by L A Cotton
The haunted expression on her face was too much. I wanted to fix it. To take it away and carry it with me, if it meant relieving her of the burden. But how could I do that when I was to blame? When I was the reason for it being there in the first place?
“I’m sorry.” It was a dumb thing to say, but the words spilled out before I could stop them.
“So am I.” She gave me a sad smile, and I wanted to ask what she meant. What could she possibly have to be sorry for? But a man in a white coat chose that exact moment to approach.
“Miss Malson?”
“Dr. Saffron, is everything okay? My aunt, is she—”
“She’s fine. In fact, she’s awake and asking for you.”
The relief flowed out of Cassie, and if it wasn’t for the baby in her arms, I was pretty certain she would have launched herself at the doctor.
“Oh gosh, forgive me, this is my friend, Dennis. Dennis Hayes. Dennis, this is my aunt’s doctor, Dr. Saffron.”
I tipped my chin, and the old man smiled. “It’s nice to meet you. I’ll see you upstairs shortly.”
“Thank you,” Cassie said. “Thank god,” she added when he was out of earshot, and her gaze dropped to Lilly and then flicked back to me. “I hate to ask, but would you mind taking her? I won’t be long. I’ll talk to the nurses and try to figure something out now that she’s awake.”
“Go. It’s fine.”
Cassie stood and came around to my side of the table, placing Lilly carefully in my arms. “If she wakes and gets upset, come and find me. My aunt is on the second floor, room twelve.”
“We’ll be fine.”
“Okay, okay.” She grabbed her purse. “I’ll be as quick as I can.”
“Cassie, wait,” I called her back to me. “Give me your cell phone.”
A torn expression flashed in her eyes, but she dug around in her purse and then handed me her cell. I keyed in my number and then called myself.
“Any problems, let me know, and I’ll text you as soon as Lilly wakes.”
“Thank you.” She clutched the cell phone to her chest. “I’ll never forget this, Dennis.” And then she was gone.
“Well, kid.” I stared down at Lilly. “Looks like it’s just you and me again.”
She stirred, as if she heard my voice, but then quickly settled, snuggling into the crook of my arm. It was fucked up. Sitting there, holding her, feeling my chest swell with something I had no right feeling. Lilly wasn’t mine. Hell, her mother wasn’t mine. But I couldn’t help it. She was a part of Cassie—a part of the girl I still loved. How was I supposed to ignore that? To feel nothing?
And where the fuck was her father?
There was a story there, all right—one Cassie didn’t want to divulge. Anger bubbled under the surface, itching for a way out, but I focused on the sleeping beauty in my arms. The rise and fall of her gentle breaths. Her tiny nose and lips. She looked so much so like Cassie it made my heart ache.
“What’s her name?” a voice said from nowhere, and I looked up to find a cafeteria worker smiling at us.
“Lilly.”
“She’s a peaceful one.”
“Yeah,” I choked out, feeling overcome by emotion as she cleaned off our table.
“You have a beautiful daughter.”
“Oh no, she isn’t ...” But the woman was gone, moving on to the next table, and it was at that precise moment I knew I was screwed.
11. Cassie
“You had me so worried.” I squeezed my aunt’s hand gently, shuffling around the chair to be closer to the bed.
“Cassie, my sweet child, I am fine. The doctors said I’m going to be fine.” Her voice sounded weak, frail, but even in her predicament, she remained her usual positive self, exuding calm and togetherness. But it did little to comfort me.
“Lilly?”
“She’s fine,” I soothed. “A ... friend is watching her.”
“Amanda’s here?”
“Hmm, no, not Amanda.”
“Cassie? What is it?”
“I-hmm, nothing. It’s nothing.” I sniffled back the impending tears and forced a wide smile. “I’m just so glad you’re okay.”
The door creaked open behind me, and I glanced over my shoulder to find one of the nurses smiling at us. “I checked with the doctor, and he’s happy for your daughter to visit for a little while.”
