No Wasted Tears

by Sylvia D. Carter

  “Dr. Brown, it was nice seeing you again. I hope to see you again real soon and often.” After saying his good-byes, Adam turned toward the door.

  “I’ll see you this evening,” she said before gently closing the door.

  “Hey, listen,” Willie said, “I’ve tied up most of our day, and it sounds like your young man has plans for the both of you tonight.” Willie was getting up from his seat. “We have plenty of time. I promise I’m not going anywhere. Go get your hair done on me,” Willie said, putting some money in her hands.

  Running her hands through her hair, she responded, “Are you saying that this hair is not perfectly styled?” Patting her hair, Destiny laughed, putting a smile back on her face. “You’re serious?”

  “Of course I’m serious. I could tell this date means a great deal to you.”

  “That means I have to leave now,” she teased.

  “I want you to always be happy. It means more to me than anything in the world.”

  She felt her heart flutter, suddenly nervous. “Do you think he’s really interested in having a serious relationship with me?” she asked, figuring a father would be the perfect person to answer this question.

  “If he isn’t, then he sure has fooled me, and I don’t fool that easily. Now I’m going to go. Thank you, Destiny, for allowing us to have this time together.”

  Chapter 23

  Walking with her bare feet across the floor, Destiny was happy for the first time in years. Her father had given her a picture of himself and her mother for her birthday. It was taken on their wedding day. They were both standing on the porch of a beautiful Victorian home; it was a wonderful gift. She made her way into the bathroom, reaching for her favorite bath gel, and filled the bath with silky liquid. Destiny turned on the faucets in the tub, adjusted the water temperature, and then poured an additional splash of the gel into the bath. The space was filled with the scent of jasmine. She stripped off her clothes, leaving them in a heap on the floor. Before stepping into the tub, she pressed a button on the radio on a nearby shelf then slid into the lukewarm water and sat down. Her lids came down as she closed her eyes, willing her mind blank.

  It was five minutes before six, and Destiny stood back, eyeing herself critically in the mirror. The elegant yellow sundress with its spaghetti straps flowed around her legs. She relished the feel of the silk against her skin. She adorned her earlobes with pearl earrings that matched the tiny row of buttons down the back of her dress. Turning first one way and then the other in front of the mirror, she tried to decide what Adam would think about the dress.

  A knock on the front door brought her out of her daydreaming. It was followed by Sara’s voice. “Destiny, are you ready? Adam is here looking handsome.”

  “He is so punctual. Thank you, Sara.” She smiled, running her hands down her dress. “I’m so nervous.”

  “Well, if it’s any consolation, he looks just as nervous.” She chuckled to herself.

  “Tell him I’ll be out in a minute. I have to put on my shoes.” She slipped into the shoes she purchased to match her dress and grabbed her purse, giving her long curls a toss that sent them cascading down her back.

  Adam was watching her as she entered the room. He was lounging comfortably on the sofa; mesmerized it seemed by her appearance. Standing, his gaze drifted downward to her long, bare legs. She smiled as he noted the pink color on her toes in a pair of gold sling-strapped, high-heel, silk-covered sandals. She also hoped he liked the sundress she wore because she loved the way the silk fabric skimmed her curvy body, ending at her knees.

  Destiny suppressed a sigh when she gazed at Adam in his tailored gray suit with a two-button jacket. This Adam her friend and pastor with his gorgeous face, killer smile, and bedroom eyes and voice. Destiny felt as if the spirit of the Lord had reached into her chest and gently squeezed her heart, making her nervous, saying, “This is the one.”

  He opened his arms to her without comment for a few seconds before saying, “Hello again. And might I say you look extraordinary tonight.” Leaning over, he pressed a kiss to her cheek, his warm moist breath sweeping over her earlobe as he whispered those words.

