by Claire Adams
Throughout the night, my phone would buzz and I’d look to see it was from Jaxon; somehow he’d managed the knack of texting without being seen—even I didn’t catch him actually writing the texts. We both pretended to mostly ignore each other as we went from one game to another with our parents—card games where I partnered up with my mom, board games where I insisted that we play only as individual players and not as teams. Mom got out a bottle of wine and poured me a glass right alongside herself, Bob, and Jaxon. “If you can’t have a little nice wine in your own home on holiday, what has the world come to?” I was underage, but somehow that didn’t seem to matter. Mom knew that I drank on campus, though she didn’t know specifically what parties I went to; she joked with Bob about the first time she had talked to me on the phone while I had a hangover. “She was so obvious,” Mom said, laughing. “She hadn’t puked but she had that hung over voice, you know?”
“I don’t get hangovers anymore,” I said, with more than a little pride. My phone buzzed and I took a long sip of my wine while I sneaked a peak at the screen. Never forget who helped you train not to get hangovers. It was accompanied by a winking emoji. I set my glass down.
I figured it out on my own, thank you very much. Back and forth, the texts flew between us, little sub-conversations surrounding what was really going on. Mom and Bob were so wrapped up in each other that they didn’t notice anything at all amiss between Jaxon and I. Somehow we both managed to keep up our conversations with our parents, occasionally making comments to each other, innocent as can be. I was excited and anxious at the same time; texting with Jaxon, occasionally flashing a smile at him when no one was looking, it had all the flavor of forbidden fruit; but I knew that there was nothing I could really do. I knew that if anyone ever noticed just how cozy we were underneath the pretend-game of not really knowing or caring about each other, they’d know in an instant there was more going on.
It was lucky for both of us that Bob and Mom were totally into each other, cheating to benefit each other when we were partnered up, sharing little inside jokes, touching each other. My stomach gave a lurch as I realized that it was possible that Mom might get pregnant by Bob. I might have a half-sibling in common with Jaxon. I prayed to myself—without knowing who I was praying to—that it wouldn’t happen. I didn’t think I could ever deal with that.
The night gradually began to wind down and Bob and Mom started talking about heading in to bed. After a full day of snowboarding, I was bone-tired and more than ready to go to sleep. I finished off my wine and snagged some of the leftover snacks that the housekeeper had brought out. Mom kissed me on my forehead and Bob patted Jaxon on the shoulder, and then they were walking away, down the hall and up the stairs to their room.
“I’m gonna catch the highlights of the Jets game and hit the hay,” I said, smiling slightly. Jaxon shrugged.
“Be my guest.” I went back into my room and turned on the TV. I plugged my phone in next to my bed and pretended to myself that I didn’t want to see it light up, hear it buzz with another flirting text message. I waited up, wondering what Jaxon was doing, wondering what he was thinking about. Whether he was thinking about me. I could feel the low simmer of heat deep down in my hips. I had been steadily turned on since the shower, for hours, sitting just far enough away from Jaxon to keep it from blowing up to full-blown need, but close enough to keep it going.
I felt like I was playing with fire—that excited feeling of dread that you get when you know you could get really, really hurt, but it’s so interesting that you can’t quite make yourself stop. I wanted to be able to keep flirting with Jaxon, but I didn’t want it to lead anywhere. I wanted to see him naked again, but I couldn’t handle the thought that he was—technically, by marriage—my brother now. It was so incredibly fucked up, but so incredibly exciting that I couldn’t make myself stop even when I knew it was going to crash and burn. I wanted Jaxon to keep texting me, but I knew if he did it would be too much temptation. Before the holiday was over, we’d end up one of us in the other’s room, and that could only cause problems.
After an hour of watching highlights and listening to the same old commentaries on the game, I decided that I should just go to bed. I was tired and I was clearly not going to hear from Jaxon again at all that night. I tried not to feel disappointed. After all, I knew for a fact that nothing could happen between Jaxon and me. And on top of that, after a full day on the slopes, Jaxon was probably just as tired as I was. I figured we’d play the same game the next day—keeping our attraction to each other away from our parents’ notice, pretending like we only had a passing interest in each other as new step-siblings. Maybe we’d get a chance to get out and play some basketball, or hit the slopes for a few hours again. Eventually we’d have to deal with what was going on; but for now, we’d just have to cope as best as we could. I turned off the TV and curled up in the bed, shaking my head at the stupid coincidences that came up in my life.
