by Linda Sole
‘Vane, please don’t talk this way,’ Emily begged. ‘I don’t want you to die …’ A sob broke in her voice, her hand holding his a little too tightly. ‘I don’t know what I should do without you now.’
‘You will go on as you did before,’ he said with a gentle smile. ‘I like to think that you will remember me with affection, but I know that you have the strength for what is needed, my dear. And you will carry on, won’t you, Emily – for my sake?’
‘You know I love you,’ Emily said, realizing the depth of her feelings for the first time. A wave of despair swept over her, because she was losing the one person she could rely on to love and care for her. ‘Oh, Vane, I am not sure I am strong enough to do what you want.’
‘You will, because you are my Emily,’ he said. His eyes were softly mocking, but the mockery was directed at himself not her. ‘I have thought of you that way for a long time now. You must have known that I loved you, my dear?’ He held her hand as he felt her initial reaction to withdraw. ‘I care for Amelia, of course I do. She is my wife – but it was never a love match. I wanted more children, particularly another son. I think I knew from the time when Simon was quite small that he would never be my heir – and Vanessa is tied up with her husband’s life in London. She doesn’t even like Vanbrough. Whereas you do – don’t you?’
‘You know I do,’ Emily said, her voice thick with emotion. ‘But I want things to go on the way they are, with you and Amelia …’
Vane gave a snort of laughter. ‘You want it to go on forever – but you should know that nothing lasts forever, Emily. You of all people must understand that even the best of times must fade at the last.’
‘Yes, I know – but the time went too fast,’ Emily said. ‘All during the war with the patients and the mad rushing around … you were there and I relied on you, loved you, and hardly knew that I was happy. Now that we have come through it …’ Regret caught at her throat and she shook her head. ‘I shouldn’t be saying these things. I am supposed to be comforting you, telling you that you will soon be better …’
‘And should I pretend to believe you?’ This time his mockery was for her. ‘No, Emily, I don’t want that from you. Amelia would have me believe that the doctor will wave his magic wand, but I know what is happening.’ He put a hand to his chest, smothering a moan as the pain intensified. ‘I’ve had a decent life. I can’t expect to go on much longer.’
‘Are you in much pain?’ Vane shook his head but Emily knew he was lying. ‘Shall I go and leave you to rest, dearest?’
‘No, not yet. I just want to look at you. I don’t think you know how beautiful you have become, Emily. You were always lovely, but you have such a serene beauty these days … like the Madonna but with an earthly quality that makes men want you. I wasn’t surprised that your doctor fell in love with you at first sight. It came more slowly for me, but I was older and more cautious.’
‘You see me with the eyes of love.’ She bent forward and kissed him on the lips very softly. ‘My dearest Vane. You put me on a pedestal I don’t deserve.’
‘Perhaps,’ Vane agreed. ‘Don’t spend the rest of your life alone, Emily. If it isn’t to be the young doctor find someone else – but make sure that whoever it is loves this place too, because otherwise he will want you to leave it, and I don’t think you will be able to. I couldn’t, even though I knew it would be sensible to sell the place or tear it down and build a modern economic house.’
‘I shall marry if I can find someone I love.’
‘I want you to be happy,’ Vane said and his hand trembled in hers. ‘Sometimes I think I wronged you, my Emily. If I had let you go instead of selfishly keeping you with me … but I wanted to see you every day of my life so I made sure that you stayed, and now you can’t leave any more than I ever could.’
‘You didn’t force me to stay,’ Emily said, though she knew that she had stayed for his sake. ‘If I had truly wanted to leave I would have gone.’ She might have gone if Terry had lived, but after his death she had needed her work … and she had needed Vane. His strength and his love had sustained her, though she hadn’t truly understood that until this moment.
He had closed his eyes and now his hand was slipping from hers. She felt the life draining out of him and she stood up, intending to call his wife, but the door opened as if Amelia had been expecting it to happen. She came to the side of the bed and they stood there together, watching the colour leave his face.
