All Is Fair

by Dee Garretson

  “Where is everyone?” I asked the girl.

  “There are a few sentries at the main gate, but the important dock is inland at Brugge,” the girl said. “That’s where they dock all the submarines. They know this one is too easily bombed to keep more than barges here. There is a guard at night, but he doesn’t patrol much. He likes his naps.”

  I repeated it all to Lucas. Then the girl pointed to a long, low vessel moored at the end of a long row of similar boats. “That’s the barge. This is as far as I go. Climb aboard and go below to wait for the captain.”

  I told Lucas the last bit as the girl bent down and petted the cat. “What about your cat? Are you taking him with you?” she asked.

  “He’s not our cat,” I said. “I’m afraid he’ll have to stay here and fend for himself.”

  “Do you mind if I take him? We’d be a good team. He could keep the rats away from where I sleep.” The girl picked up the cat and rubbed his face. “I’ll give you some more tinned beef too,” she said to him. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

  “Yes, please take him. We certainly can’t.”

  “Does he have a name?”

  So much had happened that I had to think for a moment. “His name is Unsinkable Sam. And as of tonight, he’s just survived his third sinking.”

  “That is a very stupid name for a cat,” the girl pronounced, putting him down. “I think I’ll name him Prince. He’s got the look of royalty about him. Come along, Prince, we’ve got things to do.” The girl started to walk away.

  “Thank you for helping us,” I called after her.

  She turned around. “Don’t need to thank me. I’ll get my pay for this. The White Lady will see to it.”

  “The white lady? Who is that?” I asked.

  She didn’t answer. “Let’s go get some supplies,” she said to the cat. Without a backward glance, she disappeared into the shadows, the cat following.

  “You’ve been usurped,” I said to Lucas. “I thought all animals found you irresistible.”

  “You sound jealous. That cat is smart enough to know which one of us is the better bet.” He examined the dock in front of us. “We’ve got quite an open stretch to cover to reach the barge. Are you ready?”

  CHAPTER

  EIGHTEEN

  THE LONG DOCK stood exposed to anyone who might be nearby. I just hoped Danielle had been right about the guard. Lucas and I went slowly, trying not to make too much noise, though it felt like the dock was creaking with each step. Lucas pointed to the water and then back along the dock, and I took it to mean we were to go over the side if anyone came along. I nodded, but prayed we wouldn’t have to get wet again, especially not in that water. A sheen of engine oil glistened on the surface even in the dim light, and a few floating dead fish gave off a sickening smell.

  We boarded the barge cautiously but found there had been no need. It was empty. The main cabin had been fitted with benches in front and some built-in beds in the back. It was far from luxurious, but it was clean, at least. I went back to one of the beds and pulled off a blanket, wrapping it around my shoulders. Elation at making it this far made me feel less tired, and being inside the barge, away from prying eyes, made me relax a little.

  However, Lucas was not at ease. He paced back and forth, stopping to look through the curtains that hung over the windows.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “I was so stupid for thinking it didn’t matter that I didn’t speak the languages!” He sat down and grabbed hold of the edge of the table. I could see his knuckles turning white. “That girl could have told me she was taking us right to the Germans to turn us in and I wouldn’t have known.” He let go of the table and pounded a fist on it. “Stupid, stupid, stupid!”

  “But she didn’t take us to the Germans, and we have made it this far, and you have me to translate, so I’d say we aren’t doing so badly.” I smiled at him, but he didn’t smile back.

  He jerked his head toward one of the bunks. “If you want to rest a little, I’ll keep watch. We have a few hours.”

  I was grateful there was a bed. Even the short time in the water had exhausted me, and nothing seemed better than being able to put my head down.

  “You should lie down too,” I said, “even if you are going to keep watch.” I realized I wanted him next to me. “I’m cold,” I said. “Do you mind keeping me warm?” I felt my face flushing, embarrassed by what I was asking, but I’d come too far to stop. “It helped when we were on the beach.”

