A Little Bit Pregnant

by Susan Mallery

  He grinned. “I can handle it.”

  She was glad one of them could.

  He stepped onto the dock and scooped her into his arms. “You didn’t have to come here,” he said. “I know you don’t feel comfortable in the houseboat. I would have come to you.”

  “That would negate the power of my groveling.”

  They were close enough that she could see his individual eyelashes and feel the beat of his heart. Her body reacted to the nearness by heating up while her mind seemed in danger of shutting down.

  He looked at her. “Are you groveling?” he asked.

  “I plan to.”

  “Lucky me. I’ll be in the front row.”

  He set her on the sofa, then went outside to bring in her wheelchair. When he returned, he moved a few pieces of furniture out of the way and rolled up a rug.

  While he worked, she glanced around at the small, tidy space. The beauty of houseboats was life on the water with more room than on a traditional boat. Huge windows offered impressive views of the lake and the rest of the marina. Low bench seats hugged the walls, providing extra space for guests and storage underneath.

  The color palette—teals, blues and greens, with gold and burgundy accents—had been provided by the previous owner with a flare for decorating. While Nicki enjoyed the elegant touches, such as the refurbished nineteenth-century light fixture over the dining room table and the parquet floor, she sensed that Zane would have been just as happy in a house of beige.

  When he put her back in her wheelchair and took a seat in a club chair, she knew it was show time. Funny how in her van on the way over she’d known exactly what she was going to say and now her mind was a complete blank.

  “I called you back but you were out,” she said by way of a stall.

  “I went for a run.”

  She nodded and tried to figure out what he was thinking. Did he seem wary, or was that just guilt on her part?

  She sucked in a breath and cut to the chase. “I’m sorry I hung up on you. I was…upset.”

  He frowned. “Why?”

  “Because of last night…and this morning.”

  “Didn’t you want us to make love?”

  How like him to go for the heart of the matter with one simple question. Had she wanted them to make love?

  “Yes and no.”

  “That makes it clear.”

  He spoke with just enough amusement that she knew he wasn’t mad. Relief filled her, making it easier to tell him the truth.

  “Zane, we’re friends,” she said earnestly.

  “I know. I like us being friends.”

  “Me, too. Our relationship is important to me and I don’t want to mess it up.”

  “I agree. But what does that have to do with last night?”

  “Everything. Friends don’t sleep together.”

  “Why not?”

  She stared at him. “You have got to be kidding. There are a dozen reasons why not.”

  “Give me three.”

  Of course her mind went blank that instant.

  “Because.”

  “That’s not a good reason,” he told her.

  She already knew that, but it was the only reason she could think of that she could tell him. She couldn’t say if they slept together, he would start to matter too much. Her crush could turn into something else. Something she didn’t want to think about because one of these days she was going to lick the Zane problem and actually fall in love with a guy who would want to love her back.

  “I liked things the way they were,” she said instead.

  He looked genuinely baffled. “But the sex was great.”

  “Agreed.”

  “Then why wouldn’t you want to keep doing it?”

  Did he have to be such a guy? “Because eventually you won’t want to have sex with me. Then what? I don’t think we can end things as lovers and still be friends. You don’t do long-term and I don’t do affairs. So we’re at an impasse. Honestly, as good as it was last night, I would rather be friends than lovers.”

  He rose to his feet and crossed to the window. She watched his movements, as always taking pleasure in his body. He was graceful and athletic in everything he did. She knew he took his mobility for granted, as most people did.

  He turned to face her. “But we…” He shook his head and swore. “You’re being sensible.”

  Relief settled over her. He might protest, but he didn’t fundamentally disagree. She’d been afraid that he would think the sex was more important than their friendship, which would have been fabulous in the moment, but tragic over time. As friends, they could be there for each other indefinitely, but as lovers, there was a ticking clock until things ended.

  “I don’t agree with this,” he told her.

  “Yes, you do.”

  His mouth twisted. “I don’t like it, then.”

  “I’m with you on that. Last night was amazing and I would be more than happy to jump back into bed with you right this second.”

  His expression turned predatory as he took a single step toward her. She held up a hand to stop him.

  “You know it’s far better to just be friends. You have plenty of lovers, Zane, do you really need another one?”

  “You don’t have any.”

  Good point, and something she didn’t want to think about. “I’ll get one, eventually. Until then, can’t we have things the way they were before?”

  He shrugged. “Sure. If that’s what you really want.”

  “It is.”

  But oddly enough, she didn’t sound convinced, and when he continued to look at her with his dark eyes, she was suddenly aware of the subtle movements of the houseboat. They made her wonder what it would be like to make love on the water, with the sounds of the lake all around and the sunlight illuminating Zane’s perfect body.

  “You’re thinking about it,” he said.

  “I’m not,” she lied, then knew it was foolish to deny the truth. “Okay, maybe a little, but that doesn’t matter. Maturity is important. Think of this as building character.”

  He didn’t say anything. Instead he continued to watch her, which made her wonder if he was going to ignore her request that things go back to what they had always been. If Zane swept her up in his arms and carried her to his bedroom, there was very little she could do to stop him. So she would have to give in and it wouldn’t be her fault.

