A Certain Intimacy

by Blythe Stone

  “My name is Stan Daily. I’m Iris’s manager and I’ve been worried about her since she won’t answer her phone so I came from L.A. looking for her.”

  “You knew I was fine. You can see my phone on that app,” Iris said.

  “Yeah, but I didn’t know what was going on,” Stan countered.

  “I didn’t want to talk to you yet. It was our first day off and we were having time to ourselves. I would have called you back. This is just weird now. I’ll talk to you tomorrow morning. Can you just leave?” Iris groaned.

  “Okay, but promise you’ll meet me at your trailer. I know your call-time is seven but let’s say six-thirty,” he suggested.

  “Fine, fine, I’ll meet you then,” she said.

  Iris walked forward and put two hands on his chest, pushing him back toward the door. He let her move him and then stepped over the threshold.

  “Six-thirty,” he reminded.

  “I’ll be there,” she rolled her eyes.

  “Goodnight,” he said.

  “Yeah, night,” she said, closing the door and then turning around to lean on it.

  She let out a long sigh and ran her hand through her half damp hair.

  “Nat, I’m so sorry. I had no idea he would do that and he’s usually chill. I swear to god, I’m gonna kill him,” Iris said.

  “Please don't let men into my apartment without asking me,” Nat said. “That scared me to death.”

  “I swear it won’t happen again,” Iris said. She looked at the food and shook her head. “He must have met the delivery guy and took the food from him.”

  “Yeah,” Nat said, a little stressed out. She walked to the kitchen to get a water from the fridge and drink some down. The panic in her chest was intense and Nat hated that feeling. At any second, someone could just attack or kill someone and she'd never lost or forgotten that from her past. In fact, the panic surrounding that reality had only gotten worse with age.

  Iris followed her and stopped at the kitchen counter.

  “I'm sorry. That had to be scary. Are you okay?” She asked.

  “Yeah,” Nat said, zoning out at the empty fridge. When she snapped back out of it she realized her hand was shaking and there was water dripping all over the floor. Her own nervousness and carelessness made her mad. She shut the fridge door and walked to the other room to find a towel to dry herself with.

  Setting her water down on the bathroom counter, she peeled her robe off and started to quickly dry herself a little rough with the towel. So many memories and thoughts were floating through her mind. All the times she should've known there was danger or the times she aided danger and then couldn't protect herself or protect someone else. It was frustrating for her. How her life was lived.

  Iris followed her again and watched her for a moment before taking the towel from her and drying Nat's skin herself. She was gentle and quick about it. She was careful with her hair, managing not to tangle it.

  “It's okay,” Nat murmured.

  She put the towel on the rack and took the robe, holding it out for her and putting it on. She didn't tie it though, she untied her own robe and hugged Nat so at least a little of their skin was touching.

  Nat hesitated for a second. There was that feeling now that she didn't deserve to touch anyone. But then the moment passed. Nat realized, if she didn't touch Iris, Iris would think she had really done something wrong. And she hadn't, not really. Life was complicated and some rules didn't apply to some people and some people were very lucky for that, they just didn't know.

  Despite it all, Nat was happy that Iris was lucky. She let her hand fall down onto her back and she breathed her.

  “Are you okay?” Iris repeated.

  “Uh. Yeah,” Nat said. “I mean. I will be. It's just complicated.” Not a thing she could explain in one sentence or even the rest of the night. And that's assuming she actually wanted to talk about it, which she really didn't.

  “I'm just glad you're alright,” Nat said, truthfully.

  “I'm fine. We're good. I'm sorry. Do you want to get in bed?” Iris asked.

  “We should eat,” Nat reminded. “Have some wine.” Lord knows, she needed to loosen up. It was just a friend of a friend being a little rambunctious, the end.

  Still, Nat felt the bite of her worst case scenarios. She walked to the front door and checked the locks and locked the chain. Then she walked to the back door and checked the locks and closed the curtain. This wasn't even like her. They were in Vancouver. She hadn't had these strange fears since Olivia came.

