Without a Doubt

by Lindsay Paige

  “Good. I'm glad you're moving on; it always felt like you were waiting to reunite with Kelly whenever you would come home.” The only thing I told my parents was that we broke up because we were going to different colleges and Kelly didn't want to do long distance. It's no surprise to me that Dad would think I wanted to get back together with her when it's what I had been trying to do each time I visited home.

  “Well, I've known her since kindergarten. Can you really blame me for wanting to work things out with her?” Was I supposed to move on without a backward glance, no matter why things ended or were put on hold? I had to try.

  “Don't get your panties in a bunch, son. You've moved on, she's moved on, everyone's happy.”

  “She's moved on?” I gulp, not sure how to take the news.

  He shrugs, turning back to his engine. “I guess so. Your mom said she's seen her in town with a guy a few times. Are you going to need help loading the four-wheelers and hooking up the trailer?”

  “No, I've got it.”

  I leave him to get the trailer ready before I grab the keys from the holder and two helmets. I back my truck up to attach the trailer to the hitch and then one by one, I drive the two ATVs onto the trailer. The entire time, I'm trying to figure out how I feel about the fact that Kelly is seeing someone else. I figured she would. After all, it was part of the deal. But to have it confirmed and for my parents to think she's moved on means it's serious.

  All done and ready to go, I return to the house, leaving thoughts of Kelly behind as I see Mom laughing over something Eva must have said. The sight makes me smile.

  “I hate to break up the good time, but everything's loaded.”

  They turn to look at me, standing. Eva hugs my mom, commenting on how it was nice to meet her.

  “Y'all don't have too much fun,” Mom tells me.

  “We won't,” Eva answers before I can.

  “We'll be back around four, if you want to eat around five?” I say to Mom.

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  Once we hop into the truck and are on the road, Eva says, “I love your mom and I think she likes me. She may try to convince you keep me around.” She grins.

  “She won't have to convince me. You do a pretty good job of that yourself.” Her grin widens. “Have you ever driven a four-wheeler before?”

  She nods. “Why is this place we're going to called Calico Beach? We don't live near the beach, so it obviously isn't a beach, right?”

  I laugh. “No, it's not. It does have a few lakes though. It's just a place people take their four-wheelers and such to go muddin'. Sometimes, people bring campers, stay all weekend, and ride. Dad, me, and a few of my friends would come a lot during the summer. It was the first thing I thought of when you said we should do something I liked.”

  “So, we'll be caked in mud by the time we leave then?” I nod. “I'm excited! I've ridden on a four-wheeler before, but I've never been muddin'.”

  “You'll never have so much fun getting dirty.”

  It doesn't take us long to reach the ATV park. I pay for us to get in and then we both sign waivers before we're finally admitted entry. Eva is soaking in all the people, water holes, mud holes, hills, and everything that makes up Calico Beach. Once I find a place to park, we get out and I start unloading the four-wheelers while Eva grabs the helmets from the backseat.

  “You have to promise me something,” she says as I go to back up the other four-wheeler.

  “What's that?”

  “Don't laugh at my hair when this helmet comes off. I can already tell you it will be a disaster of epic proportions.”

  I laugh at her request and imagining her hair all wild and crazy. “How about if I do laugh, I'll be sure to tell you that you still look as beautiful as ever?”

  She tilts her head as I turn off the four-wheeler and walk toward her. “That will work too.”

  “All right. You ready? You can pretty much follow me if you want. Do you need a recap on four-wheelers?”

  “How about a recap on this one, just to be safe? It's been a while.”

  So, I show her where everything is on the one she will be driving. She gets on and I take the extra helmet. With her all set, I get on my own four-wheeler and we start them up. The helmets already have goggles on them, so we cover our eyes before taking off.

  I lead her on the many trails, through mud holes, and all around the park. It only takes us like ten minutes before we're covered in mud, and I swear I can hear Eva laughing behind me. When she rides next to me, I know she is laughing every time we sling mud. We ride for hours and still don't cover the entire park. It's that big. Plus, I avoid the few manmade lake areas and those with the huge mud pits. We don't need to be in all of that. When Eva finally says she's ready for a break, it's close to four o'clock.