  Don’t go there, a voice in her head screamed. Making love with Zane again would put her too close to falling in love and then what? She would have completely fallen for him and he would be itching to walk away. Better to ache with wanting than bleed from a broken heart.

  “What is this supposed to be?” Nicki asked the next afternoon as she stared at the array of large boxes loosely connected by twist ties and staples. Ashley Ritter laughed at the question.

  “It’s a carnival booth. Can’t you tell? For Maggie’s school. They’re having a fall festival as a fund-raiser. I volunteered to decorate one of them and when this was delivered, Jeff instantly went into macho ‘I can build better.’ It was all I could do to keep him out of the garage. He would do anything for his daughter.”

  Nicki smiled at the softness and love in Ashley’s voice and did her best not to feel envious of her friend’s happy marriage. Not that Nicki would want Jeff for herself, but someone who adored her with Jeff’s devotion to his family would be nice.

  “He’s been making me crazy for the past couple of days,” Ashley continued, “which is why I sent him off to the movies with the kids. I knew there was no way this was going to get finished otherwise.” She smiled. “You’re so sweet to offer to help me with it.”

  “How could I resist?” Nicki teased as she picked up a length of crepe paper. Besides, it beat being at home trying not to think about Zane, while being unable to think about anything else.

  “How are you feeling?” she asked, nodding at her friend’s still flat midsection.

  “Okay.” Ashley plugged in the glue gu
n and dumped a bag of cut-out leaves in fall colors onto the kitchen table. “The all-day sickness is fading, thank goodness. The bad news is once it’s gone completely I’ll start eating for twenty and pile on the pounds. As I’m a couple of years older this time, I’m guessing they won’t come off as quickly as they did with Michael.”

  “You look great,” Nicki told her friend.

  Ashley laughed. “Your gentle spirit is one of the reasons I love you.”

  Nicki rolled her eyes. “I’m many things, but I don’t know that gentle would make the list.” She thought of how she’d freaked out the previous morning with Zane. Crazy fit. Or in need of serious counseling. Or a brain transplant. Maybe that would help her get over the man.

  Ashley handed her the glue gun and the paper leaves. “Want to talk about it?”

  Nicki stared at her. “Talk about what?”

  Ashley unrolled crepe paper. “Whatever has you so unsettled. You’ve been jumpy since you arrived.”

  Nicki spent three seconds figuring out if she was going to tell her friend the truth, then knew there was no way she could lie.

  She glanced around the spacious black-and-white kitchen before realizing that looking for an escape route wasn’t going to help her, either. Then she took a deep breath and came clean.

  “You know Zane and I were together at the party Friday night,” she began.

  Ashley nodded. “I was stunned at first, but excited. You’ve been in love with him since the second you laid eyes on him.”

  “It’s a crush,” Nicki corrected.

  “If you say so,” Ashley said, not sounding convinced.

  Nicki ignored that. She was already in so much trouble, she didn’t need to go looking for more.

  “After he drove me home, he came inside. We were talking about movies and he complained that all I have in my DVD collection is romantic comedies.”

  Ashley leaned toward her. “Would you quit stalling and cut to the chase. What happened?”

  Nicki shifted in her chair. “We started kissing and one thing led to the other and he spent the night.”

  “Are you talking about sex?” Ashley asked, her voice loud and high-pitched. “I can’t believe it. You had sex with Zane?”

  Nicki set the glue gun down, then covered her face with her hands. “I know. I can’t believe it, either.”

  “Sex?”

  She straightened. “Could you stop saying the s word, please?”

  Ashley laughed. “I don’t know. I’m stunned. More than stunned. In complete shock. How was it? I mean I’m sure Zane has more than enough experience to make things go smoothly, but I know it can be awkward for you the first time.”

  Nicki nodded. “Usually it is. I have to explain what I can feel or what I can or can’t do, but not with Zane. He and I have talked about my legs enough that he knew most of that stuff already.” She sighed as she recalled their close encounter on the sofa.

  “He was perfect. Passionate, exciting, gentle. I forgot about everything but being with him. It was great.”

  Ashley’s hazel eyes widened. “Wow.”

  “That pretty much describes it.”

  “So what’s the problem? Why are you obviously unhappy and why on earth are you here, instead of out doing the wild thing with him?”

  That was the more difficult question. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I guess the truth is I’m scared.”

  Ashley’s humor faded and she touched Nicki’s hand. “Of caring too much?”

  Nicki nodded. “Zane doesn’t take any romantic relationship seriously. There’s no reason to think I would be any different. I decided I would rather be his full-time friend than his part-time lover.”

  “I understand your reasoning, but between your feelings for him and things being great in bed, that can’t have been easy. Weren’t you tempted to at least try things out with him?”

  “Sort of,” Nicki murmured. “Okay, yes. I was very tempted. But it would be crazy.”

  “It wouldn’t be boring,” Ashley said.

  “You’re not encouraging me to pursue an affair with Zane are you?”

