The Goblin Queen and the Sigil of Altazan (The League of Sinister Means Book 2)

by H. K. MacTavish

  Leo cleaves the head off a goblin. His boots, meanwhile, are clearly not covered in minor enchantments.

  “Cassandra!” Leo calls out as he turns to see the wizard, tits flying almost to her face as she struggles to maintain her footing.

  And pop goes the bosom! The girls are free and just distracting enough for her to fall on her butt. Her mouth turns into this perfect ‘o’ as she grabs her melons. Never underestimate someone’s regard of their dignity in the moment over everything else. Unexpected nudity is always a distraction.

  Leo swings back, ready to kill another goblin while Katie is preoccupied with a goblin on her own. With the combo of my spell on the goblin and Katie’s exhaustion, she is having Gerald’s luck in fighting.

  Time to save a goblin. I’m using one of my abilities to create a spike of…no…I promised Gerald, didn’t I? A blunt pillar then, of ice.

  Leo swings forward as a pillar of ice erupts right between his legs. I know I hit the jewels because, let’s be honest, there is no way I could miss a target that big.

  Predictably Leo’s mouth makes a perfect ‘o’ now as he doubles over. That won’t kill him but will it stun him for a precious moment? Absolutely.

  Gerald looks at me as if I broke our deal.

  “His future children were never part of the bargain,” I tell Gerald.

  “Leo!” Katie yells. She turns back to Leo and then Cassandra while parrying a blow from the goblin. The goblin is laughing. He’s never imagined actually winning at a fight. Well, don’t get used to it. It is only a matter of time before…yup. Right in the belly.

  The goblin slides down, crying. He’s not dead but Katie isn’t interested in finishing the goblin off. She is coming for me! It worked for Leo, let’s see if it will work through that second skin she covered in. One pillar thrust up…she dodged? Another pillar…that one too? For fuck’s sake! Another and another…fuck you Katie! She’s glowing red as she passes my virginity test runes because of course she’s had sex.

  She leaps in the air and I instinctively push her away. She slides along her back on the floor until she comes to a sudden stop as her crotch finds one of the pillars I tried to slam her with! Well, it may not have had its desired effect initially, but I got Katie there. These may not be spells from Tabitha’s Low Blow chapter, but I’m having fun! Oh, Katie is stunned, her hands reaching for her bruised beaver. I know exactly how that feels and that makes watching her so much more entertaining.

  Oohpph!

  I fly back into the stone bench as lightning scorches my chest. Ahhh…that hurt. Fuck! There is a hole in my dress over my belly now with a black scorch mark on my flesh! Fuck!

  Cassandra is smiling as she goes to cast another spell. You’re not the only one who can cast. I need to think of some way to trap her. I would love to summon a spike of ice into her face! Gerald had better appreciate this effort. I raise ice around her feet and ankles and…

  She hit my leg with a bolt of lightning and I fall to the ground. Ah! I can’t feel my leg! Cassandra is out of my line of sight but…is that a flame spell I hear?

  I crawl on my knees, peering around Katie and my ice pillars and see Cassandra burning away my ice! No, I want you stuck to the floor Cassandra. I did that on purpose.

  Oh. What is that drooping from your chest, uncovered by any thin strap of cloth or hope and well wishes? Her hooters are dangling on the floor! She’s leaned forward so she can melt the ice more carefully. That’s right Cassandra, we don’t want to damage those whore boots, do we?

  I’ll just do to her tits what I did to her ankles. I raise the ice from the ground…

  “Ahhhhh!” Cassandra screams as her boobs become incased in ice, keeping her secured to the floor while leaning forward. Her hands instinctively grasp her quite frozen breasts. I know I would do the same thing. That has to be uncomfortable.

  Without her hands free, her spell casting will be limited. And I really want to limit her ability to hit me again with lightning. I don’t care how weak she is those still fucking hurt!

  I extend the ice growth quickly to encase her hands. Ha! She’s moving her elbows trying to pull her hands free and she can’t! She’s stuck grabbing herself!

  “No. No!” Cassandra screams. “Let me go!”

  By the gods, does she look silly! She’s stuck on the cold ground, tits stuck to the floor and her hands stuck to her tits. She looks up and me and, I’m just laughing. I can’t help it. Oh, does that piss you off even more? I…I can’t help but laugh even harder. Oh, this is going so well!