  Destiny’s hands settled around his waist involuntarily, resting against his sides. Closing her eyes, she breathed in the warmth and intoxicating scent that was exclusively Adam Wheeler. Releasing him, she picked up her small shoulder purse from the chair and her keys from the table. “I’m ready.”

  Adam took her hand, squeezing her fingers as they descended the porch steps. Opening the passenger-side door, he waited until Destiny was seated on the black leather seat. As he strode around the car to the driver’s side with his usual grace, it struck her that Adam looked handsome in his suit. Even though she’d seen him in many suits, this one was different. She was sure it was tailor-made. Adam epitomized the grace of the Lord and always worked at presenting the proper image. To Destiny, it seemed to never come naturally, but having this new sense of self-awareness gave her the confidence she needed.

  Adam seemed to sense her thoughts. Reaching out with his right hand, he took hers. His touch was comforting, nonsexual, and nonthreatening. She looked at him and smiled, noticing how his eyes crinkled attractively as he winked at her, making her insides do somersaults. He didn’t remove his hand, and she didn’t ask him to. It wasn’t until he maneuvered into a large public parking lot adjacent to the Edgewater Hotel that he removed his hand. The Edgewater was one of Seattle’s finest hotels, showcasing the Elliott Bay, Puget Sound, and the Olympic Mountains beyond. He retrieved his jacket and then came around the car to open the door for Destiny. She placed her hand in his outstretched one. Tightening his grip, he assisted her with getting out of the car.

  Curving a free arm around her waist, he pulled her closer. “Thank you for spending your birthday with me.”

  Lowering her gaze, she stared up at him through her lashes. “Thank you for asking me to share it with you. This has been the perfect birthday so far.”

  “I hope you don’t get seasick because my plans include that ship docked just on the other side of that pier,” he said, breaking the spell she had on him.

  “What time do we sail?” she asked, looking in the direction of the ship.

  “Not until seven thirty, but we can board anytime between six thirty and seven fifteen for cocktail hour.”

  Adam glanced at the watch hidden beneath his French-cuffed shirt.

  “We can board now because it’s six forty-five.” He escorted Destiny up the gangplank of the extraordinary ship Pictorial. The beautiful sounds of a saxophone greeted them as they were having their names checked off the reservation list. They were escorted into the main salon, Destiny took the opportunity to take in the elegance of the ship. There was soft lighting, cloth-covered tables, burning candles, and beautiful flower arrangements on each table. The mood had been set for a romantic evening of gourmet eating and long hours of dancing.

  As soon as Adam made sure she was comfortable in her seat, he took his and picked up the menu. The dinner selections featured everything from Dungeness crab and shrimp cake with lobster lemongrass sauce. Adam knew all of it would be a delight to both his and Destiny’s taste buds. One thing was for sure: it was more than both of them could eat in one sitting.

  “I hope your appetite is in mint condition this evening because everything sounds delicious, and this is a five-course affair.”

  She picked up her menu, glancing at it for a few minutes. “If I eat all of this, you will be going with me to the gym for the next six months.”

  “No problem. After we eat, we’ll go upstairs and exercise those beautiful legs of yours while burning off calories at the same time.”

  She blushed at the comment and gave her dinner partner a smile over the menu in her hand.

  “You’ve got yourself a deal. I love to dance.”

  Adam and Destiny spent the next ninety minutes talking about everything from the visit by her father to the upcoming events at Greater Community. They sh
ared a bottle of Flora Springs Trilogy while listening to the soft sound of a live saxophone player that enhanced the romantic atmosphere in the dinner area.

  After her first glass of Trilogy, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so relaxed. When the waiter came to refill their glasses, they both declined, not wanting to overindulge. She forgot about all of the years that she spent her birthday alone. There was something so powerful and compelling about the man sharing the same space with her that caused her to lower the walls that she’d built up so many years before with Stanley.

  Touching the corners of her mouth with a napkin, she placed it on her plate. “I can’t eat another morsel.”

  “Are you sure? What about the crème brulé we talked about earlier?”

