by Blythe Stone
Olivia said that. A long time ago. Once.
A huge lump formed in Natalie's throat and she knew she was angry. Not at anyone in particular. But at life for being so repetitive and gross.
Words came back to Iris. The things Ellie said every time Iris tried to break it off.
"I'm spoiled, like bad meat," Iris said.
The words were easier to say than they were to hear.
“Stop it,” Nat said reaching for Iris's wrist and holding it. “It's not true.”
"I'm a fat, emotional mess, Nat," Iris argued.
“What?” Nat asked, confused by her.
"I'm fat and I can't control my emotions," Iris said.
“Wait, are you kidding?” Nat asked, really shocked.
"Why would I kid about that? It's the truth," Iris replied.
Everyone tried to placate her about how she looked.
“Uh, no baby. It’s not,” Nat said, disturbed.
"You're just being nice. You don't have to," Iris said.
“Baby, you're tiny,” Nat argued, frustrated by her. Iris was clearly skinnier than her and if anything she was too skinny, not the other way around. “You weigh way less than me. Where is this coming from?” Nat reached for Iris's other arm and started to stroke it.
"From me and I don't see that. Everyone is always really sweet but I can see it. That was the only thing Ellie ever helped me with was losing weight.”
“Babe, you don't need to lose weight. That's a disease, you know? Body dysmorphia,” Nat explained.
"I don't think that's it. I don't usually talk about it. I never tell anyone. They always think I'm crazy, which I am in some ways," Iris laughed. "I bet I'm extra attractive right now," she frowned.
“Stop it,” Nat asked, really worried now. She tugged on her to try and get her to come closer and let her hold her.
"I'm sorry." Iris let herself fall into Nat's arms. She refused to cry. Ruining the night was not her intention. Iris knew if she kept talking that she would. At least, if Nat knew everything and chose to leave it might hurt less now rather than later.
“You're not fat and you deserve good things Iris,” Nat held her.
"Okay," Iris said.
It wasn't agreement but it was Iris trying to salvage things.
“Iris,” Nat breathed, rubbing her back.
"Yeah, I know. A mess, remember?" Iris let out a bitter chuckle.
“You're not a mess,” Nat said. “You're confusing me and reminding me a lot of Olivia when I first met her but you're not a mess.”
Iris's stomach sank. There it was. She might just be Olivia version 2.0, not Iris. The lesser version of a person Natalie couldn't have the way she wanted.
"Why is it confusing?" Iris asked.
“Because I can't tell if you're trying to break up with me,” Nat sighed.
“Why would I do that? I couldn't,” Iris said “I might not get why you want me but I won't leave you unless you tell me you don't want me anymore," Iris said.
“I want you,” Nat reminded. “But I don't want you to stay with me if it makes you feel bad.”
“You don't make me feel bad. It's because of me that I feel bad,” Iris explained.
Being with Nat would always be better than being without her.
Nat hugged her tighter.
Someone knocked on the door and Iris jumped in Nat's arms.
“Are you guys making out or something? I'm starving,” Avery said.
“We need a few minutes,” Nat said.
"Uh huh, I know what that means. Take your time," Avery laughed.
“I guess clothes would be good,” Iris said, getting up.
She finished dressing and found her shoes. The hoodie was big and comfortable. The bottom stopped at her mid-thigh. It was on the thin side and she always felt protected when she wore it. It was a comfort blanket, in a way.
"This is fine right? We're not going anywhere nicer?"
“Babe, you look cute,” Nat said, hugging her and rubbing the fabric.
Iris was so beautiful, so so beautiful. Nat couldn’t understand where any of it stemmed.
"Thanks," Iris said.
Iris heard the soft murmurs of talking in the living room. It was rude to keep people waiting so she found her shoes and decided she was ready. Her hair could stay down. It was still wet anyway.
Nat was shattered, she wanted to stay and try to fix whatever was broken with her. She stood in the room and felt trapped.
“Will you kiss me,” Nat asked, needing strength.
