“Shut up, damn it. No more talking.” His lips come down on mine. The pain feels good as he moves against me. He is inside of me. Judea is inside of me making me his wife. We are finally together. The excitement makes me tremble down there and I spread my legs a little wider. I want him inside of me. All of him. I move my hips.
“Duma, don’t move. You are so damn tight. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Put it all inside me.” I say looking him in the eyes.
I don’t care how painful or sinful it is. I want him to take his pleasure in me. I kiss him before he has recovered from my bold words. Judea pushes into me until there is no more left. His lips cover mine and they smother my cry when Judea tears through the starting line of my life as a married woman. I don’t get time to recover. He pulls back and he enters me again and again. He does it through the pain. My hips begin moving on their own, winding and thrusting up to meet his. I am climbing the stairway to hell and crying out my husband’s name like a Jezebel. I feel an explosion when hells gates open wide for me. They open as wide as my legs. It happens while I am underneath him with his pale ass grinding frantically between my dark thighs. He loses it and thrusts harder and harder. I am sobbing real tears as I have the most beautiful moment of my life. It is more beautiful than the moment we got married. Judea cries my name before his body tenses and falls on top of me. His hips jerk with every jet of seed he spills inside me. I cry harder as the earthquake that just happened to me is followed by aftershocks.
He rolls over and lays on his back to catch his breath. The bed is so small that we are still pressed together and sweating. It hurts like hell now that it’s over. The pleasure he gave me was worth it. Jude pulls me into his arms curling up behind me with his chin on top of my head. I was made to fit here like this. I can feel his heart racing. I imagine he can feel mine racing too. That was wonderful.
“Are you okay? Did I hurt you very badly?”
“Yes, and it was worth it. Did I please you?” I ask him nervously. What if I didn’t?
“No, I’m not pleased. I’m more than pleased. I’m hard and I want to take you again but I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” He presses the proof against my bottom and kisses my neck.
“I want you to take me again. I don’t know if I am allowed to say it.”
“You can be as forward as you want with me. I love it. I love it when you tell me what you want. Tell me that you want my dick.”
I can’t say that aloud. His dirty words stoke the fire inside me. Judea strokes himself against my bottom again. A bottom branded by cane lashes. The head of it slides between my thighs rubbing over my wetness from behind. Can we do it like this? Jude proves we can when he pushes inside of me. He takes me with his hands full of sagging breasts and stretch marks. He kisses every line and caresses every inch of my soft body as the night progresses. It’s a night that I am not likely to forget. It is a bright spot during these dark days. I am connected to him by an invisible chain too big to be broken. I wake up a couple of hours later to start my morning. There is never enough light in a day to get everything done from the day before. I am bone tired and sore between my legs when I sit up and rub the sleep from my eyes. I don’t want to get up. I never have trouble getting up in the morning. My husband stops me.
“Lay down.” He grumbles pulling me down into his arms. Fifteen minutes later I hear Father’s boots coming down the hallway. They come to a stop outside the door before he pounds on it. Jude holds me down when I try to leave the bed.
“Duma! The men are needing their breakfast.” He pauses. “Laziness is a sin. So is lust.”
“Jude, no.” I whisper desperately. I try to stop him but he is already jerking on his discarded blue jeans. He’s pissed off and not hiding it. I jump out of bed when he cracks the door.
“Duma is resting today. Tell them to make their own fucking breakfast. We were married last night and you show up this morning thumping your bible at her? I am a preacher’s son. I taught her everything she needs to know about sin. I give her spiritual council now, not you.”
“You tell her she’d better have her black ass in that kitchen making coffee in five minutes.”
“Or, what?” Judea crosses his arms defiantly.
“Or, I will drag her down there myself and cane her bloody.” Father’s sputtering.
“No, you won’t. You aren’t touching her. I won’t kill you out of respect for Titus and my wife, you slobbering old mule. I’ll pack our shit and head home. You can go the rest of the way with the commoners you picked up.”
