I open my mouth to say something, but find I have nothing more to say than what he just did, so I swallow and close my lips once more.
“And I’m happy for you,” he says. “I am. My brother is one hell of a guy, and I know he’ll treat you right.”
Again, I’m speechless. Even with a million thoughts racing in my head, I have nothing to say.
“I’m sorry if I… I shouldn’t have…” He shakes his head, and then with one last glance at me, he nods toward the door. “I’m going to head out. Goodnight, Jess.”
But I just sit there with the sheets clutched to my heart, eyes dry from not blinking, stomach cramping for a completely different reason now.
I think he’s already downstairs and in his truck by the time I finally respond.
“Goodnight.”
“MMM, THAT’S NICE,” I murmur as Kade plants little kisses all down my stomach.
My hands slip into his hair when he starts kissing along my panty line, and I bite my lip, thighs clenching together as my pussy tingles and longs for him again. This is now the fifth time this week that he’s come over — the most since the semester started — and each and every time, we’ve spent nearly all our time together in my bed.
I’m not complaining.
Kade slides his fingers under the band of my panties, lifting up onto his knees long enough to drag them off my legs before he’s settled back in. He props my thighs up on his shoulders, hands gripping where my leg meets my hip, and then he drags the flat of his hot, wet tongue along my swollen clit.
“Fuck,” I hiss, arching into the touch.
“Goddamn, Jess, you taste so good.”
Another moan leaves me as I twist my hands in the sheet, and I close my eyes, reveling in the way his expert mouth knows just how to lick and kiss and suck me.
The morning after Kade got back from Spring Break, he was at my door, and he spent the duration of the day showing me just how much he missed me. It was a welcome release, especially after the weird, drunken, hazy night I’d had with Jarrett.
Who hasn’t talked to me since, thank God.
It’s not that I’m not happy he’s back, even if I never expected to see him again. I weirdly like that we’ve found a friendship. But God, that boy confuses me. And when he’s around, it’s like stepping into a time machine and going back to how we used to be.
Which is a very, very dangerous thing.
So when Kade came over and told me he missed me so much he wanted to ditch every fraternity event for the next week and spend all his free time with me, I didn’t argue.
Well, okay, I argued a little bit, because I do want him to be the next president, and I know that takes a lot of work and dedication. But still, I’ve missed him, too.
And Alpha Sigma can survive a week without him.
All week long, we’ve been wrapped up in each other, lounging in bed and losing days on end.
It kind of makes me thankful that I’m not a working woman just yet.
I’m doing my best to keep my moans in check, since Ashlei is set to be home any second now, but the way Kade is sucking my clit, it’s virtually impossible. And when he slips two fingers inside me, one and then the other, curling them in just the right way, I lose the fight completely.
Distantly, I hear my phone buzzing on the bedside table. I know it only sounds faint to me because I’m wrapped up in the pleasure Kade is wreaking on my body, but in reality, it’s buzzing so loud and hard, it’s moving itself across the wood.
It goes off, and I sigh, focusing on Kade’s mouth again.
Until the phone starts ringing again.
“Goddammit!”
“Leave it,” Kade says, kissing up my thighs, my stomach, until he’s between my legs. He hikes one knee up, and with a swift removal of his boxers, he’s lined up at my entrance when the phone stops buzzing again.
I press my heels into his ass, and the tip of him slips inside.
We both sigh, foreheads together, our bodies trembling at the feel of being connected.
And then my fucking phone goes off again.
Kade groans, dropping his head to my chest. “Maybe you should see who it is.”
“Maybe I should kill whoever it is.”
Kade chuckles as he grabs the phone and glances at the screen. He frowns, holding it to me. “It’s Cassie.”
“Cassie?” I ask with a frown of my own. And then sadly, Kade and I separate, and I scoot up against the headboard before answering the call. “Cassie, everything alright?”
“No,” she answers immediately, and it’s with a blubbery voice and a sniff.
“Oh, babe,” I say, giving Kade an apologetic smile. “What happened?”
Kade kisses my forehead and mouths that he’s going to get some water, and then he dresses and leaves me alone, closing the bedroom door behind him.
I can barely understand Cassie through her blubbering, but after listening for a few minutes, I gather the gist.
Adam got a job in another state. He’s moving after graduation and she’s staying here. Cassie is losing her shit about long distance. And she’s scared.
She’s practically out of breath when she finally stops, and she sniffs, waiting for my response.
“Well,” I start on a breath. “I’ll be honest, long distance is going to be tough.”
Cassie whimpers.
“But,” I continue. “It’s not going to be anything you and Adam can’t get through. Okay?”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’ve had a front-row seat to the shit show back and forth games you two have played for years.”
Cassie laughs through her next sob.
“Seriously,” I say. “Adam loves you more than anything. I mean, you’re wearing his letters around your neck, are you not?”
A sniff. “I am.”
“He wouldn’t lavalier you if he wasn’t serious.”
