Head On (Strength And Love)

by S. R. Jones

  A woman catches my eye hovering by our table. She comes closer and smiles at Ethan. He gives her a smile back, and stands to greet her, giving her a kiss on each cheek.

  “I hear you aren’t working this week.” Her voice is low but I hear her because right then there’s a general lull in the conversation.

  “No, sorry, Tina.”

  “Such a shame. It’s my birthday, and Gerald says I can have whatever I want. I said I wanted you, for the night, and he said okay. I’d be willing to pay a lot, for the whole night.”

  For a moment, I think Ethan is going to accept her offer, but he blows out a breath and shrugs. “As tempting as it sounds, on all fronts, I can’t. Not this week.”

  “How about next week?” She looks around the table, and her gaze when it lands on me turns cool.

  Ethan watches her for a long moment and then shakes his head. “I can’t say when I will be back for definite.”

  “Oh. Such a pity.”

  “I can give you Nate’s number?”

  She screws her mouth up a little, in distaste. “No thanks. He’s far too smooth for my liking. I prefer my men a bit rough and ready.” She turns to Luka. “How about you? Are you in the…industry?”

  Luka laughs. “No, babe. Sorry.”

  “Oh well, not my night, is it?” She gives Ethan one last flirtatious look and then turns and stalks off toward the bar.

  “You should think about it,” Ethan says to Luka when she’s gone.

  “No thanks, pal.”

  “Why not. It will pay well, and the amount of screwing you do for free, you’re way more of a whore than me. Might as well get paid.”

  Luka takes a sip of his drink and sets it down, considering Ethan. He smacks his lips together and smiles. “I’ve stopped all that. Some time ago.”

  Ethan frowns. “All what?”

  “The screwing around. I’ve stopped it. My therapist says it’s as much of a distraction as the drink, so I’ve given it up.”

  “You’ve given up sex?” Ethan’s jaw drops and it makes me laugh the way he’s hamming it up a bit.

  “Yep.” Luka nods. “Or, I should say, casual sex. Which, with my track record means, yeah, for now I’ve given up sex.”

  “Fuck me. You and Isla here should get together. You’d make a perfect pair.”

  “Be happy to.” Luka shoots me one of his patented, panty-removing smiles, and I can’t help but beam right back at him. He’s gorgeous, and Ethan’s remark was a low blow.

  “You’re on,” I shoot back.

  “No fucking way,” Ethan growls. His jokiness suddenly gone.

  “Don’t suggest it then, if you’re so against it.” I roll my eyes and take a sip of my drink.

  Ethan leans in. “He’s an animal. You need someone to treat you gently the first time.” His voice is low enough I know Luka can’t hear, but I still flush.

  I give him what I hope is a pointed look. “You do remember how we met, don’t you? What you do for a living? I hardly think you’re the one to finesse me.”

  He smirks at me then, and it twists something deep inside. God, I wish I wasn’t so insanely attracted to him. “Oh, darling. I can do finesse. I don’t only do the breaking and entering routine. One of my clients, she likes me to spend at least half an hour massaging her all over, and then another half an hour worshipping her pussy with my hands and mouth. No rough stuff required.”

  I flush at his words. I loathe the word ‘pussy,’ but his dirty talk has me picturing him doing all that to me, and my body responds even if I don’t want it to. “You’re a disgusting pig, and I need the ladies’.”

  Trying to be all dignified about it, I get up and head to the other side of the bar, where there’s a sign pointing downstairs for the toilets. I clomp down the stairs, muttering about arrogant, filthy pigs under my breath, head through a heavy door, and turn right into the ladies. There’s no one in and I take a moment to compose myself before heading into the stall. Finished, I reach for the flush when I hear the door opening and the click-clack of heels. I finish up and open the stall door, only to see Selina. Great.

  She turns to me and gives a predatory smile. “Hey again.”

  “Hi.” I smile at her and feel like a mouse being played with by a cat from the way she’s looking at me.

  “So, you’re with Ethan.” She’s says it as if it’s a fact.

  “I’m not with him,” I correct. “I know his sister, I’m staying with her.”

