Hawk (Fallen Gliders MC Book 2)

by Lynn Burke

  “Can’t stay long.”

  “Sit your ass down,” Jonny said when I hesitated, pointing at the chair, his dark eyes flashing. My best friend and brother had taken a back seat to the Fallen Gliders’ president.

  I sat.

  “You ought to put her on a plane and send her home.”

  “Can’t do it.”

  Jonny sat across from me, hands wrapped around his cup. “Why the fuck not?”

  “Too far gone. I’m completely infatuated with her.”

  “Fuck.”

  The old Hawk, pre-Janie Hawk, would have nodded in agreement.

  “She got your balls in a vise grip already?”

  A half-smirk lifted my lips. “Something like that.”

  “Fuck.” Jonny scrubbed a hand down his face and over the dark shadow lining his jaw. “It ain’t easy living with someone like her.”

  I nodded, all too familiar with the stories he’d told me of his sister before their parents finally got her checked out and diagnosed. “I want to help her. I want to be her knight on horseback—or bike back.”

  “You sure about this, Hawk?” He ignored my attempts at humor, his steady gaze boring into me as though drilling the truth of the situation ahead of me into my brain.

  “Yeah, I am. I’m going to help her find her normal again.”

  Jonny sat back and sipped a few times, still studying my face. “We’re pulling out after breakfast at the diner. Give me a shout if you change your mind before then.”

  “Will do.” I stood and turned, more than happy to leave the stink of their room behind.

  “Prop that fucking door open, will you?” Jonny said to me as I walked outside into the fresh, hot air. I chuckled to myself and dragged the heavy-ass chair between the door and jam in an attempt to air out the room like he’d asked.

  “Oh … hey, Digger!” I leaned back in the room.

  “What?” he hollered from the bathroom, dragging out the word.

  “When you get home, can you drop Janie’s backpack at my place?”

  “Yeah, now leave me the fuck alone so I can shit in peace!”

  Chuckling and shaking my head, I made my way back up the walkway.

  There was no question that I wanted to stay with Janie. Give her some time to level out a bit. A huge test early in our relationship—because I sure as shit had already decided she belonged to me. I just needed to get her to believe that I wasn’t going anywhere that would take her from my side.

  Fuck New York, I thought as I approached our door. She was coming home with me to New Hampshire, and I wouldn’t take no for an answer. Mind made up, I let myself into our room. The TV flashed into the dimness, still muted from earlier. Janie lay on her side facing away from me in a fetal position. No sounds of crying reached my ears.

  I kicked off my unlaced boots again and crawled onto the bed to spoon her from behind. She didn’t pull away, but she didn’t exactly melt against me like usual, either. “How ya doing?”

  “M’kay, I guess.” Her voice sounded scratchy, raw from the sobs she’d let loose in the shower.

  “I talked to Jonny. Let him know we’re saying on here until you’re ready to roll again. Hope you don’t mind that I told him about what you’re going through. His sister is bipolar, so he totally gets it.”

  She nodded and finally relaxed in my arms. “You came back.”

  “Of course I did. I’m a loyal son of a bitch.”

  The silence stifled my mind as I considered all the ways I wanted to tell and show her what she meant to me. My cock had a mind of its own, swelling against the cleft of her ass, but at least I held myself in check, not thrusting against her softness like I wanted to.

  I finally opened my mouth, needing to get on with my plans. “This is going to sound crazy—”

  “Crazier than you wanting to drive me back to New York? Crazier than my fucking head?” She’d muttered the words, but at least she spoke without slurring or crying.

  “I want you to come home with me.”

  She snorted but didn’t move.

  “I’m serious, Janie. You’re like a tick burrowed inside my skin, except I don’t want to pluck you out.”

  Still unmoving, she didn’t respond for enough seconds my heart began to beat harder at the thought of losing her. “You hardly know me.”

  “I trust my instincts about people.”

  “I—I can’t just up and leave my home.”

  “There’s no man waiting for you in New York?”

  “No.”

