by L A Cotton
“Is she there?”
“Yeah, of course,” he relented. “Ana, it’s Dennis.” There was mumbling and scraping, and then a voice said, “Dennis, what’s wrong?”
“Did you know?”
“Know?”
“That Cassie isn’t in San Francisco anymore? Tell me you didn’t know.”
“Dennis, I ... I have no idea what you’re talking about.” A baby’s cries filled the line, and Ana said, “Jackson, come take her, please.”
“This is a bad time,” I ground out. “I should—”
“It’s fine. Jackson has Emma. Talk to me. What happened?”
“I saw her.” I leaned against the hood of my truck, the adrenaline at seeing her standing there finally leaving my body.
Rendering me weak.
Obliterating my heart in a way I didn’t think possible.
“You saw who?” I let the silence linger between us, waiting for the pieces to fall. When they did, Ana breathed out, “Cassie? But how?”
“It’s a long story, but she isn’t in Daly City, Ana, and she looked so ...” I closed my eyes, picturing her standing there, wiping down the bar. Her hair was shorter, messy curls framing her face. And her eyes ... her eyes were fucking dead. Empty. No resemblance to the passionate, animated girl I’d known back in Chastity Falls Academy.
“So what? What aren’t you telling me?”
“She’s working in some dive bar in Redmont, Mendocino. She was right there, Ana.”
Ana sucked in a sharp breath, and when she spoke again, her voice was shaky. “Did she look ...?”
“It wasn’t her. It wasn’t my Cass.”
“I-I don’t understand. Elena said she was fine. She said she was teaching in Daly City and living with her boyfriend.” Elena was an old college friend who they’d stayed in touch with.
“Well, someone is lying.” I snapped, my fist clenching against my thigh. I didn’t want to hear about another guy. A guy who should have been me. A life that should have been mine.
Someone was lying, and my money was on the broken girl I saw in Bellezas.
“I’ll call Elena and get to the bottom of this, Dennis. I promise.” Silence filled the line, but it didn’t drown out the thud of my pulse against my skull. “What are you going to do?” she whispered as if she was scared to ask.
“I don’t know. I have to go. Call me when you know anything.”
“De—”
But I hung up, scrubbing a hand over my head and down the back of my neck. It had been almost four years since I last saw her.
Cassie Malson.
The girl who stole my heart and held it in the palm of her hand. Only, in the end, it hadn’t been enough to sever my ties to this life.
In the end, the only way I knew to protect her and give her the life she deserved was to walk away.
And she’d hated me for it.
I didn’t expect to ever see her again. She was supposed to be off living her life. Teaching middle school. Settled down with some suit from the city, living the good life.
She wasn’t supposed to be standing there in some dive bar in a deadbeat town.
But she was.
And I was determined to find out why.
“YOU’RE QUIET,” BRETT said about twenty minutes after we began the ride back to Stonewood.
“Got nothing to say,” I ground out, feeling my jaw clench.
“I’m not the enemy, Den. All this anger you have festering is not good for the soul, man. You should have a smoke or fuck Ginny; she’s been sniffing ’round you all summer.”
“Not interested.”
“You never are. You’re not getting any younger, man; Uncle Miller will want some fat grandbabies running around the place soon enough.”
My eyes flashed to his. He had no clue. No fucking idea what Uncle Miller wanted. No one did. That man died right alongside my mother when she took her last breath. The man in his place now wasn’t the same. Not even close. Death changed a person. Altered their soul. But knowing you were responsible for the death of a loved one; knowing that it was all your fault ... well, it was a death sentence in itself.
One he’d never recover from.
An awkward silence settled between us. Brett was young. Thirsty for it. He reminded me of some of the guys I’d gone to college with. They’d all lapped it up; the attention, the respect ... the fear of those around us. They’d been untouchable and loved it. Thrived on it. But I’d never walked in the light, preferring to stay hidden in the shadows.
