Fractured Hearts

by SJD Peterson

  She rolled her eyes at the silly grin he had on his face, but didn’t try to move away. “Do you ever take anything seriously?”

  He poured two drinks and handed one to Kegan. “Of course, I take a lot of things seriously. I just happen to know that the problem we’re facing right this moment can be overcome. You claimed that we don’t trust you, we plan to prove that we do. Problem solved,” he announced, raised his glass in toast, then drank a good measure.

  The absolute confidence in Trevor’s voice shook her resolve to keep the two of them at arm’s length.

  “Don’t ever be afraid to ask us anything or to tell us what’s on your mind. If we don’t know how you feel about something that’s bothering you, how can we fix it?” Trevor continued. He made it seem as easy as deciding to take a stroll in the gardens. She wished like hell she could feel half of his ease.

  “I—It’s not so much trust… Well, it is, but that’s just part of it.” She took a deep breath and swallowed hard around the lump that had formed in her throat. “It’s… I look at you and Kegan and see what you have together and how much you trust each other and I can’t help but feel like an outsider. I’ve been an outcast my whole life and I don’t want the rest of my life to be the same way.”

  Kegan wrapped an arm around her, caressing her shoulders as Trevor stroked her thigh. “Charlie, you could never be an outsider with us. We want you to be our equal. Like three parts of a whole,” Kegan said with complete conviction.

  She looked up at him, needed to see his eyes as she dug deeper. “Then why couldn’t you tell me why you were so sad when I asked about the sharing? I know that you’ve told Trevor. I could see it in the way he looked at you and understood your pain. I waited to see if you would trust me enough to share it, but you didn’t. I want someone in my life who can give me their whole heart. I refuse to accept half.”

  “It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you. I just don’t want to burden you with that kind of pain. You already know too much about my father and I don’t want you to live with that kind of hurt in your heart. At times I felt that the weight of it would crush me, destroy me, and I would never want you to feel that because of me.”

  She touched Kegan’s face, gently caressing the stubble along his jaw. “I need to know all of it, Kegan. I need to understand what you feel. If I can’t handle the bad, then what right do I have to accept the good? I’ve wanted you since I can remember ever wanting anything. Now you’ve come back into my life and asked me to be with you, but that in order to be with you I have to accept Trevor too. I have to understand that need, to know that this isn’t just some phase you two are going through. How do I know that you won’t tire of it—tire of me? Will either of you force me to make a choice between the two of you later?”

  Kegan threw back the rest of his whiskey and winced as it burned down his throat, then handed his glass to Trevor to refill. He took the full glass and stared into it, perhaps trying to find the answers.

  He finally looked back up at her, his eyes brooding. “You know my old man was a mean bastard. Beat me most every day of my life as far as I can remember. But I wasn’t the only one he seemed to enjoy whipping on. More than once I saw his handiwork on the women he’d share his bed with.”

  Kegan’s whole body was tense, the muscles in his shoulders twitching with the effort. Charlie rubbed along his arm with a soft stroke of her hand, silently letting him know she was there for him.

  He took a deep breath then let it out slowly. “I was thirteen the first time I walked in on him. He had a woman tied to his bed and was lying on top of her, grunting and groaning. I couldn’t help but stare. I was too scared to move, too riveted by the sight. Suddenly, he roared up to a kneeling position, still thrusting, and started to hit her. He screamed nasty curses, his blows in rhythm with each slam of his hips. When he finally got off, he slumped forward on top of her. She looked right into my eyes, her face a swollen and bloody mess, crying and begging someone to help her, but I just stood there. I couldn’t move.”

  His hand shook as he drained the last of his whiskey then set the glass on the table. He didn’t raise his eyes again. “I snuck out and hid in my room. I didn’t help her.”

  Charlie took his hand. “Kegan, you were just a kid. You can’t blame yourself.”

