Absolution_A Chastity Falls Spin-Off Novel

by L A Cotton

  Because I didn’t only want one night.

  I wanted forever.

  She was ingrained in my heart. Imprinted on my soul. And being there for her tonight, bringing her and Lilly home from the hospital, I’d imagined another life, where she was my wife and Lilly was our child. It was stupid. Cassie was no longer mine—she hadn’t been for years—but it was a glimpse into the life we could have shared. Me at her side. Protecting her. Caring for her.

  And I’d given it all up.

  For him.

  And a promise I was no longer sure made sense.

  “Dennis?”

  Her voice grounded me. I could just make out the lines of her face. Wide eyes. Parted full lips. I leaned down, brushing my lips against hers. My heart swelling when her breath caught.

  “I’m giving you time to think this through,” I whispered against the corner of her mouth, and her hands twisted into my sweater.

  “I don’t want to think. Not tonight. I want to forget. I want to—” My lips came down hard on hers. I didn’t want to hear her excuses again. I’d seen the flicker of recognition in her eyes earlier, had heard it in her voice. She wanted this. Not because she was in pain or because she wanted to fuck today out of her memory. On some level, Cassie was letting me back in. She was just too damn afraid to admit it. And I couldn’t blame her, not after everything she’d been through. But she didn’t need to be afraid, not with me.

  Never with me.

  She whimpered as the kiss turned frantic. A war of wills and roaming hands and tongues. She refused to bend, and I refused to accept this was all we’d ever be.

  Our story wasn’t done.

  If I had my way, this was just the first line of a new chapter.

  “Dennis, I want—”

  “Want? What do you want, Cass?” My words were low in her ear, causing a shudder to roll through her.

  “I want you. God, I want you so much it hurts.”

  It was all the permission I needed. I scooped her up and carried her to the bed. She landed with a soft thud and a sigh, and I yanked my polo shirt over my head. My jeans and socks went next, and then I was stalking toward her. Even without the stream of silvery light illuminating the room, I would have found her. My body and heart gravitated toward her.

  They always had.

  “You’re so beautiful.”

  “I’m a mess.” She stared up at me as if she was seeing me for the first time.

  “You’re perfect,” I insisted, reaching for her calves. Running my hands down her legs, I tugged her to the edge of the bed. There were so many things I wanted to say, to tell her. Instead, I stripped off her jeans, inch by inch until her long smooth legs were bare. “Sit up.”

  She complied, and I peeled her t-shirt off her body, gliding my hands over her collarbone. Last time she’d let me touch her, it was rushed and frantic, but this time ... this time, I was going to take it slow, praising every inch of her until she had no choice but to see what I saw every time I looked at her.

  A strong, courageous, beautiful woman.

  A woman I didn’t deserve a second chance with, but that I’d spend a lifetime trying to earn.

  I dropped to my knees, bringing us to eye level, and glided my finger down her neck and over the curve of her chest. Stopping at the swell of her breasts, I slipped my hands behind her back, unhooking the clasp. As the material fell from her body, Cassie’s eyes fluttered shut, and her head dropped back, giving me full access. My lips chased over her skin, licking and nibbling, drawing her pebbled nipple into my mouth.

  She gasped, pushing her chest forward. Needing more. “Lie back,” I said, and she drifted down to the bed as I leaned over her. Her skin tasted of hope. Of a future I wanted more than I ever realized.

  The more time I spent around her and Lilly, the more I craved it.

  Them.

  The three of us as a family.

  It was a future I wanted to fight for. I didn’t want to pretend anymore. I didn’t want to keep living a lie to uphold a childhood promise. But things weren’t that straightforward, and I knew that although she was giving me this now, there would still be hard conversations to have tomorrow.

  The story of my life.

  Wiping all thoughts of the immediate future out of my head, I turned my focus back to Cassie. Her fingers worked lazy circles in my hair, and I relished the feel of her touch. She tugged and pulled, guiding me to where she wanted my mouth. Her nipples, the sensitive skin along her neck, and finally, her lips.