“Thank you.” I dug my cell phone out and sent Dennis a text. It felt strange, too much like old times yet, at the same time, completely new. And while I’d tried to tamp down the flutter of butterflies I’d had in my stomach ever since seeing him at the bar, they were multiplying by the second. Every time I heard his voice; every time our eyes met.
Every time he held Lilly like she was the most precious thing in the world.
When my gaze settled back on my aunt, she stared at me with a curious expression. “Who is he?”
“Wh-what?” I stuttered, and a knowing smile tugged at her lips.
“Cassie Malson, do not think me a fool. I haven’t seen your eyes sparkle like that since they placed Lilly in your arms.”
“I ...”
Her bony fingers wrapped around mine, and I was no longer the one reassuring her. God, I was so lucky to have her. We both were. Ever since my parents had disowned me, she’d been my rock. A pillar of unwavering strength.
“You’re an adult, Cassie. And lord knows, you deserve some happiness, but your heart is still fragile. You still have healing to do. And for the sake of Lilly, I only ask that you don’t rush—”
“You have nothing to worry about, Aunt Ruby. I knew him once. A long time ago. But that ship has sailed. It’s just been a shock seeing him again.” I couldn’t tell her the fragile foundation of my world was shattered the second my eyes landed on him across the bar. So I smiled and added, “But you don’t need to worry about me, I promise.”
“Hush now, it’s my job to worry. One I am privileged to have.” She patted my hand, but a soft knock on the door broke the moment between us, and I left her side to go greet Dennis.
“Thank you.” I took Lilly from his arms, staying at the door.
“How is she?” His voice was low as he searched my eyes, hands jammed deep in his pockets as if he was fighting the urge to reach out and touch me.
And god, I wanted him to. I wanted him to hold me and tell me it was all going to be okay. But that would be a recipe for disaster, and I couldn’t let myself be weak.
Not again.
Never again.
“She’ll be okay. Thank you, for everything. I don’t know what—”
“Anytime.” He cut me off. “I can wait? Make sure you get home okay?”
“No, you’ve done enough, and I’m sure you have more important things to be doing.” I ran a hand over Lilly’s head, cradling her to my chest and using her as a distraction. But his heavy stare pulled me in. Filled with such intensity, such reverence, the air left my lungs.
There was too much between us. Our history. My mistakes. His. My aunt was right—I wasn’t ready. I had to focus on her and Lilly and getting my life back on track. And letting Dennis back in my life would only complicate matters. So instead of inviting him in to meet my aunt, instead of accepting his offer to be my pillar of strength in my time of need, I said, “Goodbye, Dennis,” and this time, I walked away from him.
AMANDA CAME TO GET us. After spending an hour with my aunt, she grew tired, and we left her to rest. The doctor, although pleased with her progress, wanted to run further tests, so she would need a few more days in the hospital. As I made my way across the parking lot with Lilly firmly in my arms, I couldn’t help but search for Dennis’s truck. It was irrational because I’d sent him on his way. Pushed him away when he’d done nothing but be there for me and Lilly. But I didn’t know how to do this. I didn’t know how to let the guy I’d once loved more than anything back in. I was too broken. And even if I did find a way to open my heart again, I didn’t know if that was what he wanted. He didn’t live in Redmont, and
I knew his connections were business related. And that business had put an end to our relationship once before. Dennis was tied to a life I’d wanted no part in, yet somehow, in some cruel twist of fate, I’d found myself there anyway.
Just not with the guy I’d imagined.
Talk about cruel irony.
“Over here.” Amanda hurried toward us with a tight grimace on her face. “How is she? How are you? Fuck, Cassie, I’m so sorry.”
I handed her the diaper bag and said, “She’s okay, but they want to keep her for the rest of the week, at least, to run more tests.”
Amanda bleeped open her beat-up Buick and opened the back door. She threw the bag inside and then took the car seat from me and strapped it in with ease. All the practice from looking after her four-year-old niece.