“They are poor travelers the same as us.”
“Poor travelers my ass. They’re useless and a drain on our supplies. That bitch Titus picked up was with the men who killed that family. She wasn’t being raped and she all but admitted it when she tried to climb in my bed. She settled for your son. If you will welcome a woman like her, there is no telling what else you will let in your camp.”
“People did terrible things to survive and the girl is no exception. Whatever she did can’t be held against her. She’s taking care of my son right now.”
“I don’t care how many bandages she changes, they killed children. They didn’t kill to survive, they killed for fun, Shadrach. You should go back downstairs and have one of them make your coffee. There is nothing but trouble here.”
There is an uncomfortable silence as Father considers the threat thoughtfully before he turns and retreats down the hallway. I am at the wash stand frantically splashing water in my hot face and washing myself down quickly. I spill most of the water in my haste. I can’t worry about that. It is my duty to make Father’s coffee and prepare his morning meal. I drag on the dingy dress from yesterday because my spare is dirty too. Father is fuming. I have to fix it.
“Stop it. You are in no condition to be jumping around and doing brute labor, Duma. I took your virginity last night.” He takes my hands in his. “You should be in bed. Today, I will wash our laundry and clean this room. You don’t have a say in it. No chopping wood or hauling water, nothing. I don’t want you on a horse for a few days.”
“I’m fine, Judea. It doesn’t hurt so much anymore.” I lie. “Women take men and have babies every day. I’ve been hurt worse.” It’s sore from being busted open and aching with need to do it again. I’m still bleeding. I had to put on a pad after I washed down there.
“I don’t care what other women do. They aren’t my wife. They didn’t bleed like this after I fucked them.” He draws back the blanket on the bed. I bled pretty good. He’s very big.
Jude takes the dress from my hands, refolds it, and puts it back into the drawer. I want to take a real bath and lay down but I can’t leave Father to fend for himself. He will hate me even more. I’m not being a good daughter. I break out in a sweat and I wring my hands. I don’t know what to do. Father needs me. Jude wants to treat me like the wives in town. I want to be treated this way. I want to be vulnerable. I can’t. I have too many people relying on me. My eyes burn with tears. I turn my back before he can see them.
“Don’t you dare cry. This petty argument with your father is not worthy of your tears. If you want to make the old bastard’s coffee, make his damn coffee. I meant what I said about taking it easy today. I’ll be watching you.” Jude takes my old dress out again helping me into it. I am smiling all over. I brush my teeth with a cup of the clean water and he brushes my hair with water and coconut oil. He braids it into two plaits before I tuck it under my scarf. He ties another around the bottom half of my face.
“You are my wife now, Dumani. Last night, I felt like the horny little boy who used to climb the tree to peek in your window. You are so perfect and tight. I’ll be hard on and off all day thinking about being inside you.” He says pulling on a shirt and no boots. I flush with embarrassment. It isn’t acceptable at all to bring that up in the day time. I shake my head.
“You are so cute when you blush like that. It’s why I make you blush so much.”
I smile to myself.
He’s a tease. Jude takes my hand and we walk down barefoot. We always walked barefoot back at home and it feels familiar. He releases my fingers before we enter the chaotic kitchen. Everything quiets when they see us. I walk over to the coffee pot. It’s burned. My family can’t drink this tar. I dump it out and start over with a clean pot. I walk over to the stove to find someone scorched the beans that were supposed to last all day. This is the last of the meat. Someone is going to have to go out. We can’t eat this. I wonder which one of them did this to our food? I shake my head. Worthless commoners.
“Which one of you frigging idiots burned our food? How hard is it to warm up a pot of damn beans?” Jude snaps angrily. He’s not as subtle as I am.
“I can’t cook and I was hungry.” Rena says crossing her arms.
