Crazy Thing Called Life

by R. P. Fischer

  "Babe, I'm coming!"

  She takes me in the back of her throat and swallows everything.

  Holy shit, that’s insane.

  I kiss her hard, with the taste of my release still on her tongue, and pull her tight into my body. No words are spoken as our breathing evens out and takes us both into a dreamless sleep.

  A couple hours later, the sound of loud-ass knocking on my door wakes me up. I grab some shorts and a shirt to see who wants to get throat-punched for interrupting my sleep.

  I look through the side glass planes and on the other side of the door is a few of my teammates. They're all making funny faces at me through the window, and I open the door once one of them starts licking the glass. They may be idiots sometimes, but they're good guys.

  Opening the door, our quarterback, Ben Rodriguez, looks at my appearance and pushes me back inside the house.

  "Couldn't even dress up for my appearance in your house, Shaw? Slacking here in the PJs, man."

  I shake his hand and slap him on the back. "I finally got in at six, and we were sleeping, douche bag. Go in the kitchen and make coffee, your majesty."

  He laughs, and the group heads into the kitchen while I run back upstairs. The covers are off the bed, and I notice the bathroom door is closed.

  I knock before speaking, "Hey babe. The guys are here. I'm gonna make you some food, okay?"

  The door flies open, and her face is adorable full of toothpaste. She turns around and spits quickly before speaking, "I know you love me, but please do not cook. I felt you get out of bed so I woke up to get ready. Who's here?"

  "Rodriguez, Perry, Chuck, and Bryant. Don't get pissed, but we're going to your place to move your stuff out and into my garage."

  Since she's a fan of the team, she knows who most the guys are and that they are more than capable of helping her move. Holden Perry is a tight end, Zach "Chuck" Charles is a lineman, and Sam Bryant is a defensive tackle. These guys take no crap on or off the field, just like me.

  When I told them what happened, they were more than happy to help. Rodriguez's wife, Chrissy, loves Natalie, but she's visiting her parents with their kids. Zack's wife, Melinda, is planning to help decorate the new place. She's pregnant with their first kid so he's not letting her lift a finger. Bryant is single, but he's one of those silent but scary types. He's the same age as me but has zero desire to settle down anytime soon. Perry's girlfriend is an actress and is filming across the country. He's probably the most laid back of the group which makes him the most level-headed in case anything happens.

  I watch Natalie as she rinses her toothbrush under the water before placing it back in the holder. She walks back toward her suitcase and pulls out her toiletries bag.

  "Okay, let me finish getting ready so I can get a head start on apartment hunting." She starts putting her moisturizer on her arms and looks me in the eye through the mirror. "Could you possibly ask Rodriguez to make me his famous omelets? Chrissy wouldn't stop bragging about them."

  I come up behind her and cage her in by the mirror, making us both look at ourselves.

  "If Rodriguez wasn't one of my friends, married with kids, and a good cook, I'd be insanely jealous right now that you'd rather him feed you than me?"

  She spins against the counter and hops up onto it to wrap her legs around my waist.

  "Well, I already had my breakfast this morning. His omelet is more like lunch."

  I kiss her briefly before heading back downstairs.

  I can hear her shout from a few feet behind me, "And for the record, I'm only a little mad that you guys are going to the house to get my stuff without telling me first!"

  Before I can ask Natalie's favor, Ben already has my eggs being whisked in a bowl. Zack's making coffee while the other guys are setting up the table for the six of us.

  Walking up to Rodriguez, I grab a bunch of cups from the cabinet behind him. "Thanks for making food, man. Natalie was actually craving your omelets. She'll be down in a minute."

  Without even looking up from the bowl, he asks, "Last night was really bad, wasn't it?"

  "Yeah, I didn't tell you everything, but she caught that bitch from Bobby Mandel's party having sex in her bed and the cops were called to the house."

  He shakes his head as he turns to the skillet to the pour the eggs in. "I've seen some messed up stuff earlier on in my career, but from what I've heard, those girls take the cake. Chrissy was really sorry she couldn't be here, but with our meeting tomorrow, I couldn't go with them."