  I took my time getting reacquainted with her mouth. Exploring it with my tongue. Deep and slow and unhurried, I matched every stroke of my tongue with the way my hips rolled into hers. Cassie’s moans grew impatient as she hitched her legs around my waist, anchoring us tighter. Closer. Until it was impossible to tell where she ended and I began.

  Bunching up her hair, I eased away, checking she was still with me. “What?” she whispered, and I smirked, brushing my lips against her forehead.

  “Nothing.”

  “Good, because you’re killing me here.” She froze, the implication of her words freezing the air around us. But I was right there, grounding her. Refusing to let her fall again.

  “Don’t go there.” Kiss. “Don’t let your mind go there.” Kiss.

  But she was still rigid beneath me, fighting back the tears glistening in her eyes.

  “Come back to me.” Kiss. “Come back to me, Cass.”

  Her mouth crashed to mine, the air shifting again. But I let her lead, let her take what she needed to keep the pain at bay. Eager hands glided down my waist, and she dipped one between us, taking me in her hand.

  “Christ, Cass.” I panted as she began to work me up and down over my boxer briefs. It was like coming home. My dick knew her—recognized her touch, the way she handled me—and Christ, if it didn’t ignite something inside me.

  I’d wanted to go slow, to take my time and love her with the care she deserved, but I was losing control. The last thing I wanted was to come all over her hand like a horny teenager.

  “Easy,” I said, covering her hand with my own. “I want this to be about you.”

  “I want you,” she replied, not a drop of doubt in her voice.

  And then it dawned on me. “Shit, I don’t have any condoms.” It wasn’t like I’d planned on this.

  “I’m on birth control.” Something passed over her face, but as quickly as I saw it, it was gone and replaced with a look of longing I couldn’t ignore. Shucking off my boxer briefs, they joined the puddle of clothes on the floor, and then I was lowering myself back between her legs.

  She felt like heaven. Warm and wet. Soft and tight. But as I lined myself up, nudging her entrance, she froze up again.

  “Cassie?”

  Fuck. Maybe I’d completely misread the situation. I began to roll off her, but her hand slammed down on my shoulder as she whispered, “Just be careful with me, okay?”

  “I would never hurt you.” I brushed my nose against hers. Once. Twice. Waiting for her to decide.

  “I know,” she finally whispered.

  My chest swelled, and slowly, I pushed into her, kissing her deeply to ease her nerves. To remind her this was us. Her and me. But her body was coiled so tight, resisting, that I didn’t move. I dare not. This was about her. About healing her. It had to be on her terms. So even if it almost killed me not to move, not to fill her so completely I lost myself in her, I’d wait.

  I would always wait.

  After a few seconds, Cassie’s body arched up instinctively as if it remembered exactly what to do. Remembered how good it was between us.

  “You feel so good,” I said against the soft skin underneath her ear, letting her catch her breath before pulling out and sliding back in. “Like heaven.”

  “God, Dennis, it feels so—”

  I slammed into her harder, the urge to lose myself in her almost unbearable. But I locked down my need and focused on her responses. Rolling my hips slow and deep, I filled her without bein
g hard and rough. Cassie loosened up, finding her own rhythm until we were two bodies moving in perfect synchrony.

  I couldn’t get enough of her. Her skin. Her kisses. Her tiny whimpers every time I rolled my hips into hers. But despite being inside her, every inch of me pressing against every inch of her, it wasn’t close enough. Hooking my arm under one of her legs, I went deeper, drawing incoherent murmurs from her. Every stroke, every thrust, I felt her come undone a little bit more, and deep down, I hoped it was doing more than carrying her away to another place. I silently prayed this would heal her. Piece her fractured soul back together.

  “Cass, I’m close,” I whispered against her neck, gripping her hip with my fingers, feeling the tingle build at the bottom of my spine. God, I hadn’t felt this in so long. Not like this.

  “It’s too much,” she cried burying her face into my chest. “I’m not sure I can ...”

