by Blythe Stone
Having someone real to hold onto was making it better. Nat was making everything better.
“You’re the best cure,” Iris said.
Nat put the food down at her side and rubbed Iris's back. It was stressful to not know what was going on inside of her head.
Patient, Nat pet her and tried not to think of all the bad ugly things Iris could be thinking about her. Over the years, Nat had gained a lot of information from ex friends and ex lovers. The slew of unnecessary comments were pretty much etched on her brain. When people got mad. and lashed out, they always said hurtful things. And when did she ever have a relationship worth keeping? Just that thought made her chest hurt, it made her scared.
“I wanna be good for you,” Nat said. “There's no point, if I'm not.”
“You’re very good for me,” Iris looked up and backed away a little. “If it wasn’t for you I’d be drunk and crying right now, Natalie.”
Nat used her fingers to tug up on Iris's chin. “Will you please talk to me,” she asked. “I can tell that you're hurting and I don't know what I can do.”
“You’re doing it. When I heard her voice, everything came back. I felt all the panic and worthlessness again. Some of it was probably just me but she was really good at making me feel like she was the only answer to having good in my life,” Iris explained.
Nat moved the food to the nightstand and slipped down in the bed so she could reposition herself, lay with Iris and hold her. “I'm sorry this person got to take so much of you,” she said, kissing her forehead. “You might not believe me but I know what that's like.”
People looked at Natalie and saw a person who had it all but that wasn't the case. She had a lot of things to be proud of but she worked very hard for them all. And the trials in her life were numerous. People were hard to trust and when they were good they rarely stayed.
“I believe you. You're not a liar. I'm sorry you get it,” Iris said.
“I just mean, you can talk to me,” Nat said. “I get it though, if you're overwhelmed and it's hard.”
“I've never hated someone but I think I hate her. She's always got an angle,” Iris said.
“You really don't have to talk to her baby.”
“I'm scared she won't go away. She doesn't give up,” Iris said.
“How can I help you,” Nat asked.
“I honestly don't know. Just be here. Having you makes me feel more stable and less crazy.”
“You're adorable,” Nat said, kissing Iris's forehead. “I'm glad you're here.”
“I’m more glad,” Iris said. She snuggled close again.
“Okay,” Nat accepted. She was content now to lay with Iris in her arms. The night would come and steal them but that was fine.
Iris closed her eyes and felt the comfort that Nat’s presence afforded. Neither of them were going anywhere, at least for the night. She had time to rest. Forty-five minutes later she was in a fitful sleep with one hand clutching the front of Nat’s shirt and her eyes moving rapidly behind her eyelids.
She was dreaming again. A convoluted structure of fears and emotions coming to life in various forms, some human and some otherworldly. Her rest was plagued but at least she got some. Without Nat, that would have been impossible.
Chapter 20
Finding Normal
The morning whispered lovely secrets to Natalie. In her arms, a beautiful woman lay oblivious to her open staring. For once, they had zero plans and no obligations.
Nat slunk out of Iris's arms and slipped off to the kitchen to grab some water. Pouring the cool liquid into a clean glass, she stared out toward Olivia's setup and noticed a bunched up blanket and then the open door at the back of the flat.
A small bite of panic tried to eat at Nat but she fought it back. No evidence of foul play. This apartment was meant for enjoying, not entrapping.
She walked out to greet the cloudy day. Olivia lay on a lounge chair in her sweater and skirt. Nat smiled. It was sweet. She’d fallen asleep outside with her phone hugged in her hands.
Nat went to sit down by her side and touch at her hair.
Olivia woke, confused and then embarrassed. “Sorry,” she laughed, relaxing again as she stared up at Nat.
“No, it's cute,” Nat said, rubbing Olivia's thigh near her knee. “Aren't you cold?”
“Ah. A little,” Olivia smiled and swallowed. She always loved to be around Natalie. There was intimacy and safety with her, one that only paralleled her unique and rare relationship with her wife. “How's she doin’?”
“Oh, uh… Honestly? I'm not sure. Something's up.”
