I’m not sure what’s happened to Dane. I collect my bag and give Soph another hug. I also make sure I get the visiting times from the nurse. I give her my contact details and find out where exactly Soph is being taken.
When I walk out of the hospital, Dane is pacing up and down talking on his phone. He looks up and sees me, then quickly ends his call.
“Pea, what are you doing out here?”
“They took her up to a ward so I had to leave.”
“You should’ve waited in the waiting area. I can’t deal with something happening to you tonight too.”
“Don’t moan at me, Dane Matthews. You’re the one who punched the wall and walked off.”
With that statement his shoulders droop, he gathers me up wrapping his arm around my shoulder and then he moves us toward his car. The drive home is in silence, even though I do give myself a mental pat on the back because I got straight into his car with no fuss or commotion. He drops me home and comes in to make sure I’m okay. I think that it’s more for his benefit than mine, and then says he’ll be here at 10:00 a.m. to pick me up tomorrow to go and visit Soph.
When he leaves I go to bed. I put the radio on a sleep timer knowing I won’t be able to go to sleep in silence tonight. ‘Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart’ by Alicia Keys is playing.
I grab my phone.
I open the last text sent from Con, knowing I have to tell him about Soph. At the same time very aware that he hasn’t contacted me since that women picked up his phone. I stare at the last text telling me not to contact him.
Fuck it!
Me: Thought you should know Soph is in the hospital. She is okay. Just bruised and slightly concussed. I will get her to call you when she’s out of hospital. Hopefully tomorrow. Pea.
I switch off the phone and listen to the rest of the song.
When I wake the next morning everything comes rushing back to me like the whole night was filtered into a microsecond and I sit up with a jolt. I can feel my heart beating rapidly and take a couple of deep breaths to calm myself.
I look over at my bedside table and stare at my phone. I don’t want to turn it on. I don’t want to let the world in.
Even so, I switch the phone on and watch it come to life.
Within seconds it starts beeping, alerting me to numerous texts and voicemails. For a second I’m scared to look, knowing I sent Con a text last night then gave him no opportunity to reply.
In the light of day I’m ashamed of my actions. No matter the situation between us he deserves to be able to ask about Soph. He isn’t just part of my life. Or wasn’t. I open my phone and view eight texts and three voicemails.
Con: What do you mean? What exactly has happened? I’ve been trying to call you.
Con: Do you need me to do anything?
Con: What the fuck, Pea? I want to know what’s happened. Do I need to fly back?
That text scares the shit out of me.
Con: Why have you turned your phone off?
Con: PEA! Call me when you get this!
I guess he’s pissed.
Soph: I’ve been thinking about whether I should’ve called my mum. Do you think you could?
Soph: They’re letting me out today! All hail freedom!
I chuckle and quickly type a reply.
Me: I’ll call the mothership. Can’t wait to come get you. Xx
Then I view the next text message.
Dane: I’ll be there for you always. I hope you know that. The shit that went down with Soph tonight will be sorted. I’ll see you tomorrow sunshine.
I feel my heart warm at his words. Now I just need to face the voicemails, which I know will be from Con.
I listen to the voicemail robot telling me I have three new messages.
The first is from Con, but the phone just cuts off without leaving a message. The second is also from Con, this time he leaves a message.
“What’s going on, Pea? Why would you send me that kind of a text and then switch your phone off?” He sounds exasperated. “I’m pacing up and down here and have changed my mind about getting the next flight out of here about fifty times for fuck’s sake!” He’s getting angrier. “I can’t believe you’d leave me hanging here! I know we’ve had issues recently, but that’s cold, Pea. That’s cold and unlike you. I don’t even know you anymore,” he whispered the last sentence almost as though he was talking to himself.
I feel my eyes well up. Con being disappointed in me is a hard pill to swallow. I have an internal debate with myself about even listening to the last voicemail message, but decide that whatever he has to say at this point I’ll probably deserve.
“Pea,” he pauses and takes a breath, “Fuck Pea, I’m so sorry. I took my anger out on you, it was wrong of me. Sometimes… sometimes you seem so cold, and I just don’t know how to deal with it… with you. But that doesn’t mean I get to be a dick.” I wonder if he’s only referring to last night or if he’s thinking back to the night he left as well. “I know I’ve cut you off recently, so I understand why you might’ve just texted me and then switched your phone off. Please know I haven’t ignored you because I don’t care. I’ve given myself some space because I care too damn much,” he laughs but it’s hollow and filled with pain. “I need to get my head straight and when I’m around you everything... it’s all about you, Pea. You’re killing me.” He sighs and then finishes the call. “Please get Soph to call me as soon as she can. I don’t care if it’s 3:00 a.m. here, thank you.”
The phone is cut off and I end the call looking at the phone in my hand. My tears start dripping down my checks and then land on it. I didn’t even realise I was crying.
Before I know what I’m doing my fingers dial his number. It barely rings before it’s picked up.
“Pea,” it’s all he says, but a million emotions run through me.
“I… I’m sorry, Con,” I reply and before he can say anything I continue, “I never should have texted you like that and then switched my phone off. I don’t know what I was thinking, it’s cruel and I’m not cruel.”