  “Let go, Cass. It’s okay to let go.” I grazed her soft skin with my teeth, and she clenched around me, pulling me deeper, as my name left her lips like a prayer. Her body shuddered as she clung to me, breathless and satiated. One more thrust, and I crashed over the edge too, finding her mouth again to swallow the words on the tip of my tongue.

  I love you, Cassie.

  Always have, always will.

  27. Cassie

  My eyes flickered open, and for a second, I couldn’t get my bearings. And then images from the previous day came flooding back to me. The hospital. The tears. The crippling pain as the doctor explained everything. And Dennis.

  Dennis was here.

  I tried to inch onto my back, very aware of my naked state. I was also very aware of the very hard thing pressing into my thigh. My heart catapulted into my throat as panic began to stir a storm inside my chest.

  “Cass, are you awake?” Dennis’s voice was husky in my ear, just the way I remembered it. God, I’d spent so many mornings curled up beside him in my small dorm room bed. His size had always comforted me. I’d felt safe. Protected. I’d felt loved.

  But right now, I didn’t know what emotion to cling to first.

  Hope.

  Despair.

  Shame.

  There was too much running through my head. Intense and overwhelming, I was too scared to open my mouth and reply.

  “Cass?” he said again, but I couldn’t move. My body remembered everything. Every touch, every stroke. Every time he took me to another place. A tiny sliver of light in so much darkness.

  Jesus. I was a mess.

  “I know you’re awake.”

  Forcing myself to breathe, I turned slowly, careful none of my naked bits accidentally brushed up against his naked bits.

  “How are you feeling?” He stared at me with such intensity I felt it all the way down to my soul.

  “Like my head got mushed in a food processor.”

  “I get that.” He reached out, curling a strand of my hair around his finger. “Do you want me to go?”

  Did I?

  It was the million-dollar question.

  It would have made this—the awkward morning after—easier. But the thought of him leaving stirred more panic than what I’d felt waking up beside him.

  “I can g—”

  “No.” I shook my head, staring up at him through my lashes. “I don’t want you to go.”

  Surprise flashed across his face, and I hated that I’d made him doubt himself.

  “Thank you for everything yesterday ... for staying with me.”

  He continued staring at me, a strange expression etched into his rugged face.

  “Dennis?”

  “I’m going to kiss you now,” he said.

  There were a million reasons why I should have said no. Why I should have put up some kind of resistance.

  The reality awaiting me today.

  His business with Luis.

  His ties to his family.

  The fact I was still healing.

  ... Morning breath.

  But none of those excuses formed on my tongue, and instead, I found myself saying, “I think I’d like that.”

  He leaned in, bringing one hand to my chin, and tilted my face to his, sweeping his lips ever so gently over mine. And the strangest thing happened. I didn’t recoil or freeze or feel the need to jump his bones. I felt content.

  Everything about this moment felt right.

  Dennis waited, his mouth hovering over mine as he waited for me to make the decision about how this would play out. It’d been the same last night and the time before. He was always giving me space to stop, always holding back to let things go at my pace.

  A true gentleman.

  I slid my hand over his shoulder, pulling him closer, and deepened the kiss. Our legs tangled together, his erection pushing into my stomach. But it didn’t fill me with fear; it ignited a fire in me. A need I’d never expected to feel again. Last night had been driven by pain. The need to erase that pain, even for a second. But this ... the flash of heat low in my stomach, it was desire.

  Sensing my arousal, Dennis’s lips moved to my ear, and he whispered, “What time does Lilly usually wake?”

  “About se—”

  We both let out a sigh of frustration as her cries pierced the air.

  “I guess she’s a morning person,” he said with a smile, moving back to let me climb out of bed. For a second, I contemplated taking the bedsheet with me, but he’d seen me naked more than once. He knew my body better than anyone.

  “Unlike her momma.” I pulled on a clean t-shirt, some underwear and leggings.

  “You deal with the screamer, and I’ll make coffee?”

  “Deal,” I said, unable to hide my smile. But as quickly as it formed, it slid away.