Olivia reached for Nat's hand and squeezed it. “She's really sweet,” Olivia said.
“Yeah,” Nat nodded, thinking about Iris.
“And insanely gorgeous,” Olivia teased. To that, Nat rolled her eyes.
“Well yeah,” she laughed. “You know I'm vain.”
“I do,” Olivia laughed, affectionately. It was all just teasing. Olivia sat up and buried her nose and lips into Natalie's neck. Her arms reached around to touch and hold her. “I missed you.”
“Mmm,” Nat hummed, used to such affections. “I missed you too baby. So much.”
“Do I actually get to be with you today?”
“Little bit,” Nat sadly, smiled. “Something's going on with her and I'm worried.”
“Okay,” Olivia said, rocking Nat's body a little with her own.
“I'm trying to be attentive.”
“Is that hard for you?” Olivia teased.
Nat laughed.
“No,” she smiled, a little bothered in a good way. “No, it's not hard.”
“I know,” Olivia glowed. “I'm trying not to be the needy ex-girlfriend.”
“Well, you've always been the needy ex-girlfriend,” Nat joked.
“Hey,” Olivia pouted, bruised. She moved off of Nat and Nat grabbed her back to wrap her up in a tight controlling hug.
“Come ‘ere,” Nat laughed. “I'm so glad you came. And I love that you're needy. It means you love me.”
“Well, I do.”
Nat snuck her nose into Olivia's neck and breathed in the familiar smell she'd been addicted to now for several years. “Well, don't stop. I don't know what I'd do with myself.”
Olivia laughed, comforted. “I really don't think you have to worry about that, baby. You're like my guardian angel.”
“Aww, babe.. You trying to make me cry in the morning?”
“Nah,” Olivia breathed. “It’s just true. You always save me from everything. Terrible men, bad ideas, myself…”
“Aww…” That last one made Nat a little sad. She slipped her fingers in between Olivia's and held both of her hands as she hugged her. “You always have this impression of yourself that isn’t true.”
“Not really,” Olivia said. “I don't mean to be but I'm pretty self-destructive.”
“You just can't control things,” Nat soothed. She kissed Olivia's temple and tried to get her to feel better.
“I've been a mess with Avery.”
“No you haven't,” Nat said. Even though she hadn't been around them much lately she knew it was all in Olivia's head.
“No. You haven't been there,” Olivia spoke quietly. “I just miss her so much. When she's around, I act fucking stupid.”
“How so?”
“I dunno,” Olivia lied, feeling beat. “I act mean or act rejected… Jealous.”
“Sounds hot,” Natalie teased.
Olivia scoffed out a laughed.
“It's not hot though. It’s stupid.”
Nat kissed Olivia's neck and play bit her. "Ya know, all that shit? It just made me fall more in love with you when we were together.”
“What?” If that was true, Olivia might actually understand things a little bit. Not just with Natalie but with Avery too.
“Mhmm,” Nat recalled. “The crazier it made you, to be jealous or needy, the more I knew I wanted to keep you forever. I knew you really loved me and wanted me.”
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Olivia swallowed, embarrassed. She knew her emotions went all over the place, unchecked.
“Oh,” she breathed.
“You're so special baby,” Natalie soothed. “Wherever Avery is right now, I know she's missing you.”
“How?” Olivia asked.
“I know because I’d be missing you too.”
“You're sweet, baby…”
“Well, its true,” Nat said.
“This is why I miss you so much when you're gone.”
Olivia lay in her arms a little while longer. The morning was slow to start and they both were okay with that.
“I better go check on the moody one,” Nat said.
“Yeah,” Olivia laughed. “Maybe I should go down into the city then. Walk a little.”
“Aww… What if I wanna walk with you?”
“Uh,” Olivia chuckled to herself. “Something tells me you're gonna be a little while. I saw how you two were last night,” she stood up.
“How we were?” Nat asked, standing too and following her toward the door.
“Lovesick, dreamy,” Olivia stared with wet lips and glossy eyes. “Non-communicative.”
Nat laughed. “What?”
