by L A Cotton
I still didn’t trust Hale, but my old man was too blinded by promises of turf and cash to see the truth. And I was too much of a coward to do anything about it. I wasn’t a kid anymore. I could hold my own. But betraying him meant betraying my mother and her dying wish. I’d done a lot of fucked up things in my life, but that was one line I didn’t want to cross. It was like being pulled in two. My head and heart warring with one another while I was a helpless bystander, unable to do anything.
“He wants the two of you over there tomorrow for introductions.”
“Introductions?” I raised a brow, not liking the sound of this.
“Problem?” My old man glared, the skin around his eyes pinching.
I had a bucket load, but he didn’t want to hear about them. So I pursed my lips and gave a slight shake of my head. I had to bide my time while I figured out what to do about Cassie. She was my priority now. Everything else was just white noise. But I was playing a dangerous game, and one wrong move would cost me dearly.
“Tomorrow it is.”
“Excellent. Well, if we’re done here, we have somewhere to be.” Brett inclined his head to me and grinned.
I checked my watch. “Let’s go.”
“I’ll dri—”
“No way. We’ll take the truck.”
“But last time you said—”
My severe glare cut him dead, and my old man bellowed, clearly enjoying our spat. “We’ll check in later,” I said to him, and he gave me a nod.
Outside, Brett trailed behind me, grumbling at the situation.
“Something you want to get off your chest?” I asked as I climbed into the truck.
“I could’ve driven us.”
“I know.” The rumble of the engine drowned out his protests, and I hit the radio button, unwilling to get into it any further. Brett was right. I had said he could drive us next time, but I liked the familiarity of my Ford pickup. The smell of the leather. The feel of the wheel beneath my hands. In a life where decisions were rarely my own, this truck was a small reprieve. Just like my modest apartment. Something to call my own. Somewhere to go when shit got too heavy or I needed to escape my old man and Brett’s tag team efforts.
“Amos said Ginny was asking about you last night.”
“She can ask away. Besides, sloppy seconds isn’t my style.” I threw him an amused look.
“What ... you think that me and her? Yeah right, I wish.”
“Still not interested.”
“I don’t get you, Den. You could have any girl in town. You’re Dennis fucking Hayes. That means something ’round here. And you’re over there looking like the apocalypse is coming.” I shrugged, focusing on the road, but apparently, the little shit had more to say. “People will start to talk, you know. Wondering if you’re batting for the other team.”
“Brett,” I snarled. I didn’t give two shits what people thought. My life was none of their goddamn business, but I knew in some strange way, my cousin was only trying to help. We weren’t all that different. We both craved things, just different things. He wanted the life that came with this business. I wanted a life that didn’t and therein lay the problem.
“There’s more to life than drugs, pussy, and money, you know.”
“And what exactly should I be doing with my life? Getting myself an honest-to-god career? We both know we’re not cut out for that shit. Being a Hayes comes with certain expectations. I’m cool with it.”
Jesus, he was so brainwashed. By his deceased father, and by mine in his absence. But it was a hard cycle to break. I’d tried ... and failed. I tried hard at school, worked my ass off to get grades to apply for Columbia University, but my old man had soon put a stop to that dream. There was only one place I was going, and it wasn’t to get a college education. Chastity Falls was his dream, not mine. Run by one of the Irish mob’s most influential figureheads, he thought it was our route into the big leagues. Like nearly all my old man’s plans, it only ended in disappointment. But I couldn’t regret it all. If I hadn’t been at CFA, I wouldn’t have met Jackson or Ana ... or Cassie. I didn’t know what was worse, though. Experiencing life outside of Stonecreek, having a glimpse of what a different life could be like, or never knowing in the first place. Because while I wouldn’t trade my friendship with Jackson and Ana, or my relationship with Cassie, I couldn’t deny it hurt to lose them both.
“You’re young, man. Don’t rule out something better for yourself.”
“Okay, you’re starting to sound like my mom.”