  “Hhhmmm.”

  Not sure what the heck that’s supposed to mean, and not wanting to prompt further conversation, I let it go.

  I open my bag, take out the lip gloss Ann insisted I bring, and swipe it over my mouth.

  “I’d never have pegged someone like you for his type.”

  I sigh and snap my bag shut before turning to face her. I may prefer to avoid confrontation. I may be an introvert, and a bit of a loner, but I’m not weak, and I don’t tolerate idiots too well. You go through what I have in life and it gives you a backbone. “Look, Selina. I know full well who you are and what you are to Ethan. I have no interest in him in the sense that you do. He certainly has no interest in me. So, you can rest assured that once this week is over, you can resume your regularly scheduled services.”

  She throws her head back and laughs, and this time it is genuine. When she looks at me her eyes are warmer. “Oh, I like you. But you’re wrong. He is interested in you. It’s written all over his face. He watches you wherever you are in the room. His eyes tracked you all the way across the bar when you came down here, even though that delicious friend of his was talking away to him. I wasn’t being a bitch before. You’re lovely, but I didn’t imagine you as Ethan’s type. I thought he preferred hard-bitten old birds like me.”

  I shake my head. “You’re not old. And you’re gorgeous.”

  “Thanks. But it’s not my age as such. I’m more than a bit cynical, and so is Ethan. Whereas you look like the most uncynical person going.”

  “Looks can be deceiving.” I sometimes think I am far too world weary for my young age. I don’t trust people easily. I don’t connect with them easily. I am sick of my virginity. I’d frankly pay someone to take it from me…I stop mid thought and blink at myself in the mirror. Could I? Should I?

  “What?” Selina is watching me.

  “Is he good? Ethan, I mean, at what he does?”

  She seems taken aback. “Yes, he’s good. But why would someone like you be even considering paying him? You could walk into that bar and get any guy you wanted.”

  “I doubt you’d struggle, Selina.”

  She smiles at me in the mirror as she wipes a zebra painted nail under one eye, removing a smudge of liner. “I’m married, darling. Discretion is super important to me after an ill-fated fling. And I don’t want any messy feelings involved, so paying works fine. But you, you could have anyone. Why pay?”

  Sod it. I blurt out my secret. “I’m a twenty-one-year-old virgin. I find it hard to get to know people, I’m not the sort of person who goes out clubbing or partying. I prefer curling up with a good book and a cup of tea. I like the quiet life, and most people my age don’t. I was sick when everyone else was out partying and having their first sexual experiences. I’m tired of being a virgin, and I want it gone. I did consider inviting a friend of mine back to my house and getting a bit drunk and getting it over with that way, but then I might ruin the friendship, and I don’t have many of those. Paying Ethan could be perfect. But I’m scared he’ll be too rough.”

  “He can be. If that’s what you want. I usually do.” She bites her cheek. “It’s a bit of a kink of mine. But, he can be gentle, too. He once came to do our usual routine, and I was feeling fragile because I’d lost a friend to an accident the day before. I safe worded out. Cried on him, and he held me while I did, and then he asked if I wanted him to leave. I said no, I still wanted sex, but not like usual. He was gentle that night. If it weren’t for the fact I know he doesn’t have feelings for me, I’d
have said he made love to me. He can be whatever you want him to be, honey.”

  She fluffs her hair and turns towards the stalls, but stops and pivots back to face me, a small frown plaguing her forehead. “But be careful. He’s gorgeous, and he’s talented in the sack, and if you’re young and inexperienced…well, it might be too easy to forget he’s being paid to be what you want him to be. It’s not real. With Ethan, it’s never real. Remember that.”

  She sashays into the stall and closes the door. I give myself one last glance, and head out and back toward the bar. Maybe he’s what I need. I don’t want real. I can’t fall in love with the first guy I have sex with, no one does that. I need to lose my virginity, figure out what I want from life, and start to live a little. I crave to wild things up, and stop being so safe all the time. Ethan could be my Mr. Right Now, even if he’d never be my Mr. Right. I could never trust him, or fall for him now I know what he does for a living, but I can’t seem to stop my body’s response to him.