  While the eggs cook, I reach into the fridge for the orange juice and pour us each a small glass. His question catches me off guard, which is usually a bad thing in my line of work. "Why not move her in here with you? You love her, right?"

  I down the rest of the glass. "Yeah, more than anything. She's already said she wants to wait until I meet her family. Trust me, man, I got a plan."

  He finishes the omelet and starts to make a few more for the rest of the guys. I see my girl walk into the kitchen and before she grabs the plate, I grab her into my arms. "Nuh uh, woman. Go sit down at the table. Ben and I got this."

  She walks into the dining room where Zack, Chuck, and Bryant all shower her with love. She has more friends here than she realizes, and I think now that one of the people holding her back in the worst way is gone, she can finally let in the best people the world knows.

  We all gather round the table and dig into the brunch. We each inhale the food, and I watch as my woman looks at all of us in disgust before bursting out into laughter.

  When her laughter dies down, she looks at each of my four friends. "Guys, I really appreciate you helping me. I had told them I wasn't going to be there this week, and that they had until six pm on Friday to get their stuff out. They might be there when you head over. If I had known Colin called you, I would've made sure those two were not going to be there."

  Bryant's deep voice speaks what we are all thinking. "Don't worry. We got this. They won't bother you ever again."

  Natalie's eyes are stunned at the tone from Bryant. He doesn't speak much, but when he does, we all listen. Between his size and my anger, those two bitches better steer clear of all of us.

  We all help to clean up everything before the guys’ head out to the moving truck they rented. Natalie comes up behind me, places her cheek on my back, and wraps her arms around my middle. As best as she can because, well, she's still short.

  "Colin, I really can't thank you enough. I just can't go back there."

  Cradling her face in my hands, I reassure, "You'll never have to go back there again, Nat. If they try anything at all, they will definitely see the bad boy of Houston. I won't be able to rein in my anger on those two if they keep trying this crap."

  Tonight is the first official night in my new place. I found a nice and rather large one-bed, one-bath apartment close to the clinic. It’s perfect for me right now until a few things pan out. I would love to be at Colin's permanently, but it doesn't feel right until he meets my family back in Napa.

  I have no meetings at school today and have the day off at the clinic since I volunteered to watch the boarded animals this weekend, so I’m planning to feed Colin tonight in my new place. I'm nowhere as good a cook as Mimi or Richard, but I can follow any of their basic recipes.

  I pull up Mimi's name in my phone and my log tells me I haven't called her or my dad in over a week.

  Crap, I still haven't called any of them to tell him what happened. I wonder why they haven't called me?

  Now I know I have to get it over with. Maybe I can wait until Colin comes over.

  Mimi's head just might implode, and Richard might join my dad on a trip down here to make sure Leena and Tara are ruined for good. I haven't even tried to see what happened to the two of them. Since the guys didn't come to my new place with the bed, I hope it's sitting in the dump or burned in a field somewhere. Although, an exorcism might be needed to rid it of Tara's evil to keep Houston safe.

  I gave Colin a key and
expect him any minute. He's been such a huge help, and it feels lame that all he wants in return is me. I want to do more for him, and I hope Mimi can give me some insight. Maybe Chrissy or Melinda can help me, too, with some ideas for a romantic night.

  The smell of fresh rosemary and garlic chicken blazes through the apartment, and I start prepping the lemon creme pie to set in the fridge for later. While whipping the creme in the bowl, the door opens and closes.

  "Honey, I'm home."

  I drop the bowl on the counter and walk into his waiting arms. I love being in his arms. He rubs his hand down my hair and nuzzles into my neck.

  "Mmmm, Natalie. Please don't ever lose that apples and honey scent. Makes me want to nibble every inch of you."

  Smacking his chest, I reply, "Real food first before you eat me, Shaw."

  He takes a growling bite on my ear, and I have to bolt back to the kitchen when the timer goes off.

  Colin groans, "Saved by the bell there. Total cock block that timer."

  I pull the chicken out of the oven. "Oh, hush you. Now sit, dinner's ready."