  Shaking her head, she said, “If I ate another bite, you would be rolling me around on the dance floor.”

  He inclined his head to acknowledge her surrender before touching the sides of his mouth with his napkin. “Are you ready to dance off those calories?”

  A sensual smiled softened her lush lips. “Yes.”

  He came around the table and pulled out her chair. They joined hands as they headed for the upper deck. There was a DJ who had a variety of music, replacing the sultry sounds of the saxophone.

  Encircling her waist, Adam led her out on the dance floor to join the other dancers. Closing her eyes, Destiny was glad this song was slow enough for him to pull her close; she reveled in the feel of his body next to hers.

  Destiny felt the strength of Adam’s arms and felt the slow, rhythmic beat of his heart, and at the moment, all she wanted to do was let her body melt against his. This man was the most precious man she’d encountered in her life. His presence made her think about herself outside of all the mistakes she’d made or all the negative things that had happened to her.

  Then without warning she pulled away from him. Closing her eyes, she stood there, embarrassing herself in the middle of the dance floor. Dumbfounded, Destiny stared wide-eyed at Adam. For no reason at all something about the way he moved on the dance floor brought back a memory of Stanley. Only thing this wasn’t Stanley. This was Pastor Adam Wheeler, a quiet, laid back type, not a bossy, outspoken guy who made demands of her. She thought of returning to her seat, but when Adam pulled her back toward him she lost herself in the music.

  “What was that all about?”

  Her eyes flew open, causing her to miss the next step. She wondered how long he had been gazing at her. She fell back into the rhythm of the dance.

  “I let a memory of something throw me off. But I’m good now. You are a really good dancer.”

  “I have many talents besides preaching and teaching God’s Word, Destiny. You have only seen a few, but if you give me the chance I want to share all of them with you,” he whispered against her ear.

  “I’m not sure if all of this was a good idea.” She sent him a frustrated look as he grasped her hand.

  Suddenly they were both serious. They stared in each other’s eyes for a long moment.

  Adam spoke first, “Look, I’m not trying to pressure you into anything, and I’m by no means perfect. There are a few things you may not like about me after you find them out.”

  She turned away from him just for a second, “I’m sure they are no worse than some of mine.”

  She turned to walk away from him just as the tempo of the music changed, becoming more upbeat and allowing both of them to distance themselves from each other.

  Grabbing her hand, he pulled her back toward him, “Can you step?” he asked as he dropped one hand and took the other.

  “I’ve been stepping since I was four. Sara taught me.” Then she pulled away, moving to the rhythm of the music as she made her way back to him.

  Adam swung her out, releasing her, and everyone stared as she used her dress to sashay back to him. Tiny beads of sweat left a glistening sheen over her beautiful caramel skin, and everyone took notice as she moved around Adam like a professional dancer.

  The night was going too good, Destiny thought as she leaned against Adam on the upper deck as the pier came into view. Resting her head on his shoulder, she looked up at him.

  “Honestly Adam, do you think all of this is a good idea?”

  “You’re kidding, right? This is a great idea.” Using his hand he pointed to her and himself. He wanted to answer for her and say every day for the next fifty years, before she replied.

  She shrugged a shoulder. “Maybe for you but my life is just getting back on track.”

  “What are you trying to tell me?”

  She looked directly at him. “That we may be moving too fast, and I’m just starting my counseling. Are you prepared for what I might become after I’ve come through all of it?”

  “Yes, I am. Friends can ask friends out right?” He didn’t hesitate. His eyes searched her face. He so wanted Destiny to feel comfortable with him.

  “I guess.” When she looked up at him he tried to hide his frown.

  “Listen Destiny…” he shook his head lost for speech. “For a friendship to develop we have to spend time together.”

  The frown didn’t leave his face. He turned around looking out over the pier. She turned to look out as well.

  “Destiny, it’s one thing to get counseling, but that shouldn’t stop your life. I thought we were moving in the right direction. But now you act like I’m the bad guy.”