  I laugh when we step off the ATVs. There's not an inch of her not covered in mud. When she takes off her helmet, I finally see some mud-free places. She was right, too. Her curly hair is all over the place with nearly twice as much frizzy volume. I remove my helmet and laugh at her again. Eva comes over, wraps her arms around me, and kisses me.

  “Most fun I've had in a while. Thank you, even if you did laugh at me.”

  “Well, you didn't give me a chance to tell you that you still look as beautiful as ever.”

  She grins. “You've now been forgiven.” She steps back, looking down at herself and at me. “We're a dirty mess. I'm glad we're going to be able to shower and change.”

  “Me too. Why don't you grab the towels in the back of the truck and cover our seats while I load these up. Mom will be expecting us soon. There are extra towels for us to wipe off with too.” I pull my keys from my pocket and hand them to her.

  I put the four-wheelers back onto the trailer. By the time I'm done, Eva has mostly just smeared mud around on her skin. She hands me a towel.

  “I was able to get some clumps off, but I think I did more damage than anything,” she says. I try not to smile as I notice she's gotten some on her face and in her hair. She must have tried to push hair out of her face and did it then. “What are you smiling about, Emerson?”

  “You've gotten it on your face.” I laugh, wiping myself off some, and she rolls her eyes.

  “Hurry up and let's go before I decide I don't like you anymore,” she jokes.

  “Here.” I find a clean spot on my towel and gently wipe the mud off her face. “Most of it is gone now.”

  “Thanks,” she replies softly.

  “Let's head out.” I open the passenger door for her before walking around and getting in myself.

  “I won't even lie. I'm going to sleep so good tonight. It's fun, but really tiring. My hands hurt a little too.”

  My hands are sore, so I know what she means. “You better not fall asleep on me again, Eva.”

  She laughs. “I won't. The shower will help refresh me. You know, I'm starting to think it's you. I've never fallen asleep when I was out with a guy before.”

  “Are you saying I'm boring?” I glance at her with a raised brow.

  “No. I'm saying my mind and body must feel at ease around you to allow me to doze off. Say thank you because it's a compliment as weird as it may be.”

  “Thanks,” I chuckle.

  When I park at my parents, I send Eva inside to shower while I unhitch the trailer, unload the ATVs, and then rinse them off before placing everything back where it belongs. I finish just as Dad comes to tell me the shower is free now. Eva is smiling and helping my mother with dinner when I pass the kitchen to the bathroom.

  The more time I spend with Eva, the more I like her. How can I not? She's this great girl with a bright personality, and I'm constantly laughing with her. And there seems to be a blunt type of honesty about her. It'll be interesting to see how it'll feel to have her around my parents.

  When I exit the bathroom, all clean again, I take my clothes to the washer, where Eva's are already deposited. I start the load before making my way to the kitchen.

 
“Where's Eva?” I ask upon only seeing my parents.

  “She asked if she could see your old room.”

  Of course she did. Eva's also unashamedly nosey and in a way that's not bad. I'm halfway to there when I realize just what she'll see in my room. Aside from the normal things, I still have pictures of Kelly and me hanging up. I never considered taking them down before whenever I did come home. One year for Christmas, she fixed me a collage of photos of us, and it's hanging above my bed. Eva is standing next to my bed, looking at those pictures when I walk in. She doesn't notice me yet.

  Her wet hair is even curlier than I thought it could be. Her change of clothes is white shorts and a green tank top. I'm so going to miss summer and those clothes. Shaking my head, I finally speak.

  “What does this room tell you about me?”

  My voice startles Eva. She spins around so fast she almost falls over onto my bed.

  “Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.”

  “It's okay.” She glances around the room and looks over her shoulder at the pictures one more time. “It tells me you were active.” She points to my trophies from where I played baseball as a kid and into high school. “You played video games then.” She points to the small couch and empty entertainment center. “And that girl meant a lot to you. Is that Kelly?” She turns back to the pictures, but I don't move from my spot by the door.

