

  “Can you get rid of it?” Katie asks.

  “I’ve got this!” Cassandra says. She prepares to cast a spell as Katie rushes off to help Leo. “No!” Cassandra yells. “That’s where I’m
casting!”

  “Do it anyway!” Katie says.

  “You’re in the way. Move Katie! Damn it!” Cassandra yells.

  “I’m fine. Really. Just cast.”

  “We can’t afford to have you too damaged,” Cassandra says.

  “I’m fine!” Katie says. “Do it!”

  “Okay…”

  Wow. Really? Where’s my popcorn because this is going to be possibly the most entertaining thing I’m going to see all day. The heroes are going to destroy one another!

  Cassandra completes her spell, and at great cost. I can see her wince. Well, if I wore those heels all day I’d be wincing too.

  The spell flies off, scorching through the air, right for Katie. Yes! Yes! Blast that dead cow glued to Katie off her! Burn the rogue!

  The ball of flame is big! Much bigger than the first one she cast this battle. It covers all but one of the enchanted goblins and I can see the enchantment shatter from the goblins. I am impressed Cassandra could cast something that large. And the cost, oh the cost of that spell was enormous!

  “What happened?” Gerald asks.

  I ignore him. He looks concerned. Maybe it’s me smiling. This is great! Oh, the carnage. I can see my red sashed goblins all on the ground, burned, bleeding, quite dead and Leo, well, he’s got some burns on those lovely muscles of his as he stands facing off against the last enchanted goblin with a red sash. And Katie? Oh, where is Katie? Did she just evaporate? That is a good price to pay for a few red sashed goblins and…

  No! No fucking way! She’s crawling out from under the table without any injuries? Bullshit! How did she do it? She can’t! It’s not fair! It’s not fucking fair!

  “So, they won?” Gerald asks smiling.

  “Fuck off!” I yell.

  This is impossible! How did she do it? I guess Cassandra isn’t the only one that can violate the laws of physics. Come on! There’s no smoke, no smudges. Not even her hair got singed? Nothing? Ohh…I could squeeze the life from a goblin right now! This is so frustrating!

  And Katie throws a dagger taking out a goblin. Just like that. Leo, injured as he is, is still capable of turning goblins into pudding. Just fantastic.

  The red sashed goblin is alone now facing off against three injured heroes. Oh! He hit Leo cutting him in the shoulder. Leo grimaces as he is forced to take a step back.

  Katie races to the flank. Oh god, look to the rogue! Turn and face her!

  He’s doing it! My goblin is facing Katie and smacks her in the side. A glancing blow is still a blow!

  Leo swings and the enchantment holds! It’s weakened but it is still up. And a dagger is bouncing off the goblin’s back! This is great! Come on!

  Yes! Yes! He hit the warrior again! He missed Katie but whatever. Leo is bleeding badly! And no healer!

  What is that in the goblin’s chest? Oh for…an ice spear? Cassandra you whore!

  The goblin falls down dead. Well he did more damage I think than any of the goblins up until this point. If I cared more I would erect a monument to him. Here lies a competent goblin. He wasn’t a complete fuck up.

  “You’re hurt,” Cassandra says.

  “Don’t worry about me,” Leo says. “I’ll be fine.”

  If only I had more goblins! I’m the Goblin Queen! Where is my horde of goblins?

  Relax Vivian. Getting angry isn’t going to make things better and you can’t release stress by killing the goblins around you.

  “Here,” Katie says reaching into that magical pouch of hers. A vial? No…

  “Thanks,” Leo says. He drinks it and his wounds heal up a bit.

  “I have another one…” Katie begins to say.

  “Save it for an emergency. I’ll live,” Leo says.

  Argghhh! All that work gone? Insufferable little…I took the priest to avoid things like this! You are supposed to slowly lose life inch by inch until you collapse at my feet. Not reach into your magical bag of ex machina and heal up your wounds!

  “Perhaps you should be the one surrendering,” Gerald says.

  “It’s not over!” I snap. “Not by a long shot!”

  Insipid heroes! They have an answer for everything! Katie can dodge balls of fire, Leo gets a magical potion! And Cassandra is still clothed. I might consider it a victory if her clothes do what they should and fall off when she’s running around like that. My goblins are supposed to stab the heroes and the heroes are supposed to fall and I can’t even get fabric to obey the laws of nature!

  “Let’s hurry,” Katie says.

  “Pace yourself Katie. We don’t know how far we have to travel,” Leo says.

