Little White Lies

by Jessica Burkhart

  “Oh, glad to know that was your reason.”

  We giggled and I sipped my coffee, waiting for the caffeine to kick in. I’d stayed up last night after Paige had gone to bed to work on a reading assignment for English. Teachers were already piling on the homework, but the work wasn’t the problem—my concentration was. I kept going back and forth about confessing to Paige about the Jacob sitch. It was weird not to tell Paige everything—she and Callie were my BFFs. But I knew I had to keep this to myself.

  I was drizzling (read: pouring) syrup onto my pancakes when Eric took a chair next to Paige and across from me.

  Just looking at him made me need a little less coffee. He’d paired a vintage-y blue T-shirt with jeans and he still looked sleepy. Adorable.

  “Pancakes, sure. But coffee?” he asked, smiling at me. “You okay?”

  “Totally fine,” I said. “Just needed a jolt for today.”

  His own tray had bacon, scrambled eggs, toast, and a glass of OJ. I leaned over and speared some eggs onto my fork, grinning at Eric’s expression.

  He retaliated by slicing off a bit of pancake with his fork and stuffing it into his mouth.

  “You guys should just trade already,” Paige said, laughing.

  I looked over Paige’s and Eric’s shoulders and saw Callie and Jacob walk into the caf holding hands. Callie looked totally adorable—she was wearing a black skirt, red ballet flats, and white boyfriend T-shirt. I couldn’t get over her new look. She must have read a lot of Teen Fashion over the summer.

  Callie waved at me and I smiled back.

  She would have been at YENT camp, not reading fashion mags if you and Jacob hadn’t messed up, I thought to myself.

  I glued my eyes to my food and nodded, pretending to listen, as Paige and Eric talked about the possessed squirrel they were sure had claimed the best bench by the fountain.

  “And that annoying thing totally started, like, chattering at this girl in my class when she walked by the bench,” Paige said. “She …”

  I zoned out again—not able to stop myself from watching Callie and Jacob.

  They sat a few tables away, Callie’s back to me. She was talking, laughing, and gesturing with her hands. Jacob, nodding, ate his bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich. His hair fell in front of one eye and he reached up to swipe it out of the way. He looked about as engaged in whatever Callie was saying as I was in Eric’s and Paige’s conversation. His eyes shifted away from Callie to me.

  We held each other’s gaze across the cafeteria. I couldn’t even breathe. It was Jacob. He was with Callie—not me. That’s what I’d wanted. And I was beyond happy with Eric. I was probably only paying attention to Jacob because I was nervous that he kept trying to talk to me every five minutes.

  “Sasha?”

  “What?” I ripped my eyes away from Jacob and looked at Paige.

  She stuck out her tongue at me, teasingly. “Pay attention! Talking about the psycho squirrel is superimportant.”

  “Yeah, it’s superimportant.” I laughed. And for the rest of breakfast, I listened to Paige and Eric debate the squirrel’s mental state and made sure I didn’t even glance in Jacob’s and Callie’s direction.

  It was almost seven when I finished my lesson and cooled Charm. Callie had texted me during math to see if I wanted to groom the horses together, so I hadn’t brushed Charm after our lesson had ended. He was in crossties while I mucked out his stall.

  I looked up when I heard footsteps stop outside the stall. Alison stood there and gave me a half smile. She was so much nicer when she wasn’t with Julia.

  “Hey,” I said. “What’s up?”

  “Just came to see Sunstruck,” Alison said. She played with the end of her loose French braid. “I try to spend more time with him now that I can’t ride.”

  “How is he?” I asked.

  Alison leaned against the doorway of Charm’s stall. “Fine. I mean, I’m watching him for loss of muscle tone, but Mike’s riding him at least every other day.”

  “You know,” I said, leaning the pitchfork against the stall wall, “I read an article about hand-walking horses. You could take Sunstruck over the trails and jog with him. If you worked him up and down the hills, he’d stay in shape.”

  Alison smiled. “That’s a good idea.”

  Alison turned to go, but stopped short. “Thanks, really. I’m going to talk to Mr. Conner about that.”

  “Good,” I said. “Let me know how it goes. Maybe we can walk Charm and Sunstruck together sometime.”

