Little Miss Lovesick

by Kitty Bucholtz

“Speaking.”

  “Hi, my name is Sydney Riley. I’m a realtor with By the Bay Properties. I have kind of a strange question for you.”

  BY FRIDAY night, I was feeling much better and agreed to go out with Em and Geoff. Sorry,Geoffrey. He treated us to a little Italian place that was crazy busy. When the maître d' greeted him by name, I realized he wasn’t kidding when he said he came here all the time.

  I looked for all the things Emily had gushed about in her man, and — I can’t lie — I looked for hidden faults as well. I kept reminding myself,I choose to be happy for Emily, I choose not to be jealous. Surprisingly, the fake-it-until-you-make-it advice of my old teacher was still working. I had a great evening. By the end of the night, I had no doubt that the two lovebirds were equally smitten.

  They’resocute, sighed Little Miss Lovesick.

  It was true. They were.

  Saturday, I decided to try and catch up a bit at the office, just for an hour or two. I threw on shorts and a polo shirt thinking I might wander around downtown to catch some sun and a bit of exercise. Which I desperately needed after my binge eating lately. Some of my shorts were too tight for comfort. I planned to work on healthier habits all around.

  As I was leaving, a young couple walked in. “Can I help you?”

  “Hi, we were just walking by,” said the guy.

  “We were wondering how to find out, you know, what you need to have, or do, or whatever, to buy a house,” the girl said.

  “Yeah.” He put his arm around her and they grinned at each other. “How does this work?”

  I tried to tame my smile so it wouldn’t look like I was laughing at them. If they were old enough to drink, I’d be surprised. They looked so darnedearnest.

  “Come on back and we’ll see what we can do.” I turned to lead them back to my desk.

  “Oh, but weren’t you leaving? We don’t want to interrupt. We can come back.” The girl hung back.

  “Yeah, we probably can’t get anything now anyway.”

  I smiled and urged them to follow me to my desk. “Let’s at least talk about where you’re at and what your plans are. You might be surprised at how qualified you already are. If not, I can help you create a plan for getting a house later.”

  They smiled at each other again and shared a quick, excited kiss.

  I choose to be happy. I choose not to envy them.

  The voices in my head finally had somethinghelpful to say.

  Marty and Scout McAlester (she’s Marty and he’s Scout — don’t ask; I don’t know) had fairly good jobs for their age. Scout was assistant manager at a restaurant (amazingly, hewas twenty-one) and Marty worked as a receptionist at a dentist’s office. She was going to school at NMC at night to become a dental assistant. Their plan was for Scout to get his food service degree when Marty finished.

  Though they couldn’t afford to buy a house now, they seemed eager to take any advice I was willing to give. By the time we finished, they had a plan for building credit and getting a savings account started just for the house.

  “Thank you so much,” Scout said, pumping my hand with exuberance.

  “This is great,” said Marty, looking at the notes they’d taken. “We’ll call you as soon as we can. Thanks so much for helping us today. This is so cool!”

  They rushed out, eager and excited. I sat at my desk watching them. I could just see the glass front door if I leaned far enough to the left. They paused as they exited to give each other a hearty kiss. I chuckled. Then I took a deep breath.

  That was great. Honestly. I closed my eyes and smiled, picturing them sitting here discussing whether they could open a savings account today, or if they’d have to wait until Monday.

  This is happiness, said a Voice.

  I opened my eyes and blinked. Well, yeah, I guess thisis happiness. I smiled again. I loved helping people like this. I’d gotten tangled up inside focusing on my own wants and needs. But now I remembered again that I enjoyed helping other people find happiness, too.

  I felt a little pang that it had taken so long for me to see how far off course I’d gotten. Thinking about the number of houses I’d sold since I moved to Traverse City, I had to admit — I was pretty good at this. How many people get to enjoy their work and be good at it, too?

  The rest of the weekend was relatively uneventful. I saw David in church sitting next to a very cute blond. I caught his eye from across the room later and raised my eyebrows at him. He grinned and turned away. I couldn’t tell for sure because of the distance, but I think he even blushed.