  “Work?”

  She shook her head. “I do graphic design stuff from home since I can’t hold down a nine-to-five job like a normal person.”

  “You are a normal person, Janie.” I frowned. “A normal person with a mental illness.”

  “M-my dad will blow a fucking gasket,” she said, ignoring my declaration.

  “Then we’ll go to New York so I can meet him and tell him you’re coming to live with me.”

  She heaved a sigh.

  “What?” I asked, rolling her onto her back so I could read her face.

  She’d closed her eyes, and a furrow lined the skin between her eye brows. “Dad won’t ever approve.”

  “’Cuz I’m a badass biker with a long beard, tattoos, and leathers?”

  A corner of her lip actually quirked, giving me hope the wall of depression that had slammed on top of her would crack sooner than later. “Something like that.”

  “You’re old enough to make your own decisions.”

  “Yeah.”

  “So that’s a yes?”

  She shrugged, and I relaxed onto the bed again, my head on the pillow beside her. I kept my hips away from her, trying to talk down my straining cock and aching balls. While depressed, I hadn’t wanted a woman, so I very much doubted Janie had any interest in fucking.

  We lay together for close to an hour in silence more than not as I asked questions about her illness and she answered.

  She met with a psychiatrist on a weekly basis, had been hospitalized twice before being diagnosed, but had enjoyed a somewhat normal summer before the excitement of heading to Sturgis put her in a manic episode that had lasted longer than any she’d experienced.

  The rumble of my brothers’ bikes bled through the motel’s thin walls, and I listened as they drove off together.

  “I hope you don’t regret this,” Janie whispered against my chest, having finally snuggled into my arms.

  “Never.” I kissed the top of her head.

  “Shit,” she said, stirring to sit.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “My backpack … I need to finish up a website I’ve been working on.”

  “Fuck.” I grimaced. “I asked Digger to drop it off at my place when they got home.”

  Lips pursed, she lay back down. “Not like I can get the creative juices flowing while I’m like this anyway. I’ll have to message her.” Janie blew a heavy exhale between her lips, and silence settled over us again for a short time.

  My stomach grumbled. “Ready for some food? I’m fucking starved.”

  “Nah.”

  “Mind if I head over to the diner and get some takeout? Be back in fifteen or so.”

  Janie shook her head, and I forced myself to leave the warmth of her soft curves. “Be back soon, baby. Call me if you need me.”

  Boots properly laced, I locked the door behind me and headed across the parking lot to the dive of a diner I expected we’d be eating at for the next couple of days.

  Smoked sausages, corned beef hash, bacon, scrambled eggs, a pile of pancakes. One of the boxes stacked in my arms ought to tempt Janie, I thought twenty minutes later while heading back to our room.

  She lay as I’d left her, silent TV still flashing.

  I sat the boxes on the small table and flicked on the lights.

  A grumble floated over to me.

  “Got a ton of food over here. Bacon … pancakes.” I opened the boxes and prepared two plates on the paper ones the wait
ress had provided for me.

  Janie didn’t stir.

  I rounded the bed and scooped her up into my arms, ignoring her swat against my chest. “You need to eat.”

  “Don’t want to.” She pouted like a petulant child, but I set her on the chair.

  “Just a couple bites, baby. I don’t want you getting any weaker than you already are.”

  She heaved a breath, which lifted her slumped shoulders.

  “If you don’t eat, I’ll take you over my lap and swat your ass.”

  I’d hoped for a glimmer of something in her eyes but got nothing. “Fine.”

  I dug into a pile of pancakes while she nibbled on a piece of crisp bacon.

  “Did you take your meds today?”

  “Not yet.” She wouldn’t lift her head to look at me.

  “Are they in your bag?”

  “Yeah. I’ll get them after I’m done,” she hastened to say. A handful of seconds later, she dropped the bacon back to the paper plate and started crying again. “I’m so fucking sick of this.” Once more, her arms wrapped around her waist, and I hurried to chew my mouthful of food so I could offer some comfort. “I was doing well since May, and now this.”