‘I’ll telephone for the doctor,’ she said, feeling that Amelia would need a few moments alone with her husband. ‘I am truly sorry.’
‘Are you?’ Amelia looked at her, cold and remote. ‘I don’t see why. You always get whatever you want, don’t you?’
‘Oh, Amelia, not now,’ Emily said. ‘Excuse me, I must leave you for a while. We shall talk later.’
She left the room and went downstairs to ring the local surgery again. It was too late for Vane, but it wouldn’t have mattered if the doctor had come sooner. It had been Vane’s time and he’d known it …
Emily felt the tears well up inside her, but she fought them down. There were things she needed to do; the tears could come later.
‘I am so sorry,’ Frances said when she joined Emily in the garden later that day. It was quite mild even though it was early February. From the branches of ancient trees, a thrush was trilling its wonderful song. ‘I know he meant a great deal to you.’
‘Yes, he did.’ Emily smiled because the first surge of grief had abated. She could still feel Vane with her, as if he were standing at her shoulder, watching over her. ‘We’ve known for the past few years that he was living on borrowed time. His heart hasn’t been all it should be, but he made nothing of it, carried on as if he were twenty years younger. He was thirty years older than Amelia, of course. Simon and Vanessa were his children by his first wife.’
Frances nodded. ‘Amelia told me that he married her for a spare but she wasn’t able to give him a child. I think that’s awful, don’t you? To marry someone just for the sake of an extra son …’
‘It isn’t strictly true,’ Emily said. ‘Amelia is feeling upset – and bitter, I suppose, because Vane asked for me at the last. She tried to take Robert over because she wanted him to be hers …’ Emily sighed. ‘Vane was always able to smooth her feathers. I am not sure how we shall get on now that he is dead …’
‘You are going to miss him, aren’t you? Not just because of Amelia – but because you loved him.’
‘Yes, I did love him,’ Emily said. ‘I don’t think I ever knew how much until today. It was a special kind of love, Frances. He wasn’t exactly a father figure to me – and yet I never thought of him as a lover. I suppose I might have done if it hadn’t been for Amelia.’
‘He was so much older than you, Emily!’
‘Yes, I know – but Vane was the kind of man who never really ages. His body got older, but his mind and spirit remained eternally young. I suppose that is why I thought he would go on for years. Even though I knew his heart was weak, I thought he couldn’t die …’ Emily felt the tears begin to slide down her cheeks and wiped them away with the sleeve of her light jacket. ‘Damn it! I don’t want to cry. Vane wouldn’t want that and it’s so stupid.’
Frances put an arm about her waist. ‘Cry if you want to, love. It doesn’t help much but it does relieve the tension. I should know. I’ve done enough of it lately.’
‘Yes.’ Emily fished in her pocket for a handkerchief and blew her nose. ‘You seem a little better – are you?’
‘Yes, I am,’ Frances told her. ‘I don’t know why, because nothing has changed really – but I am thinking about the future. I had a letter from Rosalind Danby to wish me well. And Dan telephoned this morning while you were at the office. He said some of the men from the haulage yard had come to him to ask what they ought to do – apparently some orders need shifting. He told them to carry on as normal for the moment. He wanted to know if he had done right. I’ve asked him to take over running i
t. I think I shall do what you suggested, Emily. I don’t want anything to do with it, but Dan seems interested so I’ll give him a share of the profits and see how it works out.’
‘I’m glad you’ve made the decision,’ Emily said. ‘I offered Dan money to set up his own garage, but he wouldn’t take it from me. He is only accepting your offer because he thinks he is helping you – making up for his neglect when you needed him.’
‘Well, he doesn’t have to do it forever unless he wants,’ Frances said. ‘But he was concerned about men losing their jobs so I think he feels obliged to step in.’
‘Yes, knowing Dan I should say that is about the size of it,’ Emily said. ‘I think I had better go back to the house. Amelia and I have to talk.’
‘I’ll walk down to the home and see if I can do anything to help out,’ Frances said and smiled at her sister. ‘I could never understand why you were so devoted to your work, but I think I can now I’ve met your guests. However much your own problems hurt, they fade into insignificance when you see what they have to endure.’