  “Yeah, that's her. It was a Christmas gift one year.”

  “It's hard to believe you don't talk to her anymore. Y'all looked inseparable.”

  One thing is for sure. I don't want to be here with Eva talking about Kelly. “Things didn't exactly end well. C'mon. I'm supposed to be visiting with my parents, remember?”

  “Right. Sorry.” She shakes her head and turns toward me.

  “It's all right.”

  Mom immediately starts a conversation that lasts until dinner is over. Eva is a hit with my parents. No surprise there. It feels good to be back here with them. So many of my visits since Kelly demanded the break have been more gloomy, more tainted with me being bothered that she was ignoring me. Not this time. There's a lot more happiness.

  Mom brings us our clean clothes before we leave. Eva has to promise my mom to join me on my next trip home. It makes me smile that Mom likes her so much.

  “Have you had fun?” I ask.

  “Yeah. Thanks so much for today, Emerson.”

  “Thanks for coming with me.”

  About halfway to my apartment, she groans. “You live so close to campus, yet so far. I don't feel like driving yet. I like having you around to drive for me,” she teases.

  “I offered to pick you up. You're the one who insisted on driving.”

  “I know, I know.”

  I laugh at her dejected tone. “You can stay if you want, and then go home in the morning.”

  “You're too nice.”

  “Well? That's not an answer.”

  “I'll see once we get back.” She ends up accepting my offer. “Your bed is more comfortable than mine,” she explains.

  I shake my head at her with a smile. “Do you want something of mine to wear?”

  “Please,” she nods. I find her a pair of basketball shorts, tossing them to her. She decided to sleep in her tank top. “Thanks.” I'm about to leave her to change, when she adds, “You don't have to sleep on the couch, Emerson.”

  “Are you sure?” She nods. “Okay. Let me know when you're done.” I leave her in my room to lock the door. My phone vibrates with a text and I check it. It's from my mom.

  Mom: Loved having you home, son. Please visit more often. I think Eva is great for you.

  Me: Thanks, Mom. Will do.

  I replay the day over in my head. The once looming two-year deadline has never seemed so far away. More often than not lately, I've found myself doubting something actually happening between Kelly and me once it's here. Maybe nothing will happen. It's starting to bother me to have it feel as if it's hanging over my head every time I'm with Eva, and even when I'm not. I pull up my contacts, and scroll until I find Kelly.

  I haven't spoken to her in over a year. She ignored me any time I tried. Maybe our break wasn't a break, but a break up. With an impulsive decision, I delete her contact. I obviously don't need it.

  “Emerson, I'm done,” Eva calls.

  “Coming.”

  It's weird, but my shoulders feel a little lighter with that one action. For good, I push Kelly out of my head once more today as I make my way to my room.

  EMERSON DOESN'T HAVE a TV in his room, and silence has never been so loud. With him lying here next to me, the room dark and quiet, I feel like fidgeting. Hell if I know why. I feel like if I fidget, I'll be bugging him and keeping him from falling asleep. The only reason why I want to fidget is because I feel awkward for some reason. It's probably because he's so great. I mean, after he came back into the bedroom, he told me there was a toothbrush in the bathroom for me.

  He bought a toothbrush for me to use when I spend the night.

  I realize I could focus on how he may think I'll be spending the night a lot, but considering the fact I've fallen asleep on him more than once, I decide not to. Instead, I think about how sweet it is that he went out of his way to have it here for me, just in case I did spend the night again.

  And now, I keep thinking about how great he seems and how many times I've embarrassed myself in front of him.

  “My hands are sore,” I blurt out. Damn it, I need to stop doing that.

  Emerson chuckles. He reaches over and takes one of my hands. As he begins to massage it, he says, “Can't sleep now that you've laid down?” He has magical hands. If he can make my hand feel this good, I can only imagine what the rest of my body would feel like if he worked those hands over me.