  Paying him ought to be the perfect solution.

  Chapter Eleven

  Ethan

  “Let me get this straight. You want me to deliver sandwiches or some shit to this Smythe guy, and snoop around, maybe take his phone if I get the chance. Give it to our friend with the computer talent to hack, and then sneak back in and put it back? And you want me to do all this, because some young thing has given you a case of blue balls?”

  I want to smash Luka’s pretty face in. “She hasn’t given me a case of blue balls.”

  “Pull the other one, mate. She’s got you all wrapped around her pretty little finger. I get it, she’s got that whole innocent, but sexy as hell thing going on. Like a less knowing Brigitte Bardot. I’d fuck her, but this? Why get involved?”

  I slam my glass on the table, and despite being two thirds empty the beer nearly slops out of the top at the violence of the action. Luka merely raises his eyebrows. “Someone fucking hacked into her shit, and messaged me and booked me to do my special. This isn’t only about her. When they did that they involved me. I could be rotting in jail now. Do you understand?”

  He smiles and holds up his hands. “Yeah, I understand, but I still think you’re doing this for her.”

  “Fuck’s sake. She’s young, she’s on her own, her dad’s away. Would you leave her to deal with this herself?”

  Luka’s face grows serious and he shakes his head.

  “Exactly, stop being a twat about it and do me the favour, okay?”

  “Done.” Luka shuts up and smiles and I follow his gaze to see Isla approaching our table.

  As she nears, she stumbles slightly on her left ankle, going over on the platform heels she’s wearing and falling into a man. His lager splashes all over his shirt. His eyes narrow and he swings his head her way, already opening his mouth. I tense, about to get up, but the moment he clocks her, his face changes. It goes from livid, to interested. He eye-fucks her up and down her body, and smiles.

  “I’m sorry.” She’s flushed and embarrassed.

  He continues to eat her up with his gaze and gives a cocky smile. “It’s okay. I’ll let you off, pretty thing like you.”

  Thing? What a wanker. Then his hands are on her, stroking down her arm, and she’s frozen looking at him with wide eyes. I’m moving before I’m even aware of it.

  “Take your hands off her, now.” My voice is low and the idiot looks at me with his smirk firmly in place.

  “Fuck off, pal.”

  Luka’s by my side in two seconds flat. “I think you ought to do as my friend here requested. Let go of the lady.”

  “You with these pricks?” The idiot asks.

  Isla nods.

  “Your loss.” He takes his hand off her arm but as she walks by he winks at his friends and slaps her arse. Isla gives a small cry and lurches forward and I’m done. I pull my fist back and punch him in the gut. I don’t go for the face because I don’t want to break anything. Getting done for grievous bodily harm is not on my radar for tonight, but he needs to learn a fucking lesson.

  He doubles over groaning and I glare at his two friends. They both hold their hands up and back off. Right choice. I lean into the idiot’s face. “Slapping women on their bum like you just did is assault, dickhead. You don’t go around manhandling them that way, okay? I ever see you doing shit like that again, I’ll break your jaw. Understand?”

  He looks up and nods, still trying to catch his breath.

  “Come on.” I take hold of Isla’s arm. “We’re leaving.”

  Selina walks by, and she gives Isla a knowing look as she passes on her way to the double glass doors. “Told you, honey. Definitely invested. But you’ll never know what’s real and what’s not. Pity.”

  She looks at me. “Call me, if you’re back in the next few weeks. If not, I’d appreciate the name of someone good you can recommend.”

  I give her a puzzled glance. “Of course, I’ll be back in a week or so.”

  “Yes, but if not, don’t forget to send me a recommendation or two.”

  Is she being purposefully stupid? I shrug because I don’t have the time for this, and head for the doors right behind her. Selina holds it open for me, Isla, and Luka. “Be careful, honey. Look after your heart.”

  She kisses Isla on the cheek. Then click-clacks off into the night with her friends.

  “What the fuck was that all about?” I glare down at Isla. I hate Selina being anywhere near her, it reminds me of what I do, and for the first time I hate that, too.

  She hitches her shoulders up. “I don’t know, but I think she likes me.”