‘Yes, that is exactly it,’ Emily agreed. ‘It stops you feeling sorry for yourself – and it gives a sense of purpose.’ She kissed Frances on the cheek and they parted, Emily going up to the house alone. She was glad that Frances was feeling better, but now she had problems of her own to face.
‘You can’t mean it?’ Emily said as she looked at Amelia. They were in the small sitting room they both favoured at the rear of the house. ‘But I thought this place meant everything to you?’
‘Vane meant everything,’ Amelia said and her tone was decidedly bitter. ‘I immersed myself in the tradition that he cherished, because he loved it all so much. I knew that he married me because he wanted a son – but I married because I wanted to be a wife and I didn’t get any other offers. I’m not beautiful and clever like you.’ Her face was tight with misery. ‘But you see I made the mistake of falling in love with my husband. He was kind and generous, and always considerate. Even when I failed to give him the son he wanted, he took the blame on himself – accepted that he was too old to father a child. We both knew in our hearts that it was my fault.’
‘Oh, Amelia, I am so sorry. I didn’t know any of this. You’ve always said it was just a marriage of convenience and that it was Vane who couldn’t have a child.’
‘I let you believe a lie,’ Amelia told her. ‘I believed it myself for a long time, but I always knew the truth in my heart. It was all right until Simon brought you here and then everything changed … very slowly, but quite definitely.’
‘How? I don’t understand what you mean …’
‘Don’t you?’ Amelia’s eyes were so accusing that Emily had to look away. ‘Of course you do. Vane was in love with you. Oh, he was always courteous to me, never let me see that he preferred you – but I knew it. His face lit up whenever you came into the room. He opened the convalescent home because he had to keep you from leaving. He would have done anything for you – and he has. You and Robert get everything that matters.’ Now the bitterness flared out of her, marring her face with its ugliness.
‘What do you mean? Surely you and Vanessa have been left a share of Vane’s fortune?’
‘I’ve seen a draft of the will,’ Amelia said. ‘The estate and half the money is left to Robert. You have your own trust and the management of the estate until your son is twenty-one. Vanessa gets a few thousand pounds and a house in Dorset that belonged to her mother. I get a house in London, ten thousand pounds and an allowance from a further trust, which comes to you when I die …’
‘But of course you will continue to live here,’ Emily said a little shocked by her revelations. ‘You run the house so beautifully, Amelia. I am sure I couldn’t do it half as well.’
‘You will find it isn’t as easy as it seems,’ Amelia said. ‘It isn’t just the house. There are traditions that people expect … but I daresay you will manage. Vane thought that you would be the best person to look after things. He told me he knew that I didn’t really care for the estate but that you loved it the way he did …’
‘Yes, I love it here, but I’m not sure I know how to manage it,’ Emily said. ‘It was Vane who kept everything together. He was the heart of this place …’ She looked at Amelia unhappily. ‘Is there nothing that would persuade you to stay?’
‘You are the mistress here now,’ Amelia said. ‘If Simon had lived you would be Lady Vane. Tradition says that I should move out and leave it to you.’
‘I don’t want your title or your place here,’ Emily said. ‘I just wanted everything to be as it was – you, Vane, Robert and me …’
‘Well, Vane is dead,’ Amelia said. ‘Even you can’t bring him back. I shall stay for a week or so after the funeral, because it would look odd if I went at once. I’ll leave you all my journals to help you – but I want a life of my own, Emily. I lived for Vane, doing the things he wanted, being the kind of wife he needed – but now I am going to live for myself for a change.’
‘Then I suppose I can’t hold you,’ Emily said. ‘I am sorry you have decided to go, Amelia – but if it is what you want you must do it.’
‘Yes, I shall,’ Amelia said and there was an odd look of satisfaction in her eyes. ‘I’ll give you five years, Emily. If you’re not up to your ears in debt by then I’ll take my hat off to you …’
‘I am so glad you were here for the funeral,’ Emily said to Frances when most of the guests had at last taken their leave. ‘I could just about manage the service, but the rest of it was almost unbearable. I had never met some of the people Amelia invited, and I felt as if I were an outsider. I am sure she was playing the long-suffering widow just to spite me.’