  I need some of Tabitha’s magic I think. She would have these heroes pissing themselves by now. I would say pissing their pants but two of them aren’t wearing any pants.

  “You should just surrender now,” Gerald says.

  “Now? But I’m about to win,” I say.

  “Even taking me away hasn’t deterred them, has it? All you did was present them with a challenge. A challenge that they overcame. Right?”

  “This is more than a challenge. You should have seen the fight. There is no way your three friends are going to reach me here without you to support them,” I say.

  “My friends can’t be stopped. You haven’t stopped them yet,” Gerald says. “And you won’t.”

  “They can be stopped. I’m wearing them down. Remember, they don’t have you,” I say.

  “Is that why you’re so upset?” Gerald asks with a smile.

  “Don’t mistake a setback for a defeat. Your friends proved to be more resourceful that I expected without you there to hold them up…you did realize that is all you are to them, right?”

  “I am their teammate,” Gerald says.

  “Then…why are they taking time searching through my rooms? I could be doing, well, anything I want with you. They don’t appear to be worried. Well, they did lament your loss after the battle.”

  “If they are searching through the rooms it is only to try and find something to aid them,” Gerald says.

  “Yes,” I say. “Aiding their own personal wealth. Well, at least Katie has kept the others from leaving. She is a good sister.”

  “The others aren’t talking about leaving. I know you’re lying.”

  “Am I? Are you so confident in that?”

  If I lie to him enough he’ll begin to doubt the others. And the longer they take the more he will think they won’t be coming for him!

  “I’ve known Cassandra, Leo, and Katie for a long time now and we are a team. They are not abandoning me,” Gerald says. “Do whatever you want with me.”

  “Is that consent?” I ask.

  “I’m still gay,” Gerald says.

  “It won’t matter from my end, I can assure you,” I say.

  “I will do whatever it takes to defeat you and save those two you kidnapped. Even if that means sleeping with someone like you.”

  “Someone like me? You make it sound as if I am not even human,” I say.

  I know I’m beautiful. How can Gerald even say that? He’s just trying to do to me what I’m doing to me. I know I’m not the most beautiful woman in the world but I’m still sounding just like my sister. Since when am I concerned about how I look? I hate it when I sound like Lorelei. Ugh.

  “I mean exactly what I say,” Gerald says.

  “No, I mean you can’t mean that. You like men, remember? I can’t very well trust your opinion, now can I? Unless you were lying…”

  “I wasn’t lying,” Gerald says.

  “Well, you need not worry about your sister,” I say, walking back over to the cauldron.

  “Why not?”

  “Because if something dire ever happened to her I would show you. I can promise you that,” I say. I smile at him and he glowers at me.

  “You’re a monster!”

  “I’m not the one that invaded this lair, armed, stealing everything they can find, and killing everything that lives here. Tell me the truth, does that not sound like a mo
nster?”

  “You kidnapped two people!”

  “I needed them.”

  “You…it doesn’t matter!”

  “Of course it does. Without them I couldn’t cast my spell.”

  Is he just playing stupid or can he not see that there was a good reason why I took them?

  “But…you took them! It doesn’t matter the reason.”

  “It doesn’t? So when men and women get arrested you fight the soldiers to rescue them?”

  “That isn’t what I meant.”

  “It sounds like what you said. You said, it doesn’t matter the reason.”

  “That’s not…”

  “If you defeated me, and you took me from my home, you would be just as big a monster as I am.”

  “You committed a crime!”

  “So did you.”

  “Crime? Me? What crime?”

  “Invasion of my sovereign domain, attempted murder, or kidnapping of royalty…”

  “You are not royalty.”

  “Really? What did you call me earlier?”

  “A bitch?”

  “No, I mean when you were in the hall, debating whose voice it was that you heard. You looked just like four frightened kittens. What did you call me then?”

  “…the Goblin Queen…”

  “Exactly! A queen! And what is a queen? Royalty.”

  “You are not royalty! I don’t care what title you give yourself.”

  “This is my domain. It is guarded by my troops. You’ve heard them call me highness. This stone structure is just as good as a keep or castle. Well, maybe not as good since you had no trouble entering, but a reasonably good alternative. I pay no taxes to any man or woman. The goblins are in service to me the same as vassals are to a king. No one has entered my domain to seize my claim upon this land. Most people know well enough to leave me alone. That, to me, sounds like sovereignty. Like royalty.”

  “You’re mad!”

  “Don’t get angry because I’ve shown you what the truth looks like.”