  Later, soaking up some sun while I pretended to read, my cell phone rang. The call I was waiting for. I made some notes, thanked them and hung up. Then I smiled for about five minutes straight.

  Monday morning, I woke up nervous. I’d slept fitfully. Tired, but awake long before the alarm went off. I wasn’t sure what to expect today. Should I go to GT’s house and try to apologize, try to get him back as a client? Should I go into the office and pretend nothing happened, pretend that we parted amicably? But then what about The New Plan Em and I had crafted?

  As I waited for my toast to pop up, my cell phone rang. (I have to admit, those few days of not hearing it ring, not having another appendage — a bit of heaven.)

  “This is Sydney.”

  “Sydney!” GT’s voice boomed in my ear. “I hope you’re feeling better. Are you on your way here yet?”

  “Oh.” I paused, trying to think through what was happening. Wasn’t I fired? Maybe not.

  I looked at my watch. 9:15. Technically I should already be there. “I’m sorry, GT. To tell you the truth, I thought you fired me. Did I get that wrong?”

  “No, no, that was a misunderstanding. I got it out of Matt what’s going on between you two. I told him he’s ten times the fool to let you go. But I’ll take care of that later. How soon can you be here?”

  It made me nervous that GT the matchmaker had spoken to Matt. About us, I mean. Andwhat was he going to take care of later? “Uh, I can be there in half an hour. Will that work?”

  “I’ll see you then.” GT hung up before I could ask any more questions. My mind was overwhelmed with a swirl of thoughts and emotions. Did he mean that he fired me but he realized he shouldn’t have? Or did he mean I misunderstood about being fired? And what exactly did he say to Matt?

  I buttered my toast, grabbed a napkin, keys, and briefcase, and headed out the door. If all went well, I’d make GT a happy client today.

  When I got there, I walked through the empty kitchen and back to the office. GT was on the phone. He mouthed, “I’ll meet you in the kitchen in a few minutes,” so I backed out of the office and wandered toward the kitchen.

  I say wandered, but what I did was walk as slowly as humanly possible. In my mind, the kitchen was Matt’s territory. I probably needed to apologize to him, but I wasn’t sure how. (That’sbecome a mantra in my life recently.) What should I say?

  I was staring at a picture in the hallway, thinking, when the subject of my ruminations barreled into me. My left shoulder smashed into the wall. Matt reached out and caught me as I started to tumble backwards.

  “Umf! Excuse me! Are you okay?” His face was at least six inches away, but I could smell his shampoo or aftershave or something. The scent —nothis proximity — made my heart race. Oh, who was I kidding? Ofcourse it was his proximity!

  His hands still grasped my shoulders, warming my cool skin under my cotton shirt. My breathing felt shallow, too light for someone who needed to keep her wits.

  I moved my left shoulder, which stung a little. Reaching up to rub it, my hand touched his. Nine-volt batteries again.

  “Sorry, I didn’t see you. You all right?” Matt didn’t move away. His voice sounded funny, and he rubbed my shoulder some more. I had the strangest sense of déjà vu from when we met in Abundance Creek. Then, I didn’t want to meet a man. Now, it was looking like the man wasn’t so happy to be meeting me. Matt moved back a step and dropped his hands.

  Stop
it, I told my pounding heart. Like that would work.

  “Hi,” I said. D’oh! I sounded all girly-girl. And I didn’t even answer his question. What a doofus. “I’m fine.”

  Yeah, you sound fine, said a Voice.He’s going to know.

  Know what? I couldn’t think when he was staring at me.

  That you’re completely freaking inlove with him!

  Oh. Right.

  It occurred to me that we were standing there staring at each other while I was having an internal dialogue. Or would it be a monologue since the Voices are all me?

  “Hey, uh—” I stopped. I wanted to apologize, but I didn’t know how. Or when. Or if. No, that’s not true; there is no if. I really did need to apologize.

  “I, um, really want to, uh, apologize.” I stumbled all over my words, my eyes falling to his shirt buttons. The guilt lay too heavy to keep my eyes up. I heard him clear his throat. I can’t do this! What should I say?!