  “Table or bed,” Nat asked, walking toward the bag of food and pretending she hadn't been acting completely insane.

  “Whatever you want,” Iris said.

  Nat's forehead scrunched and she scratched at her worry lines. “No babe. What do you want?” She asked again, at a loss. She couldn't look at her.

  “Hey, what's up? I feel like it's more than what just happened,” Iris said.

  She took Nat’s hands and stood in front of her.

  Nat knelt down in front of her and hugged Iris's body, burying her face in her skin. After a second she breathed and let it out. “I'll get over it,” Nat said. She leaned back on her heels and got up, distributing the contents of the takeout bag onto the table that sat in her kitchen.

  “You can talk to me if you want to. Whenever you want,” Iris said.

  “It's hard to talk about,” Nat answered. “I'm just being paranoid. That's all.” That last part was a bold-faced lie. It wasn't paranoia if random bad things had actually happened to you before. It was rational.

  “It was scary. You had no idea who was in there with me. I get it. I mean, I know there's something else going on too but that part was scary enough,” Iris said.

  She took the fried rice and started to put soy sauce on it.

  “Just. Don't let anyone in like that, okay? I know I should've asked you before. This is all my fault. It’s okay.”

  “It's not your fault. It's mine. I promise I won't,” Iris said.

  Iris was afraid to pry or poke anymore. It might make things worse. She started to take a bite but she was no longer hungry. The smell of the food made her stomach turn. She went to the fridge and got a water. When she came back Nat was absently eating little bites of beef and broccoli.

  Iris opened the bottle and took a drink of water. She played with the chopsticks that had come with their meal and tried to be otherwise unobtrusive.

  “Do you want some wine?” Nat asked, a little hopeful. In truth, Nat wanted some wine.

  “Sure,” Iris said.

  Getting tipsy was a good alternative to thinking about fucked up things.

  Nat got up and picked a bottle from a box. “Olivia bought me these,” she explained. “She loves wine. I didn't used to like it so much.”

  She opened a bottle of Shiraz and poured some red wine into two of the glasses, bringing them over to Iris so she could try.

  “Do you like wine?” Nat asked carefully. “You don't have to pretend if you don't like it. I have more whiskey.”

  “I like wine,” Iris said.

  She took one of the glasses and had a gulp of the wine.

  “It's good,” she said, clearing her throat.

  “I like it,” Nat smiled apologetically. There was a gloss over her eyes. Either she was tired or she was sad and trying to hide it. “I like the food,” Nat said. “Thanks for ordering. That was really sweet.”

  “I'm glad. I wasn't sure what you liked,” Iris said.

  The wine was very good and that allowed her to drink it with pleasure.

  “I like most things,” Nat tried to comfort. There wasn't an easy way to dodge talking about all the things that were messy with her. “You wanna ask me things, don't you,” Nat said, feeling the tension. She looked up at Iris, knowing.

  “No, I wouldn't know what else to ask. I don't want to pry. You'll tell me things when you're ready. I hate it when people force me to talk so I don't do that to other people,” Iris said.
<
br />   “I've been attacked before,” Natalie said. It was like ripping off a bandaid. She wanted it done. “I've had abusive relationships and I've been attacked.”

  Nat drank her wine and tried not to act too weird. This wasn't coming about in some relaxed or natural way and that was sad for her.

  Iris's head shot up and she looked at Nat. Her brow furrowed and she chewed her bottom lip before speaking.

  “I'm sorry. That’s horrible. I was afraid it was something like that. You don't have to tell me anymore if you don't feel like it. It can't be easy,” Iris said.

  She trailed a finger over the wine glass, wishing it was Nat's hand. Nothing like that had happened to her and she couldn't fathom it.

  “Is there anything I should not do?” Iris asked.

  “No,” Nat said, shaking her head. “I mean… I don't know,” she realized, a little stressed out. “I just mean. This. The way I'm feeling right now. This wasn't your fault, okay?” It made Nat sad that she had to say it at all but it was time.

  “Okay,” Iris said.