  He bows. "Yes, milady love."

  He shovels the food down quickly, and I can't tell if it’s because he's hungry, likes the food, or wants to get my clothes off. I vote for the last choice!

  "Colin, babe. Slow down. I need you to stay focused."

  He tosses his napkin on the table. "What's up, Nat?"

  I go into the kitchen and grab the pie from the fridge before bringing it to the table and cutting him a slice. "So, while I was cooking, I wanted to ask Mimi a cooking question and realized I haven't talked to her or my dad in over a week. They don't know about the incident and me moving. I'm kind of afraid of their reactions."

  Grabbing my hand off the table, he kisses it before laying down the truth. "Nat, you know what you need to do."

  Sighing, "I know Colin. I just don't want Mimi to say I told you so or my dad and Uncle Richard to go ballistic. If your reaction was any indicator, theirs might be worse. I want to move completely on from anything associated to Leena."

  He gets up from the table and pulls me into his arms. "I will be right here with you. They need to know in case Tara and Leena tries to get them involved. For legal purposes, they need to stay out of it. Plus, you do need to tell them your new address."

  "Fiiiiiine." I get up from the table and grab my phone from the counter. Dialing Mimi's number, I fidget until she picks up.

  "Hey, baby girl. I was wonderin' when I'd hear from you."

  "Mimi. You could have called me too ya know."

  She scoffs at me, "Psshht. I figured you and that hunk of a man of yours were practicing giving me little grandnieces and grandnephews. I'm not getting any younger, hun."

  I give Colin a look of despair, yet for some reason, that man's face is lustful rather than fearful about the idea of us having kids just like the night his niece was born. Mmmm, the image of him shirtless, cradling a baby in his arms is just too good to be true right now.

  "Hun, I can hear you drooling through the phone. I can only assume my future nephew-in-law is there with you?"

  "Mimi! You're on speakerphone!"

  Colin's lustful look hasn't fallen at all, and I swear I think my ovaries just exploded in hotness from the fact that he's not freaking out about anything coming from this phone. I can't believe how much of my life has changed in the last six months. This is all insane sometimes.

  "What's insane, Natalie?"

  "Whoops, didn't realize I said that out loud, Mimi. Umm...are Dad and Richard near you? I need to talk to you guys."

  She starts freaking out. "Oh lordy. RICHARD! PAUL! Get down here! Natalie needs to talk to us, and Colin's with her."

  Within seconds, the questions are being shot at me.

  "Are you pregnant? When are you due?" I think I can hear Mimi's sniffles after that one.

  "Did Colin propose? Why didn't he call me?" Dad sounds slightly angry there.

  "Did he get traded? Is it a good team at least?" Well, Richard just seems oblivious, and I'd rather take his response.

  Colin walks us over to my new couch, and we sit while we listen to them fighting about the answers to their questions. After another second, I interrupt them.

  "Guys! Hold the crazy talk. It's nothing that life changing."

  My dad's voice comes through the phone. "Okay, now you tell that young man if a ring going to be on that finger that he and I need to have a chat first. Now, what do you need to tell us?"

  Colin gives me a squeeze before I begin the story. "Well, seeeee. The thing is...I moved out of the townhouse and before you guys say anything, no I did not move in with Colin."

  "What?"

  "Excuse me?"

  "When?"

  I yell into the phone. "Calvary! Stop!"

  I hear all three of them sigh. Richard's voice surprises me. "Okay. I got them to shut up and calm down. Now tell us, what happened before we fly down there."

  After I tell them what happened, it takes a few minutes for the shouting to die down. Even though Richard was calm before the story, I think he's probably madder than Dad or Mimi. Thankfully, Mimi didn't say I told you so, just that she was sorry I wasted ten years being a good friend to someone who didn't think to be a loyal friend back.

  My dad breaks from the crowd of voices. "Honey, can I talk to Colin for a moment please?"

  I look at my phone and then back at Colin. "Ummm sure, Dad." I hand the phone over to Colin. "I guess I'll go do the dishes."

  I try not to eavesdrop on the conversation, but I can only hear Colin's side since he took Dad off speakerphone.