  Uh oh. I should pay attention to the other two heroes. Leo is redoubling his efforts against the goblin and Katie is slowly getting up. And Katie looks like she’s going to rip my head off. She’s not as spry as she was when she first entered my lair. I completely understand what you just went through Katie. You don’t have my sympathy, however, because you’re a bitch, but you have my understanding.

  Rip!

  That wasn’t me that time. I look at Katie and she is making an ‘o’ face. Did those impossibly tight pants finally give up holding your ass in? They’ve surrendered the fight! The Battle of Gluteus Ridge has been decided!

  As much as I want to stand there and gloat, and I really, really do, I need to take advantage of her momentary pause. I summon ice water on her and use my quick freeze ability to coat her in ice. She stiffens up with this shocked look on her face. Now she’s trying to move and she can’t! Oh, this is going well!

  I look over at Gerald and he is mortified. I smile at him and I can see he’s having second thoughts. I summon a spike of ice right beside Katie. You understand? Yes. He understands me.

  What is Leo doing? What’s screaming like that? Oh, Leo has killed another goblin. Damn it Leo! He turns to Cassandra! Cassandra? Not to me? Oh, happy day! Once again I am saved by the power of boobs!

  I cast another pillar…he jumped to the left, did he? Well, now that he can see that coming he’s as nimble as Katie. From the wall Vivian! Cast it from the wall!

  “I’ll get you out of here,” Leo says.

  “Move to the side. You’re in my field of vision!” Cassandra says. How is he in her field of vision? Oh, she’s halfway in that hall leading to this court room. Her day isn’t going well.

  I’ll get Leo clear, don’t worry Cassandra. I get to my feet. I’ve got feeling back in my leg, sort of. It is good enough to walk on. I am so lucky Cassandra is not at her full strength. She could have done serious damage to me!

  Now for Leo. Are you going to see this coming? From the wall near Leo I cast a pillar that rushes towards his head.

  Crack!

  He is staggered.

  “Leo!” Cassandra calls out. The big warrior is lumbering between me and the wizard. His legs are spaced out. I aim the shot, summon the pillar of ice and…

  “Oof,” Leo utters as he is lifted off the ground and down he goes right onto his back!

  Yes! I have him!

  Wait. Is he trying to get up? The hell? What are his balls made of? Steel?

  “Let go…” Leo says.

  What’s going on? Who is he talking to? I see something green…my goblin? He is alive?

  “Gerald! Help!” Katie calls out.

  Someone got their pretty little mouth free.

  “I can’t,” Gerald says.

  Oh, I think I’ll let her speak. This should be fun.

  “Damn it Gerald! She’s the villain! Help us!” Katie yells.

  “I gave her my word.”

  “Fuck your word Gerald!” Katie yells.

  “What kind of man would I be if I dishonored myself.”

  “Screw you Gerald! I’m your fucking sister!”

  “And I am praying for your victory,” Gerald says. He then turns to me. “Not with spells.”

  “She would never uphold her word!”

  “That is what makes me a hero,” Gerald says.

  “Gerald! You asshole! Help us!” Katie yells. Oh, she is getting pissed. Well, she has a lot to be pissed at.


  Uh oh. The ice is cracking. I guess Katie found some strength in her rage. I wonder who Katie is going to attack, me or Gerald. I look over at Gerald and I think he is hoping I win at this point. I see the fear in his eyes when he looks at his sister.

  Katie is free! Not good. She’s been frozen and her muff has to be aching so how nimble can she be at this point?

  I’ll just cast a pillar into her crotch or gut. I don’t care what. Maybe I’ll catch a leg and send her sprawling to the ground. I cast a pillar, but she dodged. How? Okay, so you were lucky Katie. Dodge this! She…she did…fuck. Dodge this! Now this? Holy fucking nine hells! I cast another pillar and then another. How? How is she moving so fast?

  “I’ll be the one to kill you!” Katie says through her teeth. She is near the stone judge’s bench as she lunges at me. I find the strength to dodge to the side while I throw some ice darts at her.

  She flips around, doing this fancy summersault thing to avoid most of my darts. Only a couple stick into her side. She lunges at me again, trying to stab me.