  She gave up keeping her distance and walked around the table, taking a seat by Nat and smoothing one of her hands along Nat's arm.

  “You're amazing. It makes me sad and angry that anyone did that to you. I'm glad you felt okay enough to tell me. I always want to know about your life but not if it's going to hurt you. I guess I'm saying I'm always ready to listen but I'm also ready to just be around,” Iris said.

  “If it's going to bother you, not knowing, I'd rather tell you,” Natalie explained.

  “It's not going to bother me. I want to know, I'm interested, but I don't have to know,” Iris answered.

  Nat's hands were cold so Iris took the one not grasping a wine glass and held it in both of hers.

  “I think I'm the warm one for once,” she smiled.

  Nat smiled at that. But there was still so much heaviness and sadness there.

  “I hope you have more of that wine. We might need it,” Iris said.

  “Olivia is crazy so,” Nat laughed. “Yes. There will always be more wine.”

  The bottle was on the counter but Nat hadn't the strength to get up right now. Trying to make up for her own insanity was proving difficult.

  Iris let go of her hand and got the bottle, getting her glass and drinking the rest.

  “Do you want to take this to bed? We can be heathens and drink from the bottle.”

  “Okay,” Nat smiled, sleepy. She got up and started to slowly pack up the food. When it was good she moved it to the fridge and got a water out to put by her bed incase she drank more than she wanted to.

  “I know this probably isn't the right time but you look really good in an open robe,” Iris told her.

  “Thanks,” Nat laughed, softening. Truth was, she’d hardly been aware of herself.

  “Come on. Let me hold you and we can relax,” Iris suggested, reaching for Nat.

  They walked to the bedroom holding hands and when they got to the bed Iris set the wine bottle on the nightstand and took her robe off. She took Nat's off and put them both on the chair in the corner.

  Nat crawled into the bed and Iris followed. She pulled Nat close and hugged her, placing Nat's back to her front.

  “Are you usually big spoon or little?” Iris asked.

  “Both and either,” Nat said. With Olivia she was usually the bigger spoon and she liked that.

  “Me too. I'm just being big spoon since you're sad though,” Iris informed her.

  “I'll be okay,” Nat said, a little depressed that they were having this talk.

  “I know you will be.” Iris leaned back and tugged Nat back too so she could see her face.

  “You look very solemn right now and I'm going to kiss you,” Iris teased.

  She leaned in and gave Nat a gentle kiss, not like the passionate kisses they might have shared earlier. This one was full of want but made of care.

  Nat responded almost needily, needing to feel her, to feel anything that was loving and good.

  The long, slow kisses went on for ages until Iris was unsure of how much time had passed. She was gaining access to an epiphany. It was one that just made things fall into place.

  She gave herself a little distance and took a breath, focusing on Nat's eyes.

  “I know I'm going to fall for you,” Iris said.

  Nat held at her neck and stared at her face and her eyes. “If you wanna stop I won't blame you,” Nat said.

  “I don't want to and I couldn't but do you want me to?” Iris said.

  “I want you to do what you want to do,” Nat explained.

  “I want you,” Iris said.

  “I want you too,” Nat said.

  “Good because you have me,” Iris replied.

  Nat snuggled up into her and rested her nose in her chest.

  “I hate to bring this up but are you ready to have fake sex with Michael tomorrow?” Iris chuckled.

  Nat laughed and shook her head. “I'm not ready for anything,” she said. “But I'll try.”

  “I would say I'd do it for you but I think they would notice and also eww,” Iris said, wrinkling her nose. “I will, however, offer him a breath mint before the scene.”

  “Thanks,” Nat sighed.

  “Hey, I'll be there to make out with you after if you need,” Iris teased.

  “I'm gonna need,” Nat said.

  “Excellent, I will need that as well. Too bad that can't just be my job. Natalia Reyes's make out person,” Iris said.

  “Mmm. Okay stop,” Nat smiled, crawling up higher on her and kissing her lips.