  "I came back as soon as she called me."

  "I promise it's being taken care of."

  "They won't get near her ever again, Mr. Lyons."

  "Just let me know. Thank you, sir."

  He comes back into the kitchen and hands me the phone. "Mimi wants to talk to you now."

  He takes over the dishes while I place the phone to my ear.

  "Hi, Mimi."

  "Honey, I'm really sorry we jumped down your throat. You had us worried, but I'm glad you finally took a stand, and we're really sorry we can't be there for graduation. Who plans a graduation on a Sunday?"

  I laugh at her strange segue abilities. "Mimi, it's fine. Colin's family wants to come and watch along with some of his friends. He can always FaceTime you guys during the ceremony."

  "Just so you know, we'll be sending you lots of gifts. What do you need for the apartment?"

  Our conversation veers toward what I do and do not want to have in the house. One of the main things I request is some new pictures to hang on the walls now that I have more space. I had one of the sunrise hanging on the wall of my room in Napa, and I want one of the sunset here in Houston. For some reason, Colin's ears perk up and his tongue piercing peeks out at me saying I want family pictures throughout the house. I ignore it because I know whatever is going on inside his head will be revealed in due time. That man can keep a good secret and surprise.

  We finish cleaning up and put in a movie.

  Halfway through, Colin's phone rings.

  "It's my agent." He picks it up, "Hey, Jeff. What's going on?"

  "I just got a call from Houston's Hot 30 under 30 committee, and they want you to pose for the magazine and do an interview. Then there's the gala they throw when the issue is released."

  Colin groans and I start laughing. Oh, I would pay to be at that event.

  "Man, I'm already doing the new season ticket promo shoot next week. Can't I respectfully decline?"

  His agent's voice comes through the phone, "You can, but honestly, Colin, it’s good publicity. You've had a good low-key run since Lauren Vanderson's article, and it’s time you got back to more commitments. It's not like you have to do the bachelor auction. I already told them no on that one because of Natalie. At least make up for it by doing the press and the gala. I can center the interview on the upcoming kids’ football camps and next season. Plus, they're willing to
pay an appearance fee."

  I poke him in the side to get his attention.

  "Hold on a sec, Jeff." He turns to me.

  "I don't want to do this."

  "Colin, come on. Think for a second. You don't have to do the auction, and I'd be fine if you had to anyway. I think it was nice of him to at least decline that. You could talk about the charities in the interviews and try to get people to donate more to the causes. You're a role model to the kids and if you talk about the camps, maybe one day you'll be able to have your own camp. I'll be there just like I'll be at the season ticket shoot next week."

  He makes a big dramatic sigh. "Jeff? I guess I'll do it. Tell them I want half of the appearance fee to go to the football camp for the kids’ equipment and the other half to be donated to the Humane Society."

  "You won't regret this, Colin. I'll send you the contract after the season ticket shoot."

  Colin puts his phone on my coffee table and wraps his arm around me. "I can't believe you're talking me into this. I was so close to getting out of it. What are you doing to me?"

  I place my hand on his thigh and rub my hand up toward the hardness starting to tent in his shorts. When my hand reaches the large bulge, I massage him until he lifts his hips to move his shorts down.

  I get off the couch and go to my knees while he widens his legs on the couch. I lean over his lap and take him as far down in my throat as I can take before I look up at him with hunger.

  "Now this is what I'm going to do to you. Sit back and enjoy."

  There are about a million other things I'd rather do today than be at this photo shoot.

  Some of the guys from the team and I have to do new billboard promos for season ticket sales. They start early to give them enough editing time so our faces can be plastered across the whole city. The earlier we sell season tickets, the more people show up to summer training camp to watch scrimmages and participate in booster events.

  The photo shoot ranges from the new t-shirts for the season, individual promos in our jerseys, and then some video clips on the field for the television ads. I really hate doing this shit for the publicists, but the fans deserve all the rewards for watching us every fall. A few hours out of my day won't kill me since people shell out thousands of dollars for tickets. Plus, I have the best eye candy a man can ask for to help me.