by Linda Sole
‘That’s good,’ Emily said and squeezed her arm. ‘Nothing is forever, Frances. It will come right again, I promise you.’ She saw a car draw up outside the house. ‘I wonder who that is …’
‘I think … Yes, it is Dr Renton,’ Frances said, her fine brows rising as she looked at Emily. ‘Now, I wonder what has brought him all the way down here?’
Emily laughed. ‘Perhaps he has come to see how you are, Frances.’
‘Somehow, I don’t think it is me he has come to visit,’ Frances said. ‘But he has seen us. We had better go and say hello …’
They walked towards Paul Renton, who had got out of the car and was waiting for them to join him. Emily went forward to greet him with a smile on her face. She offered her hand, but he leaned forward to kiss her cheek.
‘What a lovely surprise, Paul. What brings you this way?’
‘I told you I might call on you one day,’ Paul Renton said with a grin that was rather engaging. ‘I’m taking a few days off from work and I thought why not …’ He glanced at the house. ‘I wasn’t expecting this though. It’s a wonderful house. Does it belong to Lord Vane?’
‘Yes, it has been in his family for centuries. It does rather take your breath away when you first see it, doesn’t it? I felt completely lost the first time I came here on a visit, but I’m used to it now.’
‘It is a beautiful place to live,’ he said. ‘I’m talking more the grounds than the house here. I should imagine that is a bit of a devil to run these days – must cost a fortune to heat it.’
‘Yes, I expect so,’ Emily agreed. ‘I leave all that to Vane, of course.’ She turned to Frances. ‘You must say hello to Paul, love. If it were not for him I wouldn’t have got you home as quickly or as easily.’
Frances came forward, offering her hand. ‘I don’t think I thanked you properly that night,’ she said. ‘It all seems a blur – but I did remember you so I must have taken some of it in. I know you looked after me when we got to Daniel’s house.’
‘It was the least I could do,’ Paul told her and shook hands. ‘I am glad to see you looking so much better. I was a little anxious about your condition, but I can see that you are fine.’
‘I feel better,’ Frances said. ‘No one could help it in a place like this. Besides, Emily has been looking after me. I am very lucky to have her.’
‘Yes, you are,’ Paul said and glanced at Emily. ‘I was wondering if we might go out to dinner this evening – if you are free?’
‘I’m not sure …’ Emily glanced at Frances. ‘Would you mind being here without me?’
‘I think I can manage for once,’ Frances told her. ‘Go out and enjoy yourself, Emily. You spend too much time working or worrying about me.’
‘My work is a pleasure to me,’ Emily said. ‘But yes, I will go out with you this evening, Paul – but now you must come in and meet Vane. I am sure he will wish to have a few words, and you are welcome to stay to lunch, if you like?’
‘Thank you, I should like that,’ he said. ‘Afterwards, you might take me to see the convalescent home you told me about …’
‘Yes, of course,’ Emily agreed. ‘We only have a few guests left now, because the government is closing down a lot of the temporary homes they set up during the war. Vane didn’t want our boys to lose the home they had become accustomed to so we are keeping it going in a private capacity for a while.’
They walked up to the house together, Frances following a step behind. She listened to them talking about a subject that interested them both, half envious of her sister, because she seemed so sure and confident of her place here. Frances had felt like that once, but it had all crumbled into ashes after Marcus began to drink heavily. That period of her life was over now, and it looked as if she would have enough money to do whatever she pleased with her future. She wasn’t sure what she wanted yet, and sometimes the pain of Charlie’s death made her want to weep bitter tears, but she was getting over it slowly. It helped being with Emily, though sometimes seeing her sister with her son could be very painful.
Emily had given her something to think about. She couldn’t do anything yet, but it might be a good idea to offer Daniel the yard. She knew that he was good with engines. He had always wanted a garage. It might be that he could combine the two businesses, but she would have to see how things worked out once probate was granted.
