Texting Box Set: The Complete Series

by Teagan Hunter

  Me: Is THIS flirting?

  Caleb: This is me running on energy drinks and naps for the last two days. Cut me some slack, yo.

  Me: I heard you come in about midnight last night after your mysterious Sunday out. I was THIS close to bothering you, but I didn’t want you to see what I sleep in. Now I’m glad I stayed away.

  Caleb: NAKED? Do you sleep naked?!

  Me: Wouldn’t you like to know. ;-)

  Caleb: Honestly? Hell yes.

  Me: DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENT

  Caleb: Not just your retainer but zit cream too? Be still, my beating heart.

  Me: Right? You’re welcome. Keep that one for later.

  Caleb: Remember how you offered for your friend to grab my bike for me?

  Me: I do.

  Caleb: Well…

  Me: Spit it out.

  Caleb: My old roommates are threatening to have it towed, saying I’m blocking their parking. Think you could help me out?

  Me: You don’t come home, you don’t call, yet you want favors. Hmm…decisions, decisions.

  Caleb: Is that a yes? I really need it to be a yes.

  Me: Please hold.

  Me: Okay, Robbie can help.

  Caleb: And he’ll take good care of my baby…right? I can trust this guy?

  Me: Do you really have a choice right now?

  Caleb: No. I can’t believe these guys are being such dicks about everything. They keep saying it’s because I left them “high and dry”, which is complete bullshit. Fucking dicks.

  Me: YEAH YOU TELL THEM

  Caleb: You done?

  Me: Yes.

  Me: Sorry they’re dicks.

  Caleb: It is what it is.

  Me: I’ll get everything taken care of with the bike, don’t you worry. Go back to your “gas station duties”.

  Caleb: What’s with the quotation marks?

  Me: Well…I have this theory.

  Caleb: What was it you said earlier? Spit it out.

  Me: I have this theory that you’re really a stripper and you’re just embarrassed and don’t want to tell anyone about it. That’s why you work such crazy hours and come home smelling like old ladies and sadness.

  Caleb: LMAO

  Caleb: Are you serious?

  Me: Dead.

  Caleb: Holy fuck. *dies*

  Caleb: Zoe, I am NOT a stripper. I work at a 24hr gas station and that’s ALL I do. I promise.

  Me: I’m just saying, I wouldn’t be surprised if you came home covered in glitter and wearing a G-string. *shrugs*

  8

  Me: Mittens is an asshole.

  Caleb: Oh god, what did he do?

  Me: Turns out I’m a sympathy puker.

  Me: He puked on my floor, and then I puked on my floor trying to clean it up. Like, I still love him and all, but I also kind of hate him right now.

  Caleb: Shit. He probably ate too fast. I’m so sorry you have to deal with that, Zoe. I promise I’ll be at home more often and all the kitten duty won’t fall to you.

  Caleb: I’ll make you dinner.

  Me: You already cook for me. Try again.

  Caleb: I’ll…hmm…

  Caleb: I’ll touch your butt.

  Me: Who’s really getting the most of that one?

  Caleb: That wasn’t a no…

  Me: We’ll see. ;-)

  Caleb: How about…I’ll TAKE you out to dinner.

  Me: Did you just ask me out on a date? I thought we talked about you trying to stick your ham in my meat wallet.

  Caleb: No. Do not say meat wallet. And it’s not a DATE date, just like a roomies date. Ya know, for not sucking.

  Me: But…what if I like sucking?

  Caleb: Did you just make a blow job joke?

  Me: …Yes.

  Caleb: I…I was not expecting that.

  Caleb: You never stop surprising me.

  Me: Is that a bad thing?

  Caleb: Not at all.

  Caleb: Unless you’re surprising me with herpes or something. Then that’s bad.

  Me: Noted.

  Me: DID YOU USE MY BODY WASH AGAIN?!

  Caleb: Define use…

  Me: DID YOU SQUIRT IT ON YOUR LOUFA AND USE ALL MY GODDAMN BODY WASH, CALEB MILLS?!

  Caleb: Define all…

  Me: CALEB!

  Caleb: ZOE!

  Me: CALEB!!

  Caleb: ZOE!!

  Me: DOCTOR SCOTT!

  Caleb: Uh…what? This is Caleb still.

  Me: No. Noooooo. Puh-lease tell me you’ve seen that movie.

  Caleb: What movie?

  Me: THE BEST FUCKING MOVIE EVER!

  Caleb: Field of Dreams?

  Me: Omg. You would. You fucking would.

  Me: No. Try again.

  Caleb: The Sandlot?

  Me: NO DAMMIT.

  Me: The Rocky Horror Picture Show. OBVIOUSLY.

  Caleb: The what?

  Me: You’ve never watched Rocky Horror?

  Caleb: I have not.

  Me: That’s it. We’re doing it.

  Caleb: It? Like sex? Are we having sex?