“Fuck off,” I said as I took the turn for the auto shop. Pulling up outside, I cut the engine, and we both climbed out. Brett retrieved the black gym bag from the back seat, and we headed inside.
“Hayes, good to see you, my man.” Rally Trainor appeared from under one of the cars. Wiping his grease-covered hands down his coveralls, he stood and extended his hand. “That time of the month already?”
“Something like that.” I shook his hand, my spine straight, muscles taut. Once a month, we stopped by to deliver him enough coke to supply the petrolheads who raced out on the old abandoned track on the edge of town. He was a steady customer. Easy drop and distribute gig. Didn’t make it any easier on my conscience, though.
“Usual load.” Brett slung the gym bag down at his feet.
“Lee reckons there’s scope to push more if you’re game?”
“Yeah—” Brett started, but I interjected.
“We’ll run it by Miller.”
“Of course.” Rally nodded before disappearing into the back of his shop.
“What the hell, Den? Of course, we can shift more. Especially now that we’re in business with Hernandez.”
“All decisions go through Miller.”
He muttered under his breath, scuffing his boot on the cement floor.
“Hey, I didn’t mean to shoot you down, but we’re not dealing in candy.” I kept my voice low. “Larger quantities mean more cash, yes, but it also means more risk. So cool it and we’ll take it to Miller.”
I already knew what the answer would be. My old man only saw the dollar signs, but I wasn’t going to make that call. Never did. At least then, if the shit hit the fan, he couldn’t point the finger in my direction. No, that would land squarely on his shoulders.
“Here you go.” Rally reappeared and handed me a black pouch. “Same as usual. Thirty-five hundred. Counted it myself, twice.”
“Thanks.” I took it and slipped it into the inside pocket of my windbreaker. “And we’ll be in touch about Lee’s proposition.”
“Sure thing.”
We left Rally to his cars and headed back to the truck. Brett was sulking, his bad mood rippling around the truck as I fired her up.
“I only yank your chain because I know you can handle it,” I said as I gripped the wheel.
“Yeah?” He sat straighter.
“Yeah. You’re a good kid, Brett. I don’t want you bound to this life forever.”
“I know who I am and where I’m headed, Den,” he said with complete conviction. In some ways, I envied him. He was so certain of his place in the family, so at home. He didn’t wake in the morning and dread the day ahead. Didn’t go to bed at night with guilt coiled around his heart like a vise. Brett was right. He knew who he was, and he embraced it. And I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’d thought about it. About giving up the good fight and dreams of a way out. But I knew who I was, and this wasn’t it. I did what I had to. Played my part. But I was numb. Floating through life without an anchor. A shell of who I used to be.
Until I saw her across the bar.
Cassie had sparked something inside me. Renewed my hope. Given me something to fight for again. And I couldn’t just switch that off.
I wouldn’t.
“What are you thinking?”
“Huh?” I blinked over at my cousin and scrubbed a hand over my face. “Nothing important.”
“You’re a closed book, Den, but I’m family. You can trust me.”
Only one thought penetrated my mind as I put the stick into reverse and backed out of Rally’s place.
If only you knew.
13. Cassie
“Cassie, what are you doing here?” Amanda rushed over to me, wrapping me in a hug.
“I wanted to talk to Luis. Is he around?” I eased out of her hold and smiled.
“You could have called. How’s Ruby? And where’s Lilly? Don’t tell me you left her with—”
“Mrs. Garth is watching them. It’s only a quick visit. Besides, I needed some fresh air.” Between visiting Aunt Ruby in the hospital and then watching after her and Lilly since she got released two days ago, there had been no time to breathe. And I needed to stop and catch my breath. To process everything that was happening. I also needed to discuss my shifts with Luis. Despite my aunt’s speedy recovery, there was no way she was up to watching Lilly anytime soon.
“I’m glad she’s home. If you need anything ...”
“I know, thank you.” I squeezed her hand and then looked over her shoulder. “Is he in?”
“Yeah, he’s out back. He’s been asking about you.” I ignored the suggestive lilt in her voice and headed for the door marked private. Slipping into the hallway, I made my way to Luis’s office and knocked.