One thing she knew for certain. She couldn’t go back to the way she had been. She had to change, to become more like Emily, Her sister was so confident, so sure of her place in the world …
‘You must have been busy when this place was full to capacity,’ Paul Renton said as Emily took him into her office. She had given him a tour of the building and introduced him to the few remaining guests. ‘What will you do when the home eventually closes?’
‘I don’t honestly know,’ Emily told him. ‘It won’t be for a while yet – and I suppose I shall find something. Probably charity work. I know Vane sits on several committees. He could find me something if I asked.’ Emily laughed. ‘It sounds so odd to hear myself say that, because I once thought that I would hate anything of that nature – but now it seems natural. I suppose it is living with Vane and Amelia. They are both very social minded. I must be becoming more like them.’
‘I liked him,’ Paul said, looking thoughtful. ‘I didn’t expect to, because I thought he might be a bit of a snob, but he isn’t at all. His wife is pleasant but …’ He pulled a wry face. ‘I thought she was not quite as friendly as her husband.’
‘Amelia can be like that,’ Emily said. ‘She is probably wondering why you’ve come here. I don’t usually have visitors unless they are family.’
‘It won’t cause a problem for you?’
‘No, of course not,’ Emily said. ‘I am pleased you came. It is ages since I’ve been out to dinner with a man other than with Vane and Amelia … not since the war …’
‘I suppose it takes time to get over what happened?’ He looked at her awkwardly.
‘Yes, it does,’ Emily agreed. ‘But I am over it … at least I shall never forget him, the man I loved, but it doesn’t hurt every minute of the day as it once did.’
‘I’m glad,’ he said and gave her an odd look. ‘I’ve been offered a new job. I’m not sure whether I want to take it or not.’
‘Is it a promotion?’ Emily asked. ‘You haven’t been at Addenbrooks long, have you?’
‘I did my training there and in a way I don’t like to leave them after just a few months of service – but the job is something I am interested in doing. It is in Africa – a missionary hospital working with poor tribes in the interior. Apparently no one can stick it for long out there and they are always looking for young doctors to take over a vacant post.’
‘That sounds interesting,’ Emily said. ‘It would be something you would never forget – a once in a lifetime chance.’
‘Yes. It would be for three years, and then I would come back to England. I suppose it is something I should do. I was keen on the idea when I applied, but since then …’ His voice tailed off. ‘Well, I have a couple of weeks to make up my mind so I thought I would take a few days off and visit you.’ He seemed to hesitate but then smiled oddly. ‘I suppose I have made up my mind really.’
‘And I am very glad you did come to visit us,’ Emily said. ‘You must promise to write to me while you are away – and come and see us when you get back.’
‘Yes, I will,’ he said, not looking at her. ‘I am glad your sister is recovering from her ordeal. She hasn’t had any side effects – no bad headaches or anything?’
‘No, Frances is feeling quite well again,’ Emily said. She sensed that he had turned the subject and she wondered what he had wanted to say before he changed his mind. ‘She is still grieving, of course, but she doesn’t seem so desperate now.’
‘She will find her own way,’ he said. ‘I suppose we all do that when things don’t turn out as we would like them to …’
‘Yes, perhaps,’ Emi
ly agreed. ‘I think we should go back now. Amelia will be waiting for us before she orders tea …’
Later that evening, as she sat brushing her hair in front of her dressing mirror, Emily looked at herself and wondered why she hadn’t made it easier for Paul to say what he wanted. She couldn’t be certain, because of course they hadn’t known each other long, but there had been something in his eyes, and she had sensed that he wanted to ask her something. She believed he had told her about the job to gauge her reaction. Perhaps if she had told him that she didn’t want him to go he would have come out and said it … but she had deliberately kept a distance between them.
She had enjoyed having dinner with Paul, and she liked him very much – but she knew that she wasn’t ready to fall in love again. For the moment she was committed to Vane and looking after the convalescent home, though she knew that it could have been handed over to someone else if she had wanted to leave Vanbrough. And yet there was something about Paul that made her want to know him better. If he hadn’t been going away, she might have arranged to meet sometimes. She had married in haste once and she didn’t want to make that mistake again. Besides, it just wasn’t possible for her to leave at the moment.