“You aren’t cruel, Pea, you haven’t got a vicious bone in your body,” I can hear the warmth in his voice. I get butterflies in the pit of my tummy, then my brain snaps back to reality and I change the subject.
“Soph was attacked.”
“The fuck?” he replies, the previous warmth now disappeared.
“It’s her story, maybe she should tell you it?” I know that Con will ask me questions I can’t answer. Questions I want to ask Soph myself, but couldn’t last night.
“Yeah, I will do. She’s okay though, right? I mean apart from the obvious?” I can hear my worry reflected in his voice and I wish I could reach out and hug him.
Instead I answer as best as I can, “She’s strong, Con. You know that. Last night I was worried her strength had disappeared, but I’m glad to say I did see some glimpses of it. So I think she’ll be okay.” I honestly believe that to be true. “Besides she’s moving in with me for a while,” I add.
“Really?” I can hear the surprise, I know why. Soph doesn’t like living with people. She moved out of her mum’s when she was sixteen. Her mum wasn’t great. She wasn’t awful, I mean she was always fed and clothed. She just wasn’t loved. Her mum was a cold fish. I mean like a dinosaur fish, frozen since the ice age. I don’t like her mum. No, that’s not quite right. I detest her mum. I had to watch Soph change into a different person every time she headed home. She stayed out as much as she could.
Gran got a second single bed when I was about nine and put it in my room. I remember asking her why she’d bought it and she told me it was in case mine broke. I was nine, I wasn’t stupid, my bed was barely three months old. So I asked her again the next day, pointing out that my bed was still pretty new and she replied, “Sometimes helping someone silently makes the loudest statement in their head and the biggest difference in their heart.”
I didn’t understand it at the time, looking back now I know how lucky I was to have her.
“Yeah Con, I mean I haven’t asked her, but I don’t want to give her a choice. It’s time for me to take her in hand. She’s always been so worried about me that she forgets about herself. You all have.”
“Pea, don’t say that. Worrying about you isn’t a chore, and it’s not something you can stop any of us doing, you know? You can’t blame yourself for stuff anymore.”
“Con, stop, I know, okay,” I take a breath, “I know.”
I look over at the time and realise it’s a little after 9:00 a.m. meaning it must be around 4:00 a.m. there.
“Con, what time is it there?
“Doesn’t matter,” he replies.
“But if it’s like 4:00 a.m. then you need to get back to sleep, Con. Sorry, I didn’t even think before I called.”
“You can call me anytime, especially in a situation like this. Would’ve been more pissed if you hadn’t called me. I wanted to know what was going on,” he pauses for a second and I think he’s done, but then he carries on, “Oh, and just to say, if this thing with Soph had not of happened, you can still call me… anytime. I’ll always be there for you. You have to know that. If you need me call me and I’ll always come.”
I closed my eyes and thought about the voucher that I’d never used and instead of feeling sad or melancholy I actually felt myself smile.
“Con, do you remember those vouchers you gave me for my nineteenth birthday?”
“Of course, you used all but one of them,” he stops for a second then carries on, “How I could forget having to go out with those psycho women from the supermarket.”
I giggle at the memory
“I’ve missed that sound, babe,” he says softly.
“Me too, Con. It’s been missing for a while. I’m getting my shit together though just so you know.”
“I’m glad, precious, you don’t know how long I’ve hoped for that.” I feel my heart flutter, but I also know this is dangerous ground so I quickly reply, “Con, I need to start getting ready as Dane is coming to pick me up to go see Soph.”
Wrong thing to say, apparently!
“Right, yeah, I forgot about the douche canoe. So what, are you dating him now?” he spits.
“Errrm… firstly American much? You’ve only been there a few weeks,” I shake my head, not that he can see me, then I continue, “Secondly, not that I need to explain myself, especially since you’ve ignored me for weeks and you have women answering your phone, so don’t start shit with me Connor, but Dane and I are just friends.” I’m winding myself up now and I don’t want to go there with him again, especially not on the phone.
I guess he feels the same way when he replies, “Pea, I better go. I mean I don’t want to start arguing with you. That’s the last thing I want, and you’re right, what you do isn’t any of my business. Soph needs you right now, so you need to go get ready for her,” I can hear the pain in his voice again.
“Okay Con, I’ll get Soph to call you. Chat later, okay?”
“Yeah babe, bye.” He disconnects the call.
I wonder if my ‘chat later’ comment penetrated his brain or if he’s going to go back to radio silence. After allowing myself approximately ninety seconds to consider this I get out of bed, stretch, and check the time again. It’s now 9.20 a.m. and I’m surprised how quickly the time goes by when you need more. Typical.
I have a quick shower, dress in skinny navy blue jeans with a fitted purple tee. I look out the window and realise although it’s dry it is crispy outside and looks pretty windy and, therefore, cold. I pull on my purple converse and North Face puffa. I leave my hair down because I don’t have time to dry it so it will have to dry naturally, which means it will get my natural kinks in it, not quite a curl but not straight either. I pull a forest green beanie hat out of my closet and matching scarf and stupidly they remind me of Cons eyes, but it doesn’t upset me.