“Nothing,” Olivia laughed. “I just know what that means.”
“Uh-huh,” Nat teased, pinching Olivia’s sides with her fingers and causing her to jump.
“Ah!”
“Fine,” Nat said. “But don't have too much fun without me.”
“You know I can't,” Olivia flirted. It was enough to frustrate Nat and make her growl.
“Get outta here before I chase you.”
“That's the plan,” Olivia flirted sleepily. “Go be happy.”
“Hey,” Nat said, turning Olivia and forcing her into an intimate hug. “I mean it, don't go too far.”
“Yes master,” Olivia droned.
“And keep your ringer on.”
“You got it,” Olivia breathed.
The two parted and Nat snuck off to her room, shutting the door behind her and then sneaking up onto the bed to kiss up Iris’s neck and wake her up the needy way.
“Mmm baby,” Nat breathed, slipping her tongue into Iris's mouth and kissing her. “I miss you.”
“Hey,” Iris smiled. She turned over and pulled Nat down onto her body. “How is everything? Is Olivia okay?”
“Yeah,” Nat said, staring down at her lips and then eyes. “Olivia is fine,” Nat smiled. “I'm more concerned about you.”
Iris looked down. “I’m fine too, just a bump in the road.”
“Well,” Nat breathed. “I’m kind of a fan of a bumpy ride.” She kissed Iris’s cheeks all over.
“Mmm, I’m a fan of yours. That’s all I know,” Iris said, absorbing the attention.
“Olivia conscientiously went for a long walk,” Nat mumbled while kissing her skin.
“Oh, so you’re saying we have time to do… things?” Iris teased.
Nat began to kiss at Iris's neck and moan a little. “We have time to do whatever you want,” she adored.
“Kiss me,” Iris said.
Nat kissed up her neck and found her perfect lips, wasting no time. Even though they'd been together constantly Nat still acted careful about where she put her hands. No finger slipped. Instead of greed she acted with care.
Iris had no such inhibition. She ran her hands down Nat’s body and gripped her sides. After a moment, her hands ended up in Nat’s hair, willing the kiss to continue.
“Fuck,” Nat let out, completely turned on. There was suddenly no better place in the world than this bed.
Iris held Nat with desperation, like there was never enough.
All that did was fuel the growing fire in Nat. Her hands no longer shied away from groping and rubbing. Her leg shifted up between Iris’s, pressing into her as she deeply dove into the new practice of loving her.
“Naaaat,” Iris moaned.
If Nat’s smile could get any bigger it would. The sounds Iris made drove Nat on until she became lost in a state of fevered ecstasy, no patch of skin untouched and no breath left to hang about unencumbered in the air.
Iris was quick to cum the first time and Nat’s touch only made the subsequent time arrive even faster. She was all Nat’s.
A protective need to make her feel good took hold of Nat and it kept them busy for a good long while.
“If I can just do that forever I think I’d be happy.” After having pushed Iris over the threshold for the third time and gotten her to cry out one long pained moan of drawn out pleasure, Nat panted.
She crawled up the bed and laid next to Iris on her back, a hint of exhaustion gave her away.
“Did you sleep okay?” Iris asked, looking over.
“Uh, yeah,” Nat nodded. “It’s just been a crazy week. I could sleep for days if I’m being honest.” She rolled onto her side and kissed Iris’s skin near her shoulder. “That wouldn’t be as fun though.” Her smile was addicting.
“Sometimes you have to take care of yourself though. I don’t want you to get sick or feel bad,” Iris reasoned.
“This definitely counts as taking care of myself,” Nat soothed.
“You’re sweet, have I told you that today?” Iris lazed about, stretching her legs and putting her arms up above her head and then down on Nat’s skin.
“I don't think you had time,” Nat teased. “But thank you.”
“Probably did it in my dreams then,” Iris teased.
“Mmmm.. did you dream about me?”
“Yes, just about you holding me. It was way better than what I thought I would get last night,” Iris said.
“Baby,” Nat cooed. She tugged on Iris to get her to lay on her.