“Did you see the redhead at the bar?” he started, lust and excitement thick in his voice. “I think she wanted me. Next time we make it out to Redmont, I’m going to fuck her so good...”
My fingers curled tighter around the wheel as I shifted, tuning out his voice. Life was all a game to him. One big adventure. But I knew better. I knew life was hard and messy and downright fucked up. In our line of business, the game could get you—or the people you cared about—hurt. It was why I set her free. Why I walked away from Cassie.
Shit. I still couldn’t believe she was there, at the bar. Hernandez’s bar, of all fucking places. And what did I do? I ran. Again. I allowed myself one minute to drink in the sight of her, to make myself believe what I was seeing wasn’t a mirage, and then I got the hell out of there and called Ana.
When I didn’t return, Brett came looking for me, and I’d made up some excuse about needing to get back to Stonewood. He couldn’t know about Cassie—he could never know. Until I knew her story, until I knew how she came to be working in a shithole like Bellezas, Cassie had to remain a secret.
Just like old times.
MY HAND FUMBLED IN the darkness, trying to locate the incessant beeping. I snatched my cell phone to my ear and tapped. “Hello?”
“Dennis?”
I shot up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. “Yeah?”
“Something isn’t right.” The second Ana said the words, a heavy weigh settled in my chest. Of course, something wasn’t fucking right. I knew that the second I laid eyes on Cassie at Bellezas. But hearing Ana say it was worse somehow. As if it confirmed what I didn’t want to believe.
“Tell me everything.”
“There’s not much to tell. I spoke to Elena, and she said she heard from Cassie a couple of weeks back. They email back and forth. Nothing was amiss. She said life was good and that she’d just been promoted at the school.”
My fingers curled into the sheets, my pulse thrumming against my skull. “She lied.”
It wasn’t a question.
“Yeah, she lied. Something’s wrong, Dennis.” Panic hung in Ana’s voice, her words, the silence that followed. “Maybe ... maybe she’s in trouble, or maybe she—”
I stopped her dead. “I’ll handle it.”
“Dennis ...” Silence filled the line, and then her voice cracked. “Be careful.”
I’d heard that warning so many times before, back when I was Jackson’s right-hand guy in college. The things we’d done; the things we’d seen. But I knew Ana wasn’t saying it for my sake. I’d already broken Cassie once. Storming back into her life and demanding answers would rip open old wounds.
And neither of us were ready for that.
Because I’d given her up once. Set her free. But now that I’d seen her—now that I knew she was in trouble—I wasn’t sure I could walk away again. And if I couldn’t ... well, my life was about to get a whole lot more complicated.
“I’ll call you as soon as I know more,” I said and then hung up, dragging a hand over my scruff. I needed a plan—a fucking miracle. Hernandez was our business partner now. I couldn’t just storm into his bar and demand to know why Cassie worked there.
Fuck.
I padded into the bathroom, stripped, and then stepped into the shower. The water sluiced over my body, the blast of cold sending my muscles into a spasm. But I relished the sensation, needing it to remind me I was alive. That even in this prison I called life, my heart continued to beat. And one day, I wou
ld find a way out.
One day.
There had been a time, back in college, when I considered leaving it all behind. My old man. Stonewood. I’d been so close to asking Cassie to run away with me; to give up her dreams. For me. But in the end, I couldn’t do it. My old man was a complicated man. He wouldn’t let me go without a fight. He needed me more than he let on, and I’d made promises I couldn’t just walk away from.
Dropping my head, I pressed it to the cool tiles as her face filled my mind. I’d never seen someone look so at peace and so sad at the same time. At twelve, I wasn’t stupid. I knew as soon as I saw the empty pill bottle what she’d done. And although my heart shattered, part of me saw it coming. Mom was sick. Detached from life. But I was just a boy, and it was easier to escape an unhappy home and hang out with my friends. And my old man was just a guy, so it was easier for him to escape by hitting up the bar with his friends and business associates. She’d spent her whole life watching him chase a dream. A quest for power and money and status. And in the end, it killed her.