Iris looked over. It hit her how vulnerable Nat was with her. It didn't matter what she was, as long as Nat needed her, she would be there.
She went straight to Nat and pulled her in by the arm. A small whimper came out from Nat when their lips made contact. It made Iris shiver.
“Thank you,” Nat breathed, relieved for the moment.
"You don't have to thank me for that. Kissing you is one of my favorite things," Iris said. Nat stared and slowly kissed her again while she did it.
“I love you,” Nat said. She wasn't going to hold back anymore.
"I love you too," Iris replied.
Too much more and she would start to cry. Iris leaned her head down on Nat's shoulder.
"I don't want to go back to work now," Iris said.
“I'm sorry,” Nat breathed. Their lives were not simple.
"It's only a week and we have a break," Iris said.
“We do,” Nat reminded. “Now, are you going to be able to enjoy your time with me?”
"Of course, always," Iris answered.
They separated but Iris took hold of Nat's hand before they went to the living room.
"Finally! You guys, onward to the food," Avery said, leading the way to the door.
"Has she not eaten in days?" Iris joked.
“Uh, she probably ate an hour ago,” Nat teased.
"Hey! It was three hours ago and it was airplane peanuts," Avery shot back.
“Aww, see, that's not right,” Nat said. “We've gotta fix that.”
"Yesssssss," Avery hissed.
She led the way out the door and then turned to Oliva, lifting her up and spinning her around again before putting her down.
"I missed you," Avery said.
“You better have,” Olivia threatened lovingly.
"Baby, I miss you when I'm gone to class even. Of course, I missed you this time but you had your favorite Nat so you probably didn't miss me much," Avery teased Olivia.
“We both missed you,” Olivia said.
“It's true,” Nat vouched.
“Uh huh,” Avery teased.
“Even I missed you,” Iris teased back.
“Now, that one I believe,” Avery said.
When the elevator opened Olivia walked Avery into the back of it and started to kiss her. Avery let Olivia take over.
Nat pushed the button for the ground floor and pulled Iris to lean into her body as they traveled down.
“Are they always like this?” Iris asked Nat.
“Mhmm,” Nat nodded, having a hard time not following suit. Avery and Olivia had the right idea on how to wisely spend time. Getting lost in kissing Iris sounded pretty addicting.
Nat rest her lips on Iris's forehead and wondered if it would bother her if she tried to kiss her right now. Her friends were making her jealous and turning her on.
“Maybe we should follow them,” Iris said.
Nat leaned in and whispered in her ear. “In the car,” she breathed.
The ding of the elevator sounded and the doors opened up.
“Mmm, I can totally be convinced,” Iris smiled.
The doubt and strife was still there but Iris didn’t want to ruin things. Nat wanted her for whatever reason and she would stay with her as long as possible.
“Lucky me,” Nat flirted. As she moved Iris out of the elevator she whistled back at her friends who were still lost in themselves
“No, I’m always going to be the lucky one,” Iris
said back.
“We’re both lucky,” Nat said.
“Now, who’s holding up dinnertime,” Iris said, blowing right past what Nat said.
Avery extracted herself from Olivia’s lips and sighed.
“Hey, I’ve been away from my wife for like two days. I have an excuse. You two have been around one another day in and day out,” Avery teased.
Olivia bit her bottom lip and moved dazed to follow her friends.
“Fair enough,” Iris said.
The concierge had Olivia's rental waiting just outside the front doors. “Right,” she said, still a little out of it. She loved to drive but right now she’d much rather get lost in Avery's arms. “Can you drive baby? I drank a little.”
“We can have a car sent,” Nat suggested. If they did that they could all drink and not have to worry about it.
Olivia looked to Avery.
“Sounds good to me,” Avery said.
“Sorry,” Olivia smiled sadly. “I didnt think.”
“No problem. I don’t mind waiting,” Iris said.
“I'll just um…” Olivia held the keys up and took them back inside to find the concierge.
Nat's driver was out of town so she booked a Lyft.