  “Yeah, I guess so.” Better than admitting it's because he's lying next to me.

  His thumbs knead my hand for a bit until he asks for the other one.

  “You know, I think I'm going to be the one having to convince you to keep me around,” he says once he's done.

  “Are you kidding me? You just massaged my hands for me. You're a keeper.” He laughs, but then I realize what he said, and add, “Why do you think that?” I turn my head, barely able to make out the grin on his face.

  “You're older, wiser, quicker on your feet, and prettier. You're taking all the good adjectives from me.”

  I try not to giggle. “Would you like the prettier one then?”

  He chuckles. “Yes, thank you. Come over here.”

  Crap. I'll never sleep now. Regardless, I slide over. He lifts his arm for me to fit right next to him and he lays it over my shoulders as I rest my head on his chest. His torso rises and falls with his breathing, and I finally have found some noise to distract me: his heartbeat. It's not much compared to what a TV could do, but it's something. I can tune everything out except for the rhythmic thumping and his even breathing.

  Emerson kisses the top of my head and says, “All right, now go to sleep. It's been a long day, and if I'm the pretty one now, you need some beauty sleep.”

  I laugh, finally closing my eyes and relaxing for the first time since we lay down.

  I'm standing about five feet to the left of the blonde girl I saw in the photos at Emerson's house. Kelly and I are standing across from Emerson and a guy I don't recognize.

  “You have to choose,” he tells Emerson, walking back and forth in front of him. “You can't have them both. Pick. Is it Kelly or Eva?” He stands next to him to face us.

  Emerson's eyes dart back and forth between us. The uncertainty on his face is painful. He'll pick her. Of course he will. I'm not sure why, but my heart knows I won't be picked. I open my mouth to say something, but no words come out.

  Kelly, on the other hand, starts talking to Emerson. Resentment burns in my blood as he takes a step toward her. I can't understand what she's saying because it's like a whisper to me, but I know Emerson can hear her because he nods in agreement. This isn't fair! She has the advan
tage! Hell, I'm even standing two steps farther behind her. He can reach her in less time than he can me.

  Emerson turns to look at me with questioning eyes. My mouth opens, but the words won't come. I shrug. I give up. I can't make him do anything anyway. He needs to choose who he wants, not who I wish he would want. Which would be me, obviously.

  He turns to face the other guy. “I know who—”

  A chill dances up my spine, waking me up. I slowly blink and look down at myself. My brows bunch together. I'm lying against Emerson's back as he lies on his side with all the blankets. I scoot backward, clutch a handful, and tug hard.

  Nothing.

  I groan in frustration and shove Emerson a little to wake him up.

  Unfortunately, he's lying on the edge of the bed and my little shove pushes him off, his grunt as he hits the floor wakes me up a little more.

  “What the hell?” he mumbles, sitting up.

  “Sorry. I didn't mean to, but you had all the covers.”

  “So you fucking pushed me off the bed?” He sounds angry, which confuses my half-asleep brain. Emerson tosses the blankets in my general direction, nearly hitting me in the face with them. He stands and gets back into the bed while I try to fix the covers.

  “You're mean when you first wake up,” I comment.

  “You pushed me off the bed!” he defends.

  Annoyed myself, I turn toward him a bit, cup his face with my hands, and say, “I said I was sorry, Emerson. It was an accident and I was half-asleep. Relax.”

  He finally seems to focus and loses the touch of anger he had. “Sorry, Eva. That was just a rough wake up call.”

  I'll probably care more about what I did in the morning, but right now, I only care about having blankets again. I turn the other way, pull the blankets up to my neck, and fall back asleep. I'm one of those people who likes to be warm and toasty when I sleep, so even the slightest chill can wake me up.

  Unfortunately, I wake up again to find that he has all the blankets once more. Oh, come on! I get out of bed and shuffle my feet into the living room. There's a blanket on the back of the couch. I just want some sleep. I fall onto the couch, grab the blanket, and fall asleep once I'm warm again.