She set herself free that day but bound me to a life I never wanted. She knew it would ruin him. Knew that the mighty Miller Hayes would crumble into nothing without her, which was why, as she took her last breaths in my arms, she made me promise I wouldn’t turn my back on him.
My fist curled, slamming against the tile, pain ricocheting through my wrist. That day was imprinted on my soul. The day I vowed never to let another woman break my heart. And until Cassie, I stayed true to my word. I didn’t let people in. I didn’t trust easily.
And I didn’t give away my heart.
AFTER TOWEL DRYING and changing into clean clothes, I checked my messages. My old man wanted me and Brett to head over to the house to debrief about the meeting with Hernandez. But I knew it was a formality. Brett would have rushed straight over there last night to give him a play-by-play, when all I wanted was to go back to my apartment and be alone.
When I arrived at the house, Brett’s car was already parked in the driveway. He probably never even made it home to his ma and sister. Uncle Trevor had passed away years ago, leaving Brett and his sister, Susie, fatherless. My aunt Meg tried to pick up the pieces, but Brett was a handful; always sniffing around our house, wanting to get in on the family business.
Maybe I should have done more to keep him away, to keep him on the straight and narrow, but when I left for college, he slipped into my shoes and cemented his place under my old man’s rule. At barely seventeen, Brett became Miller Hayes’s right-hand guy, and in some ways, it’d been the same ever since. He was eager where I was reluctant. Impulsive where I was measured. A royal pain in the ass, but he was family, and I tried to keep him out of trouble where I could.
My small apartment was only a couple of blocks from my old man’s house, so I opted to walk in hopes the fresh air would clear my head. And that maybe I would figure out what the hell I was going to do about Cassie. In some ways, I wished I’d never laid eyes on her at Hernandez’s bar because as I entered the kitchen through the back door and saw my old man and Brett talking, the high of the deal dancing in their eyes, I knew she was a complication I was unprepared for.
“You took your time,” my old man clipped out as I helped myself to coffee before joining them at the table.
“It’s called sleep. Try it sometime.”
He grimaced, scrubbing a hand over his messy beard. “You know I don’t sleep well, haven’t since ...”
“I know, Dad. I know.” I might have felt an ounce of guilt, but we were long past that.
“Brett tells me everything went smoothly? Hernandez bought the bait?”
I nodded, shooting my cousin a terse glare. He widened his eyes as if to say “what?” but I turned my attention back to my old man. “Hernandez’s just happy to have someone willing to move his coke up here.”
“Good. That’s good. We’ll give it time. Get a feel for things before we take Redmont. Josiah will—”
“Not with this bullshit again, Dad.” I pressed my palm down on the table. “Josiah is all talk.”
“Watch your mouth, son. Josiah has done more for this family than—”
“Than who?” I challenged. From what I knew about Josiah Hale, he was a bad seed. Ex-military with ties to the notorious Devil’s Sinners MC, Hale was one mean looking son of a gun. But over the past few years, after Jackson had left Chastity Falls when his uncle—Marcus Donohue, one of the biggest players in our business—disappeared off the face of the earth, things had been thrown into chaos. And the organisation was fragmented. We were small time compared to a lot of the families up and down the West Coast, and when it became clear there was no longer opportunity for my old man to muscle in with the big leagues, he decided to look elsewhere to line his pockets.
And an opportunity had arisen in the form of Josiah Hale.
My old man called him our savior; the man to make our family great again. But all I’d witnessed was him being pulled further into the life I wanted to escape.
No, Josiah Hale wasn’t our savior.
He was our demise.
3.
One week.
I had to wait seven painful days for the opportunity to go to Redmont again. When my old man mentioned the first shipment of coke was ready, I knew he’d want to send Brett and one of his guys. They usually handled the legwork, but this time, I volunteered, suggesting that since it was the first pickup, I should be there to make sure everything went smoothly. And he bought it. He probably thought I was finally coming around to this life. Getting ready to fill his shoes and one day, to take the helm.
