by Claire Adams
“You’re up early,” she pointed out. I shrugged.
“Went to bed kind of early.” It wasn’t true—I hadn’t shut everything down in my room until a little after one, and it was only about seven in the morning. But I was eager to get out of the house, eager to get away from my troubles at least for a little while.
“What are you up to today?” I poured myself a cup of coffee and snagged one of the imported strawberries Mom was eating out of a basket. They were still dripping from the rinse she had given them.
“Thought I’d go out on the mountain,” I said, taking a bite of the strawberry. “I’d love to get some time on the slopes. Get some practice in.” Mom made a face.
“You can’t go out on your own,” she told me. “You don’t know these mountains, and besides, it’s dangerous to go out by yourself—you know that.” I did.
“Well…I’m sure there’ll be other people skiing and boarding,” I pointed out. “It’s a great day out for it.”
“Not good enough,” Mom said firmly. “You need someone who’s actually looking out for you. Bob and I can come with you.” I frowned. I didn’t want to have to deal with my mom and her new husband. They’d probably invite Jaxon and I’d have to spend all day pretending to be okay with him, and like I didn’t know him. It would all unravel.
“Mom, come on,” I said with a groan. “I’m not a kid anymore. I can take care of myself on the slopes, there are plenty of rangers and other people out, I’m not going to go off into the woods or anything, and I’ll stick to the normal trails.” Just when my mom would have argued harder, Jaxon came in. I wanted to scream.
“That looks like great coffee,” he said mildly. I moved away, letting him grab a cup of what Mom had brewed. “What’s going on?” he glanced from me to my mom.
“I wanted to go out boarding, but Mom won’t let me go alone,” I said. If I had to talk to Jaxon, at least let him be on my side.
“Bob and I would be happy to go with you, sweetie—and we’re not going to cramp your style, just keep an eye on you while we ski.”
“Mom, there are plenty of people out there. I’m not going to disappear!” I hoped Jaxon would back me up. Instead, he did the one thing that could possibly make a bad situation worse.
“Oh, if you don’t want her going alone, I can totally hit the slopes with her, show her around, keep an eye out.” I wanted to groan. I wanted to scream with frustration. But I had to keep my face neutral. The stubborn look left Mom’s face immediately and she smiled.
“That would be perfect, Jaxon, you are such a sweetheart to think of it.” Jaxon shrugged, glancing at me for just a moment.
“I’ve been looking forward to hitting the slopes myself. Be good to have a buddy.” I felt sick to my stomach. Suddenly I didn’t even want breakfast anymore, much less the coffee I had in my hands.
“Eat something nourishing before you go,” my mom said, grinning at Jaxon and me. “As long as you two are out having fun together, Bob and I can hang out inside by the fire. Keep your phones on you; call us if you need anything.” Mom practically danced out of the room, ready to go screw her new husband’s brains out.
For a moment, I almost decided not to go. The very last thing I wanted was to have to spend all day with Jaxon, avoiding talking to him. I just wanted to practice, to go down the mountain over and over again until I was so exhausted I couldn’t even think. But of course, that wasn’t an option. If I wanted to get some time out of the house, I’d have to take his company. “We are not going to talk about anything,” I told Jaxon firmly. He shrugged.
“We’ll just hit the slopes and make sure neither of us breaks a leg,” he said, holding his hands out in a peace-keeping gesture. “Fine by me. I need practice anyway, before competitions start up.”
“Fine.” I reached into the open pantry and got out a container of oatmeal. My stomach was grumbling and roiling with a mixture of hunger and disappointment and nausea. I knew I had to eat—but I had the definite feeling that whatever I did eat was just going to end up painting the slopes later in the day.
CHAPTER 7
I decided that it wasn’t worth the disappointment of not getting in my slope time to avoid Jaxon, no matter how uncomfortable it was. I got my gear after breakfast and met Jaxon at the entry of the mansion. The place was only a couple of miles away from the trails; Jaxon grabbed my stuff from me and loaded it onto the back of a snow mobile and we set off for the mountain. “Have you ever been out this way?” Jaxon asked me. I shrugged.