  He nodded, but didn’t speak. I thought he’d make a joke or grin or something, but all he did was wait for me to lie down. He lowered himself carefully onto the bed next to me and put his arm around me very slowly, as if he was afraid I might break. I put my head on his shoulder. I could feel how tense he was by the way he held himself so still. I wanted the other Lucas back, the one who didn’t worry about anything.

  “There are some things you should know,” he said, “before we go any farther.”

  “What?” I sat up. He sounded so serious that it worried me.

  He looked up at the ceiling and spoke at it instead of at me. “There are a lot of things I didn’t tell you.” He paused and took a deep breath. “My real name, for one. It’s Lucas Mueller, not Miller. My father is German.” The words came out in a dull monotone, almost like he was reciting them.

  I tried to move away from him, but there was nowhere to go. If Lucas’s father was German, he was German too. I didn’t understand. “Does … Does Andrew know?”

  “Of course.” He turned to look at me. He reached out to touch my face, but I jerked back, bumping my head on the wall. “Mina! You don’t have to be afraid of me! I’m helping out the British, helping them because I’m American. I can explain!”

  I crossed my arms in front of me, wishing I was anywhere but there. I had to stay calm. “Yes, please explain,” I said.

  “Like I said, it’s a complicated story.” He sat up too. “My father is one of Germany’s lead explosives scientists. There are rumors he’s close to a breakthrough on a new type of bomb. Something like that would change the whole course of the war. I’m supposed to convince him to leave Germany and work for the Allies.” He paused. I think he was waiting for me to say something, but I didn’t know what to say. I was still trying to take in his words.

  “I don’t know who came up with the original idea,” he added. “I don’t know if it was the American or the British government, but they worked together on this plan to find me and bring me here.” His voice faltered. I could see the strain in his face. “You understand, don’t you?”

  “Why couldn’t you just write to him? I’m sure someone can smuggle letters into Germany.” I wanted to believe him, but I was still reeling from his words.

  “I asked that too, but they weren’t sure it would work since I’ve had so little contact with him. I haven’t seen him for years. He went back to Germany when I was two. I visited him about six years ago, but beyond exchanging a few letters, we haven’t communicated. That’s why I don’t know much German. I can understand some simple sentences sometimes. He got me a tutor, but I wasn’t there long enough to learn much. Someone decided he was more likely to agree if he saw me in person. I’m supposed to convince him.” He looked away from me. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to do that.”

  “Of course he’ll want to come with you!” I said. “He wouldn’t want to be on the opposite side of a war from his son.” I reached out and touched his hand. “I’m sorry I acted that way. You just surprised me. You did more than that—you shocked me. I understand now, though.”

  “You do?” He turned to me.

  “I do.” A yawn overtook me, and then another. It felt like the tiredness had settled inside me and was weighing me down.

  Lucas touched my face. I didn’t pull back. “Sleep a little. I’ll keep you warm.”

  We lay back down and I put my head back on his shoulder. I thought I’d fall asleep instantly, but I didn’t. There was a stranger
next to me. Lucas had seemed so uncomplicated, just a happy-go-lucky American out to find some excitement. The whole time he’d been keeping secrets. I’d thought he was one person, and now he was turning out to be someone completely different.

  The next thing I knew, Lucas was shaking my shoulder. “There’s someone coming,” he whispered. I could hear heavy footsteps coming down the dock and someone whistling.

  I got up and we stood there, not knowing what else to do. If the person was coming aboard the ship, we could only hope it was the captain. There was no place to hide.

  “How will we know if he’s the right person?” I murmured.

  “Just listen,” Lucas said. He opened the rucksack and took out a revolver. I hadn’t realized that Lucas had it, and I felt sick at the thought of it.

  The man began to sing in French in a deep baritone.

  The lady is fair as the rose of dreams,

  Her lips so red, her skin so white

  “He said ‘blanc,’ didn’t he? ‘White’?” Lucas grasped my arm. “Andrew taught me that word. Did he say ‘lady’? I didn’t catch it.”