  I leaned over and ran my hand from her shoulder down her arm as far as I could before the table hindered me. “We’ll find your normal again.”

  She nodded, and I leaned back to take another bite.

  “Pancakes are good,” I said before shoveling them into my mouth.

  With a sigh, she swiped the tears from her cheeks and picked up her plastic fork. She got five decent-sized bites down and a few swallows of OJ before I allowed her to leave me alone to finish the food.

  Progress, in my book. A full day of rest, renting movies, and we’d see what the morning brought.

  ****

  By our third morning in that damn motel room, I’d about had it with the stifling heat outside, the small room, and lack of … well, just about every damn thing. Fighting to keep my hands to myself had my muscles tense, my balls aching. Jerking off in the shower seemed like a shit thing to do, so I decided to tire myself out instead.

  After coffee, I got down on the floor and did countless sets of sit ups and pushups. I went at it until my arms couldn’t hold me up anymore and sweat dripped off my nose.

  Janie lay on the bed, same as always. At least she hadn’t cried for close to twenty-four hours.

  I hopped in the shower, head tipped back into the spray.

  Her depression threatened to bring mine back. That, along with my blue balls had me on edge.

  Fuck it. Time to move.

  Imagining her tight cunt wrapped around my cock had me swelled and leaking in a matter of seconds. Jaw clenched, I took myself in hand with a glob of her conditioner and jerked myself hard and fast. I bit back my groan as cum flew from my cock in thick ropes. When the last shudder rippled through me, the first spurt had long swirled away down the drain.

  Somewhat relaxed, but hardly sated, I finished in the bathroom and packed up my shit, my mind fucking set.

  “What are you doing?” Janie asked, pushing up to sit, her eyes wide, full of fear.

  “Packing up.”

  “You’re leaving me?” she half-shrieked, and I hurried to gather her in my arms.

  “No, baby. We are leaving.”

  “But—”

  “You’re going to pull up your big girl panties, sit on the back of my bike, and we’re going to put some miles behind us and that damn, disgusting diner I can’t stand the thought of eating at again. We’re going to see some countryside. Make headway toward getting home.”

  “Sure you still want me?” She asked the same question to leave her lips dozens of times already.

  “Yes.” I brushed her hair away from her face. “Now, come on. Go brush your teeth and pack up your stuff. We’re heading out in a half hour.”

  Janie

  I thought sure as shit he’d been about to leave me behind. My heart had clenched to the point of pain, and I felt myself nearing the edge of hysteria. His quick words and hug had calmed me faster than anyone had been able to, though.

  Feeling like a deflated balloon wrinkled from lack of helium, I slid off the bed and forced myself to gather up my things.

  Hawk had thrown a load of laundry into the office’s pay machines the day before, so at least I wasn’t packing dirty clothes.

  He went to the office to check out while I splashed water on my face and braided my hair to hang down my back. As usual while in a low, I couldn’t bring myself to look in the mirror. Depression still sat heavy enough on my shoulders. I didn’t need to see the dark circles under my eyes and the paleness of the rest of my face.

  “Ready?” Hawk asked when I came out of the bathroom.

  I still had issues looking him full in the eye, so I busied myself lacing up my riding boots. “Sure.”

  Five minutes later, the bike rumbled to life, and I closed my eyes and laid my cheek on his back, actually taking an interest in his hard body and manly scent. While I didn’t flush through with heat and my panties stayed dry as a bone, I took heart in the normalcy of enjoyment in something so little. Sure, on a high I’d be salivating and soaked between my thighs, but I wouldn’t complain. At least something felt good.

  We took it easy that first day back on the road, pulling into a hotel long before dinner time. The pizza Hawk had delivered to our room didn’t appeal to me, but I forced myself to chew and swallow down one slice. He smiled as though encouraged by my eating, and same as since I’d crashed, didn’t try to touch me sexually when he finally crawled under the covers with me.