“Come on, let’s get you guys home.”
The car was a mess—a reflection of Amanda’s life—but she was a good person, and the closet thing I had to a friend in Redmont. She backed out of the parking spot and joined the traffic out of the hospital.
“Luis is worried. He wanted to send flowers, but I told him he could help you out by giving you whatever time off you needed. Of course, he agreed.”
“Thanks,” I whispered, staring out of the window.
“Hey.” Her hand smoothed over my knee. “It’s going to be okay, Cassie. You have me and Luis and the guys at the bar. They’ll take good care of you, babe. If you let them. I think Luis has feel—”
“Amanda,” I warned, flashing her an incredulous look.
“He’s not all bad. He looks after his own, the girls at the bar. He’d take good care of you and Lilly, if you let him.”
“I’m not ready,” I said. “Besides, he’s my boss, and I need that job.” Redmont wasn’t exactly thriving with opportunity, and although I was grateful for everything Luis had done for me, I didn’t see him that way.
And now that Dennis was back in my life, I couldn’t think about anything else. He was a reminder of everything I’d once wanted, everything I’d lost and could never have.
“Cassie, what is it?” Amanda eyed me sideways as I wiped the tears from my eyes. “Your aunt is going to be fine. She’ll be home before you know it.”
I forced a smile, swallowing over the lump in my throat. But I couldn’t tell her the truth. I couldn’t tell her the tears weren’t for my aunt Ruby but for a guy who had the power to save me ... and break me in the worst kind of way.
Because for as much as I didn’t want to believe it, having Dennis around again did feel like a sign.
A second chance.
He’d broken me once, but he also had the power to heal me. I felt it every time he was near. Every time he looked at me. Even so, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let him back in. Because the truth would break us in ways we wouldn’t survive. So, this time, I had to walk away. I had to set him free.
It was the only way to save us both.
“Okay, we’re here.” My friend’s voice cut through my melancholy. “You get Lilly inside, and I’ll grab the supplies.”
“Supplies?” I raised my eyebrow at her, and she grinned.
“For girls’ time.”
“Girls’ time?”
“Yeah. Me, you, and Lilly have a date. Isn’t that right, Lil?” She reached over the seat and wiggled Lilly’s fingers, and my daughter beamed at her.
“You didn’t need to ...” I started, but she held up her finger, silencing me.
“I know I didn’t need to do anything, but I wanted to. You’re my friend, Cassie, and we girls have to stick together.”
Amanda helped us get situated inside and waited for me to put Lilly to bed. After she was safely in her crib, I watched her, soaking up the calm she brought me.
When I went back downstairs, Amanda was waiting. “Is she down?” She sat up.
“Yeah.” I waved the silent baby monitor at her.
“Good, now get over here and have a drink.” Amanda lifted the bottle of wine in the air.
“I’m not sure. She could wake again.”
“It’s one drink. Lord knows you need it after the couple of days you’ve had.”
“Go on then, but only one.” I didn’t make a habit of drinking around Lilly. In fact, I didn’t make a habit of drinking at all. But one wouldn’t hurt, and she was right. It had been a crazy couple of days.
I slumped down onto the couch, and she handed me the glass. “Here, it’s the good stuff. I lifted it from the bar.” She winked.
“Amanda, that’s stealing.”
“Ah, stealing, shmealing. It’s not like Luis doesn’t owe me. I practically run that place. And besides, if he knew I’d stolen it for you, all would be forgiven,” she said with a suggestive smile.
I narrowed my eyes at her and grimaced. “How many times do I have to tell you, I’m not interested in Luis like that.”
“Okay, here’s what I know.” She pulled up her legs and crossed them in front of her. “He’s insanely hot. He owns half of this shithole of a town. And from what I hear, he’s got the goods to go with the reputation, if you know what I’m saying.”
“Amanda!” My jaw dropped open as I tried to think of anything but Luis’s goods. “He just doesn’t do it for me,” I said.