  “I’ve, uh, been—” I cleared my throat. I’ve been messed up in the head, I wanted to shout. I’ve handled everything badly, and I want to start over.

  I took a deep breath. I looked into his eyes, beautiful blue, intense, lovely. Oh, I want to tell him everything. Right now.

  No!said a Voice.Stick to The New Plan!

  I took another calming breath, eyes on his shirt again. “I’m sorry that I’ve acted so badly around you. I hope you’ll forgive and forget.”

  I chanced a look up and internally breathed a sigh of relief. No anger, no condemnation, perhaps even a touch of compassion — or something like it.

  I thought maybe Matt was thinking about saying something, but before he did, GT came around the corner. He stopped and grinned when he saw us.

  Oh my gosh, I’m going to die.

  No cute little obituaries popped into my head this time. All I wanted was to get out. I’d made peace with Matt as best I could. Now it was time to get back to work.

  I put on my professional face and turned to GT. “I may have some good news for you, GT. Would you like to talk in your office?”

  “I’ll be there in a minute, darlin’.” GT stood with his arms folded across his chest, grinning like he expected a show. I wasnot going to give him one. Not again.

  I briefly met Matt’s eyes, smiled a bit, and hightailed it back down the hall. I heard an “Ow!” behind me and a lot of whispering.

  Oh, geez, this is beyond embarrassing!

  I sat down in GT’s office and put one hand over my eyes. What am I doing? That was so stupid. I should’ve emailed him or — or left him a voice mail or something. Please, please, please, don’t let GT mention it!

  GT entered and sat down behind his desk. “So, what’s the good news?”

  Back to business. Business, I can handle. In fact, this particular piece of business made me fairly excited. I leaned forward.

  “Well, you know that house we drove past a few weeks ago over on Sunset?”

  “The one I said I liked? With the big yard?”

  “Yes, that one.” I chuckled. “I don’t know if you realize how many times you’ve brought it up. You want a yard like that one, shade trees like that one—”

  “Is it for sale?” GT leaned forward excitedly.

  I smiled. “Yes and no. To make a long story short, I took a chance and called the owners, asked if there was anything that would entice them to move.”

  “And?”

  “If the price is right and you’re willing to wait for them to find what they’re looking for, they’re willing to talk. To you. They weren’t planning on putting it on the market for another year or so.”

  GT thumped his hand on the desk so hard Matt probably heard it in the kitchen. “Well, let’s go get it!”

  I laughed. Ireally love my job!

  CHAPTER 34

  “I THINK he thinks I’m getting senile, but I found out for you,” said Patty a few days later.

  I’d been waiting breathlessly for her call. (Literally having a hard time breathing!) It was the key to the final phase of The New Plan. Emily was right. Things were working much better now that I had friends helping.

  “He can’t go out this weekend because they’re working overtime. Next weekend is Labor Day, so the whole crew has the weekend off. He’s planning on taking the boat out on Saturday.”

  “Any idea when?” I made notes on a pad from my briefcase.

  “I asked him if he wouldn’t mind taking Bob and me out,” said Patty, “but that we wouldn’t know for sure until that morning if we could go. He figured he’d probably leave about seven and get back around one or two. The boat doesn’t have a cover, so it gets hot out on the water in the middle of the day.”

  I blew a breath through pursed lips. “Wow. Thanks, Patty. I owe you!”

  “If this works, the only thing you owe me is bringing him over here for dinner.”

  I laughed. “Deal!”

  “Now, are you sure you know where you’re going?” she asked. She’d already explained it to me twice, but she said the marina where Matt kept his boat was a frustrating maze of docks.

  “I’ll go down tomorrow when Matt’s working and make sure I can find it.” I underlined the directions on the pad. Then I put a star next to them. Then I wrote “Matt” next to the star. I curbed the urge to doodle any more. If this didn’t work, my heart…well, I couldn’t think about that right now.

  “All right," Patty said. "Don’t forget to call me and tell me how it all works out. And you come over for dinner one night with or without that scallywag, understand?”

  I really, honestly, truly love Patty. What a great friend! “I will,” I promised.

  I hung up and stared at my notes. My stomach lurched. I hugged my knees up against my chest. Did I have the courage to do this?