  “Mmm,” Iris stopped after the first kiss. “You don't like the title? Maybe Natalia Reyes's Super Hot Girlfriend? Too much?” Iris teased.

  Nat forced a few more intense kisses onto her.

  “Okay, fine. That Girl That Nat Knows,” Iris laughed.

  “Stop it,” Nat asked. “You're my baby,” she tenderly kissed her again.

  Iris hated herself a little because all she could think in that moment was that she wasn't Nat's only baby. Such sad things shouldn't be important. Nat owed her nothing. It was her own fault if she got hurt here.

  “I'll take that title,” Iris said after the onslaught of kisses.

  “I'm trying not to fall so fast that I scare you,” Nat said.

  “You can't scare me with that. I'm all in. I wasn't exaggerating. I'm yours if or when you want me,” Iris promised.

  “Even if I'm terrible and confusing,” Natalie said.

  “Even if you think you're terrible and confusing. You're not, by the way. We both have baggage because we've both lived. Everyone has that. I just feel ours fitting together,” Iris shrugged a shoulder.

  She was flying inside and if she didn't sound like a total dork it would be a miracle.

  Nat touched Iris's body with her hand and thought about a future. Beginnings of relationships were always good. People always wanted to touch and play with her. They usually wanted to be seen with her. Then things would get complicated and things would change. The luxury of having her would turn into a curse because she was too pretty or too many people wanted her or she wasn't the person they wanted her to be.

  People either got mad and left or they moved on while they were already with her, having sex with other people or making up stories about how they're actually not ready for a relationship.

  Nat remembered Olivia the most. They'd been sleeping together so much when Olivia randomly went dark on her and came back with a breakup because she had fallen for Avery. That one really hurt. Everything felt so real until it wasn’t.

  Nat sighed into Iris's body and kissed her skin. She couldn't believe they had a future. Her life never worked out that way. She wasn’t lucky like that.

  Chapter 14

  Mornings, Best Spent in Bed

  Nat woke before the alarm. All the upset from the night before had faded away like the dreams she didn't have. Mornings were always better for her once she was awake in them. A new day, a new life.
If she wasn't being harassed by her alarm she could wake up with her happiness and use it to propel and carry her through her day.

  Awake, she spied on Iris, amused.

  Beside her, Iris lay with her head and hand on her pillow and her body faced toward Natalie. Nat snuck the white sheets down off of her body and she turned her, sneaking in between her legs and dipping her tongue in her sex to wake her quickly with a gift.

  Iris gasped, her body responding. She arched her back and let out a long whine.

  Insatiable hunger struck Nat. They hadn't gotten to even play together like she had wanted to on their day off. Stupid real talk mucked it all up. She shifted again and kept fucking her deeper and deeper, while breathing heavily and knowing she wanted to beat the alarm. She achieved that as soon as Iris woke already halfway there.

  When they got to set Iris had her manager to meet and Natalie was already bummed that she would have to leave her. She’d spent all morning making Iris scream and release. Not giving her a second alone or allowing her a smidgeon of space.

  Now, they sat in the back of the car where Nat had pulled Iris onto her lap and she'd been lovingly holding her, teasing her upper thighs beneath her skirt and kissing the tattooed skin of her bare shoulder. “You look so hot today,” Nat said. She couldn't stop touching her and she wasn't sure how she was supposed to focus today on doing her job.

  “You’re one to talk,” Iris pointed out.

  “Can I just keep you today?”

  “If it were up to me, yes. Since we have to work, I guess not. However, tonight I’m all yours,” Iris sighed. “I’m not looking forward to this day.”

  “I'm sorry,” Nat said, squeezing her close by the stomach with her full forearm.

  “Don’t be. I’ll be fine and you’ve got the far more daunting task,” Iris pointed out.

  “Is it Stan?” Nat asked. “I can be late and stay with you while you talk with him if you want. It'd be fine.”

  “Yeah, he’s really wound up about this for some reason. I get that I didn’t tell him but I am not under any obligation to tell him everything about my life. He needs to chill out. I’m not going to hide anything because people are bigots,” Iris said.