  He shook his head but allowed her to hold his hand. “That was the first time it happened. I didn’t see the other women, but I heard the screams. I knew what he was doing to them and didn’t stop him or tell anyone. That last day I was home, I walked in the house and heard a woman’s screams. When I went to his room, sure as shit, there he was beating and fucking her. Something in me just burst and I let every bit of rage in me explode and beat the shit out of him.

  “The son of a bitch just smiled, almost as if he was proud of me for finally using my fists. As he lay on the floor, his face a battered mess, he grinned at me with blood running out of his mouth like some fucking madman. Then he asked me how it felt. ‘Feels good, don’t it, boy? The power is a fucking rush, huh?’ That was the last time I ever saw him. It happened the same day you found me by the riverbed.”

  Trevor stood and went around the back of the couch, knelt behind Kegan and placed a hand on his shoulder while stroking his hair with the other. Kegan looked up at him. When Trevor nodded his head, Kegan let out a long breath and continued.

  “After I got a job with Trevor’s old man, I would go out on the weekends with the rest of the ranch hands. They bugged me because I would never mess with any of the girls. Then one night, this girl came onto me pretty hot and heavy. I was drunk and figured what the hell. I took her home that night and couldn’t get it up. At first it didn’t worry me much, figured I was too damn drunk, but it happened again. Every time I would think about having sex, these sick images filled my head and I would worry about losing control. I worried that I was just like him.”

  Charlie could see the toll these painful memories were having on him. His big body tensed and jerked under Trevor’s touch. His eyes were red, as if he was holding back tears. She was sickened knowing she had forced him to relive these horrors and wished she could take away the painful memories.

  “Kegan, you don’t have to tell me any more, I think I understand.”

  His head shot up and he looked at her with such anger and pain, she gasped at the intensity. “No, you don’t understand, Charlie. That first time I walked in on my old man, I got fucking hard. Stood there watching him beat the hell out of someone and I got a goddamn erection. How sick is that?”

  Tears rolled down his face. He brushed them away roughly. Charlie felt hot tears stream down her own face. She tried to be strong for him, but seeing his pain was overwhelming.

  “I couldn’t trust myself to be with a woman knowing that the only time I’d ever truly been aroused was when I heard or saw a woman screaming in pain. The night Trevor asked me to join him with a girl he’d picked up, I explained why I couldn’t, but he wouldn’t let me say no. I agreed to just watch but found that with Trevor there, I didn’t have to worry about hurting anyone. When the sharing first started, I believed that was the only way I could have sex—with someone there to keep me under control. I could finally let go and enjoy what was happening because I knew Trevor would never let me hurt anyone. It started out as a necessity, but over the years, with Trevor’s help, I realized that I’m not my old man. I am a good man and wouldn’t hurt anyone.”

  Kegan ran a hand over his face, wiped away the last of the tears and looked at Trevor before he turned his gaze back to Charlie. Tenderness replaced the pain that had been in his eyes just moments before and he let a small smile touch his mouth. “I can’t imagine my life without Trevor any more than I can imagine not having you. It’s not a phase, I could never choose between the two of you, nor would I ever ask you to choose between us. I want you both—for a lifetime.”

  Charlie allowed him to pull her onto his lap. She needed the contact with him as much as he seemed to need it from her. Trevor wrapped his ar
ms around both of them, somehow completing them.

  Kegan kissed the top of her head. “I love you,” he whispered, his breath warm against her scalp. “I know I’m asking a lot from you, to accept us both, but I can promise you that we will love you more than anyone ever could. We’ll make this work. We will spend every day trying to make you happy if you’ll just give us a chance.”

  Trevor brushed his lips against the side of her neck as he murmured, “Give us a chance, Charlie. Listen to your heart.”

  Charlie’s heart soared with Kegan’s declaration of love, words she had prayed to hear but had never thought she would. She was so overcome with emotion she couldn’t respond. The whisper of their breaths, the promise of their hearts and scents wrapped around her like their arms—a warm quilt on a chilled night. It felt right.