“The food was already cooked, all you had to do was warm it up. Any moron can heat up a pot. Do you plan to replace it?”
“Not all of us are used to working like a slave. I did my best.”
“Miss me with the slave shit, bitch. Your best is the absolute fucking worst. Stay the hell away from the fucking food.” Jude says sitting at the table. I scoop some of the beans out of the big pot and into another. I take them outside and rinse them until the burnt taste has faded some before I reheat them adding a little salt and a lot of the onion powder and garlic from the pantry. I pour two cups of steaming coffee and prepare two plates for Judea and Father. My husband and my father.
“Hey, where’s ours? Get over there and make us plates too and pour fresh coffee.” Buck is angry as hell and he isn’t hiding it. I don’t know what to do. Jude told me not to feed them. He told me not to serve them or speak to them.
“You don’t speak to my wife. You speak to me.”
“Those women are worthless and you know it. We need her to see to our needs.”
“Too bad. I told her not to. You are on your own until you get to Texas.”
Chapter Twelve
“Shadrach, this ain’t right. It’s why you brought the girl to begin with. Ain’t you going to say something? She’s your daughter.”
“Duma belongs to Jude Hamilton now. She’s his wife. It’s his decision to make and he said no.”
“You and Hamilton turned against the church. This is not how we do things. By church law she should be cooking and cleaning and doing whatever else the elders need done. She’s the only woman around. It’s her duty to see to all our comforts.”
“Watch yourself, Buck. That’s my daughter you are talking about. I suggest you move around.”
I prepare a plate for my brother and make my escape.
“Wait a minute, Mrs. Hamilton. Where do you think you’re going?” Jude stops me.
“I am taking a plate to Titus.”
“I’ll walk you in a few minutes. Sit down and have something to eat first.” Jude says nodding at the empty chair beside his. I stand here wringing my hands. What does he mean? Is he telling me to sit with them? I can’t do that. I would never do that. But, he told me to.
“I’m not very hungry.”
I’ll miss a meal to save myself and Father the embarrassment. I want to run out of the kitchen before he does something crazy. Like force me to sit at the table with him.
“You’re lying. I should cane you for lying to me. I won’t force you. If you want to go and check on your brother, go. If anyone bothers you, cut them.”
“Yes, Mr. Hamilton.” I say turning away before they see me smile.
“Hey, Sis. I heard you got married.”
“Last night in the kitchen of all places.” I help Titus sit up before I set the tray on his lap. His leg is being suspended by a rope hanging from the ceiling by some sort of pully system. My brother is cool to the touch and not showing any signs of distress.
“How is the leg?”
“Father packed it with maggots. I can feel them squirming around in there. It hurts, but not as much as it would if not for you. Father told me what you did for me back there. You went against his orders and saved my life. You saved the men too. I’m going to kick his ass for caning you as soon as this leg is healed enough to reach that high.”
“Titus, you can’t do that. I won’t let you. He felt bad about it.”
“Not as bad as you felt.”
“It’s over now. I survived.” I look down at my weathered hands.
“I won’t be surprised if you are the only one who survives, Duma. All of us will probably die before we make it back to New York. If anything happens to me or Jude, you head home and you don’t stop until you see those walls. Father’s not responsible when he’s with the third wife. She controls him and she hates you. Run away with your husband. Jude told me what the bastard said about your mother. I’ll keep an eye on her. He loves your mother deep down inside but he never forgave her for being how she is. He’s afraid you’ll be like her. The old man’s days are numbered and I will be the head of our family.”
“How is my mother Titus? What did she do that he can’t forgive?”
“She left him.”
I’m stunned. Left him? What does he mean she left him? Left him how? They separated?
“Left out of the house? I don’t understand.”
“Your mother left the church. She was gone for months if what I hear is true.”
That can’t be true. My mother would never leave the church. She told me to never leave the church. The church will protect me and keep me safe. Mother would never leave father.