  I dialed Emily. “Hey, you have a minute?”

  “Did you find out?” She sounded breathless, too.

  “Just now.”

  “Where are you?”

  “At the kitchen table, feeling like I’m going to vomit.”

  Em laughed. I grinned.

  “In some sick way, that’s probably a good sign. Okay, here’s the deal. Geoffrey and I are going to keep you busy as much as we can until it goes down. By the way, when will that be?”

  “Not until Saturday of Labor Day weekend.” I underlined the date on my pad. Over and over again. Oh, getting nauseous, need to stop.

  “Okay, that’s only about ten days. No problem. Anyway, come over to my place tonight about six. We’ll have dinner and watch a movie. Brace yourself, though. No chick flicks.”

  “Aww, you’re kidding. Well, I don’t think I can make it then.”

  Em giggled and lowered her voice. “The good news is he loves sci-fi as much as me!”

  I laughed. “If you make me watchAlien 3 tonight, I won’t come to the wedding.”

  “Sydney!” she said in a loud stage whisper.

  “What? He can’t hear me. Wedding, wedding, wedding!” I all but shouted. It echoed in my kitchen.

  She giggled. “Six tonight at my place. Bye!”

  “Bye.” I laughed and hung up. Now that I was getting used to Emily-in-Love, I was getting a big kick out of it. She was just as fun, but easier to tease.

  SATURDAY of Labor Day weekend. That’s today.

  I rolled over in my bed and put a pillow over my head. I didn’t have the courage. I couldn’t do it. Even if I could make myself get there, I’d throw up on his shoes — or worse!

  What if he says yes?

  What if he says no?

  What if he saysyes, insisted Little Miss Lovesick.I won’t know what to do.

  Nowthat would be a shocker.

  I pulled the pillow away and stared at the ceiling. Every time I got cold feet in the last ten days, Emily would remind me that if I want the best in life, I have to take risks. Did I think Matt was the best I could do in the “happily ever after” department? Then I had to try.

  “He’s better than the best,” I whispered to myself.<
br />
  I made a scared whining noise in the back of my throat and got up to take a shower. It’s a good thing Emily knows me so well. She insisted that I go to breakfast with her and Geoffrey. They’d entertain me (i.e., babysit me, i.e., make sure I don’t run away) until eleven or so. Then they’d take me down to the marina and wait for my call.

  Geoffrey loaned me a folding fishing pole that I could stuff in my backpack. Em made sure I had plenty of water and sunscreen. I tossed in a book to keep my mind occupied during the potentially long wait.

  They dropped me off around noon and waited to make sure Matt hadn’t returned earlier. I called and told them to go, the boat wasn’t in the slip. Then I got set up and tried to relax.

  “You can’t fish in the marina.” A big burly man paused behind me.

  “Yes, I know. I’m waiting for someone.”

  He grunted and moved on.

  I couldn’t concentrate on my book. I was afraid I’d get too involved and suddenly he’d be standing there and I’d mess it all up. After an hour and a half of living hell, I thought I saw Matt’s boat motoring through the entrance to the marina. I stuffed the book and the water bottle into my backpack. I stood up and nearly tripped over my phone. I’d forgotten I had it in my lap thinking I’d call Emily for an extra dose of courage. Too late for that.

  I shoved the phone in the backpack and pulled out a yellow plastic fish. It looked a little like Flounder inThe Little Mermaid, but not as cute. I made sure the Zip-lock bag was wedged tightly into its mouth, then I inserted the hook in the little hole I’d made.

  I carefully lowered the fish into the water. I’d put rocks inside it so it wouldn’t float. I watched it disappear under the water and my stomach filled with butterflies. So far, so good. I let out the line just enough so Matt wouldn’t be able to see the fish. By the time I finished, I could see him heading my way. He definitely hadn’t seen me yet.

  You could still run!

  For a split second, I considered it. On the one hand, Emily and Geoffrey were waiting to rescue me. On the other hand, I was afraid they’d just deliver me back to the gallows again. No, I was going to follow through with this. And then I wouldchoose to accept whatever happened.