  Charlie melted into their embrace, knew Kegan had given up a lot of himself and trusted her with his secrets. She still wasn’t sure how everything was going to work out but knew she wanted them both, wanted to try.

  Her biggest obstacle would be to learn to return their trust.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The first rays of sunshine were streaming through the open windows of her bedroom when Charlie opened her eyes and found Kegan smiling down at her, his hard erection pushed against her hip.

  How the hell could someone be so eager this early in the morning?

  In the two weeks since she’d moved back into their house she had learned that Kegan was very much a morning person. Always up before dawn with a happy smile and hard for her.

  “Good, you’re awake. I thought I was gonna have to start without you.”

  “Go back to sleep,” she chastised, but was unable to keep the smile from curling at her lips.

  “Ah, c’mon, Charlie, I’ve been waiting over an hour for you to wake up. Do you know how hard that was?”

  Charlie reached out and curled her fingers around his erection, then slid her hand up and down. “Poor baby, feels like it was very, very hard for you to wait.”

  He groaned and pushed into her fist. “It’s your fault. If you weren’t so damn sexy lying between us all naked and luscious, I wouldn’t have this problem.”

  “You’re the one who made the no clothes in bed rule. So tell me, this is my fault how?”

  “Well, you don’t see me popping a boner for Trevor and he’s naked.”

  Charlie laughed at the silly lopsided grin on Kegan’s face.

  “Would you two pipe down? Trying to sleep here,” Trevor growled his usual morning greeting. Trevor was definitely not a morning person. He liked his sleep even more than Charlie did. But she knew that as soon as Kegan started his morning wake-up waltz, Trevor would roll over, a brilliant smile stretched across his gorgeous face and he itched to join in.

  Charlie had to admit that she was fast becoming a morning person. She loved how the three of them started each day wrapped in each other’s arms, and welcomed the day making love. Charlie pushed her bottom into the small of Trevor’s back playfully.

  “Sheesh, you sound like a bear with a sore paw this morning.”

  Trevor rolled over, threw a big heavy arm over her and snuggled close. “I got something that’s sore this morning, but it certainly ain’t my paw.”

  Trevor’s hardness pushed against the crease of her ass. “You two damn virile men are gonna kill me.”

  Trevor nuzzled her neck and sucked up a mark just below her ear before she could push him away.

  “Dammit, why do you two always do that? At this rate I’m gonna need a blood transfusion.”

  Kegan sucked the skin at the base of her neck, left his own mark before she was able to stop him. He chuckled and pulled her back against him. “We like people knowing you’re taken and belong to us.”

  “Well, could you come up with another way? It’s starting to get too warm out for the turtleneck shirts you force me to wear because of these marks. I’d die if I had to wear shorts and someone saw the insides of my thighs.”

  “I’d like to see the inside of your thighs.” Trevor’s voice was deep and husky as he kissed his way down her body.

  Kegan pulled her head to the side and took her mouth in a deep kiss.

  The stall alarm buzzed and had them all groaning. Trevor muttered dark curses and placed one last kiss to her belly before he flopped back on the bed.

  “Guess you boys are gonna have to finish this up without me,” Charlie teased as she scooted off the bed. They both aimed glares her way and made her laugh as she dressed.

  “I know it’s gonna be a shitty day when I have to start it with a cold shower,” Trevor grumbled and headed for the bathroom, holding his swollen shaft against his body. Kegan winced as he tucked his own rock-hard erection into his sweats and kissed her cheek before he headed out of the room, full of complaints about it being a long time until lunch.

  Hearing the dual showers running, Charlie giggled and headed downstairs. Her body shuddered and tingled when she thought of the mood they’d be in by lunch.

  * * * *

  Charlie was exhausted by the time she headed back to the house. She and Dr. Stone had spent most of the day trying to save a mare from hemorrhaging, but in the end, even with their best efforts, they had lost the battle.