  “He did.”

  The tension fell off Lucas. “He’s the right man.”

  “Time to start the day,” the man announced as I heard him jump on. The boat rocked from his weight. Lucas put away the gun as the man tromped down the stairs. He came into view, a big, beefy man with a walrus mustache. His only reaction to my presence was to raise his eyebrows. He said, “You need to get into place.”

  “Where?” I asked, looking around the cabin. I had assumed we’d just stay below.

  “This way.” He led us through a door into a storage area about the size of a cupboard. It was dark and cramped, but I thought I’d be able to stand it for a few hours.

  “Can we move some things to make a better place to sit?” I asked. Lucas stood behind me. I knew he couldn’t understand the captain, but up to this point the man’s actions had been easy to interpret, so I hadn’t bothered to repeat anything in English.

  “You aren’t staying here.” Picking up a bucket, the captain pointed to the floor. I saw a handle attached to a floorboard. The captain reached down and pulled, revealing that a section of the floor had been fashioned into a trapdoor. “There’s a space down there that was sectioned off from the coal bunker. Climb in and lie down and keep quiet. Not every crew member can be trusted.”

  “Will we both fit?” I asked, staring at the dark space.

  “You’ll fit. I’ve heard they put five in there once, or at least five were caught.”

  “The Germans know about this?”

  The man snorted. “Yes, the previous captain is now in prison for smuggling people out. We don’t use it anymore.”

  “Wait, so why are you using it for us?” I thought hiding in a place where the Germans had caught others was like playing hide-and-seek and picking the same place to hide in each time, only now there was the risk of being shot if we were caught.

  “What’s he saying?” Lucas asked. “You look scared.”

  The man laughed. “The Germans will never expect someone to be crazy enough to go into Brussels on a barge. They used to catch the ones trying to get out of the country, not in. They won’t check unless they have reason to be suspicious.”

  “I’ll explain in a minute,” I told Lucas. “How will we know when to come out?” I asked the captain, already dreading spending hours in that small space.

  “We’ll dock. You’ll be able to tell when we have by all the noise. When we are docked, I’m inviting the men to a café for a beer. I’ll say it’s my birthday. When you hear me whistling as we leave, wait a few more minutes and get off the boat.”

  “What do we do then?” I asked.

  The man pulled an envelope out of his pocket and handed it to me. “This will tell you. Now, if you are going with the boat, you need to get below. The crew will be here soon.” The captain left and I heard him a few moments later, stomping around overhead.

  “Captain!” a voice shouted from outside.

  I started, knocking over a broom. I knew there wasn’t time to open the envelope.

  “We have to get inside,” Lucas said.

  “You go first.” I wanted to be closest to the door. Knowing I could get out quickly might make the time bearable.

  Lucas lowered himself in and then moved so that I couldn’t see him. “Is there really enough room?” I whispered, hearing more footsteps outside.

  “Yes, hurry.”

  Taking a deep breath, I lowered myself in, finding a space about three feet tall and small enough that I couldn’t imagine five people crammed inside it. Lucas lay on his side, propping himself up on an elbow. “You’ll have to close the door,” he said. “I can’t reach it, unless you want to switch places.”

  “No! I’ll do it.” I reached up and grasped the edge, letting it down slowly. At least there wasn’t a latch. No one above us could shut us in. When I let go so it fell into place, darkness enveloped us.

  “Are you all right?” Lucas asked. “I can hear you breathing very fast.”

  “I’m fine,” I said, trying to take normal breaths. I thought of Lucas’s harsh words about me before he left Hallington. I couldn’t let myself complain. If I did, it would just convince him that he had been right. The hiding place wasn’t as small as I had feared and I lay down, only to realize that there was a musty blanket beneath me that stank of fish.

  After much noise and a combination of raised voices and the clanging of equipment, the barge began to move, with the thrumming of the engine drowning out much of the other noise.