CHAPTER 9
By the time I’d decided to go to sleep it was easily about midnight. I lay in bed for a long while, waiting to fall asleep even as my mind spun around and around and around on the subject of Jaxon, my mom, and Bob. I was just beginning to doze off, when I heard a rustle by the door, and then the squeak-click of the doorknob turning. Light shone into my room as the door opened, and I sat up and turned on the lamp next to my bed.
Jaxon closed the door to my bedroom behind him and for a long moment all I could do was stare. Jaxon was in nothing but a pair of boxers, his hair still damp from a shower. I hadn’t forgotten how hot he was but the sight of him put my memory of his attractiveness to shame. “Jaxon,” I said, confused and surprised and incredibly turned on all at once.
“Mia,” he said, smiling faintly. “You didn’t lock your door this time.” I slipped out of my bed and crossed the room, even as Jaxon moved to meet me. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and felt his hands drop to my hips; I was tingling everywhere, and finally touching him gave me a mixture of relief and the need for even more. I turned my head to try and kiss him, but Jaxon pushed me away gently, leading me over to the low couch that hugged one wall of the room and sitting me down. “First we have to talk.” I knew what Jaxon wanted to talk about; I started to shake my head. I didn’t want to discuss our parents being married, the whole stupid mess we were in. I just wanted him. But I knew that we’d have to have the conversation sooner or later, and now was as good a time as any. Everyone else was in bed, we wouldn’t be overheard, and no one would know what was going on — not even the guys in the frat or anyone at our school.
“Okay,” I said. “Fine. Say what you need to say.” Jaxon took a deep breath and sat down next to me.
“I’m sorry I went all weird on you,” he said first. I shrugged.
“It’s not that big of a deal. I’ve moved on.” Jaxon shook his head.
“I should have probably told you what I knew; it was shitty of me. I wasn’t being a good friend.” I pressed my lips together. I’d accused him of as much—both to his face and in my head.
“Okay. What did you know?” Jaxon made a face.
“Up until we had sex all I knew was that my dad was dating someone—totally nuts about her, a way he hasn’t been since my mom. I didn’t really pay any attention to it because…well, you know. I swear when we had sex I had no idea it was your mom.”
“I’d hope you’d at least tell me if you knew. Mom didn’t tell me like, specifically who she was dating. I think she thought it might jinx it. Just that her new boyfriend was awesome, had a great house, all that stuff.” I gestured to the room around us. “Gotta admit she wasn’t wrong about the great house.” Jaxon smiled weakly.
“Same with Dad, at least at first. His new girlfriend was great, really got him, fantastic in bed…” Jaxon made a face. “Anyway, after we had sex, like that night or the next morning, he called me and told me that he’d popped the question. I was kind of shocked.”
“I was pretty surprised to find out mom was marrie
d, she didn’t even tell me at all about it until I got here.” Jaxon shrugged.
“Anyway, I told him it was crazy—and that I didn’t even know anything about her, that he’d only been dating her for a couple of months. He sent me her picture and told me her name. It didn’t really take me long to put two and two together.” I nodded slowly.
“So you knew then.” Jaxon smiled slightly.
“Yeah…I knew. And I freaked out. I mean—you were about to be my sister. It was weird.”
“You could have told me, you know. Pretty easy. ‘Oh, hey, so Mia, did you know our parents are about to get married?’ It isn’t hard.” Jaxon snorted.
“Yeah, I know. I should have been up front with you. I was a total asshole about it.” I smiled.
“I guess if you’re going to admit it I can’t stay mad at you about it.” Jaxon echoed my smile.
“I figured back then that I’d have plenty of time to get over it. Obviously I couldn’t tell my dad not to marry the woman he loved—I mean could you imagine it? ‘So, Dad, good news bad news time: your girlfriend has a smoking hot daughter, and I totally hit a home run with her. So you shouldn’t marry the woman you love.’ Nothing but heartache in that for everyone.”