  Caleb: How did this turn into us banging?

  Me: No! We’re going to see Rocky Horror. It’s a whole experience—toast and rice and water guns and yelling. You’re going to love it. We’ll go this month.

  Caleb: I don’t know how we went from talking about movies to sex and now toast. Are you drunk?

  Me: We were never talking about sex!

  Me: And no, I’m not drunk. I wish.

  Me: Bring me wine.

  Caleb: No.

  Me: You’re so mean.

  Me: So, are you in for Rocky Horror?

  Caleb: Sure. I guess. When is this?

  Me: Third Thursday of every month. Midnight.

  Caleb: MIDNIGHT? Are you off your damn rocker, woman? No way. That’s way past my bedtime.

  Me: IT IS NOT. You don’t come home until one or two in the morning half the time.

  Caleb: But my hours are changing, remember? I’m implementing a new bedtime. Right after Wheel of Fortune, I’m hitting the sack, no ifs, ands, or butts about it.

  Me: Are you an ass man, Caleb?

  Caleb: …No.

  Caleb: Fine. Yes.

  Caleb: I’m ASSuming you caught that?

  Me: You’ve ASSumed correctly.

  Me: DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENT

  Caleb: Did you just really send me a picture of a donkey?

  Me: What? You said you were an ass man.

  Caleb: You are SUCH a smartass.

  Me: Excuse me, I prefer smartdonkey.

  Caleb: *rolls eyes*

  Me: Rocky Horror date is set. That’s where you can take me for making me clean up your kitten’s puke. You owe me…

  Caleb: *sighs* Fine.

  Caleb: I gotta go back to work now. Smoke break’s over.

  Me: You smoke?

  Caleb: Gross. No. But they don’t know that. ;-)

  Me: You’re incorrigible.

  Caleb: You’re not erroneous.

  Me: I see what you did there…though I don’t think that’s the right context.

  Caleb: It’s the thought that counts.

  Me: Okay, okay. I’m sorry I yelled at you yesterday. Thank you.

  Caleb: I see you got my gift. You’re welcome.

  Caleb: Also, do you have any idea how expensive 6 bottles of that body wash is? Roughly six billion dollars.

  Me: Wait a second here…6 bottles? I only see 3.

  Me: Holy crap. Did you go for the buy 3 get 3 free deal and KEEP THEM?

  Caleb: Maybe…

  Me: So yes.

  Caleb: Hey, you can’t blame me! That stuff smells amazing. I mean, even I’d lick me right now.

  Me: I would too.

  Caleb: You’d lick me too?

  Me: NO.

  Me: But also maybe yes.

  Me: Wait…nah.

  Caleb: I’m going with yes as your final answer.

  Me: Aren’t you supposed to be working?

  Caleb: I’m at study
group.

  Me: Oh shit. Then why are you texting me? Go learn something.

  Caleb: Because you texted me first, and then you started talking and just wouldn’t stop.

  Me: Are you trying to tell me I never shut up?

  Caleb: In the nicest way possible.

  Me: You’re so good to me, Ghost Roomie.

  Caleb: I’m not a ghost for much longer. Just two more damn days and then I’m free.

  Caleb: Convince me not to rage-quit.

  Me: Hmmm…I’m not sure I can do that without specifics here.

  Caleb: I put in to have the night off when that horror movie you want to take me to is playing, but they fucking scheduled me anyway. Assholes.

  Me: I’m not going to lie, I’m laughing so hard right now.

  Caleb: This is a time of crisis. This is NOT the time to laugh.

  Me: Rocky Horror is NOT a horror movie. It’s a musical.

  Caleb: I’m sorry…you want ME to watch a musical?

  Caleb: You just talked me off my rage-quit cliff. Thanks, pal.

  Me: NO! We. Are. Going. Offer up that sexy body of yours to your co-workers to get them to switch shifts with you or something.

  Caleb: Two things. ONE: Did you just ask me to exchange sex for a night off to watch a musical? TWO: Did you just call me sexy? *waggles brows*

  Me: ONE: Yes. TWO: Don’t pretend you don’t know you’re dead sexy.

  Caleb: DEAD sexy, huh? That’s like, sexy times 10.

  Caleb: You so want me.

  Me: I want you to bang your co-worker so we can go see Rocky Horror, yes.

  Caleb: Yeah, not happening. I’ll figure it out.

  Me: So that means you WANT to go see the show?

  Caleb: No, it means I made a promise and a deal is a deal.

  Caleb: Plus, I’m hoping you’re going to let me touch your butt at some point.

  Me: Stop flirting and go work.

  Caleb: So bossy. Me likey. ;-)

  Me: *groans*

  I was wrong.

  There’s a whole lot of wrong flirting can do.

  It can make you miss someone, make you crave them, make you want them more than you already do, especially when you’re not supposed to want them at all.

  I hate flirting, but I can’t stop it now.