  I heard Lucas yawn. “I think we should try to sleep a bit more,” he said. “I can’t even think clearly. We’ll figure out something when we are not so tired.” He mumbled something else. I thought he had said, “I’m glad you’re here,” but when I told him I hadn’t understood, he was already asleep.

  I couldn’t stop shivering from the cold. I envied Lucas, thinking the hours would pass more quickly if I could sleep too. I lay there in the dark wishing I knew how Andrew was. I told myself that Andrew was young and strong and getting good care. He’d be just fine.

  I didn’t realize I’d fallen asleep until I woke, finding myself huddled in Lucas’s arms. Embarrassed, I eased over a foot, and immediately missed the warmth. Lucas didn’t stir. I could tell he was dreaming because now and then he would mumble a few words and move his arms around like he was trying to climb something.

  A little daylight came through the cracks and I tried to go back to sleep. I didn’t succeed. As the day wore on, the space heated up and my clothes and coat dried to mere dampness, stiff with the salt from the ocean. I could feel the salt in my hair as well. Some of the sand on my clothes had fallen off, leaving me feeling the grit every time I shifted.

  There was no coal in our space, but it seemed as if coal dust had embedded itself in all the boards. Every time someone walked across the deck above, a fine powder fell on us.

  My mouth grew dry and I wished we had asked for some water. I couldn’t tell how much time had passed but I suspected we still had hours to go before we got to Brussels, because the barge was moving so slowly. It seemed like less air was getting in. Raising my head up to the deck boards above me, I could feel a tiny bit of cooler air seeping between the gaps in the boards, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted to take big gulps of it. It was as if we were shut in a coffin. My heart began to pound and I broke out in a sweat. There wasn’t even enough room to move my legs.

  Lucas woke up. “Mina, what’s wrong?”

  “I can’t take it. I can’t breathe! I have to get out!”

  He grabbed hold of my hand. “Shhhhhh … It’s all right. Look at me,” he said, moving closer and placing his other hand on my cheek. “Just at me. There’s plenty of air in here, trust me. See? Just breathe normally and you’ll feel better.”

  I tried to slow my breathing, but it still felt like there wasn’t enough air in my lungs.

  “No, I have to get out!”
I didn’t care if anyone saw me. I had to get some air. I sat up partway and pushed on the trapdoor.

  Lucas pulled me back down to him, putting both arms around me and holding me tight. The sensation of being close to him again distracted me. He smelled of salt from the sea, a clean smell after the mustiness of the blanket.

  “Talk to me,” he said, brushing the hair from my face. My plait had come nearly undone and my hair was everywhere. “Don’t look at anything but me. All right? You’re fine. I’ve got you.” He smiled. “Andrew told me that before the war your family traveled all over. Tell me about one of your trips. I’ve never been anywhere outside the U.S., well, except for Germany and the short stops along the way to get there, and then this trip. Describe it all like you are there.”

  I didn’t think I could, but I tried to concentrate on something besides the misery I felt. My stomach felt sick again, and I wished we had taken some of the tins from the warehouse. Why hadn’t either of us thought about when we would need food? I never forgot about eating. My mouth was so parched I couldn’t swallow. I couldn’t breathe, and I couldn’t swallow. I tried to sit up again, but Lucas wouldn’t let me.

  “Where have you been?” he prompted.

  “What?”

  “Tell me where you’ve been. I really want to know.”

  I breathed in the scent of him again and felt a pleasant light-headedness. “We have been to Russia several times.” Maybe I would just faint and be out of my misery.

  “Russia! I want to hear about that.”

  I didn’t say anything for a moment, waiting to faint, but when that didn’t happen, I began to talk. I told him about staying at a dacha that was more like a palace than a cottage, and of winter sleigh rides and of ice-skating parties where servants stood at the ready to bring mugs of hot drinks or already warmed fur lap robes. When I was in the middle of telling how shy I’d felt meeting the czar’s four daughters, I stopped, knowing it would just add to his impression of me as a spoiled rich girl.