“I know, I know,” she says. “It’s just that I had this whole picture in my mind of where our lives would go next, and now…”
I laugh a little. “If there’s anything I’ve learned in the past few months, it’s that life rarely goes as we think it will, or as planned. We just have to roll with the tides, babe. And look, yes, it’s going to be different. But like you said, you’ll have the whole summer together, and then you’ll have school to distract you, and then you’ll only be a few hours from him when you start at Johns Hopkins.”
“If he stays in Boston,” she reminds me.
“Right. And if he doesn’t, he’s still going to go see you as much as he can, and I know you’ll do the same. And in the meantime, you call, and text, and video chat. It’ll be hard, yes, but in the end, it’ll only make you stronger.”
Cassie is silent for a long pause before she asks, “What was the hardest part for you and Jarrett?”
I haven’t heard those words together in so long, they steal my next breath.
You and Jarrett.
And suddenly, I understand why Cassie called me, why she wanted my advice.
I sigh. “Well, I don’t think we were ready for long distance. I mean, we had barely gotten our shit together, and then he was just… gone. And for a while, we were fine but…” I swallow. “Honestly, Cassie? I was young. And jealous. I couldn’t see the big picture. I was too obsessed with wanting my boyfriend here with me, partying, going to social events, whatever, to understand that what we had was special.”
I chew my lip for a moment, remembering the good times with Jarrett, and the bad, too.
“In the end, for us, it was a communication breakdown. When he got busy, I took it personally. When he was with other girls, I got jealous. And instead of giving him his space and focusing on my own things, I became consumed with what I felt like we were lacking. I looked around at everyone else with their boyfriends here and I was mad I couldn’t have the same.”
“That had to be so hard.”
“It was,” I admit. “And it w
ill be for you, too. But here’s my advice — when you’re feeling sad or lonely or jealous, talk to him. Open up to him and let him in. Don’t let other people get between you.”
“I think we’ve had our fair share of that.”
I chuckle. “Yeah, I think you have, too. But you two are the real deal. I’m telling you, this will just be one chapter, and you and Adam have many more to write together.”
Before Cassie can respond, my phone beeps in my ear to signal another call coming in. I glance at the screen, frowning when I don’t recognize the number.
“Hey, I’ve got another call coming in. Hang on a sec.”
“Actually, I’ve got to run, anyway. But thank you, J-Love. This helped me more than you know.”
“Always here, babe. Talk to you soon.”
We end the call when I switch over, and Kade comes back in the room with two full glasses of water and a bag of white cheddar popcorn just as I answer.
“Hello?”
“May I speak with Ms. Vonnegut?”
“This is she,” I answer, and Kade makes a face at me like I sound ridiculous with the formality.
I throw a piece of popcorn at him.
“Oh, wonderful. Jess, this is Brittany Nova with Celestial Weddings.”
I shoot up from where I’d been reclined on the bed, eyes wide as saucers.
Play it cool, Jess.
“Oh yes, hello! Nice to hear from you. How are you?”
“I’m doing very well, thank you,” she answers on an airy laugh.
Brittany is the owner of Celestial Weddings, and one of the three I interviewed with when I was sick as a dog. Her event planning company is my top choice and has been ever since I graduated. She built everything from the ground up and has thrown some of the most lavish weddings in Miami over the past eight years.
My throat is suddenly very, very dry.
“I’m calling to thank you for coming in for your interview a couple weeks ago, especially since you clearly weren’t feeling well.”
I grimace. “Thank you for still letting me interview and not throwing me out at the first sight.”
“Well, we appreciated that you wore a mask, at least,” she says with a laugh.
I think I manage one in return, but I’m mostly trying not to die of embarrassment.
“We interviewed quite a few stellar candidates, all with considerably more experience than you have as a fresh graduate from Palm South University.”
My chest deflates, along with the hope I had building in my chest.
“On paper, you were the least qualified of the bunch.”
Okay, lady, you don’t have to stick a dagger in my throat.
“But…”
I perk up again, and Kade pinches my leg mouthing what…what…what?
“If I’ve learned one thing in this business, it’s to trust my gut. And there was just something about you when we interviewed you that really stuck with me. I appreciated your tenacity, your passion, and your willingness to do whatever it takes to get the job done. The fact that you had such a great interview even when you clearly felt like death is impressive, and an admirable trait.”
“Thank you, Ms. Nova.”
“Well, don’t thank me yet. Here’s what I’d like to offer you. I’d like to bring you on part time, just to start. I want to see what you can do. It’ll be thirty hours a week, no benefits, no vacation until after ninety days and you get forty hours after that to use in your first year. At the end of that time, we can revisit your role and see if there’s a permanent spot here for you on our team. What do you say?”
“I say hell fucking yeah!”
I slap a hand over my mouth, groaning at myself as Kade fights back a laugh.
“God, I’m sorry. I mean yes, absolutely, I’d be honored.”
Brittany chuckles. “I think I liked your first response better.”
I smile.
“My assistant will send an email with more information and some paperwork to fill out, but I want you to start as soon as possible. We have twelve weddings next month and I need all hands on deck.”
“I can be there tomorrow morning.”
“Well, since tomorrow’s Saturday, how about we go for Monday, mm?”
I grimace again. “Yes. Of course. Monday.”