  A couple days later, we entered New York, and my heartbeat slowed when he continued east on Route 90 rather than turn south toward where I lived. He’d been serious about taking me home with him. Even though I was fucked up in the brain and couldn’t control myself, he stayed true to his word.

  I didn’t deserve such a man. Tears ran down my cheeks against his colors as I hugged his back, beyond thankful, even though a voice in my head constantly whispered he’d get sick of me eventually.

  Twice while on the road, I’d powered up my cell phone to shoot off a quick text to Tasha and my dad, letting them know that I was doing well. I hadn’t told either that I wasn’t going home to New York, though. Figured I’d save that for a real phone call once we reached Hawk’s home in New Hampshire.

  With each passing day, my low had seemed to lighten, and when Hawk pulled up in front of his house, I felt as though I was almost back to my normal self. The darkness lay like a black oil slick in my brain, but at least I was able to see beyond it.

  “Welcome home, little butterfly,” Hawk said the second the bike quieted beneath us.

  I climbed off and stretched my back, my gaze flitting over the ranch-style home. A few miles from the club and his shop, pale blue with black shutters. The grass needed to be cut pretty badly, but the flowerbeds below the windows appeared well tended.

  “It’s nice,” I said, smiling over at him as he stood.

  He flipped open the saddlebags. “Isn’t much, but it’s mine, free and clear.”

  My smile remained as he showed me inside, giving me a quick tour. Digger had dropped off my backpack as promised. It sat on the kitchen table.

  In the small master bedroom, Hawk wrapped his arms around me from behind and rested his chin on top of my head. “I’m falling hard for you, Janie, and while I know you think I’ll get sick of you and ship you off, it isn’t happening.”

  My throat thickened, and I rested my hands on his arms.

  His cock swelled against my backside, but he stepped away before I thought to wiggle a bit to let him know I actually felt like getting it on.

  “Why don’t you make yourself at home while I go grab our stuff? Gotta call Jonny, too, and let him know we’re back.”

  Perfect time to make my own calls, I thought while sitting down on the edge of his queen-sized bed and watching him stride from the room. Pale gray walls, one bureau, no pi
ctures, no artwork. A door leading to the attached bathroom.

  Simplistic, just like the man himself.

  I inhaled a deep breath and pulled my cell from my jean’s back pocket. Tasha answered before the first ring finished.

  “Finally! Where are you? How are you?” Her words tumbled out.

  “I’m in New Hampshire.”

  I must have stunned her with the answer because it took a few seconds for her to speak again. “New Hampshire?”

  “Yeah.” I glanced around his—our—room again. “Hawk brought me home to his place.”

  “For how long?”

  “Indefinite.”

  “Shit.”

  I found myself smiling again. “Right? I even crashed—hard—a couple days ago, but he says I belong with him and that’s that.”

  “Shit,” she repeated with a half-giggle. “You sound really good for having just crashed.”

  “Feeling somewhat better. Not quite normal, but decent enough I feel like eating and fucking again.”

  More laughter over the line lifted my lips higher. “Your dad is going to shit a brick.”

  My smile faded as her giggled words hit my ear. “How bad is it?”

  “He threatened to call the cops and report you missing a few times, but I showed him your texts.”

  “Didn’t he get the ones I sent him?”

  “Yeah, but you know your dad.”

  I slumped, unaware I’d been strung rod-straight, and let out a breath. “Need to call him next to fill him in and see about getting some of my stuff shipped up here.”

  “Shit. Good luck with that one.”

  Yeah, and she doesn’t know the half of it—nor will she or Dad for a long ass time if I can help it. “Gotta get going. I’ll give you a call in a few days. Tell Lori I’ll call her too once I’m settled in.”

  “’K.”

  I hung up and chewed on the inside of my lip.

  Hawk came into the room with our bags and set them on the bed beside me while glancing at the phone in my hand. “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah.” I attempted a smile, but my twisting stomach shone through if his furrowed brow was any indication. “Gotta call my dad.”

  “I’ll talk to him if you need me to.”

  “Thanks.”