“Good looking and rich doesn’t do it for you? Are you crazy?” She studied me, and I recoiled under her scrutiny. “What isn’t there to like?”
“His reputation isn’t exactly squeaky clean, for one.”
“Okay.” She wafted her hand through the air. “He has some shady connections, but he’s a good guy. Loyal. Protective. And did I mention his goods?”
“If you like him so much, why don’t you date him?”
“Nah.” Amanda didn’t bother to refill her glass. Snatching the bottle, she downed a huge mouthful of wine. “He’s not my type.”
“But you think he’s mine?”
“I wouldn’t know. You’re like a closed book when it comes to men.”
“There’s not a lot to say,” I lied. Just like I had every time before when Amanda had brought it up.
“We’ve known each other what now, almost four months? I’ve never seen you so much as look at a guy, let alone date one. It’s time to get back on the horse.”
“I have Lilly—”
“Having a child doesn’t mean you have to turn into a nun. It’s okay to have some time to be Cassie, the twenty-five-year-old single woman in need of a good—”
“Stop, stop,” I shrieked, covering my ears. “I get your point, but it’s not that simple. Not for me. Not when I ...” The words died on my tongue, but it was too late. Amanda’s eyes were wide with suspicion.
“When you what?”
“Nothing, it doesn’t matter.” I glanced at the clock and let out a long breath. “It’s late; I should get some rest. Thank you for today, though. You’re a good friend, Amanda.”
She clambered off the couch and stretched. “And don’t you forget it. Next time, I’m bringing two bottles and ditching the car.”
“Deal.” I smiled, walking her to the door.
“Let me know how she is tomorrow?” Amanda’s face turned serious, and a sinking feeling tugged sharply in my stomach.
“I will.”
“Night, lock the door behind me and get some rest.”
“Yes, Mom.”
She waved and disappeared down the pathway, and I watched her climb inside her car and drive off before I closed the door. Sliding the chain into place, I leaned my head back against the wood. I could do this. I could totally do this. Care for my aunt and be who Lilly needed me to be.
What other choice did I have?
12. Dennis
“Something you want to share?” Brett flicked his eyes to the cell phone in my hand, and I slid it back into my pocket.
“Nothing,” I grunted, and his brows knitted together. The inquisitive fucker knew something was up. I’d been worse than a bear with a sore head all week. But ever since Cassie dismissed me at the hospital, I’d
been unable to pull myself out of it.
Just when I thought I was getting somewhere, when I thought I was finally breaking through her walls, she pushed me out and slammed them back up, reinforcing them with steel. And instead of standing my ground and fighting, I let her close the door in my face.
My head was a mess around her. I didn’t know which way was up, and I couldn’t keep finding reasons to be in Redmont. Not without Brett and my old man breathing down my neck. So I got the hell out of there and returned to Stonewood to regroup.
Or at least, that was what I kept telling myself.
“Josiah thinks he’ll have everything ready to go by next month.”
“That soon?” Brett helped himself to a beer and handed one to my old man. The two of them launched into business mode, but I was restless. Four days had passed since I last saw Cassie. Even though her being around was a complication I never saw coming, she soothed my soul. And even though she reminded me of everything I wanted but could never have, it didn’t stop me dreaming.
Of a life with her and Lilly and a normal nine-to-five job.
Jesus, I was fucked up.
Completely and utterly delusional.
There was no life for me outside of Stonecreek. I was shackled here.
My old man’s hand slammed down on the table, and I jolted out of my reverie. “Pull your head out of your ass, will you?”
I glared at him, folding my arms across my chest.
“So what do you think?” he added.
“About what?” I ground out, itching for a fight. Itching for a reason to tell him to stick it all.
“For the love of ... what the hell has gotten into you? Brett’s right; is there something we need to know about?”
“Everything is fine,” I said.
“So get your goddamn head in the game. We don’t need anything screwing things up for us. If we pull this off, Josiah is going to bring us into the big time.”