“Not really,” I said. I didn’t really want to talk to him. “Look, let’s just…pretend like the other one isn’t here at all.”
“How are we going to do that and still look out for each other?” Jaxon called over his shoulder.
“We’re not.” Jaxon stopped the snowmobile. He turned in the seat and looked at me.
“If you’re not willing to at least let me look out for you—and look out for me in return—then we’re not going. I’ll turn around and you can hang out with Dad and your Mom.” I sighed.
“Okay, fine.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “But like I said before—this isn’t… we’re not going to talk to each other about anything.” Jaxon looked at me for a long moment before nodding and starting up the snowmobile again.
We made it to the trails and I finally began to relax. I trekked up to the top of the slope, not even waiting for Jaxon; I decided privately that I would mostly ignore him, just get through some runs, have a good time, and get the whole situation out of my head. I took it easy the first time down the trail, jumping the ramps as low as possible, getting a feel for the conditions and the features. It wasn’t the same as the practice track, it was a little slower, but it was satisfying to get out on the snow again. I started to smile, even after I ate powder over-shooting my stop at the end of the trail. Behind me, Jaxon laughed.
“Too eager to show off, aren’t you?” he called out, skidding around to a stop at the base of the trail. I rolled my eyes.
“I wasn’t even showing off!” I got back up and got my feet off the board. “I’m going to do it right this time.” Jaxon nodded, smiling—the way he had before things had gotten so weird between us, when we were in practices together. We started going down the trails together, and I found myself getting more and more into it. It was a relief; it was so good to get past all of the weirdness, to just go back to the way things had been before Jaxon and I slept together, before he shut me out and starting ignoring me.
Jaxon seemed to be enjoying himself just as much as I was; we teased each other about lame tricks, we cheered each other on to land the newer jumps and grabs we’d both been working on. At one point we got into a snowball fight, pelting each other with powder we gathered up on a run down the trail. Jaxon took me over to where the people who owned the trails had built a half-pipe specifically for snowboarders and we worked it hard. Just like he did when we’d been in practice before things got weird, Jaxon gave me tips, advice, critiqued me as if he respected my skills as a boarder. We didn’t even stop for lunch; Jaxon brought food with us, and we ate out on the mountain, scarfing down ham-and-cheese pastries and guzzling thermoses hot chocolate with protein powder added to it before we hit it again.
“I’m going to be so sore tomorrow,” I said, shaking my head as we went up another time. “You don’t have the number of a good masseuse, do you?” It felt weird, but good—talking to him the way I always had before. Every time he smiled my stomach got butterflies, every time he looked at me I could feel myself warming up. I knew I should keep my guard up and maintain a distance, but I couldn’t make myself do it. Jaxon tweaked one of the braids I’d put my hair into to keep it out of my face and I smacked him; he shoved me over into the snow when we were walking to the chair lift and I pulled him down with me, nearly yanking down his pants in the process. It was the kind of thing brothers and sisters did, but it didn’t feel brotherly or sisterly—and even though I was scared out of my mind, I couldn’t make myself stop doing it, o
r ignore him when he did something. Once we were both back with our parents, we’d have to stop—I knew that, and Jaxon had to have known it too. If we acted this way around them, they’d know for sure that we hadn’t met for the first time a day and a half before. We were too close, knew each other too well.
I was getting all wrapped up in Jaxon just like I’d let myself get before—getting turned on by him, almost. I couldn’t help noticing how good he looked, couldn’t help the tingles I got every time he was close to me, or looked at me. It was stupid and crazy, but I was letting myself fall for it, letting myself get the same stupid feelings of interest that I’d had before he shut me out and started snubbing me. It was too easy to let myself fall for his easy charm, to respond to his little flirting comments, to want to do more. I had to stop myself from dragging him over to me and kissing him over and over again. He’d never make a move on me—it was too risky, even out on the mountain on our own—but I wanted him to. I knew I’d have to do everything I could once we were back among other people to pretend like I wasn’t the least bit interested in him, but even while we flirted and taunted each other, I also knew that I couldn’t wait for the holiday to be over. I wanted nothing more than to be away from him—away before I couldn’t make myself stop, couldn’t fight the feelings that were brewing in me any longer.