  “Of course not,” Ashley said, but Nicki wasn’t convinced.

  “Do you know how much I could be hurt? If I fell in love with him, it would be devastating.”

  “I know. You made the sensible choice.”

  “Why don’t I believe you think that?”

  Ashley shrugged. “Because you might not believe it yourself. You’ve had it bad for Zane from day one and you’ve yet to get over him. You finally get him into bed only to find out it’s even better than you thought. Of course you’re ambivalent. Who wouldn’t be?”

  Nicki tried to smile. “You’re supposed to reinforce my decision, not make me question it.”

  “Sorry. I don’t mean to make you more confused. You were right. Why would you want to have an ongoing physical relationship with the only man to make you practically glow when you could continue to be friends and die a slow death of frustration from wanting him?”

  “He would get tired of me and dump me.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “He’s never done anything else with a woman.”

  “He’s never slept with you before.”

  Nicki opened her mouth and closed it. “You’re not helping. Friends is better. Trust me. I’ve thought this through. I’m making the sensible decision. It will be better for both of us.”

  “If you say so.”

  “I do.”

  Nicki knew she was right. The sensible path was always the right one. And in time, she would even start to believe that herself.

  Chapter Six

  Monday morning Zane arrived at the office at his usual time. He could have gotten there about three hours earlier because he hadn’t slept much the night before, but he’d been too busy pacing the length of his houseboat to come into the office.

  Everything was completely screwed up and even though he could say why, he didn’t understand what was wrong. He hadn’t planned on sleeping with Nicki. He’d asked her to the party because neither of them had a date and they enjoyed each other’s company. They always had fun together. He figured the party would be more of the same.

  As for picking her up and treating her like she was his date—he’d liked that. He enjoyed the company of beautiful women and when they were also funny and challenging like Nicki, how was he supposed to resist?

  She’d blown him away with her combination of elegance, humor and style. Not to mention how she’d made him feel in bed.

  Lying down together meant her legs weren’t an issue. There was no body weight to support and she’d moved with a sensuality that had left him breathless. He wouldn’t have cared if she’d needed things to go differently, but what had excited him had been her abandon because he’d wanted her with a desperation that had stunned him.

  He’d thought she wanted him as well. But she’d sure as hell been quick to put the brakes on. One minutes they’d been lovers, the next…friends.

  He walked into his office and turned on his computer. But his mind was still on Nicki. On what had happened and what she’d said. Of course they had to be friends, he thought irritably. She was his best friend. And in theory staying away from each other made sense. But he didn’t want to stay away from her and he hated that she was disconnected enough to see the logic in playing it safe. He wanted her to be so swept away by passion that she couldn’t think.

  “Not working out?” Jeff asked as he paused in the doorway to Zane’s office.

  Zane shook his head. “I ran this weekend.”

  Jeff nodded and left. Zane sank into his chair. He’d done more than run. He’d doubled his usual distance, pushing himself until his body screamed for him to stop. He’d run until he’d been so exhausted he’d been sure he wouldn’t be able to think…but he had. He’d thought about Nicki.

  “Mr. Sabotini has decided it would be better for him to make the trip here,” Jeff said at the staff meeting Monday afternoon. He
glanced at Zane, then at Nicki. “Sorry guys. Looks like your trip to Italy is off.”

  Zane said something noncommittal while Nicki could only sigh in relief. The last thing she needed right now was long-distance traveling with Zane. She didn’t want to be in the same room with him, let alone trapped on a plane with him for several hours.

  Just sitting across the conference table from him was enough to get her blood pressure into the danger zone. It had been bad enough before when she could only wonder what it would be like to be the center of his universe, if only for a few hours. Now that she knew the unique combination of pleasure and unwavering attention, she found herself unable to think of anything else. Not even work.

  “Once he finalizes his travel plans,” Jeff continued, “we’ll set up a meeting. He thinks it’s going to be in L.A. or Chicago.”

  “Either works,” Zane said.

  “Fine,” Nicki agreed.

  Jeff frowned slightly, then shrugged and continued with the meeting.

  There were bodyguard staff to assign, new clients to research and ongoing operations to be updated. Nicki followed along, making notes on the items that she would have to get involved with. Brenda, Jeff’s assistant, made another stab at being allowed to test for a field operative. Without thinking, Nicki glanced at Zane and smiled.

  He was already looking at her. Their gazes locked but that friendly connection quickly spiraled to something much more. She felt the heat from clear across the large table. Need flared inside of her. She wanted to be anywhere but here, as long as she was alone with Zane. She wanted to be naked, begging, pulling him closer, having him suck in his breath as he lost himself in her body.

  Startled by the intensity of the flashback, she jerked in her seat and turned away. Embarrassment heated her cheeks. Work, she told herself. She was physically at work and she needed to keep her brain there as well.

  When the meeting wrapped up, Nicki stayed in place until the room cleared. It was her habit, and usually Zane kept her company. But today he was one of the first people out the door, while Jeff remained seated at the head of the table. A knot formed in her stomach when he got up and closed the door behind the last person.