“What are we doing today?” Iris asked.
“Mm.. Whatever you wanna do. We’re free.”
“No, we should ask Olivia what she wants to do,” Iris said.
“Uh,” Nat laughed and played with Iris’s hair. “I’m pretty sure Olivia just wants to be near us. We can go find her though if you want. She insisted on giving us time.”
“We should. I don’t want her to be off by herself when she could be hanging out.”
Natalie laughed a little. “Well, okay then. I’m ready when you are.”
“I should probably put on some decent clothes,” Iris lamented.
Nat tickled her sides to get her to squirm and laugh. “Nah,” she said. “Lets just go out like this. I’m sure that’s normal.”
“Babe!” Iris tried to push Nat’s hands away and wriggled out from under her.
“Awww,” Nat cooed, amused by her. “You’re pretty sensitive. It’s really cute.” Nat stared at her a second before deciding to get up and start looking for clothes. It was a ripped black jeans type of day, Nat could feel it.
“Have you noticed how quick you can get me turned on? Sometimes I feel like my nerves are on the outside of my body. I can feel everything so much,” Iris said.
“Um. Yes,” Nat laughed. “Yes sweetie. I’ve definitely noticed.” In truth, it was half the reason Nat became addicted to her. When someone that attractive craves and bends to your touch it’s kind of unmistakable.
“Well, I’m glad as long as that’s not a bad thing,” Iris said.
Iris got up and went about finding some clothes to wear. She pulled on a pair of light wash jeans and a long black t-shirt.
“Mmm, babe,” Nat said, walking over to her with just her pants on and tugging on Iris by her hips to get her lower body to crash into hers. “Honestly, where did you get this fucking body?”
Nat found it almost aggravating that Iris looked even better in clothes than she did with them off. The mystery element did a lot to feed her constantly simmering lust.
“I’m not sure but I’m happy you like it,” Iris said.
“I don’t just like it,” Nat said, slipping her arms around Iris’s lower back and squeezing her. “Pretty sure I love it,” Nat corrected, breathing in close to Iris’s ear.
That “love
” word tempted her. Nat was getting the urge to say it more and more but she fought it back.
“That means I’m closer to keeping you if you love it. I think your body is better though. A little more curvy and you have the best breasts,” Iris lamented.
“Yeah?” Nat asked, looking down on Iris’s hidden elements and teasing her.
“Yes! Oh, and your ass. If you could walk behind yourself,” Iris shook her head and sighed, “So lovely.”
Nat leaned in and kissed her, unable to stop herself. A breathless Iris with a fine blush in her cheeks made Natalie immeasurably happy. “I think I might be a little screwed here,” Nat whispered.
“Screwed in a good way?” Iris asked.
“I hope so,” Nat said, sniffing Iris and nuzzling closer to her face and her hair. “I wanna keep you,” she tugged.
“And I want to keep you so we’re on the same page,” Iris smiled.
Nat used a hand to pull Iris even closer, just to hug her for a while. “Okay,” she sighed. “I think I can get dressed now. But you were very distracting.”
“Maybe I should leave so you can focus,” Iris teased.
“Better not,” Nat said, walking backwards and pointing at her.
Nat turned and walked until she reached her closet. She pulled a t-shirt off a hanger and threw it on. The arms were rolled-up and sewn that way and the design on the front was a signature for a Japanese designer she liked who hadn’t hit it super big yet. She tied the shirt off at the small of her back and traveled to the bathroom to work on her hair and makeup.
Iris followed her and watched, admiring.
Nat was quick, she’d been using this stuff so long that she knew the best methods and quick tricks. As Iris watched her she stared back and blushed a little, hiding her gaze.
When Nat was done she grabbed a light jacket and her purse. There was a bookstore nearby and Nat knew that’s where Olivia would be.
They walked out into the crisp morning and held hands.
As expected, Olivia was standing inside a row of books, staring down at the chosen one in her hand and getting lost amongst it’s pages. She didn’t even bother to find a chair. Instead she stood. Addicted, taking in every scrap, her mind no longer registered her surroundings.