  “Yeah,” Alison nodded. “Maybe we can.”

  I’d just finished mucking Charm’s stall when Callie appeared with Jack in tow.

  “Hey! Want to tie them up by the pasture?” Callie asked. “It’s nice out for once.”

  “Let’s.”

  We grabbed our tack boxes and led Charm and Jack side by side down the aisle.

  “We haven’t had time to hang out at all,” Callie said. “It’s just wrong.”

  “I know. We’re BFFs. It’s a rule that we have to see each other more.”

  The sun was just starting to set as we reached the side pasture and tied the horses’ lead lines to the pasture rail. I loved the campus this time of day—it looked softened by the fading light and it felt less crazy, less intimidating than usual.

  “Paige was telling me about Ryan,” Callie said. “She’s so shy about him—I’m not used to seeing her like that.”

  I grabbed a dandy brush. “I know! It’s so cute—she’s a mess around him. Paige gives the best guy advice, but she’s so nervous around Ryan,” I said. “She really likes him a lot.”

  “We have to help her,” Callie said, combing Jack’s tail.

  “I’ll probably try to talk her into asking him out if he doesn’t ask her soon. She should go for it. Why wait for him?”

  Callie nodded. “Totally.” She went back to grooming for a few minutes before looking at me. “I know exactly how we can get them together!”

  “How?” I bent down to brush Charm’s right foreleg.

  “We just said that we haven’t had much time to hang out, so why don’t we all go out? Like a group date—very casual. You and Eric, Jacob and I, and Paige and Ryan.”

  I stopped in mid-brush stroke. “Uh—”

  “It’s perfect!” Callie said, practically bouncing up and down. “We can go to The Slice or something and it’ll be a no-pressure thing for Paige to invite Ryan to.”

  I was glad Callie couldn’t see my face behind Charm’s leg. This was the worst idea ever! Eric and Jacob hated each other. I didn’t want to be around Jacob. Paige knew nothing about what was going on and neither did Callie. All of us together was the last thing I wanted!

  “It would be fun,” I said slowly. “But … wouldn’t things be a little uncomfortable between Jacob and Eric? They really don’t like each other.”

  Callie dropped Jack’s comb in her tack box and picked up a body brush. “I think they’ll be cool. Jacob knows it’s important to me that you and I get to hang out and you know Eric thinks the same. If they really care about us, they’ll just deal.”

  I started to argue, but Callie’s smile made me stop. She really wanted us to all go out. After all I’d done to her—everything she didn’t know about—she deserved to have what she wanted.

  “Okay,” I said, forcing a grin. “We’ll do it. But only if Paige wants to. I don’t want to freak her out or anything.”

  “Deal. Ask her tonight. We’ll plan for Friday!”

  Callie didn’t stop talking about our group date until we went off to our separate dorms an hour later.

  When I got to my room, Paige was working at her desk. “Have fun with Callie?” she asked. I’d texted her earlier to say I was staying late at the stable.

  “So much fun,” I said. “And Callie had an idea that I’m supposed to run by you. But you can totally say no and I’d understand if you did.” I kept rambling. “I told her you’d probably say no and she would completely get it.”

&n
bsp; Paige put down her pen, tilting her head a little. “What idea?”

  I crossed my fingers that Paige wouldn’t want to go. “Callie wants us all to go out on a group date to The Slice. Jacob. Eric. Me. Callie. You.” I paused. “And Ryan.”

  Paige looked down at her open math book. She was going to say no. There’s no way she’d—

  “Okay,” she said, jumping up from her seat. “I’ll ask! I’ll just e-mail him and be like, ‘A bunch of us are going out. Come if you want.’ Right?”

  I blinked. “Riiight. Yeah. Do that.”

  I sat on my bed, not knowing what else to say. I was torn. Ryan would definitely say yes and Paige would be thrilled. But the idea of Jacob, Callie, and Eric all together made my head pound.

  “This is sooo awesome!” Paige said, grabbing my hand and pulling me up. She dragged me over to her laptop on her desk. “C’mon. Help me figure out what to say.”

  “Okay.” I smiled for real. I loved seeing her this happy. Being uncomfortable for a couple of hours was worth it.