  It was a feint! Her foot comes out of nowhere! She kicks me against the stone bench.

  Ow! Fucker!

  Oh shit, dagger! She lunges at me and I grab her wrist. She’s strong! Where are all these muscles? She can’t be this strong.

  “You…won’t…win…” Katie says.

  “Yes…I…” shit, her wrist slipped out of my hands and her dagger cut me in the side. She tries to pull it back to strike again but I grabbed her wrist again.

  No more dagger for you Katie! I start to freeze her wrist but she pulls free from my grasp and stabs again. I catch it in my hand. And I mean that literally. The palm of my hand is bleeding. Fuck, this hurts! She pulls free easily.

  I’m going to die to this teenage fantasy? Really? She’s going to stab me again! I need to encase her! Somehow!

  I leap to the side, dodging her attack and she strikes the stone judge’s bench. I cast a quick spell and ice reaches out from the stone she struck just as she hits it. She doesn’t have time to pull her hand back! I have her!

  She reaches behind her and pulls out another dagger and flings it at me. I telekinetically toss it aside. Ice reaches up from the ground and encases her feet. At last, she can’t move!

  “You won’t win!” Katie yells.

  “And who is going to stop me?” I say. I laugh when I say it but that laugh is forced. I’m in pain. A lot of pain. But I’m not going to let her know.

  She reaches forward with some metal grips in her hand to….file the ice away? No! No! I encase that file to her wrist and her hand to that wrist as well, pulling the ice up nearly to both of her elbows.

  “Ahh! No! You….bitch! Get this off of me!”

  “So you can stab me?”

  “Yes!”

  “No! How stupid do you think I am? Do I look like a warrior to you?”

  I limp towards the section of the room I was at before. Oh…that is a really big hole in Katie’s pants. And I can see that she is not wearing any underpants. Just two tanned cheeks dangling out. And I do mean dangling out. It’s like her ass was being suffocated and they are stretching out for air. Those cheeks declared a war of liberation and spectacularly won. That has to be humiliating.

  It would be even more humiliating if I spanked her. Yes! That would prove just how impotent and helpless she is! Yeah...but then I would have to touch another woman’s ass and, ew. No. I’ll just leave her like that for now. My laughter will have to be enough.

  Now, as for Leo…he is up and, is he naked? Did that bit of fur he called clothes finally fall away? Do I get a peep show for once instead of these half naked women? Oh, what a glorious pair of cherries on the top of the sweet sundae of my victory! The injured goblin got to his feet but he is just standing there as Leo stands before him. The goblin looks like he is about to wet himself. What is he doing?

  The goblin just starts screaming and runs away. Oh for…what are you doing?

  “Get back here!” I call out. I limp back to where I was. Where is Casandra? I would really like to not get shot with another lightning bolt. There she is. She is looking up at me. Just in case you can cast a spell without any finger waggling I’ll just dump some snow on you. A quick cast of one of my many cold abilities and no more Cassandra!

  “Mmpphh,” Cassandra calls out in quite the high pitched cry. Yeah, if you weren’t half naked I bet that wouldn’t be so bad. Dressed as you are that has to be downright uncomfortable.

  “That’s what you get for invading my home!” I say.

  “You will suffer for this!” Katie says. “I don’t know what you did to my brother but I will make you pay back ten fold for your wicked deeds! Do you hear me bitch!”

  Bitch?

  “I think you need to cool off,” I say.

  Of everything that has gone wrong for me today that pun is the most regrettable.

  I cast a spell of ice water that sprays up into that naked rear end sticking out.

  “Ahh! Stop! Stop it! Ahh!” Katie screams.

  Speaking of unpleasant, I turn and Leo is trying to pull Cassandra free.

  “Stop!” I call out amidst Katie’s screaming. Not as loud as I would have liked. I’m getting tired and as a sorceress that isn’t good.

  Leo looks like he is deciding what to do. Villain or tits. Tits or villain. Decisions are being made.

  And the decision is made! He reaches in to try and yank Cassandra free. I telekinetically push him while summoning a pillar just ankle height running out from one of the benches. I may not be able to see where the pillar is but I can see the bench and that is just as good.