“Yeah,” came through the door, and I opened it, peering inside.
“Hey, Luis, do you have a minute?”
“Cassie, this is a surprise.” I stepped into the room, and he got up and came to me. “Your aunt, she’s okay?”
“Yes, thank you.” My eyes darted around his heavy gaze, and I breathed a sigh of relief when he stopped just short of me. Luis was more hands-on than I was used to, but I liked my personal space for reasons I hadn’t disclosed.
“If there’s anything you need, you only have to ask.” He rubbed his jaw. Luis was an intense guy. All hard angles and thick muscles. But underneath the bravado, he was a good guy and cared deeply for all his employees.
My mind flashed to Dennis. He was also a good guy. A good guy messed up in a bad world. But in the end, it hadn’t stopped him from hurting me.
God, how had my life ended up here?
“Cassie?”
I blinked at the man in front of me, forcing a weak smile. “Sorry, it’s been a crazy week.”
“Sit.” He motioned to the worn leather couch next to us, but I said, “I can’t stay long. I just wanted to ask if I could take an extended leave of absence? I’m going to struggle to find someone to watch Lilly while my aunt recovers.” And I couldn’t afford a babysitter. Not that the idea of leaving my daughter with a stranger was appealing, but if the worst happened, if my aunt could no longer care for Lilly, well, I needed a plan B.
“Take as long as you need,” he said without hesitation, and a weight lifted from me. “If you need an advance, you only have to ask.”
“Oh no, I don’t ... I wouldn’t ...”
“Cassie.” He reached for my hand, wrapping his fingers around mine and squeezing gently. “I’m here for whatever you need.” There was nothing but genuine concern in his voice, but his eyes said something different. Something I didn’t want to acknowledge. And his touch, it felt unfamiliar and wrong.
All wrong.
“Thank you.” I pulled my hand free, dropping my gaze. “I appreciate it, Luis. But I’ll be fine. I just need some time.”
He nodded, but the air between us shifted, pressing down on my chest, and I couldn’t breathe.
“I should get back,” I rushed out. “My neighbor is watching Lilly. I’ll check in next week, though.”
“Of course.” His eyes narrowed slightly. “Amanda will cover your shifts, but as soon as you’re ready, they’re yours again.”
“Thanks.” I smiled, trying to convey my gratitude, and hurried out of there. The second I stepped into the hallway, I felt lighter. The air less dense. And I dragged a long breath into my lungs. I’d managed to evade Luis’s advances by pretending I didn’t notice the way his eyes lingered on me, following me around the place whenever he was around. It was easy working out front because I could keep busy with other customers. But that felt ... different. Shaking the thoughts out of my head, I went back into the bar.
“Everything okay?” Amanda came straight over, eyeing me suspiciously.
“I’m fine. I’m taking an extended leave of absence.”
“Oh Jesus, Cassie. What will you do?”
“We’ll be okay for a while.”
Her lips pressed together as if she was holding in whatever she wanted to say. She knew enough to know I needed my paycheck from Bellezas. Aunt Ruby kept a roof over my head and food on the table, but she’d gone from having one mouth to feed to three.
“I need to get back to them. But call me, okay?”
She nodded, her eyes glittering with sympathy. Something caught her eye over my shoulder, and I felt Luis’s eyes burning into the back of my head. And something Dennis had said to me rushed into my mind.
He’s dangerous.
I knew he was. I’d known that the second I turned up for the interview. I saw the shady characters come and go. Luis would greet them, and then they would disappear into the back. Strangely, though, part of me felt safe at Bellezas. And when I first arrived in Redmont, I’d needed that. But the irony that I’d run from one dangerous situation and headlong into another hadn’t escaped me. Since Dennis walked away, that had been the story of my life.
One bad decision after another.
But I couldn’t regret everything. Surviving the past four years had brought me Lilly. And she was everything to me. My whole world. And I would do anything to give her a better life. If I had to work at a dangerous shitty bar while I healed and figured out my next move, then so be it.