  Paige and I shared her desk chair and she quickly closed a file that said S’s Bday.

  “Oooh! Show me!” I said, elbowing her.

  Paige laughed. “No way. The details are super top secret.”

  “But tomorrow’s my real birthday,” I said, sticking out my lip in a pretend pout. “So, don’t you feel that it would be, like, an early present to show me?”

  “Nope. Guilt won’t work, Sasha Silver. Puh-lease.”

  We giggled and I gave an exaggerated sigh. “Fiiine. Let’s get Ryan to come out with us already.”

  We spent the next hour going over every word in the two line e-mail to Ryan.

  “Is it really ready?” Paige asked. She looked back and forth from the computer to me.

  “Send. It.”

  “One more read. Okay. ‘Hey Ryan, a bunch of my friends and I are going to The Slice on Friday. Text or e-mail me if you want to come.’”

  “It’s perfect. Now hit send!” I said, laughing.

  “But wait!” Paige said. “How do I sign it? ‘Your friend, Paige’ is lame.”

  I leaned over and typed ~Paige. “There. Done. Do it.”

  Paige closed her eyes and pressed send. I looked at Paige’s hopeful smile and decided Callie’s idea might not have been too awful. One night out wouldn’t kill anyone.

  8

  BIRTHDAY GIRL

  “HAPPY REAL BIRTHDAY!” PAIGE SAID, WAKING me the next morning. She sat cross-legged at the end of my bed. She was wearing my pink T-shirt emblazoned with a silver rhinestone heart.

  I sat up, blinking and trying to tame my bed head. “Thanks! Do I look older? I feel older.”

  Paige nodded. “You look so much older. Definitely thirteen.”

  “Maybe fourteen with eyeliner?” I asked hopefully.

  “Don’t push it.” Paige laughed.

  Someone knocked on the door and Paige got up to answer it.

  “Hey, birthday girl!” Callie said, stepping inside. She was carrying two giant bags from the Sweet Shoppe. She was dressed in yoga pants and a hoodie, her hair in a messy ponytail and she hadn’t put on makeup yet.

  “Cal! What are you doing here?”

  Callie stepped inside and put the bags on my desk. Both she and Paige smiled at me.

  “It’s your birthday! Duh,” Callie said, shaking her head.

  “But, guys! You’re already throwing me a party. That’s waaay more than enough,” I said.

  Callie and Paige rolled their eyes.

  “Get over here and look in the bag,” Paige said. “You know you want to.”

  Grinning, I hopped out of bed. “Well, if you insist …”

  We opened the bags and inside was a variety of scones, muffins, fruit salads, and pastries. There were also containers of cranberry and orange juice.

  “Wow, this is amazing! Thank you!” I said.

  Paige reached into her closet and pulled out a bag. She produced pink plastic plates and flatware.

  “We wanted to have a best-friend breakfast just for the girls this morning,” Paige said. “You get to pick first.”

  We loaded our plates and sat in the middle of the floor. I’d chosen two chocolate croissants and a blueberry scone. Yum.

  “Raise your cups,” Callie said.

  We all did, smiling at one another.

  “To Sasha on her official birthday,” Callie continued, her brown eyes warm. “The best friend Paige and I could ever have. We hope you have the most amazing birthday ever!”

  “Not just today, but also at your actual party!” Paige added, laughing.

  “Cheers to that. Thanks, guys.” We touched our juice containers together and giggled. We started eating and I glanced up at them for a second. Even though I was keeping secrets from both of them, I was more convinced than ever that I was doing the right thing.

  Half an hour later, Callie left and Paige started to get ready for class.

  “Sooo,” Paige said. “I have an early sort-of present for you.”

  I put down my blush brush. “Really? What?”

  Paige looked at me from the mirror as she flatironed her hair. “Fall break is, like, three-ish weeks away. I’d love for you to come stay with me in New York. If you want, of course.”

  I bounced up and down. “Really?! Omigod, I’d love to! I loved New York so much and we didn’t even get through half of the things on our to-do list.”

  “Exactly.” Paige grinned. “Ask your parents. Mine already said yes.”

  “I totally will,” I said. “Now we have something awesome to look forward to when we’re up till one studying.”