“She has really missed you,” Nat confessed to Avery. “It’s like trying to cheer up a sad puppy.”
“I missed her too. I’m glad it canceled this time. I think something’s going on. She’s so sad lately,” Avery said.
“I'm sorry baby,” Nat hugged her side. “It's probably just life.” She kissed Avery's hair and felt sorry for her. Things were complicated. But then she also smelled amazing and Nat realized she really missed her smell.
“It’s okay. As long as we’re good, I’m good. I just hope she talks to you if she doesn’t feel like telling me. Maybe you should ask her,” Avery suggested.
“Yeah?” Nat asked, locking eyes with her. “I can try,” Nat shrugged. “But something tells me she doesn't even know. Is it weird that I think she might be fine with school. Like. Over it?”
To ever think that about Olivia felt wrong.
“It’s not weird. I don’t think she would have gone to school for very long if at all. Since I wanted to go, she went. Sometimes I feel like I should tell her we can just drop out and do whatever we want because I just want her to be happy too,” Avery explained.
“Oh, but she's not a quitter,” Nat blushed. School used to be her favorite thing. People change.
Nat absentmindedly rubbed Avery’s back.
“Have you been happy, baby?” Nat asked Avery.
“Yeah, I’m really happy,” Avery said.
“I love it,” Nat laughed. “That's great, baby.”
Olivia came back with the concierge. They all stood together and watched as the car was driven away.
“Bye little car,” Avery said, waving.
Iris just watched the three of them as they stood and talked. She stepped closer to Nat and hung like her shadow in the back.
“Come ‘ere,” Nat smiled, tugging Iris closer and holding her. “Are you cold sweetie?” It wasn't too bad out but the wind was picking up.
“A little. This hoodie is so thin,” Iris answered.
“Stay close,” Nat said, rubbing Iris's arms. “I'll protect you.”
“Forever?” Iris asked.
She was smiling up at Nat and wondering how she managed to capture this woman.
“If you'll let me,” Nat promised.
“Of course, I don’t want anyone else,” Iris said.
She tucked herself into Nat’s side and let the warmth comfort her. Nat did make her feel safe. The only thing she was scared of was losing that someday.
When the car came, they all piled into the long back seat. It was dark inside but very clean. Nat got in last and told the driver where to take them.
Iris was between Avery and Nat. She put her head on Nat’s shoulder and slipped her hand underneath and around so their arms were entwined and her hand rested on Nat’s leg.
“What kind of food does this place have?” Avery asked.
“Technically, it's a gastropub,” Nat explained. Once Iris touched her she wanted to cash in on the promise she'd made. “Come ‘ere,” she urged, reaching for Iris's face. “I need you.”
"Mmm," Iris hummed.
"Well, that's hot," Avery commented.
Nat smiled into Iris's mouth.
“Hey, leave them alone,” Olivia whispered over to Avery. She slipped her hand down her inner thigh to get her to turn in towards her instead.
“What? It's true,” Avery whispered back.
Iris didn't even hear it, she was lost in Nat. And Nat herself was taking advantage of a good situation, using their conversation, back in the room, as fuel for their fire.
“Wow, okay,” Olivia muttered, taking her hand back and staring outside at the road.
“What? Olivia?” Avery asked.
Olivia didn't say anything. Instead, she hugged her stomach with her arm.
“Hey,” Avery said. She tugged at Olivia's arm, trying to get her to open back up.
“I'm sorry. What did I do?” Avery asked.
“Nothing,” Olivia lied.
Across the seat, Natalia was falling deeper back into the seat cushion as her hands roamed Iris's skin beneath her hoodie and she groped at her body with her tongue in her mouth.
“No, it's something. Talk to me,” Avery said.
“You get bored of me pretty easy,” Olivia whispered.
“What? Olivia, what makes you think that? That's just not true. Why do you think that?” Avery asked.
“Maybe I'm crazy,” Olivia sighed. She missed Avery so much it made her jealous how Iris distracted her.
