by Blythe Stone
Nat pouted and played with Iris's hair.
“What are you thinking?” Iris asked.
“You're making me nervous,” Nat said.
"Why am I doing that?" Iris asked.
“I'm worried about you,” Nat smiled. “And excited.”
The waitress came back with their cups and Iris's whiskey. Olivia used the taps to pour Avery's beer and then Nat's.
“Why are you worried?” Iris asked.
Iris took a sip of the whiskey and waited for Nat’s answer. She wasn’t sure how Nat could be afraid that she was going to leave. She was obsessed and afraid that it was too much. It figured that she wasn’t getting it across. Holding back wasn’t working out.
“A number of reasons,” Nat said. “Thanks sweetie.” Olivia had pushed the beer over to her.
“What are they?” Iris asked.
“Hmm?” Nat asked, taking a sip of her beer.
“The reasons you’re worried. Are you afraid I’ll break up with you?” Iris asked.
“Of course,” Nat said.
“Why?” Iris asked.
“Literally any reason, Iris. You're a very attractive person and I can't control what you feel.”
“What I feel is that I’m not going anywhere. I'm completely obsessed with you. I’m sorry if that’s a lot but I just want you to know that there’s no way I’m breaking up with you.”
“You say that now,” Nat smiled. “I don’t mean to shock you but people have actually said that to me before.”
“I know what you mean,” Iris reasoned. “Things change, people change, and we’ve both been hurt by that. It’s gonna take me sticking around and vice versa.”
She drank the rest of her whiskey and set the glass on the bar for the bartender. Nat found it crazy sexy when she drank.
With one hand, Iris pushed the strands of hair out of her face that had fallen down and put her other hand on Nat’s thigh.
“I'm also worried about the things you said back in the room. You definitely do not know how great you are.”
“I honestly don’t understand it. I can see why other people would want to be with me, people like Ellie, but you’re different,” Iris confessed.
“I'm into you,” Nat reminded bluntly.
“She is,” Olivia confirmed. Between kisses and drinks, Avery and Olivia were vaguely eavesdropping at this point, pretending not to be completely interested and involved.
“I believe you. I’m just surprised. What else worries you?” Iris asked.
“These thoughts of yours,” Nat said.
“Which ones? The ones where I’m not good enough or something else?” Iris asked.
“Those thoughts,” Nat said.
“Oh, yeah those are less than fun thoughts,” Iris said.
Nat kissed Iris's temple and rubbed her back. “I can imagine.”
“Dance with me,” Olivia whispered to Avery. The music was dreamy right now. She slipped down off of her stool.
They went off to dance and Iris watched them until she refocused on Nat.
“Ya know, Olivia thought she wasn't good enough for me. She still might think that.” Nat didn't want to say it while Olivia was around.
“So, we’re alike in more than one way,” Iris said.
The tension blossomed in her stomach at the thought but she just stayed quiet and signaled for another drink.
“Yes,” Nat agreed. “But those thoughts hurt me,” Nat explained.
The bartender took the empty glass and asked Iris if she wanted another. Which she did.
“I'm a real person,” Nat said. “I'm not a god.”
“It's not about that. You're a real person that deserves someone that can make you happy and is what you need.”
“How are you so sure that's not you,” Nat wondered.
“I'm not sure but it's scary since my head tells me to be careful and my heart charges forward,” Iris said.
“I've been happier with you,” Nat said. “These couple of weeks have been a dream. I mean, I feel bad for being a shitty friend but I'm at least living again. And you did that baby. That wasn't anyone else.”
Nat pulled Iris's hand up onto her chest to rest it open against the beat of her heart.
When the replacement whiskey came Nat picked it up with her free hand and drank some down. Fixing a broken person wasn't something she was capable of. She could love fiercely and protect but she couldn't fix what was already broken and that haunted her daily. In herself, in her friends, and now in this new woman who needed her help. It was the main ongoing theme in her own little life.
“That's pretty amazing and it goes both ways. I'm happy with you and it's been a long time since I could say that,” Iris said.
“After what I saw today I've the right mind to push that ex of yours off a cliff. Does that bother you?”
“No. Honestly. I think she's a sociopath. Either that or she's even more messed up than me. I wish you could have seen her in the beginning.”
“Why is that?” Nat asked. “Would you rather I didn't know?”
"She was so nice and sweet and most of all loving. She did so many nice things for me, romantic things. It eventually changed and it was like I owed her for the things she did for me.”
“You don't owe her anything,” Nat said. “You deserve happiness, Iris. And you shouldn't have to lose yourself to get it. If that woman loved you she wouldn't want you to sacrifice for her. What I saw was abusive and cruel.”
“It took me a long time to see that and now I’m with you and it's the total opposite,” Iris said.
“If I ever even begin to act like that you have my permission to murder me,” Nat teased.
“You’re hilarious.” Iris leaned over and poked Nat’s side. “You could never be like that.”
“You're right,” Nat said. “Even the thought of that scares me.”
“It’s a scary thing, being a prisoner in your own life. To be the one making it that way? I don’t understand it. I’ve never needed control that badly,” Iris commented.