CHAPTER 8
Eventually we couldn’t stay out on the mountain any longer; we were starving, and as the sun started to go down in the west, it got colder and colder. We joked about keeping each other warm, but we knew that there was no way to avoid having to go back to the house. Our parents would start worrying, and that would completely defeat the purpose of our cover story, of even having a cover story. I put my arms around Jaxon’s waist as he drove us back to the mansion on the snowmobile, and I could feel myself tingling all over. It was dangerous—and we’d have to be on our best behavior once we got back—but I couldn’t help myself. It was like tumbling out of an aerial; once you committed to the jump, you were going to come careening back to the ground and nothing would stop you. Jaxon was the ground I was about to hit.
Mom and Bob had no idea of anything wrong; as soon as we got to the door, I stopped Jaxon. “There’s nothing between us, remember?” I said. Jaxon hesitated a moment before nodding.
“Right,” Jaxon said. We went in, all smiles and friendliness, but nothing more than that. Mom asked us right away how our riding was.
“Must have been decent conditions on the slopes for them to be out all day,” Bob pointed out. Our parents were curled up in front of the fire, and I couldn’t help but note the fact that my mom had gotten newer clothes as a result of her new-found wealth as a rich man’s wife; she was clothed head to toe in comfy, casual designer-type clothes that made her look like a kind of Stepford wife. It was weird, but at the same time I liked seeing her so happy, seeing her looking more comfortable in her own skin. Jaxon and I took up positions on separate ends of the den, avoiding looking at each other. My heart was pounding while I told Mom about the snowboarding, sticking to the objective facts and pretending like I’d barely even noticed Jaxon’s presence on the slopes.
I heard Jaxon telling his father about his day, too—and doing the same thing I was. I couldn’t help but shoot him a grin when both of our parents were distracted by talking about what we should have for dinner; he grinned back. The moment anyone was paying attention to us, though, we were just as disinterested in each other as ever. “I’m gonna go get a shower,” I said, standing up quickly. “Before dinner, I mean. Don’t want to get my grubby hands all over the nice, clean table cloth.” Bob laughed.
“Jaxon’s never had a problem with that—he’ll eat covered in mud if he has to.” I laughed and backed out of the room, smiling as much as I could.
The shower felt great; plenty of hot water, with three shower heads at different heights soaking me from head to toe in an instant. I closed my eyes and sighed happily, relaxing. As uncomfortable as the situation was at the mansion, I had to admit to myself that there were certain perks to staying there. As I stood in the hot water, I couldn’t help but think about Jaxon. How hot he was, how attractive he was. The way he smiled at me. My thoughts went back to the time we’d had sex together. My hands began to wander over my body while I thought about the sight of Jaxon naked. It was only too easy to remember the way that he’d touched me, the way he’d felt me up, rubbing and stroking me on the couch in the middle of the frat house.
I teased myself a little bit; I couldn’t help it. The memory of Jaxon inside of me, the feeling of his cock, turned me on too much. I knew it was stupid; I couldn’t have him, I couldn’t even do anything about it—but I also couldn’t make myself stop it. I teased my nipples, I slithered my hands down along my body until I came to my pussy. I tried to mimic what I could remember of his touch on my clit, closing my eyes in the steam and water. I tilted my head back, biting my bottom lip as I got more and more turned on. I could feel my pussy getting wet, drenching my fingers, my inner muscles tightening in need. It wasn’t quite as good as Jaxon had been, but it was good.
“Mia! Dinner’s done! Come out to the table and don’t use up all the hot water!” I was jolted out of my fantasy by the sound of my mom’s voice on the other side of the bathroom door. Shivering, I leaned against the tiled wall. I was buzzing all over, every nerve in my body awake. But if I spent too much longer in the shower trying to get myself off, my mom and new stepdad would no doubt get suspicious. I took a deep breath and finished up, washing my hair and turning off the water. I changed into new clothes and got my hair as dry as possible.