If she asked Paul to stay, told him that she liked him and wanted to get to know him better, he might think she was inviting him to begin a relationship that would eventually lead to marriage. Emily couldn’t be sure that was what she wanted. Perhaps one day she would meet someone she could love – and it might have been Paul if they’d had more time.
He was coming to say goodbye to her in the morning, and then he was going off for a little holiday before he returned to Cambridge. If she tried, Emily knew she could persuade him to change his mind about taking that job. She had seen it in his eyes when they parted earlier that evening. He had kissed her cheek, but if she had turned her head …
Emily sighed. She wasn’t sure how she felt and she didn’t want to make another mistake. She had married Simon before she really knew him, and then she had fallen in love with Terry. It would be foolish to do something similar again, and yet she had a little hollow feeling inside when she thought that Paul was going away and she might never see him again.
She was about to get into bed when someone knocked at the door. Thinking that it might be Frances, she called out that she might enter but Amelia came in instead. She was wearing a comfortable velvet dressing gown and slippers, and looked different somehow, more vulnerable than usual.
‘Were you in bed?’
‘No, not yet,’ Emily said. ‘Did you want something, Amelia?’
‘Just to ask if you’d had a nice evening. It was a long way for your friend to come just for one day …’
‘Paul is going to tour for a few days before he returns to Cambridge,’ Emily said. ‘I think he wanted to see how Frances was getting on.’
‘He came to see you,’ Amelia said. ‘I think he is in love with you.’
‘Don’t be silly, he barely knows me.’
‘Well, you never know if you allowed him to get to know you better.’
‘Paul has been offered a job working at a missionary hospital in Africa. He came to tell me he was going away.’
‘Do you want to go with him?’
‘No, I couldn’t leave Vanbrough. You know that, Amelia.’
‘Why don’t you ask him to find a job down here?’
‘I am not sure that I want to start a relationship,’ Emily said. ‘I married in haste once. I shan’t make the same mistake again.’
‘If you let him go you may never see him again,’ Amelia said. ‘You don’t always get two chances, Emily. You like him. I know you do.’
‘Yes, I like him – but I liked Simon. I was in love with Terry.’
Amelia shrugged. ‘He is in love with you,’ she said, ‘but of course it is up to you.’
‘Thank you for your advice,’ Emily said. ‘I haven’t made up my mind yet – but if I do I’ll let you know.’
She frowned as the door closed behind Amelia. Now what was that all about? It was almost as if Amelia was trying to push her into marrying Paul Renton …
Twelve
Emily had been working in her office for an hour when Paul walked in the next morning. She looked up and smiled, laying down her pen. ‘I was just about to make some coffee,’ she said. ‘Would you like some?’
‘Not at the moment,’ Paul said looking so stern that her heart caught. ‘I have to say this, Emily, or it will be too late. I tried yesterday but couldn’t find the courage …’
‘Paul …’ Emily stood up and came round her desk. Her heart was jerking oddly, because she sensed what he was going to say. ‘You know I like you very much.’
‘Liking isn’t enough for what I want,’ Paul said and his face was tortured with passion. ‘I think I fell in love with you the first time we met, Emily. I want to marry you, but I can’t offer you anything like you have here.’
‘You wouldn’t have to,’ Emily said. She moved towards him, putting a finger to his lips as he would have spoken again. ‘I do feel something for you, Paul, and I should very much like to get to know you better – but I am not ready for marriage yet. One day I may want to leave this house, but not now, not while I am needed.’