  I know my strength is waning, but I figured I’d have enough strength to jerk the warrior backwards, just a bit, and trip him. He staggers and does a header into the wall.

  Crack!

  “Mmpphh! Mmpphh!” Cassandra calls out. Why is she so…what is that Leo has in his hand? Her…her towel? Oh. Both of them with that gold, chain? Wow, that has to be cold Cassandra.

  “Mmmphhh! Mmmphhh!” Cassandra cries. Her muffled high pitched cries mixed with Katie’s screaming, punctuated of course by the stray bitch from her lips, is quite enchanting music. I could listen to it every day.

  “Now,” I say turning to Gerald. I’m still shaking a bit from the adrenaline rushing through my body. “I think I’ve won. Don’t you think?”

  “Not yet,” Gerald says. I turn around and…Leo!

  “Haven’t you given up yet?” I ask.

  “Never!” Leo says. His serpent like cock is just dangling out there over the bench…oh for...is that why the goblin ran? That is not the same snake…it doesn’t even look the same! Nevermind! I’ll deal with that later.

  Leo is standing there, sword in hand. I mean his real sword. I mean...you know what I mean.

  “Before I charge over there, I will give you one chance to surrender,” Leo says.

  He’s giving me a chance? Is that due to his sense of heroism or his fear of losing?

  “Charge me? Over that bench? Before I can cast a spell?”

  “You can cast any spell you like, I’ll still make it to you and cleave your head off,” Leo says.

  “He can do it,” Gerald says. “Please, take him seriously. I’ve seen him do it.”

  Oh, so dramatic Gerald. Please, take him seriously. What nonsense! I’ve won!

  “I do take him seriously. But he doesn’t want to charge me,” I say, turning back to him. “Seriously.”

  “I don’t?” Leo asks, a smile forming on that arrogant face of his. I smile back as I cause the ice to reach up from the bench and encase that snake he calls a penis.

  “Ahhh!” Leo calls out.

  “Leo!” Gerald calls out.

  I think Gerald is suffering from sympathy pains.

  It is humorous. Leo at first reaches back with his sword and then realizes that if he cuts straight through the ice he will, you know, lop off more than the tip. He grabs his ice covered member with one hand, trying to free himse
lf but I build up the ice more. Leo screams as the triplets are all encased in ice! Oh, is he scared! I’ve never seen a man so frightened in my life! I laugh and laugh!

  “So come on Leo. I thought you were going to run over here. I’m right here. Come on!” I say with my arms stretched out.

  Leo looks pissed and scared at the same time.

  “Surrender Leo,” I say.

  “Never!” Leo shouts while trying to free himself.

  He manages to get some ice off but I just build up more ice. The boys are feeling the chill now I bet. Leo has his teeth clenched. The only thing that would make this more enjoyable is if I wasn’t wracked with pain. I look to my side and see the cut is deep but not life threatening. And my hand? It is still bleeding.

  Oh, and Katie screaming isn’t helping my ears. If I wasn’t getting enough enjoyment out of her humiliation I would stop it just to shut her up. But, by the gods is it hilarious!

  “What’s that?” Gerald asks.

  I look through the open doorway and I see something coming through. What is it? What could it be? Oh…please don’t be snakes. Please, oh please. There is no way out of here!

  Goblins! My goblins! Lots and lots of goblins!

  “You’re here!” I exclaim.

  Finally you’ve arrived after I’ve done all the work.

  “I offer you our surrender,” Gerald says.

  “No…ahhhh…Gerald…shit…turn this off…ahh…we won’t….ahhh….fuck…ahh…bitch!” Katie calls out.

  “It’s over,” Gerald says.

  “Yes, it is,” I say, smiling wickedly. “Do not kill them!”

  “Highness?” a red sashed goblin asks.

  “Bring forth the manacles,” I call out.

  “Leo, drop the sword, please,” Gerald says.

  Leo drops the sword at once. His head is bowed in defeat. I can’t keep him there forever, as much as I would love to. So I release him and the goblins place his wrists in iron manacles at once.

  “My sister…please…” Gerald pleads.

  “Oh fine,” I say. I wave my hand and the ice water turns off.

  Katie just stands there shivering and gasping.

  “You can heal them once they are secured,” I say. They may have a bit of frostbite in some tender spots.