“I’M BACK.” I SHUCKED out of my jacket and hung it on the coat rack, then made my way farther into the house. “Aunt Ruby? Mrs. Garth?”
“Hi, dear.” Our neighbor’s friendly face appeared around the doorjamb. “Lilly’s out like a light, and Ruby is resting.”
“Is she—”
“Fine, she’s fine. She got a little tired after lunch, so I helped her back to bed.”
The rush of panic I’d felt ebbed away, and I said, “Good, that’s good. Thank you so much for watching them.”
“Dear, I’ve told you before, anytime.” Her eyes crinkled with kindness, and I swallowed over the lump in my throat.
“Thank you.”
“Can I do anything before I leave?”
“No, you’ve done enough, truly.” I saw her out and closed the door, taking a second to compose myself. Then I headed upstairs to check on Lilly. She was sleeping peacefully. I watched her for a minute or two and then pulled the door closed before going to my aunt’s room.
“Cassie, is that you?” she croaked, and I went to her side.
“Hey, Aunt Ruby, how are you feeling?”
“I was tired. Meredith helped me to bed.”
“She’s a good neighbor.”
“Indeed. Sit.” She patted the space at her side, and I sat down, cradling her hand in mine. “I’m going to be fine, Cassie. You know that, right?”
“I ...” The words lodged in my throat, and I looked away, trying to force the tears back down.
“Cassie, look at me.” My aunt’s voice was clearer. Stronger. And my damp eyes lifted to hers. She smiled. God, she looked so much like Mom at that moment, my chest constricted.
“I am going to be fine. I know I gave you quite the scare, but the doctors are positive it’s nothing serious.”
“I know, I just ... it’s been a rough week, is all.” And even now, after everything, she was the one reassuring me when it should be the other way around.
As the silence enveloped us, my aunt’s smile slipped into something sadder, and my stomach began to sink. “Maybe it’s time.”
It wasn’t a question or a statement, but I still couldn’t believe she’d said it. Suggested that I—
“No, I can’t,” I choked out. “They don’t want
...” An ugly sob ripped from my throat, and I squeezed my eyes closed.
“I spoke to her, Cassie, to let her know about things. She misses you; she wants to make things right.”
“No, no.” Wiping the tears from my eyes, I met my aunt’s gaze. “I can’t. Not after everything.”
“Shh, it’s okay, Cassie. It’s all going to be okay.”
Fear and shame and desperation wracked my body, rendering me a trembling mess. Aunt Ruby didn’t push the issue. She didn’t take the high road and insist that I return Mom’s call. She simply lay there, caressing my hand, while I fell apart.
And then Lilly’s cries pierced the air, and I leaped up and all but ran into her room. Her arms reached for me as I leaned over the crib and scooped her into my embrace. “There, there, Mommy’s got you.” I rocked her against me, burying my face in her fine baby hair, breathing her in.
Her sobs subsided, but I didn’t let her go, hugging her close and absorbing her warmth. She didn’t know it—wouldn’t for a long time yet—but Lilly had saved me. And I had to remember that.
When things got too hard and life kept chipping away at my already broken shell, I had to remember that I had something worth fighting for.
The doorbell rang, and Aunt Ruby’s voice cut through my moment. “Cassie, can you get that?”
“Yes,” I called back, moving Lilly to my hip. She had calmed, tugging and pulling at the zipper on my sweater. Heading downstairs, I went to the front door and opened it.
“Delivery for Malson.”
“Hmm, yes, that’s me,” I said, taking the bunch of flowers from the delivery guy. He fiddled with his handheld and then said goodbye. My stomach knotted tightly as I closed the door and made my way to the kitchen.
“Who was it?” Aunt Ruby called.
“Just a delivery.”
Popping Lilly into her playpen, I slid out the card. My heart hammered in my chest, expecting to see Luis’s name scrawled on the note. I didn’t know what to feel when I realized the flowers weren’t from him at all.
I hope your aunt is okay.
If you need anything ... I’m here.
D x