“We both are but I just don't get where this is coming from. I came out here because I missed you and I thought if I surprised you it would be awesome. Did I do something wrong?”
“No,” Olivia sighed, feeling shitty. She reached out for Avery's hand and held it. “I'm sorry. This is me.”
Lately, Olivia had been jealous of every new friend Avery made. It was driving her insane.
“I just miss you and I'm being dumb,” Olivia confessed. “I want your hands and your eyes and your voice in my ear. I want all of you and I'm starving,” she stared.
“Baby, you have all of me. Maybe we should get a hotel room,” Avery said.
“Please don't hate me,” Olivia whispered. “I know I'm being needy. I'm aware.” Olivia was stressed out. But that didn't change the fact that when she stared into Avery's eyes she was openly pining for her. An open book with the most beautiful writing.
“I could never hate you, silly,” Avery said.
It wasn't new for them. Avery often had to make sure Olivia knew that she was seen and loved. It just snuck up on her sometimes.
“I'm sorry,” Olivia said honestly. She cuddled up to Avery's side. “A hotel room would be nice,” she confessed.
“Yeah, then we can have our own space and we won't bother them with all the making out we'll be doing,” Avery said.
She kissed Olivia's temple and cuddled into her. Beside them the kissing had slowed but not stopped. The car, however, was stopping since they had arrived.
“I hope you have energy,” Olivia said.
“What do you mean?” Avery asked.
“I don't plan on sleeping tonight.”
"Oh, so I should carb load then," Avery smirked.
Avery leaned across Olivia and opened the door on their side so Olivia would get out.
“I have no objection to a sleepless night,” Avery asserted.
“Good,” Olivia said, getting out.
On the other side of the car, Nat had taken extra long to realize the car had stopped. “Fuck,” she whispered, more turned on than she'd been in days. “I want you,” she whined.
“Do we really need dinner?” Iris asked.
She laughed and leaned her head back on the seat.
Nat bit her bottom lip and stared at her. �
�This is honestly torture,” she said.
"Well, I guess we're just masochists," Iris joked.
“Chain me to the bed when we get back.”
"Yes, dear," Iris laughed.
Nat kissed her again, unable to resist. Olivia knocked a gentle knuckle on the window glass.
“Thank you,” Nat said to the driver.
They emerged from the car with sealegs.
Olivia blushed at the sight of them and clung to Avery's arm, kissing the top of it.
"Sorry," Iris apologized. "We got carried away."
“It's easy to do,” Avery replied.
“Come on baby,” Nat whispered to Iris, leading her along.
It was busy inside but not too bad. Live music played from the main open bar. Olivia stared off at the thirty year old man playing a sexy solo on his electric guitar. The music very easily touched her and rendered her incapable of action.
“Uh-oh,” Nat laughed. “Guess we better sit in the bar.” It was easy to see that Olivia was taken.
There were empty wooden high-tops with taps at every one. Iris had watched the musician as well but she was more interested in keeping Nat close.
They sat and Iris glanced back in the direction of the musician again.
“He's good,” Iris commented.
“Not bad,” Nat joked. She pulled Iris's stool closer and faced her body fully to get her to lay back against her.
“This is more entertaining,” Iris said.
She leaned on Nat and enjoyed the feeling of being supported.
“And what are we having,” Nat asked her. “Whiskey straight? Some absinthe?”
“Whatever you want. I'm not picky,” Iris answered.
“Yes, but what do you want?” Nat asked, hugging her.
A waitress came by and Olivia asked for a beer. The woman explained the tap system and asked if anyone also wanted beer.
“Whiskey for this one,” Nat said, staring adoringly at Iris. “Neat.”
“Any particular brand?”
“Anything top shelf.”
“You got it.”
“Thanks,” Iris replied.
The bartender moved off to make the drinks and Iris turned to Nat.
“I don't think I'm going to make it through this night without crying,” Iris admitted.
“Baby,” Nat said, worrying.
“Not in a bad way. It's more like appreciative crying,” Iris said.