There had been plenty of time for her to think about this and what the root of Ellie’s behavior could be. There were no answers, mostly because it made no sense to her.
“To make someone else your prisoner?” Nat asked, confused.
“Yeah, I can’t imagine being like that,” Iris said.
“You don't have to,” Nat said. “You're a very nice person and you don't treat people that way.”
Natalie knew exactly why a person like Ellie would act that way. It was selfishness as well as jealousy and envy.
“My mom was like that,” Nat confessed. She took another drink of Iris's whiskey. “I learned young that her true regard for me was all a show. A play to get the things she wanted. I only had to be in danger a few hundred times to figure that out.”
“That’s awful,” Iris said. “To have it be your mom who’s like that. I’m so sorry, baby.”
“Abuse can look a lot like love sometimes.”
“Then you assume that’s what love is supposed to feel like,” Iris said.
“Or you learn to tell the difference,” Nat said. “So it doesn't ever happen to you again.”
“That’s what I had to work on. I think it’s going well so far,” Iris smiled.
She finished the whiskey and looked toward the bartender for a refill.
“Yikes,” Nat stretched and reached for her beer. “Looks like I have a lot to make up for here.”
“No you don’t. You’re already making things a million times better,” Iris said.
The bartender put another glass of whiskey down in front of Iris. She played with the glass and stroked Nat’s arm with her other hand.
“I don't like knowing that someone has been treating you that way. It makes me very upset.”
“Don’t let it upset you,” Iris said “I’m with you now. That’s the important thing. Ellie is the past.”
Nat drank some of her beer and watched her. The past had a way of following y
ou.
“I’m gonna change my number so she can’t call or text me again.”
“Do what you need to baby.”
“Then I’ll do you,” Iris teased.
They had been talking about heavy things for too long. She just wanted to enjoy the night again.
“Well, I mean, if that helps you,” Nat flirted.
“So, you’re okay with that?” Iris asked.
Nat shrugged. “Whatever you need,” she said again.
“I’m glad you don’t object,” Iris teased.
“You think I would?”
“No, but I like verbal consent,” Iris said.
“What else do you like,” Nat asked.
“Your eyes and how you look at me,” Iris replied.
“You're very pretty,” Natalia reminded.
“Na, it’s more than that. You’re seeing me,” Iris said.
“I like what I see,” Nat said.
“I like what I see too. You keep amazing me,” Iris said.
“I'm actually a pretty dull person,” Nat confessed.
“I disagree,” Iris shook her head.
“Disagree all you want. It’s true.”
“Your boring is my absorbing,” Iris said.
“People think all kinds of things about me but you've been living with me so you know. I'm very simple Iris.”
“Yeah, but you don’t see yourself like I see you. I’m not sure you get how obsessed I am. I get all swoony when you’re just sitting on the couch doing nothing.”
“Mmm,” Nat hummed, pleased. She hummed as a cat would purr, eyes drifting to a close for a soft moment. “I feel the same way about you.”
“I like doing nothing with you,” Iris said.
She took a drink and then passed her glass to Nat in case she wanted some.
“I can see us laying in a hammock on the beach somewhere just cuddling. That’s my dream,” Iris said.
“It's lovely,” Nat said. “Let's spend our vacation that way.”
“I’d love that. We can go somewhere no one knows us,” Iris said.
“At least try to,” Nat concurred.
“True. You’re definitely recognizable,” Iris said.
“You too,” Nat said. “I just live in a bubble.”
“I don’t think I’m quite at your level,” Iris said.
Nat laughed. “I'm nowhere near an A-lister. Middle America wouldn’t know me.”
“Me either, which I like. If I put on sunglasses and have my hair up I don’t get recognized much at all.”
“Avery nearly shat herself,” Nat reminded. “Don't play coy. You are just as famous as me, if not more.”
“What? Avery, huh?” Iris replied.
“Yup,” Nat said, staring off at her friends who were very distracted and wrapped up in one another.
“Well, I had no idea,” Iris followed her gaze. “They’re really cute together.”
“Way too cute,” Natalia laughed in relief. “It's maddening,” she teased, focusing back onto Iris.
“Should we join them or just drink and be all loved up?” Iris teased.
“You wanna dance, baby?”
“I want to dance with you more specifically,” Iris said.
She got up and offered Nat her hand. Then she waited until they were both standing up to lead her toward Avery and Olivia.
Nat felt the flutters in her chest. It was like they were back on set and announcing their relationship all over again.
They stepped onto the open floor next to Avery and Olivia and easily slipped into a comfortable embrace. Under dim lights they found themselves at home in each other's arms.
Chapter 23
Dressing for Battle
The Los Vista Film Festival happened once a year. Most of the major films screened there, and the most promising independent films, were invited to enter. It was expected for them to show up and show up they did.
Filming was completed. They had had their vacation. Two amazing weeks were spent on the beach in St. Tropez, doing nothing but hanging out and getting to know one another. The fears had receded and Iris had become a little more confident about their relationship. Nat was very persuasive and all she did was treat Iris well.
This was the first day of the film festival and they’d just gotten done with their first of many interviews. They headed back to their hotel for a rest and some room service before the next round.
