The Doomsday Papers

by JanJan Untamed

  Chapter Seven

  Jude came to me last night. I welcomed him into my bed. I had the best sleep of my life. The soft bed is a nice change from sleeping on the ground. It was like sleeping in the clouds. He didn't touch me the way I’d hoped he would. It was still nice. Better than nice. It was perfect. I make the bed back the way it was and fix the room like I was never here. I look around one last time before I leave. I will not sleep in a room like this again. I pick up my bag and descend the stairs into the kitchen to make coffee and breakfast for the men. It is still dark outside but I know the men are already awake and saying their morning prayers. I make grits and sit on the porch enjoying a cup of black coffee as I watch the sunrise. A hand settles on my shoulder. I don’t dare look up.

  “You are a good girl, Duma. A father couldn't ask for a better daughter.”

  “Thank you, Father.”

  This is the second-best day ever. I slept with the man I love and woke to praise from this strong, powerful, man. We watch the sunrise over the hill together before I go inside to serve the cereal. The girl is nowhere to be seen and I am relieved. I eat my breakfast sitting in the kitchen alone. I have a second bowl.

  “I see you are already up doing your slave labor.”

  I ignore her. I don't know her or care about her so she can't get to me with her cattiness this morning. The whore flips her hair and helps herself to a cup of coffee.

  “I slept with Jude last night.” She says over the rim of her cup. “He’s wild in bed.”

  Liar. I stand and dump my bowl into the sink. I leave the kitchen before I shame my family by cracking her skull. Jude was with me all night. I walk out into the dining room to take away any cups or bowls that need to be removed. I want to look up at him so badly that it's killing me not to do so. I know he’s here. I know he is looking at me. I can't look at him back. I hate my church right now for making these stupid rules.

  “We are finished here, Duma. Have that girl help you clean up so we can be on our way.”

  “Yes, Father.”

  Back in the kitchen I load the dishwasher and start it up. I wipe down the stove and counters and sweep the floor. I go out into the dining room. Only Jude is left at the table. I want to sneak a peek so badly that it is making me physically sick to be this close to him and see him.

  “Dumani?”

  “Yes?”

  “Look at me.”

  I do as he says feasting my eyes on his handsome, unsmiling, face. When I look away again I feel much better. I wipe the table down and push in the empty chairs.

  “Stay close to me today.” He says finishing his coffee. His boots thump on the wood floor with every step as he walks away. I let myself out of the house five minutes later. The men are crowded around the map marking our next leg of the trip. I mount my horse and put my sun hat on my head. I tie my scarf around my face next. Father closes the map. Jude pulls his Stetson down over his black hair. The front door of the house opens and the girl runs out with a duffle bag on her back. My stomach drops when Titus helps her up behind him.

  “Hold on, what in the hell is this? We never discussed her coming with us.”

  “Titus wants to keep her. She can't stay here alone. I told her that she can come as long as she does her share of the work and stays out of trouble.”

  “I don't like it. She'd better stay the hell away from me, I mean it. If she gets out of line Titus, she goes.”

  “I already warned her to leave you alone, Jude. Rena is going to be a part of my household when we get home. I can't marry her, but she has other uses.”

  “No doubt she has already shown you a few of them after knowing you a few short hours. You'd better hope your pecker doesn't start burning. There are no doctors out here.” Jude says to him before riding away.

  Father starts out first with Joe and Titus flanking him. Buck follows behind them and Jude and me bring up the rear. I can't look at him. I can't speak to him. I can't do anything that I want to do. The girl complains right from the start. When we stop at noon, her ass is rubbed raw with saddle sores and she refuses to mount up again. She wails like a baby. I don't feel guilty for enjoying her suffering. Serves her right, the lying bitch. Hanging around Jude is detrimental to my vocabulary. He knows and uses every swear word known to man. I am picking up his bad habits.

  “Titus, get that bitch on a horse or leave her behind. We don't have all day. I want to leave Kentucky tonight.”

  “I’m not used to this shit! I’m a city girl! You, evil bastard!”

  “You watch your mouth girl or I’ll make my son leave you where you are. That’s our Reverend’s son you are cursing. You will remember your place and shut your damn mouth.”

  “Father, she’s a commoner. Rena isn't used to riding so hard.”

  Jude snorts with sarcastic laughter. Titus shoots him a look but he only laughs harder.

  “Pretend the horse is a man Rena and you'll be fine.”

  “Jude, don't bate her. Girl, we aren't going to linger here because you are weak. You can get back up on that horse or stay here.” Father gives her an ultimatum. She sobs as she climbs back up behind Titus. I watch her bounce in the saddle thinking that she won't be able to walk tomorrow let alone ride. What in the hell was my brother thinking bringing her? We don't leave Kentucky today. The girl is crying so hard by evening that Father takes pity and stops for the night. Jude has a fit.

  “We are on a schedule! I want to be home by the new year! She is slowing us down and it isn't fair to the rest of us. If Titus wants her so badly, he can stay behind and nurse her.”

  “He's right, Shadrach. We don't want to wait for her either. I say we vote on it.”