“Seems like there’s plenty of that going around anyway,” I said, feeling more than a little bitter. I was glad that my mom was happy—and glad that Bob was happy; I mean I couldn’t hold it against him. But their love was definitely a major problem in Jaxon’s and my life. “So I guess you got over it, but now it’s still sort of weird?” Jaxon shook his head slowly.
“I thought I’d just forget all about it because hell, what else was I going to do? But then Dad told me about this whole stupid holiday idea, and how he and your mom wanted us all to be together.” I took a deep breath and sighed. Yeah, that could make things awkward.
“So why didn’t you talk to me then? I mean… it would have made things a lot less awkward when we had to start pretending not to know each other at all.” Jaxon shrugged and I wondered just how much we could possibly even get through the conversation.
“I sort of panicked. I mean probably we could have come up with a reason we know each other that would never have been a big deal, but I didn’t think about that. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of an idiot.”
“Not arguing with that,” I said with a grin. Jaxon laughed quietly. It was definitely not escaping my notice that he was almost naked, that my whole body was tingling with how close we were. “So where do we stand now?” Jaxon licked his lips and looked down at his hands for a minute.
“I still…have feelings for you.” He looked at me once more. “Like, I thought I could just ignore you and it’d be fine or whatever. But as soon as we were around each other again, I knew that wasn’t going to happen in a million years.” My cheeks were heating up.
“You—I’m not just…You’re not just interested in…” I couldn’t make my thoughts form into actual sentences; I was so flustered by what Jaxon was saying.
“Oh—no, no. When we had sex, I had every intention of doing that as many times as you’d let me.” I laughed.
“Friends with benefits?”
Jaxon hesitated a moment before shaking his head. “Not exactly. I mean, nothing super serious or anything, but I definitely wanted to do more than just sleep with you every once in a while.” He reached out and glided his fingers along my leg, sending a tingle of sensation through me.
“Let’s…talk about the specifics later,” I said, feeling my heart beating faster. Jaxon hesitated a moment, but then he nodded, leaning in and bringing his lips to press against mine. My whole body heated up, and I shivered against Jaxon as he went from barely kissing me to almost devouring me, his tongue slipping past my lips, plunging into my mouth, tasting and exploring me while his hands began to move over my body slowly. I started to touch him as well, too hungry for the feeling of his skin under my hands, for everything that I could still remember all too easily to make myself stop. I was so incredibly turned on, my pussy already soaking wet, my body hot all over, cold tingles washing through me. I knew that we were doing the worst possible thing—but I couldn’t help it.
For a long time as Jaxon and I kissed, I was incapable of thinking of anything at all. All I could do is react to how much I wanted him, how warm his skin was against mine, how good he smelled—the familiar scent of his soap and cologne filling my nose. I couldn’t think of anything else at all, as my whole body geared up. But then all at once I was pulling back, breaking away from the kiss, panting, my nerves on fire but my brain frozen like a block of ice. “What’s going to happen if our parents find out about this?” I asked Jaxon, my mind reeling at the possibilities. Jaxon shook his head, leaning in to kiss me on the lips once more. He barely broke away to answer.
“I don’t care. I have to have you, Mia. I don’t give a good goddamn what happens next.” He slipped his hands up underneath my tee shirt, brushing along my waist and ribs, moving up to cup my breasts. I’d changed into pajamas—more than what Jaxon was wearing, but not by much. Jaxon squeezed my breasts carefully, his thumbs brushing across my nipples to send a tingling jolt through me. My nipples hardened into firm little nubs at his touch, and the muscles of my pussy tightened, my whole body wanting Jaxon and not caring one little bit that he was now my brother and off-limits. Jaxon began to twist and roll my nipples between his fingers and I was moaning against his lips, my hands moving over his body, exploring the broad, muscled planes of his back, the satisfying thickness of his shoulders, down over his chest and to his flat abs.
“Are we…going to only…have sex on couches?” I asked Jaxon, barely breaking away from his lips as I realized the irony of the situation—that we’d started to fool around on a couch, yet again. Jaxon pulled back slightly and looked around in a brief moment of confusion before laughing.