Iris threw herself face first on the bed as soon as they entered the room. She cuddled up to the pillow she’d slept on the night before and hummed.
“It feels so good to be laying down.”
“Mmm,” Nat hummed, staring at her as she crawled up onto the bed by her side. “Let's stay down.”
“Too bad we can’t take a nap. I’d kill for more sleep,” Iris said.
Their flight had come in later than expected due to an issue with the plane so their sleep had been minimal.
“Come here,” Iris said.
Iris opened her arms and waited for Nat to cuddle up to her.
Nat was quick to impose herself, more than ready to indulge in affection. “Fuck,” she sighed. It felt too good to be alone with her.
“I’m glad we got to interview together this morning. I’ll miss you when you’re with Michael this afternoon,” Iris pouted.
“It'll give me time to pine after you,” Nat teased.
“How romantic,” Iris said and kissed Nat’s lips. “I’m gonna be all on my own, thinking about you.”
“Mmm, fuck,” Nat mumbled sexily. “How am I supposed to function knowing that?”
“I’ll help you out after dinner. I’m sure I can figure out some way to get rid of all that tension,” Iris said.
Her mind was already on when they could be alone again. This honeymoon period was still going strong with no end in sight. Iris knew they would have to figure some things out after they each had their own projects. It didn’t matter. Right now, they were together.
The attention had increased from certain areas. The interviewers had been warned off from asking questions about their relationship but that didn’t mean they didn’t get questions from other people. Iris’s Instagram had blown up after they’d posted a few pictures together. Her follower count skyrocketed.
“Promise?” Nat pouted.
“Aww, babe, of course I promise. You can count on me. Maybe we can go down to the pool later. I could use some hot tub time,” Iris said.
“That sounds amazing,” Nat muttered.
“Good. I didn’t think you’d argue with that,” Iris teased.
“I don't argue much,” Nat fought.
“No, you don’t. Sometimes I think you let me get my way too much,” Iris admitted.
“I like when you get your way,” Nat reminded.
“I like it when you’re happy,” Iris said.
“Do you want me to fight more? I can fight more,” Nat said. “I'm real good at it. You can ask Olivia.” At this point Nat would drop the “O” word to get a rise out of Iris. She knew how jealous she was of her ex.
“I'd rather not ask her. Finding out for myself is way better. Maybe she wanted to fight with you but that's not my thing. Unless, you mean in a sexy way,” Iris replied.
“Oh it was sexy. Just a very bad idea,” Nat said. “Not exactly safe.”
"What kind of stuff were you guys doing?" Iris asked.
Danger? This was something she didn't really expect.
“Nothing tame,” Nat said, lifting an eyebrow.
“Oh my god, just tell me, you tease,” Iris said.
She tugged at the hem of Nat's shirt and slipped her hand underneath to rest on Nat's side. If all else failed, she would try to tickle it out of her.
“What do you wanna know,” Nat laughed. “I can't guess. Olivia was kinky. She liked to be told what to do. It was very X-Rated.”
“Well, you said it was dangerous. What was the most dangerous thing?” Iris asked.
“We played with fire baby. Metaphorically,
” Nat rolled her eyes. “Well, then, there was actual fire once or twice,” she recalled.
“Is she a masochist or something?” Iris asked.
“How would I know,” Nat laughed. “She's a crazy girl. A very sweet but crazy girl.” That sobered her up a little. A lot of it wasn't so funny now, not given what happened with them. “We both stretched ourselves a little too far. If that makes any sense. I lost myself so she could find herself.” And then I lost her, Nat thought.
“But I found you and now you're mine,” Iris insisted.
“You better take care of me then,” Nat teased. “I don’t wanna lose myself again. Who knows what I'd do.”
“I'll remind you.” Iris kissed her and snuggled into Nat's neck.
"Our sex isn't boring is it?" Iris asked.
They hadn't done anything like what Nat described with Olivia. They were pretty tame so far. It just hadn't come up.
“Well, I mean, there's less torture,” Nat teased and then laughed. “No baby,” she chuckled. “No, it's not boring. I love having sex with you.”
"Not that I'm opposed to doing something different but I love it too. Is there anything you want to do or try with me?" Iris asked.
“Anything what? Like that?” Nat asked, a little scandalized. “Not really,” she chuckled breathlessly. “All that stuff was kind of scary. I thought I'd break her sometimes. I don't want to break you.”
"I don't mean scary things. That's totally not my thing. You're such a dork sometimes and I love it," Iris said.
“We do all the things I want to do,” Nat said. “Sorry to disappoint. I told you I was boring.” Remembering her time with Olivia was intense. Even after years it still confused and shocked her. She was always trying to find the fantasy for her and create it.
"If that's boring then I'm boring too. Maybe that's why we'll make it. We're too boring to fail," Iris replied.
“You're not boring,” Nat defended. “My little kitten.”
"You're not boring to me either. I don't think anyone would call you that and I like that name. It makes me feel cuddly," Iris said.
“I wanna keep you,” Nat whispered. “You don’t make me afraid of myself.”
"You're not scary. You're a big softy with a thing for broken brunettes," Iris said.