  “We aren’t voting on it. We stop for tonight and tomorrow she’ll have to suffer. I want to get my wife and go home the same as all of you.”

  “Titus, give her some Vaseline to rub on her sore spots and tell her to stop that whining before someone hears her. No fires until morning. We are too close to that town we passed earlier.”

  “But, I’m cold!” She sobs.

  I am already rolling out my sleeping bag. I drink some water, climb into it and welcome sleep. I come awake with a hand covering my mouth. I don't struggle. It's Jude. Father is already up and crouching behind one of the bushes surrounding the spot we chose. He motions for me to stay put before crawling over to where Father and Titus are waiting. They are ninja quiet when they slip out their hiding spot and into the trees. It is over in minutes. I hear knives driving into flesh and bodies falling to the leafy ground.

  “Pack it up. There could be more men out there.” Father whispers.

  “Titus get her up and on that horse in five minutes or she stays behind.”

  “Father, she had a rough day. What if those men were alone? We don't have to leave in the middle of the night.”

  “What if they weren't? You don't make the rules, boy. We are leaving right now.”

  I have my sleeping bag rolled up and pinned to my saddle before their argument is over. I am bone tired when I climb into my saddle but I’m ready to go. The girl starts crying again and loudly.

  “Shut up before you get us all killed! It was probably your whining that led those men to us in the first place. Get yourself into that saddle or don't. Regardless of what you do, we are moving on.” Father snaps at her.

  We ride out minutes later and don't stop again until after dawn. I was beginning to think we were never going to stop. Father finally raises his hand bringing us to a halt in a stand of pine trees. I get down and I brush the horses and water them. I’m sleepwalking. I unroll my sleeping bag and get into it gratefully.

  “Who is going to make the coffee and breakfast?” Buck complains.

  “Duma is exhausted. Drink some water. We aren't waking her up to make you coffee.” Jude says unrolling his own sleeping bag and laying on top of it with his hand on his shotgun.

  “She's your girl, Shadrach. I'm hungry.” Buck is not taking no for an answer. He turns to Father for back up.r />
  “Let the girl rest.”

  “It's her duty to see to our needs! We’re tired and hungry and I want my coffee.”

  “It’s your women’s duty to see to your needs, Buck. Unluckily for you, they are dead. My girl has been taking care of five men since we left home and that is out of my generosity. She has gone above and beyond her duties.”

  “She’s the only woman around. Who is going to do the work?”

  “We aren't waking her and that's that.” Father says ending the subject. He picks up his rifle and stomps off into the woods to take first watch. Buck waits ten full minutes before he nudges me with his foot.

  “To hell with that. Get up, girl. A man is wanting his breakfast.”

  When I don't respond fast enough the nudge sharpens into a kick to my back. The kick woke me but the pump of Jude's shotgun brings me to my feet. The tip of Buck's nose is in the barrel and the man’s hands are in the air.

  “Calm down, boy! I didn't mean no harm! I didn't hurt her.”

  “You, son of a bitch. I told you she wasn't making you coffee or any fucking thing else. I told you to leave her alone. If you touch her again, I’ll blow your Goddamn face off.”

  “Blasphemer! You’ve done nothing but sin and sin some more since this all started, Hamilton. What would the good Reverend say about the way you been acting? The devil has taken control of your soul!”

  “Blasphemer? I am going to be a murderer before this is all over with, Deacon. My daddy isn't here, is he? These are not spiritual times. This is the end of the world. I don't worry about sinning. I am too busy surviving.”

  “Jude, put down the gun. Don't do this, we need him. We need every man. This is no time to turn on each other.”

  “I’ll kill him.”

  “Don't do it. Give me the gun.” Titus says carefully.

  My nerves are a mess but I know to not get involved. I stand back and watch. Jude will either let him go or the man's head will explode all over us. I do not look forward to cleaning up brains and blood. He lowers the heavy shotgun. I sigh in relief. The wooden butt swings around catching Buck in the jaw sending him to his knees.

  “Touch her again and I’ll turn your head into pudding, you piece of shit.”

  “The sickness has brought out the worst in us all. It’s not the boys fault. Come, Jude Hamilton, pray with me. Pray for your soul.”

  “Joe, I’m tired. You pray. Go back to sleep, Duma.”

  I lay down but I don't fall asleep immediately. Jude has lost every bit of home training and Godliness that he had. I am beginning to think he never had any. He was pretending for his family's sake. He was always a bad boy. Smoking, drinking, watching porn, and fooling around. Listening to ungodly music. A born sinner. He swears and dances to rap music. Jude is not Godly at all. I hope Father still lets me marry him. My eyes look for him. He is laying on his side watching me with his dark gaze. I quickly avert my attention in case anyone is watching. I love him so very much. More than anything or anyone. I am already his wife even though a preacher hasn't declared it so. I am his in every sense of the word. He is the reason that I look forward to tomorrow. No one has ever treated me like I am anything special. No one told me that I am pretty or that they loved me. Only Judea. He accepted me as I was right from the beginning and he never teased me. He makes me feel like I matter. He makes me feel like I belong. My eyes search him out again. Judea mouths, I love you. I look away feeling like the luckiest woman in the world. I fall asleep happy.