“Game’s not on this time,” he told me with a low chuckle.
“Oh come on, we’ve even got a bed this time. Do it right, Jax.” Jaxon lifted me up off of the couch and hefted me against his body, up into his arms. I laughed as he carried me from the couch and onto the bed—I hadn’t expected him to take me quite so literally as that. Jaxon dropped me onto the bed carefully and then the next moment he was covering his body with my own, touching me everywhere while I kissed his lips, the column of his throat. He was burning up with heat, driving me crazy with it—I wanted him so much that for the time being, I had to agree with him; I didn’t give a good goddamn what happened next either.
Jaxon pulled and tugged at the hem of my shirt, dragging it past my breasts and over my head and tossing it off to the side without even looking to see where it went. He buried his face against me, nuzzling my cleavage and then kissing until he came to one of my nipples. I moaned out as Jaxon latched on, sucking and licking, sending tingling little jolts of electric sensation straight from my breast to my pussy, making me soaking wet, making my inner walls tighten and flex with need. He switched from one breast to another, his tongue lapping against me. I was trembling; my hands moved over him and my nails dug into his skin. I writhed as Jaxon moved back and forth, teasing me relentlessly, turning me on more and more and more.
He broke away and moved his lips back up along my chest, dragging them along the column of my throat until he met my mouth once more. Jaxon kissed me hungrily as his hands moved down to my pajama pants. He hooked his fingers in the waistband and tugged them down over my hips; I slithered out of them, kicking them down my legs. Jaxon’s fingers slid along my skin, up from my knees, along my inner thighs, teasing me until I could hardly stand it anymore. He spread my soaking wet labia and then he was stroking me, his touch feather-light against my inner folds, teasing me once more. “Fuck, Jax,” I said, panting already, my body on fire, my brain full of how much I needed more. “If you don’t stop teasing me I will shove you out of this bed.” Jaxon laughed, nibbling at my neck, and his fingers pressed against me more firmly.
Jaxon found my clit by touch and I moane
d, pushing my hips down to meet his fingers, wanting even better contact. It was every bit as good as I’d remembered; he rubbed me in tight little circles, his fingertips swirling around the little bead of nerves, sending electric crackles of pleasure through every nerve in my body and making me wetter and wetter. “Mmm, God, you’re just as wet and hot as I remembered. Fuck, Mia. How’d I ever stay away?” I shook my head. I had no idea. No idea how either of us had managed to stay away.
Jaxon started to kiss a path down along my body, starting at my lips, trailing over my throat, lingering at my breasts for a long time to tease my nipples once more with his tongue, flickering it across the tender nubs while his fingers worked me. He stroked and teased, backing off of my clit and then pressing against it harder, making me moan out in the near-stillness of my room, not even caring if I was loud, not caring if anyone heard me. He nuzzled at my hips and I could feel my skin crawling with anticipation—I knew exactly where he was going, what he was about to do. Instead of giving me what I wanted, he bypassed my pussy altogether and began to nip and nibble at my inner thighs, sweeping his tongue across my sensitive skin and teasing me until I was sure I couldn’t take any more. I threaded my fingers in his hair, I pushed my hips down, I was on the verge of begging him to just do it already.
Finally, he buried his face against me, nuzzling deep against my soaking wet pussy, licking at my inner labia while I shivered and arched up off of the bed with relief. Jaxon worked me with his lips and tongue, getting tantalizingly close to my clit and then backing off, plunging the tip of his tongue deep inside of me and wriggling it around, tasting me as if I was melting snow against his mouth. I moaned out over and over again, writhing and twisting on the bed, grabbing at his shoulders and his head. It felt so good—but I had to have more. I could feel Jaxon’s hard cock pressing at me, straining at the fabric of his boxers, hot and heavy against my leg as he sucked and licked, working his way up from the well of my pussy to my clit and then back down again, never quite hitting the spot that I wanted the most. “Fuck!” I cried out, tugging at his hair and pushing my hips down. “You…are never…allowed to call me a tease…again.” I was panting, gasping for breath, my whole body on edge as I got closer and closer to orgasm.