Everyone was already at the table when I left my room. Mom and Bob were, as usual, completely involved in one another, talking about something they wanted to do when it got warmer—a cruise or something they wanted to take. I glanced at Jaxon; his eyes lit up at the sight of me, and I realized I’d unconsciously picked out an outfit that—while it wasn’t exactly sexy—showed off my assets pretty well. I shrugged, flashing a little smile at him while no one was looking before I took my seat at the table. Dinner was great: roast beef and mashed potatoes with gravy, asparagus and garlic bread. After the all-day snowboarding marathon I was more than hungry enough to dig in. I’d lost my sense of nausea when it came to Jaxon’s presence; I was feeling too tingly, too fluttery, too interested in him to be repulsed by his presence.
As I sat there at the table, responding to Mom’s or Bob’s questions, pretending to mostly ignore Jaxon other than the most basic polite interest in what he had to say about his classes, I felt my phone vibrate. Knowing how my mom felt about phones at the table, I slipped it out of my pocket underneath the table and checked it, expecting it to be from someone at school, or maybe one of my friends from high school. You just had to wear that shirt… the message read. It was from Jaxon. I felt my cheeks burning with a blush and coughed to cover up my shock.
A shirt’s a shirt, I wrote back as quickly as I could, not wanting to call attention to myself. I realized that it was the same shirt I’d been wearing the night that Jaxon and I had had sex and my blush deepened. My phone buzzed again and I took a bite of my roast beef to cover my look at the screen.
A shirt’s not just a shirt when all I can think of is getting it off of you. I tried not to smile. I looked up and responded to something Mom was saying; some question that she was asking me. I wasn’t even thinking about what she’d asked—and realized that I’d set myself up for some sort of stupid family game night activity. Oh well, I thought. It would be easier to avoid temptation if we were spending the entire night around our parents.
Your thoughts are your own problem, I typed as fast as I could, adding in a smiling emoji. Not very brotherly to be thinking of taking off my clothes… I slipped my phone back into my pocket. I didn’t know whether I wanted Jaxon to make a move on me—and take care of the deep-down tension I felt—or if I wanted him to go back to ignoring me completely. It had been so nice on the mountain, laughing and having fun, relaxed, just like it h
ad been before. But we couldn’t do anything. I knew that—and Jaxon knew it too. My phone vibrated. I waited a minute or two to check it, knowing without even having to look that the only person it could be from was Jaxon. The more we both looked at our phones the better the chance would be that one of our parents would notice it. My phone vibrated again.
You always such a tease, Mia? The first message read. I’m not like the guys in Tau Delta. I snorted as quietly as possible. No, Jaxon was nothing like the guys in Tau Delta. They hung on my every word, staring at me while they helped me with Bio homework.
You’re right, I wrote back. The guys in Tau Delta didn’t just randomly stop helping me in class. Mom was going on about what game we should play—if it should be Monopoly or a card game, something like that. “If we play a card game, I want to partner with you, Mom,” I said, not glancing at Jaxon. It wouldn’t help either of us if we were partnered up in whatever game our parents decided to spend the night playing. It’d come out way too easily that we already knew each other; and then, if that came out, our parents would want to know why we’d kept it a secret, why we’d lied. And there was no good reason other than the truth.
We finished dinner and went into the den, where Bob brought out a bunch of game boards at my mom’s insistence. My phone buzzed against my leg and I felt my cheeks burning, but I made the excuse of needing to use the bathroom to answer it without being seen. The guys in Tau Delta haven’t seen you naked, either. I rolled my eyes, smiling in spite of myself. I licked my lips and tried to think of what I should do. I shouldn’t be encouraging Jaxon, I knew. I should shut him down, end the whole thing. We were brother and sister now.
Well, I wrote. You got to see me naked and then you got all weird on me, so you’re not going to see me naked again. I pressed my lips together. Besides, I saw you naked, too, and you don’t see me drooling all over the place. I added a few emoji to the message and sent it.