It’s actually going to take me a while to get used to not being miserable, and here I was thinking that my life was pulling me down. It’s strange to realise the only thing pulling me down was actually me. I’m also the only one who can change it. Change me. And with that thought I know for definite, that I’m not scared. Nope. I’m excited for the future.
I hear a knock at the door and rush downstairs, fling the door open and smile full beam at Dane.
He scowls. “Did you even look through the peephole,” he reprimands me. I laugh and collect my handbag and house keys and grab his arm.
“Come on! Let’s go get Soph,” I say excitedly.
His face softens. “Pea, remember to check the peephole. I don’t care if it’s a Sunday morning, okay?” He’s staring into my eyes waiting for my agreement. “For me sunshine, so I know you’re safe?”
“Okay Dane, if it makes you feel better.”
His body relaxes, I hadn’t even realised he was tense.
I drag him to his car today, bouncing on the balls of my feet waiting for him to open the door. He stares at me curiously.
“Come on! Come on!” I almost shout.
The corner of his mouth twitches and he beeps the car open. When we are in and buckled up, he turns to me. “So I guess it’s safe to say you’re happier to be in my car now?”
“Not just your car, Dane, I got in that ambulance last night. I know I didn’t really have a choice, I mean it was an emergency, but still…”
“I’m proud of you, sunshine. Only you could do it, you know. It’s nobody else doing it for you. Think on that.” I feel my chest swell with pride. I’m still nervous, scared even at the idea of getting into any vehicle except a bus, the only thing that has changed this time is that I don’t let it stop me anymore.
“Soph’s coming home,” I say.
Dane glances over at me. “That’s great,” he replies, although it’s tight.
“I’m going to make her live with me for a while,” I tell him.
“That’s better,” he exhales.
I smile.
My pocket vibrates and I realise it’s my phone. I pull it out and see there’s a text from Con.
Con: Thank you for calling me. Hearing your voice relaxes me. I hope to speak to you soon.
I smile again.
I finish typing the text and throw the phone on the dresser to go and shower. It might be 4.30 a.m. but I’m up and I ain’t going back to sleep now. At the last minute, I veer away from the bathroom, instead deciding to hit the gym and work out some tension. I pull on some joggers and a top, grab my keys and phone in case Soph calls and jog down the stairs to the basement.
An hour and a half later and I’m feeling calmer.
Aside from the Soph incident, I’m not sure whether I’m pissed because the douche that Pea is spending time with gets to see her more than me, or whether it’s because I shut her out for so long thinking I’d started to move on, and then one phone call and I’m sucked right fucking back in.
“Shit!” I spin around and head right back into the gym and for the punching bag, although I mainly kick the fucker. Another twenty minutes passes before I stop and hold the bag resting my head against its gentle sway.
When all that shit happened years ago I wanted her back more than anything. Then she came back to the UK and I could tell she wasn’t ready, so I didn’t push her. I wanted her to settle and to heal. After a while we just moved into the friend’s zone, but my intention was always for her to be back at my side. The idea of her being with someone else… fuck! I punch the bag again trying to release my frustration. I was a dick leaving her alone in her head for so long, and then I fucked her and was an even bigger dick by going out with Tom the next day on that clusterfuck of a date. Ugh! Such. A. Bellend.
Still I was determined to get her back, but then the Saul thing happened. I shake my head. She hasn’t been the same Pea since. I mean before that she was slightly distant with me, but I know that’s because she knew what I wanted and felt the need to keep me at an arm’s length. But with everyone else she was still Pea.
She’s always
been the most kind and caring person I know. Obviously getting that from her Gran, who was a truly amazing lady. She used to be like a live wire, always buzzing around and making everyone smile. She was also, and probably most importantly, the glue in our group, the one who has always kept us grounded. After the accident she fell apart, and Soph and I didn’t know what to do. Without Pea and without Saul we’d lost our family and lost our way.
Still this morning she’d said she was getting her shit together and I hoped she was right. It killed though, to know that I’d tried to help her do just that for months and couldn’t, yet within a few weeks this Dane prick had managed so much more than I was able to. I wonder what the story really is with him? I know one thing, he hurts Pea and I’ll kill the fucker.
I walk over to the benches and grab my towel. It’s still early and quiet. I wish I came down here at this time more often.
I stretch my body out starting with my legs and moving up to my neck. Even after my workout I can’t get shit out of my mind. My head is buzzing like I’ve got a thousand gnats in my damn brain.
There’s no getting away from it.
She’s mine.
She’s always been mine.
I’ve just forgotten for a bit. Ever since the Saul disaster I’ve become a pussy where she’s concerned.
Well, no more.
Tomorrow I start sorting shit out.
Pearson doesn’t know it yet, but soon she’ll be back in my life… back in my bed, and I’ll be back in her heart, in a permanent way. Whether she fucking likes it or not!
As we pull up at the hospital, I hop out of the car while Dane finds a parking space. I take the opportunity to call Soph’s mum. Not a thought I relish, but I’ll walk through hot coals for that girl. I take a breath and dial the number tapping my foot as I wait.
Love Reflection (Entwined Hearts #1) Page 12