  “Hey, it’s okay to smile.” Dennis threw back the covers and stalked toward me. God, he was something. Sculpted muscle. Broad shoulders and thick arms. Arms which wrapped me in a hug.

  “For as much as I’m enjoying this”—I snuggled closer—“you really need to put on some pants.”

  “Spoilsport,” he whispered, but another shriek from Lilly cooled down our moment, and I went to get her, leaving Dennis to get dressed.

  The tiny human alarm heard me coming, and by the time I reached her room, Lilly’s cries had turned to smiles and giggles.

  “Morning, my little princess,” I cooed, lifting her out of her crib. “How about we get you changed? I think there’s someone downstairs you’ll be happy to see.” She grabbed a fist full of my hair, tugging and pulling as I gathered a clean diaper and the baby wipes.

  Once Lilly was changed, we headed downstairs to Dennis and the smell of fresh coffee. The sight of him in the kitchen, jeans slung low on his hips and shirtless, made me pause, my breath catching in my throat. It was something I’d never expected to see again. But I was slowly learning life had a funny way of giving you exactly what you needed even when you didn’t know you needed it.

  Because for as long as it’d taken me to admit it, I did need Dennis. I needed him in a way that terrified me. Bone-shaking, heart trembling fear. But it also made me hopeful. Of things to come. Of a future that had once seemed so far out of reach.

  Lilly noticed our guest and clapped her hands with delight. Dennis placed two mugs of coffee on the counter and came to us, holding out his hands. “Well, good morning, beautiful.” He pressed a kiss to her head, and my chest swelled. He was so accepting of all this. Of the baggage I came with. It was a lot to process.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, noticing my silence, and I nodded, forcing a tight smile.

  “I will be once I get that inside me.” I made a beeline for the mug, using it as my shield to buy myself five minutes while I got my emotions in check.

  At moments like this—with just the three of us in a little bubble—it was easy to forget all the obstacles facing us. It was so easy to pretend.

  Too easy.

  But I had enough to deal with today without getting caught up in our unfinished story. And it occurred to me that maybe we�
��d never be finished. Maybe we would always be a “to be continued.” When you loved someone as much as I’d loved Dennis, maybe the book never truly stayed closed.

  “What do you need today?” His question pulled me from my thoughts, reality crashing back down around me.

  I gripped the mug tight as I ran through a list in my head. “I have a meeting with the doctor at ten, and then I want to see my aunt. And I think my parents want to come. I’m not sure I want them to stay here, though.” After so much time apart, the idea of having them so close was overwhelming.

  “There’s a decent motel on Brooker. I can call them and reserve a room?”

  “You’d do that?”

  “Of course, I would.” He closed the distance between us, Lilly bouncing happily in his arms. “I told you, whatever you need.”

  “Can you ... would you maybe come to the hospital with us? Lilly is calmer when you’re around, and that way I can meet with the doctor in peace and quiet.”

  “Cass.” He buried his hand in my hair and pulled me closer. “I was coming whether you asked or not.”

  Dennis pressed a kiss to my head, Lilly trapped between us, and for the first time in months, I could breathe. I could actually breathe. Even though I knew I had more pain and heartache ahead, I felt calmer with him here.

  “Do you mind if I use the shower?” He handed Lilly back to me.

  “There are fresh towels on the rack. Take your time.”

  “Thanks.” He finished his coffee and disappeared, leaving the two of us to fend for ourselves. I got Lilly situated in her high chair and started making breakfast. I’d just finishing mixing her baby cereal when the doorbell rang.

  Feeling less than sociable, I checked Lilly’s straps and hurried to the door. “Hello,” I said, expecting to see Mrs. Garth standing there. “Luis? What are you—”

  He bowed his head in that charming way of his. “Amanda told me about your aunt. I wanted to check in on you.”

  “You did?” I stuttered, completely caught off guard. “T-thanks.” His eyes dropped to my thin t-shirt, and I wrenched my arms up over my chest, nervous energy thrumming through me. “I ... hmm ... you caught me at a bad time, actually. I was just getting ready to go over to the hospital.”