  Just like I can’t stop myself from reaching for my phone to do the same thing I’ve done over and over again.

  Text him.

  Me: Are you awake yet?

  Caleb: Am I out there sitting next to you while you eat cereal (SHAME) and watch Rugrats?

  Caleb: What channel did you find that on?

  Me: No you’re not, but you’re obviously up, and I have it on DVD. It’s called Amazon.

  Caleb: Wow. Never heard of that before. /sarcasm

  Me: You’re sassy first thing in the afternoon. Bum.

  Caleb: Some of us work for a living, smartass.

  Me: GASP! I work! Like ten hours a week, but still.

  Me: Just get out here or I’m coming in there.

  Caleb: No. I’m comfy.

  I toss my phone onto the couch beside me and set my empty bowl of cereal on the table before pushing myself up and making my way down the hall.

  “Go away,” he moans as soon as I burst through the door, almost as if he was expecting me.

  I pause to admire the sliver of skin that’s exposed, but only for a moment. His sheet is wrapped around his lower half, shirt pushed up to display his magnificent abs. Goddamn those abs.

  “Stop checking me out and go away.”

  I peel my eyes away from his body to see that he’s staring at me, a smirk gracing his plump lips.

  “Told ya you want me.” His speech is slow and relaxed. His blond hair is a mess, his eyes tired from lack of rest.

  “You wish I wanted you,” I tell him as I make my way closer to his makeshift bed on the floor and sit down next to him, my back against the wall. I leave just enough room between us so we aren’t touching. I’m careful to avoid his brace, because the last thing I want to do is accidentally bump into his already fractured hand. “We really need to get you a bed. This floor has got to be killing your back.”

  “I don’t need a bed.” He closes his eyes and shimmies around until he’s comfortable. “Unnecessary expense.”

  “Your cat has three beds. Explain that.”

  He lifts a shoulder. “Mittens has a bed-hoarding problem. He’s in therapy for it. Don’t judge him.”

  “We’re getting you a damn bed, Caleb. We’ll go shopping this weekend.”

  “You gonna shit out the cash to pay for one?”

  “If I need to, then yes. It’s not good for you to sleep on the floor. For someone who’s all about keeping his body in shape, you should be aware of that.”

  He peeks up at me. “Fair point. I’ll try to pencil you in this weekend then.”

  “Good. That’s all I wanted.”

  “Is that why you came in to bother me? My lack of a bed?”

  “No.” I shrug. “Maybe. I’m bored.”

  “Rugrats not holding your attention?”

  “It is.” But you’re holding it more. “How’d you know that’s what I was watching anyway?”

  “I can hear it. You’re very loud, ya know.”

  “Sorry, I was trying to be quiet.”

  “You suck at it.” I push at his shoulder. “What? Your footsteps sound like there’s a giant clamoring around the apartment.”

  “They do not!”

  “If you didn’t have such big feet…”

  I gasp. “I do not have big feet!”

  “Whatever you say, Ronald.”

  “Hey!”

  I shove at his arm again, and this time he reacts. I don’t have the chance to make a run for it before I’m pinned halfway beneath him. He’s canted off to his left side, avoiding putting much pressure on his right hand. His big hands gently hold mine captive beside my head as he smiles down at me. I don’t know if I should swoon over his upper body strength or throw my panties at him.

  I’ve always been touchy-feely with my friends, so I don’t bat an eye at Caleb capturing me beneath him.

  “Quit hitting me.”

  “I didn’t hit you, I shoved you—big difference.”

  He closes his eyes and shakes his head. “It’s too early for you to be such a donkey.”

  “We already talked about this—it’s not early, you’re just lazy.”

  “You’re mean.”

  “You like it.”

  Caleb grins. “Maybe a little bit.”

  “A lot?”

  “A little.”

  “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Caleb.”

  He leans into me, somehow still holding his lower half off me, and brings his lips to my ear.

  That right there—the brush of his lips against my ear—that’s what registers with me.

  Holy fuck. Caleb’s on top of me.

  My heart accelerates. The thoughts running through my head are not thoughts I should be having, but I can’t stop them from playing on repeat.

  Stop it, Zoe. He’s your friend, your roommate—that’s it.

  But I flirt with him…

  I flirt with everyone!

  But Caleb’s different…

  Fuck.

  He is. He’s so different.

  Part of me feels guilty for flirting with Delia’s ex-boyfriend, but they’re exes for a reason, and that has to count for something…right?

  “Why are you in here, Zoe?”

  “I already told you—I’m bored.”

  His eyes find mine again. “Bored? Or you missed me?”

  We stare at one another, both waiting for me to answer.

  Caleb’s eyes dart to my mouth and linger there. Several seconds pass before he brings his gaze back to mine.

  “Well?”

  I don’t answer him because we both know I don’t need to.

  I push at him as best I can and he takes the hint, moving away in an instant. He rolls until
we’re lying side by side, his head resting on his pillow again.