  “Dumani, you have to eat something. It is time to go, Beloved.”

  Jude wakes me with a soft kiss. I sit up and stretch. The camp is packed up and deserted. Except for the miserable looking girl shooting me dirty looks over the dying fire.

  “I need a few minutes of privacy first.” I say getting out of the sleeping bag.

  “There is a bucket of water waiting for you on the other side of those trees.”

  “A bucket of water? Where did it come from?”

  “I backtracked and carried it from that lake we passed last night.”

  “You did that for me?” I whisper quietly.

  “Yes, I did.” He says taking my face in his hands. I have no choice but to look him in the eyes.

  “Judea, she can see us.” I protest.

  “Who is she? She doesn't matter.” His lips press against mine again. I wrap my arms around him and I kiss him back. When we part, I am smiling like today is our wedding day. Jude fingers my two braids. “Go on, and hurry back. Cover your hair before the men return.”

  I turn and walk away from him. He stops me and puts my gun in my hand. I am getting reckless and soft. I relieve myself behind a bush and use the water in the bucket to wash up and clean my teeth. I put on a clean dress before returning to camp. The girl looks pissed off. I wonder what he said to her when I was away. I can imagine. Jude isn't very nice to strangers and for some reason he holds an extreme dislike for this girl.

  “Titus says that you are only nineteen. I am eighteen. She is too old to be dating a kid.”

  “I told you, we are not dating and she is not too old for me. Stop trying to make trouble. I am a man. I need a woman. Not a useless girl who has already been with my best friend.”

  “Here come the men, Duma. Mount up.” He says lifting me up onto my saddle. There was a time when I was too fat for him to lift me like this. His hands can almost span my waist. I like it when he touches me.

  “Please speak with Father. I want to get married.”

  Jude looks surprised. I’m being forward. This isn't like me at all. I look away shyly.

  “I’ll speak to him today.”

  He walks away whistling. I want to be with him. I want to kiss him and look at him all I want to. I want to sleep with him and take care of him. I want him. The girl doesn't like me and I am fine with that. I don't like her either. Neither does Judea. I am not worried about him sleeping with her. He is more likely to kill her than lay with her. We ride until midnight when the men find a spot they think is safe enough to set up camp. I pull the scarf down to take a deep breath.

  “You should wear that all of the time. Your face would scare little kids.” The girl says as she limps past me. Her words sting. I get down and walk away from everyone before I shed my tears.

  “What did she say to you?” He followed me. Of course, he followed me.

  “Nothing. I got some dust in my eye.”

  “Don't lie to me. I saw her say something to you.” He’s always watching. “Dumani, are you refusing me?”

  “Judea, I’m not a baby. Words don’t hurt me.”

  “Tell me what she said.”

  “She said I should cover my face all of the time because I might scare little children.”

  Jude turns on his heels and stomps back through the woods. What is he going to do? He walks right up to the girl and back slaps her so hard that she sits down on her broken ass.

  “Hey! What are you doing?” Titus argues jumping between them.

  “You leave Duma alone. Don't speak another word to her. Titus, she is your responsibility and Duma is mine. Keep her away from her.”

  “What did you do to my sister, Rena?”

  “Nothing.” She cries.

  “What did you say to her?”

  “I called her ugly and scary. That's all.”

  “That's all? That’s enough. Leave my sister in peace do you understand me?”

  “Why does everyone hate me so much?” She sobs.

  “Because you are an evil bitch.” Jude says walking away.

  “Jude asked to marry your sisters when we get to Texas and I agreed. He will marry Duma and Hannah before we start north.” Father announces with pride. I want to scream with joy but I don't. Later, Jude sits beside me. There is a respectable amount of space between us. I keep my eyes down.

  “Your father won't let me have you unless I take Hannah too. With any luck, we’ll get to Texas and she’ll be dead.” He speaks in a low voice so that only I can hear.

>   “Yes.”

  I’m going to hell anyway. Why should I lie and say that I hope she is alive and well when I don't? I don't want to share Jude with her or anyone. I want him all to myself.

  “If she isn't dead we’ll runaway together and leave her behind. My father made me take your sister. You know I don’t want her, don’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “I could never live with you and Hannah. I grew up in a house full of women. My father didn't treat his wives the same because he only loved two of them, my mother and her sister. They never said so but they hated each other. They were always in competition, always vying for his attention and the other wives were breeders and servants. Most of the women in our church are sad and bitter. I don't want that for you, Dumani. I want to give all of my love to you.”

  “I would like that.” I say quietly.

  “You smile when you see me and your eyes sparkle when I’m near you. I don't ever want you to lose that. I want to make you happy.”

  “Will you be happy? Will you be happy with one woman in your bed?”

  “I can if the woman is you.”

  His hand moves across the grass toward mine. My fingers stretch to meet it. Our fingers wrap around each other and our hands lock together. This is what is important to me. Judea Nehemiah Hamilton. Preachers son. Fornicator. Liar. Drinker. Sinner. My love.