“I won’t say more than that. I could get into trouble for repeating it when I wasn’t supposed to hear it myself. Your mother is a good woman and she never meant to hurt anyone.”
“We are all going to make it Titus.” I’m in shock.
“Don’t be foolish enough to believe those words, Sister.”
He digs right in on his beans. How can he say that? Has he no faith?
“We made it this far.”
“Have we? Look at your face. Look at your hand. We aren’t even half way yet and you are a mess. Look at me. I’ll be crippled after this.”
“It was foolish to climb that rock. I told you to get down.”
“Well, I’m paying for it now, aren’t I? I’ll be laid up here for months.” He makes a face. “You left these beans on the fire a little long, eh?”
“No, your girlfriend burned them.”
“That slut isn’t my girlfriend. Rena wants Jude.”
“She said that?”
“She doesn’t have to. The poor thing is pretty taken with him.”
“Why? He isn’t taken with her.”
“It’s her ego. The other men smile and wink at her, and then there’s Jude. He treats her like shit and she likes it. No, loves it.”
“It makes no sense.” I am confused.
“You aren’t supposed to understand. Did you pass her out there?”
“No, I didn’t. Is she staying in here with you?”
“Yes. She empty’s my piss jar and does whatever else I tell her to do. The girl has her uses. What do you know about those people who showed up with Joe? How many of them are there?”
“Eight. Two men, four women and two small children. A man and his two grown daughters and a family of five. The family was in a SUV trying to get out of the city. The other three were picked up in the woods covered in dirt and half starved.”
“The family in the SUV, what did they look like?”
“A regular family. A mother, father—”
“No, what did they look like?”
“Clean, well fed, calm.” As I say it, my alarm grows. Where did they come from? Where did they get gas? Why were they so clean after traveling for so long?
“The people in the woods make sense. It’s what I would do. The people in the truck, not so much. I am surprised Jude hasn’t made them leave yet.”
“He doesn’t speak to me of such things.” I remind him.
“He isn’t supposed to. It is a man’s job to worry. What are you doing today? I imagine you have a full schedule.�
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“Nothing. Judea told me not to do anything. The men are very upset about it.”
“I bet they are.” Titus laughs aloud. “Jude is good for you.”
“They will resent me.”
“Who cares? What’s for dinner?”
“They are out of food.”
“Are you out of food?”
“I will never run out of food. What little they have won’t feed them for a day. What are we going to do? Let them starve?” I ask him. Titus is the only person that I speak to so openly. He doesn’t care and we never told on each other.
“You are asking the wrong man, you have to ask your husband. It’s his job to feed everyone and he isn’t doing a very good job. You look hungry all of the time.”
“I am not hungry all of the time. My stomach shrunk with my body and I don’t eat as much as I used to.”
“Starving and working like a man will shrink a woman.”
“I needed to lose some weight. Judea deserves a wife that doesn’t weigh more than him. He used to say he didn’t like girls that weighed more than him. It’s bad enough I have this scar and that bastard cut my finger off. He deserves better than me.”
“No one is better than you.” Judea’s voice scares me. My reflexes are getting slow. He puts his hands on my shoulders. I get a flashback of last night when his hands were all over my body. I blush. I have sinful thoughts every time I look at him now that I know what it feels like to lay with him. I wonder, how often will he lay with me? Father slept with one of his wives every night. He slept in the third wife’s bed but he made time to keep them all pregnant. The first wife was always tired and preferred he took someone else. The fourth wife was needy and cried a lot when she was alone. Father never gave her the attention she needed. They were always trying to outdo each other. Always trying to catch Father’s eye. She and my mother were always fighting for the scraps he threw them when the third wife was ill or bleeding.
“How are you feeling brother?” They are brothers now.
“Like hell, but I’m alive.”
“You look like hell.” Jude tells him. The door opens and that girl walks in. Her eyes settle on my husband.
The Doomsday Papers Page 12