  Charlie took some comfort in the fact that they were able to save the foal, but it still hurt like hell to lose a patient. All she wanted to do now was take a hot shower, eat and snuggle up to the men she loved. She hadn’t told them that she loved them yet. She felt it might be too soon, though they had both let her know with words and actions that they loved her. She wasn’t sure why she hesitated.

  ’Cause you’re a fool who can’t believe how damn lucky you are.

  Ignoring her irritating thoughts, she walked onto the porch and found Trevor waiting for her at the back door.

  “I was just coming out to find you. You okay?”

  Charlie wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned into his warm, hard body. “Yeah, I am. It just sucks, ya know?”

  “I know, babe. I’m sorry you had to go through that, but I know you and John did everything you could.”

  “Thank you.” She let him hold her for a moment longer, savoring the feel of him, before she looked up. “I need a shower. I’m pooped.” She moved back and started to pull off her boots.

  “I need to warn you. We’re having company tonight.”

  “I’m not sure if I like the sound of that. Sounds ominous.”

  “Yeah, I just found out that my parents are in town and they want to stop by tonight.”

  Charlie nearly fell over and reached out to grab Trevor’s leg to steady herself as her boot came off. She stood and faced him. “Do they know about me?”

  Trevor shook his head. “No. I haven’t spoken to them in a long time. They left a message on voicemail to say they’re on their way.”

  Charlie’s panic rose within her. Trevor never talked about his parents, but she knew he didn’t think too highly of his father and never mentioned his mother.

  What would they think of the living arrangements their son had with her and Kegan? The ranch hands, Mrs. M and Rae were the only people who knew about their relationship. They hadn’t really spent much time off the ranch and she hadn’t had to contemplate what others would think about seeing them as a threesome.

  “Maybe I should go see Rae tonight and let you have some time alone with your parents. I’m sure you have a lot to catch up on.”

  “I would like you to be here. I want them to meet the woman I love.”

  And I would just as soon hide out at Rae’s like the coward I am. “I just thought…”

  “This is my home, baby. Hopefully you will think of it as yours one day as well and I don’t want you to feel like you have to leave when people visit.”

  Charlie wasn’t sure what she should say, so she nodded and headed for the stairs.

  The day was turning out to be just a grand ole day from hell. Whoopee!

  * * * *

  The liv
ing room felt stuffy, the tension in the air thick as Trevor sat in silence with his parents and a brooding Kegan nursing a beer while they waited for Charlie to join them. He hadn’t seen his parents in nearly four years and had as much in common with them now as he had back then. Nothing.

  “So, Dad, what brought you to my neck of the woods?”

  “We had business in the area and wanted to see how our son was doing, make sure you’re okay. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen you.”

  “It’s been two years since I’ve even heard from you so excuse me if I seem a little curious.” He heard the irritation that poured out with his words but didn’t care.

  “I know it’s been a while. It is regrettable, but I don’t get much time off. In my line of work I can’t just drop everything and make social calls.”

  “I heard they have a new invention, it’s called the telephone. Maybe you should Google it.”

  “Trevor, please!” his mother begged. “Your father has come all this way to see you, could you please just try to be civil?”

  Civil my ass!

  He gritted his teeth to keep from saying it out loud. “Fine. I’m doing great. Kegan and I have been very fortunate our ranch has grown and is doing so well. Can’t imagine how my life could get any better. I’m happier now than I have ever been.”

  Let them suck on that little tidbit. He was happier than he’d ever been while growing up with the two of them, and he didn’t give a damn if it hurt their feelings or not. Though, knowing the Kingsingtons were more worried about appearances to the outside world, Trevor doubted they would feel anything or even act like it had upset them, since none of their high-society friends were present.

  “I’ve heard great things about this place. I’ve been informed that you’re now the largest rare-horse breeding ranch in the country. Very proud, son. Well done.” He took a small sip of his Scotch then set it back down. “Martha, make sure Michael sends Trevor a case of Cutty Sark. This stuff he’s serving guests is atrocious.”