It couldn’t have been further from the truth.
“I could’ve handled it,” Brett grumbled as we walked to my truck. “It’s not like I haven’t done this shit a hundred times before.”
“Don’t take it personally,” I clipped out, meeting his wounded expression before I climbed inside.
“But why this job? Why now?”
“Brett,” I barked, waiting for him to buckle up. “It’s nothing personal. I just think we need to be on the ball with Hernandez and Hale. There are too many players. Things could get messy real quick.”
“He doesn’t know. Hernandez doesn’t have so much as even a whiff that we’re working with Hale. Chill, man. Everything’s going to be fine.”
I dragged a hand over my face before keying the ignition and firing her up. Brett didn’t know there was more at stake than he knew. Cassie being there changed everything. She wasn’t supposed to be there. And fuck, if I hadn’t struggled to think straight all week. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her. The same girl I’d loved. Still loved. I knew every inch of her body. Every curve and dip. Her most secret places. Sure, she was older. We both were. Her body was more mature, and my body remembered—wanted to get reacquainted. To learn the new landscape. Only there was something in her eyes. She looked harder somehow. Guarded. And the need to know why burned through me like acid.
What happened to extinguish the sparkle from her eyes? ... Or worse, who?
The ride to Redmont was quiet. Brett noticed my mood and gave me space by playing on his cell and humming out of tune with the radio. Usually, I’d give him shit for his off-key musical talent, but I was too lost in my thoughts.
“We getting in and out?”
“Huh?” I glanced over at him.
“The pickup? In and out?”
“Actually,” I said, “let’s stick around. Make good with Hernandez and his guys.”
Brett’s face lit up like all his Christmases and birthdays had come at once. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I nodded but then narrowed my gaze. “Just keep your eyes open, okay?” The truck came to a stop, and I gripped the wheel tighter, adding, “We can’t afford to fuck this up, Brett.”
“Yeah, yeah, you worry too much, man.”
He turned to climb out, but I grabbed his arm. His eyes dropped to where my fingers curled around his muscle, then he slowly raised his eyes to mine, and I saw the flash
of challenge there. Brett knew the hierarchy in our family, but it didn’t mean he wouldn’t move to fill my shoes on a more permanent basis one day.
“Are you packing?”
“Yeah, so?”
“Leave it in the glove compartment.”
“Den, come on, Miller said—”
“Miller’s not here, and you don’t need that shit on you. The deal’s good. Everything’s good.” I held his hard gaze. Brett wanted my father’s approval, worked for it at every opportunity, but eventually, he blew out a long breath and said, “Yeah, okay.”
He slipped the gun out of his jeans and concealed it in the glove compartment.
“Thanks,” I said as we climbed out. My hands were already slick, the thud of my heart against my chest a little disorientating. There was every chance Cassie was in there. Right there on the other side of the door.
“You okay, man? You look a little green.” Brett searched my eyes, but I clapped him on the back and guided us to where the security guy stood last time.
“Hayes.” He gave me a nod of approval. “Boss man is expecting you.”
“Thanks.” We disappeared inside.
The place was just the same as before; dimly lit with a haze of smoke hanging in thick clouds. A couple of Hernandez’s guys approached us, drawing my attention from the bar as I searched for Cassie.
“Gentlemen.” One guy—Cael, I think—extended his hand, and we all exchanged pleasantries. “Luis sends his apologies, but he had to take care of some business out of town. Everything is ready for you out back, but first, a drink, no?”
“Hell, yeah,” Brett said too eagerly, and I caught his eye, shooting him a calm-the-fuck-down look. But then Cael was laughing.
“I like you, Hayes. So focused. But stay, relax. Have a drink or two. Enjoy the ladies.” He swept his hand toward the stage. “Business will wait, and we are partners now, no?”
“Sounds good to me.” This time, Brett looked at me for approval, and I gave him a tight nod.
“We don’t have to get on the road until later.”