  She looked at him, “What are you trying to say?”

  “By all means I think you should get counseling. Lord knows it’s helped me.”

  “Adam I appreciate your opinion, but this is about me and although you’ve had your own challenges, I’ve got to get through this the best way I know how.”

  He watched her as she looked directly at him, her eyes watering. “But when I told you I had some serious issues in my past, I meant it. Even today you saw my father reenter my life. It’s all a lot right now. So excuse me if I feel overwhelmed.”

  “Destiny…”

  “Don’t say another word, please, Adam, and I mean it. I don’t want to get angry and make this night any worse than it is right now,” she said. “I appreciate your help tonight, but I don’t appreciate being patronized by someone who has no idea what they’re talking about when it comes to me.”

  “I’m simply pointing out that sometimes we let our past keep us in bondage. We all have a past and yes yours may have been difficult, but life can go on, is all I’m saying.”

  There was a cold, hard edge to his voice. He wasn’t pleased with his reaction to what she was saying.

  Her voice was low and controlled as she said, “This was suppose to be the best day and night of my life but look at us now.” Adam watched as she wiped a tear from her face before continuing. “I’m not going to stand here and listen to you tell me what I can’t do and what I don’t know.”

  She turned around headed back into the dining room of the ship.

  “I’ll be at our table if you want to finish our date.”

  “Destiny…”

  She ignored him as she walked past other guest on her way to their table.

  Adam admonished himself and went after her. He caught up with her just as she was going to open the door to the dining room.

  “Adam…” She tried to pull the door open but he didn’t budge.

  “I’m sorry, okay? I was out of line.”

  She looked at him her eyes had a cool stare. She wanted something more from him. Maybe an explanation for his insistence about their relationship would help.

  He dropped his arms and took a step backward. He had no idea what to tell her. So many things were running through his mind. He’d picked her up tonight feeling proud and happy and triumphant for her. It was her birthday and in actuality she had received a perfect gift in the return of her father. He wanted to add to her happiness, but had gone about it wrong. All he wanted was for her to be happy and not see the pitfalls and disappointments lying in wait for her. Destiny was smart and resourceful, her li
fe as it was had proved it. At least what he knew of it, but she didn’t want him to be apart of her life at this moment. She didn’t understand that sometimes it didn’t matter what you did or how much you tried, some things couldn’t be fixed with counseling alone. You needed friends who cared about you as well.

  “Listen Destiny, I was a cyber porn addict. I know about counseling. I’ve been through it,” he said.

  God, he hadn’t meant for that to come out. And since when did he sound like a grade school boy being disciplined by his mother?

  Destiny stared at him for a long while with a look of shock and disbelief.

  “But…” She blinked. “How? Is this the struggle you make reference to sometimes when you’re ministering?”

  “It’s been three years ago. But I attend and teach a counseling group.”

  She shook her head, her eyes wide. “I didn’t know. I knew something had occurred, but I had no idea.”

  He smiled grimly. “As much as I would have loved to tell you about this another way, it happened I’m not proud of it, but even in my darkest hour I needed family, friends, and counseling. It took me two years to get out of that dark pit in my life. But with the help of God and all of the resources around me, I was able to do it.”

  She mouthed something he couldn’t interpret in the dimness of the corridor.

  “I had a tremendous amount of support and a whole church of loving congregants praying for me,” he said.

  “But you’re a pastor. How did you get involved in cyber porn? Guys like you are suppose to be good. You have such a powerful word from God in your mouth.”

  He didn’t even know how to begin explaining his failure, the distance that had grown between him and the Lord, the anger as a result of it. He couldn’t even explain his constant dissatisfaction with himself, the humiliation, and embarrassment of it all. He didn’t fully understand it himself. He’d known it was wrong, a sin, but he hadn’t comprehended the lengths it would drive him down a road that he had to fight to turn around on.