  “Of course, she does,” Luka chimes in. “You’re eminently likeable. Nice to meet you, Isla. I’d kiss your cheek but I’m scared Mr. Neanderthal here will deck me.”

  She giggles and Luka heads off down the road waving his hand at us as he goes. He shouts back to me. “I’ll get in touch when it’s done.”

  I gave him Rick Smythe’s details while Isla was taking forever in the ladies, and the name of his company. I want to see what’s on the fucker’s phone badly, so I hope Luka can come through. I also hope Rick uses his phone for everything the same way I do. He’s in his fifties though, so maybe not.

  We pull up at home, after a mostly silent journey with Isla seemingly deep in thought. I must admit that Luka’s right. She’s getting under my skin, which means I need him to do his stuff quick, so I can sort this out and get her back home. I don’t do relationships, I’m too messed up for that. And I certainly don’t do them with sweet, twenty-one year old virgins. Someone like Selina might work for me, if I ever decide I want to settle down, but never someone like Isla.

  She’ll want gentle, boring sex, not just for her first time but forever. And I bet she wants kids, which I’m not sure about. Not with the state of this fucking world. We’re poles apart, and despite the fact I seem to have a permanent hard on for her, we’ve got nothing in common.

  I park the car and we head into the house. She’s still quiet and introspective, and I think that’s one thing I like. We’re both quiet. Neither of us chats for the sake of it, unlike my sister. I bet Isla would be relaxing to come home to. I can imagine her curled up on the sofa reading a book, maybe asking how my day went, and then letting me decompress. Not the incessant need to talk like my previous girlfriend. Fucking hell, I’d come back from a literal war zone to three days of non-stop gossip about who was seeing who, who’d been dumped, and who was out of the group. No wonder it didn’t last. I can’t imagine Isla being like that.

  Christ. I shake myself. I’ve no fucking business imagining Isla and me at all. None. I throw my keys onto the kitchen table and see a note from Ann.

  Hey bro,

  Katie has come down with sickness and diarrhoea. It’s supposedly a twenty-four-hour thing that is going around. I am hoping she’ll be okay tomorrow or the day after, but I didn’t want you guys getting it, so I’ve taken her home.

  I’ll call you tomorrow.

  Ann x

  I
sense Isla stood next to me and turn to see her reading the note, too. Shit. I don’t want her to feel unsafe.

  “Look, I can take you to her house, if you want. So long as you avoid Katie, you should be fine. But if you want to stay here, I swear to you, you’re safe.”

  “I want you to take my virginity.”

  What the fuck? I stare at her, at a total loss for words. “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me.” She nibbles her lip, and her cheeks have two bright spots of colour spreading across them but she holds my gaze.

  “No. No fucking way, Isla. What the fuck? I mean…Jesus.” I stalk to the kettle and fill it up, my movements quick and angry.

  I need to keep my cool, but fuck me. Angry and confused, I turn to her. “Don’t you remember your words to me earlier. You remember how we met, Ethan.”

  “Yes, and I remember your counter. How you spent ages on that woman’s…on her, you know?”

  I laugh, but there’s no humour in it. “You can’t even say the word. Say it.”

  She flushes more and shakes her head.

  “You want me to fuck you? But you can’t say the word pussy?”

  “I don’t like the word,” she snaps back.

  “Okay then, cunt.”

  “Fuck you. That’s a disgusting word.”

  Well, at least she said fuck. First time I’ve heard her properly swear.

  “How about vagina. Say the word vagina.” I don’t know why I’m still pushing her.

  She purses her lips and shoots me daggers with narrowed eyes.

  “You can’t say the name for your own sex, but you want to have sex? I say you’re not ready.”

  “I am ready. I’m more than ready,” she argues. “I might be a bit shy when it comes to talking about it, or more specifically, I should say, using certain words, but I’m twenty-one years old, and sick of being a virgin.”

  “Honey, you need some nice kid your own age to experiment with. The last thing you need is me.”

  “Why?”

  “Because…I’m not your speed.”

  She laughs and glances up at the ceiling before looking back to me. “What do you think my speed is?”