‘I knew that as soon as I saw the way Vane looks at you,’ Paul told her. ‘He worships the ground you walk on, Emily, and you are very fond of him. I almost went this morning without speaking, because I know I can’t expect you to leave all this for me …’
‘Not yet,’ she repeated with a smile because his heated words were making her feel warm and happy in a way she hadn’t been happy for a long time. ‘Perhaps one day, Paul. I can’t say that I will marry you, because I don’t know you well enough. I married in haste once and regretted it. I won’t make that mistake again – but I would like us to know each other better. If you hadn’t been offered that job I might …’
‘The job means nothing if there is a chance we could be together,’ Paul said. ‘But if you’re not sure …’
‘I know I want to …’ Emily frowned as the telephone on her desk rang. For a moment she was tempted to ignore it but something made her pick it up, despite sensing that Paul wanted her to leave it. ‘Yes, Emily Vane speaking …’
‘Emily,’ Frances sounded urgent. ‘You’ve got to come back to the house at once. Lord Vane has had a heart attack and he is asking for you. Amelia is with him and in a terrible state. She asked me to get you here as quickly as possible. I think it is serious.’
‘Yes, of course. I’ll come now,’ Emily said. She replaced the receiver with a little bang, her heart racing as she looked at Paul. ‘I am sorry I have to go. Vane is ill. He needs me.’
‘Yes, of course,’ Paul said. ‘I’ll get out of your way.’
‘No …’ Emily hesitated. A part of her wanted to beg him to stay, but she knew this wasn’t the time. ‘Yes, perhaps it would be best. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to talk again. I couldn’t leave Vane like this … not when he needs me.’
‘No, of course not,’ Paul said. ‘But he will always need you, won’t he, Emily?’
‘Yes, perhaps,’ she said. ‘I am sorry, Paul. I have to go …’
She walked past him, leaving him standing there. She liked Paul, felt that there was something between them, but it was new and fragile and it didn’t stand a chance when Vane needed her. The bonds between them were an invisible thread, but so strong that she felt them pulling her even when they were apart.
Emily paused to recover her breath before walking into Vane’s bedchamber. She had rushed back in a panic, because the urgent summons had shocked her. It had upset her the first time Vane had been struck down like this, but it was different now. The feeling between them was so much stronger, and losing him would be a cruel blow. Her throat was tight, and she could feel a sharp pain deep inside her.
He was lying propped up against a pile of pillows, the curtains half-pulled to shade the room from too much light. Amelia was sitting on the
edge of the bed holding his hand. She looked over her shoulder as Emily came in, an odd expression in her eyes.
‘Thank goodness you are here. I thought you might have gone off somewhere. Vane wants to speak to you …’ She got up, clearly preparing to leave the room.
‘You don’t have to leave,’ Emily said, though she wanted her to, because she wanted a few minutes with Vane. ‘Unless you want …’
Amelia gave her a mocking stare and walked out. Emily approached the bed. Vane looked old and frail against the white pillows, a dark-blue silken counterpane covering his body. He pushed the top cover back a little and smiled wearily at her.
‘Thank you for coming, my dear.’ He held his hand out to her. ‘Amelia makes such a fuss but I think she may be right this time. We’ll know more when the doctor has been, but …’ He shook his head impatiently. ‘I haven’t time for all this … I must ask, Emily. Are you planning to marry your doctor? I know he means to ask you – will you say yes?’
‘Not for the moment,’ Emily said, her fingers entwining with his. His clasp was still firm despite his air of fragility and she was a little reassured. ‘Perhaps one day, if I get to know him and decide that I would like to be married. I don’t really know him yet.’
‘He is very much in love with you,’ Vane told her. ‘Believe me, Emily. I recognize the signs. It wouldn’t be the way it was with Simon.’
‘No, perhaps not,’ Emily said. ‘But I made a promise, Vane. I said that I would stay here while I was needed and the home still has a few guests.’
‘You know that we could find someone to manage it, don’t you?’ Vane’s eyes were on her. ‘I think you want to stay here, Emily. I believe you have become as much a prisoner of Vanbrough as I have been all my life.’
‘What do you mean – a prisoner?’
‘A house and estate like this have to be nurtured and loved,’ Vane said. ‘It needs new life, new blood, Emily. You brought that to us when you came, and it will live on through you and Robert – and the children you may have in the future. That is why I have arranged things the way I think best. I shan’t say more now, but I wanted to make sure you understood. Robert may not carry my blood, but you carry my spirit and my hopes. I want to think of you here, carrying on the traditions …’