‘You told me yourself that she loved him?’
‘Yes, I didn’t mean it that way – but somehow she managed to make me feel as if I didn’t belong here. It was the first time I had met Vane’s cousin. Actually, he is a second cousin, I think, but I’m not quite sure of the relationship. There was something about the way Amelia introduced him …’ Emily shook her head. She had sensed an underlying threat but didn’t understand what was going on in Amelia’s mind.
‘You mean Alan Leicester?’
‘Yes,’ Emily said looking thoughtful. ‘I’ve never heard Vane mention him. I didn’t know he had a cousin.’
‘Perhaps they had fallen out over something?’ Frances frowned. ‘I thought he was rather nice, Emily. Tall and good looking with that dark blond hair and blue eyes – he reminded me a little of Simon.’
‘Yes, there was a family resemblance,’ Emily agreed. ‘But I thought he looked more like Vane must have when he was the same age – he is about thirtyish, I imagine.’
‘Yes, about that,’ Frances agreed. ‘I wonder why Lord Vane never invited him to the house?’
‘I have no idea,’ Emily replied. Meeting him so suddenly had made her feel slightly uneasy. She supposed that if it hadn’t been for Robert he might have expected to inherit the estate – or at least the title, because Vanessa had only a female child. ‘I suppose it must have been a family quarrel. He didn’t stay long after the funeral, but asked if he could call and see me in a few days.’
‘I expect he just wants to talk about family stuff,’ Frances said. ‘You’re not worried about him, are you?’
‘No, of course not,’ Emily said. She gave herself a mental shake. Vane had excluded his cousin from his will for reasons of his own. ‘I wonder …’ She broke off as Vane’s daughter came up to them. She already had her coat and hat on, a fur tippet around her neck. ‘Vanessa – do you really have to leave?’
‘I am afraid so,’ Vanessa said. ‘I promised I would catch the train back this afternoon. I am flying to Paris with friends in two days so I really can’t stay. Besides, I am sure you don’t need me. I should only be in the way. And Amelia and I don’t really get on, we never have.’ She nodded to Frances. ‘It was nice to meet you.’
‘You won’t stay for the reading of the will?’
Vanessa pulled a wry face. ‘Vane wrote to me when he made it, asking if I had any objections, which I didn’t, of course. I think I have done rather well actually. He was always going to leave the estate to Simon’s son. Don’t worry, I shan’t be contesting it, though Amelia is acting oddly. I can’t imagine why she thinks this house should have been hers. Father would never have left it away from Robert.’ She glanced at her elegant watch. ‘I must fly. Do come up to London and visit us sometime, Emily. Goodbye.’
‘Yes, of course. Thank you for coming.’
‘What does she mean by Amelia acting oddly over the house?’ Frances said. ‘She must have known Vane would leave it to his grandson?’
‘Robert isn’t Simon’s son,’ Emily told her. ‘Vane knew it but he still chose to leave the estate to Robert. He told me that as far as he was concerned Robert was his heir.’
‘You’ve never said anything about this to me before.’ Frances stared at her. ‘Does Amelia know?’
‘She guessed it at the time, but she couldn’t prove it if I chose to lie in court,’ Emily said. ‘Oh, Mr James is looking this way, Frances. I think he wants to read the will. I had better go.’
‘I shall be in the small sitting room,’ Frances told her. ‘I have some magazines I want to read …’
‘I’ll find you there later,’ Emily said and walked to where the solicitor and Amelia were standing.
‘Shall we go into the study?’ the lawyer asked. ‘I imagine you are both aware of the main terms of Lord Vane’s will – but I am required to read it to you. I shall send a copy of it to Mrs Hendry, but she told me her father had already communicated his wishes to her.’
‘Yes, of course.’ Emily glanced at Amelia. There was a smirk on her face, which made Emily feel uneasy.