“See you, then, Ms. Vonnegut. And welcome to the Celestial team.”
“Thank you, see you,” I say, and then the line goes dead, and I throw my phone and immediately jump up and down on my bed like a loon.
“What?! What happened?!” Kade screams over my celebrations.
“Jump with me!”
I pull him up from where he’s reclining, and he laughs, taking my hands as we jump around and around. Kade is going easier than me — probably worried his beastly frame will break my bed — but I can’t contain my excitement. I squeal and jump until I tackle Kade and we land in a flutter of sheets on the mattress.
“I got the job!”
“Oh, my God! With Celestial Weddings?!”
“Yes!”
“Babe!”
“I know!” I scream, and then I’m covering him in kisses until he captures my jaw in his hand and presses a good, long kiss to my lips.
“I’m so fucking proud of you!” he says. “We have to celebrate. I’m taking you out. Anywhere you want to go. Dinner. A movie. Dancing. To the beach. Hell, I’ll even rent you a yacht if you want.”
I pause, arching a brow. “Oh, you got money like that?”
“No, but I can find a way.”
I laugh, shaking my head as he presses another kiss to my lips. “I fucking love you.”
We both freeze instantly, our eyes shooting open wide, jaws slack.
“Uh…” I start, my cheeks hot, throat dry. “You know what I meant. Like, I love you, buddy! You’re super cool! You’re really fun! I—”
“I love you, too.”
That shuts me up again, and for a long moment, I just stare at Kade, at his endless hazel eyes, at the stupid, sexy smirk he’s wearing as he watches me trip all over myself.
“You do?”
He chuckles. “Yeah,” he whispers. “I really do.”
My heart flutters in my chest. “Holy shit.”
At that, Kade barks out a laugh. “I know, right?”
“Now we really have to celebrate.”
“Whatever you want,” Kade says, and then he flips me onto my back, pressing me into the sheets. “But first, I think we have some unfinished business…”
And then he kisses his way down and picks up right where he left off.
I come in less than sixty seconds.
I’M TRYING REAL HARD not to be a square right now.
I am quite aware of my square-ish tendencies. Know thyself, they say, and I know myself well enough to know that I’m not the most spontaneous or fun girl in the world. When I was in college, I put more emphasis on sisterhood and education than I did on partying or hooking up with guys. Still, the last year has changed me, opened me up, loosened my strings a little, and I really do feel like — for the most part — I’m a more laid-back version of the girl I used to be.
And yet, I really, really hate that Gavin is high as a kite right now, and that his whole place smells like marijuana.
I don’t really have anything against the drug. Jess smokes all the time and I know Skyler dabbles in it, too. I’ve read articles on the medical benefits for many people, and I believe Gavin that it helps his anxiety and depression.
But I also feel like he’s leaned on it instead of therapy.
And I don’t like that.
I took Bear’s advice to heart, and the next day, I called Gavin and told him that I needed him. I told him I really needed him to make time for therapy this week, and to spend a real evening with me.
And just like Bear said, he was quick to give me exactly what I asked for.
I don’t know why it takes me so long to come out with what I want, what I need, but it’s like I feel like the biggest burden in the
world to ask for anything from anyone. But Gavin made it seem like the most natural thing in the world, and he went to therapy earlier this week and participated more than he ever has. And now, after a fun night out at the boardwalk and a nice dinner, we’re back at his place, cuddled on the couch.
Maybe Bear was right.
Maybe everything with us is fine, and I just needed to speak up.
“You want a hit?” he asks me, offering the joint as smoke slips through his lips.
I smile but decline with a shake of my head. “Not really my thing, but thank you.”
Gavin grins. “I had a feeling.” Then, his eyes go wide. “Ah shit, I didn’t even ask if you’re okay with me doing it while you’re here. Let me put this out.”
“No, no,” I say, stopping him before he can extinguish the joint. “It’s okay. I… I’m trying not to mind it.”
Gavin chuckles. “Yeah? How’s that going?”
“I think I just don’t understand it.”
“Well, that’s because you’ve never tried it.”
“On contrary,” I say, holding up one finger. “Last spring, I accidentally ate a whole pot brownie.”
“Oh shit,” Gavin says after another pull of the joint. “And?”
“And I vomited my brains out.”
Gavin laughs, but my stomach bottoms out at the memory of that night, because I didn’t just throw up literally. I also word vomited to Bear that I’d been pregnant with his child.
And that I’d aborted that child without even talking to him first.
I shake off the guilt before it can seep in, reminding myself what my therapist continues to. Bear and I have moved past what happened. He’s forgiven me, and now I have to forgive myself.
Easier said than done.
“I can’t believe it made you sick, that’s never happened to me.”
“Well, I was already wasted when I had the brownie, so…”
“Ah,” he says. “You got the spins.”
“Very much so.”
“Well, if it bothers you at all, please tell me. I don’t have to do it.” He shrugs. “It’s just nice every now and then, and it takes the edge off.”
I frown. “I’m glad it helps. But…”
Hazed: A New Adult College Romance (Palm South University Book 6) Page 17