  “For sure.”

  We finished getting ready and Paige shouldered her bag, looking at me.

  “You go ahead,” I told Paige. “I want to check my e-mail. I’ll see you in class.”

  “Okay,” Paige nodded. “See you there.”

  I stuffed the rest of my books into my backpack, waiting until Paige’s footsteps disappeared down the hallway before I sank into my desk chair. I played with a charm on my bracelet—a good luck horseshoe that Eric had given me on our first date. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I’d been at school barely six days and I was already exhausted from classes, riding … and worrying. But I reminded myself that I was also keeping the secret to save my relationship with Eric. If he found out what I was hiding from him about Jacob, he’d be furious.

  I opened my eyes and flipped open my sleeping laptop. I pulled up my e-mail and saw two new messages. I clicked and my shoulders slumped a little when I saw the subjects—You’ve won a million dollars in the lottery!! and Come find Mr. Right at DateGirl.com.

  I slammed the lid closed. I’d thought maybe … no. I wasn’t going there.

  “Ugh!” I said out loud. I was the problem! If I told Jacob to stay away from me, then why was I disappointed when he didn’t e-mail to say happy birthday?

  I jumped up, my left knee slamming into the desk. “Ow!” I rubbed my knee and yanked my backpack off my bed. I jerked the door shut behind me, probably hard enough to rattle every window in Winchester.

  What was my problem?! I liked Eric. Jacob had been a jerk to me and we’d both hurt each other. The last thing I should care about was if Jacob remembered my birthday or not.

  I almost knocked over a girl on the sidewalk and I didn’t even stop to apologize. I couldn’t think about this right now. Had to put it away. But what if … no.

  “No,” I said aloud, not caring if anyone saw me and thought I was crazy for talking to myself.

  I.

  Did.

  Not.

  Like.

  Jacob.

  By the time I got to history class, I considered that hyperventilation might be a possibility. I didn’t want to go to class with Eric and Jacob. We had assigned seats—Eric was two rows away and three seats in front of me. Jacob was in the next row and one seat behind me. They’d ignored each other every class we’d had so far.

  When I got into
the classroom, a few people were already inside. Jacob was sitting at his desk, flipping through the reading from last night. Eric wasn’t here yet.

  “Hey,” he said.

  I ignored him, not turning back to look. But a tiny part of me wanted to.

  “Just … happy birthday,” he said.

  My chest fluttered and I took my time picking out a pen. Today was definitely a pink pen day. I was too afraid to look at Jacob. I couldn’t give away even the slightest clue that I’d questioned my feelings about him. Finally, I twisted back to look at him. “Thanks,” I said, turning back around before he had time to say a word.

  More students came into the room, then Eric walked in. His grin was so wide when he saw me—it made me hate myself for considering that I might like Jacob. Even for one second.

  “Happy birthday, Sash!” Eric said. He dropped his bag on his chair and hurried over to give me a hug.

  “Thank you! But we’re not celebrating yet, remember?” I said, clinging to him for a few seconds longer than usual.

  “I know,” he said. “I’m sure Paige and Callie are planning the best party ever. And you’ll have to wait till then for your present.”

  “Oooh,” I said. “But don’t know you know my rule?”

  Eric crossed his arms. “Tell me, Sasha Silver. What’s your ‘rule’?”

  “That anytime is present time,” I said. “And I’ll gladly accept your gift today. It’ll take the burden off you from having to, you know, keep it in your room and stuff. Clutter. Bad.”

  Eric laughed. “That’s it. I’m walking away from you now.”

  “But!” I called after him, laughing. “A hint?”

  “We can’t talk anymore,” Eric said, pretend-shhh ing me. “The teacher will be here any second. I’m not serving detention with you on your birthday.”

  I stuck out my tongue at him.

  I took out my phone as the teacher, Mr. Spellman, walked in. I texted under my desk. Cal wants 2 do a group date nite on Fri. Me. U. Cal. Jacob. Paige. Ryan. U in?

  I watched Eric type back. Totally worth it just to spend time w u.

  I had the best guy. A girl couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend and I was never going to think about Jacob again. I was with the right guy. No doubt.