Without a Doubt

by Lindsay Paige

  “You okay, Eva? You're quiet and that's rare.”

  “I'm fine,” she says simply.

  Glen glances at me with suspicion in his narrowed eyes, but I shrug. I don't know what may be bothering her. I haven't told her Kelly called yet, so it can't be that. Nothing else has happened that I know of. Eva doesn't perk up until we're pulling up in front of what I'm assuming is her parent's house. Beautiful flowers occupy flower beds in front of the porch, making the house a bit more eye-catching.

  Eva is the first out of the car as the screen door opens. A woman opened it, but Eva is focused on the golden retriever who comes barreling toward her. Finally, she smiles. Glen and I get out as well. He makes his way to the house, calling out to his aunt, Eva's mom. I wait for Eva, who currently has her face buried in the neck of the dog.

  “I missed you so much, Lady,” she says, pulling away and standing. The dog notices me and sits at my feet, waiting to be petted. I rub her head before Eva says, “Let's go meet my parents.” The dog dutifully follows Eva up the porch where she hugs her mom. “Happy birthday, Mom!”

  “Thanks.” She pulls away and looks at me. “You must be Emerson. It's nice to meet you.” She holds out her hand, which I firmly shake.

  “Nice to meet you as well, Mrs. Harvey. Happy birthday.”

  “Thank you.”

  Mrs. Harvey leads the way into the house. The first room is the living room and Glen and an older gentleman are already in there. The man stands, enveloping Eva in a hug as soon as she's close enough.

  “Oh, I've missed my little girl,” he tells her.

  “I missed you too, Dad.”

  When I'm introduced, his grip is vise-like and it makes me smile. We sit down and Eva laughs when Lady jumps to sit in her lap. For the next hour, her parents grill me on everything Emerson Montgomery. Once again, I'm thrown off by Eva's silence. She mostly pays attention to the dog. Her parents eventually leave us to get ready for her birthday lunch.

  Throughout the rest of the day, one would think I came with Glen and not Eva. That's how little she talks, even with her entire family. At one point, she leaves me alone with Glen and I ask him if she normally acts like this with family. He shakes his head. Other than that, the party is a blast. I feel included and part of the family by the time we're leaving to head home.

  I know something is up when it's just the two of us back at my apartment.

  “I think I'm going back to campus tonight.” It's the first thing she says when we walk into the living room. She's about to head to the bedroom for her things, but I grab her wrist and pull her toward me.

  “Okay, what's wrong? You've been quiet all day and now you want to leave? What's bothering you, Eva?”

  She glances down. “Nothing. I'm just tired and ready to get back.” She lifts her head, but I can't read her expression.

  “Are you sure?” Eva nods. “Okay then.” I follow her to the bedroom. I want to let her know about Kelly before she leaves, so I sit on the bed while she gathers her things. “Kelly called last night.” How else am I supposed to bring it up? Another wave of guilt runs through me, especially when Eva falters in her movements for a moment.

  “How was the conversation?” she asks.

  “Do you really want to know since you're ready to go to campus?” My question comes out with more of a challenge than I meant.

  “If you don't want to tell me,” she starts.

  “That's not what I said,” I quickly interrupt.

  Eva sighs and sits down next to me. “Sorry. I'm in a funk for some reason. How did it go?” She angles toward me to give me her full attention.

  I watch her for a moment, looking for the reason she's in a funk, before telling her. “Well, it didn't last too long. I tried to find out the real reason she wanted the break, but she wanted to tell me the same crap again. She says she doesn't regret it and that if I'm happy with you, then it doesn't matter why.” This time, I sigh. “I got pissed and went off on her, so she basically said she was tired and ended the call.”

  Eva's silence is really starting to both worry me and annoy me. I'm not used to it and I definitely don't like it. Her beautiful blue eyes look pained. “Are you happy with me, Emerson?” she asks quietly, her voice showcasing her uncertainty. For the first time, Eva looks vulnerable. She didn't seem surprised when I said Kelly called. Maybe she wasn't asleep. Is that what's been bothering her all day?

  I cup her cheeks. “So happy I never want to let you go,” I tell her honestly. “Extremely happy, Eva. Are you sure you don't want to stay?”

  She nods. “I have some homework to do that I forgot about. Thank you for talking to me though.” Eva kisses me simply, grabs her bag, and stands. “I'll talk to you later.” And then, she leaves.

  Fuck, I feel like I've done something wrong, like I've hurt her. I stand, going after her and reaching her before she walks out the door. “Eva, wait.” She turns around. I cup her face and kiss her with all that I am, hoping like hell she understands what she means to me. When I pull away, I say, “Thanks for this weekend.”

  She only gives me a half smile. “You're welcome. Bye, Emerson.”

  Then she leaves for good and I feel like crap for not making her feel better before she did.

  “WOAH! SORRY, SORRY, sorry,” I rush as I back out of my dorm and into the hallway upon seeing Parker and Catherine having sex. Crap. I should have known he might be here since I wasn't supposed to be. A moment later, Catherine pokes her head out the door.

  “What are you doing here? I thought you were staying with Emerson.”

  “I was going to, but I changed my mind. Sorry. Go back to it, I'll leave.” She starts to object, but I shake my head. “Really, pretend I was never here. I'm sure you won't have trouble restarting things. I'll see you tomorrow.”

  I leave before she can say another word. Where am I going to go now? I want some space from Emerson, even though I was thrilled to hear he's happy with me. So, I don't want to high-tail it back to his apartment. I pull out my cell and call Glen.

  “Hey, what's up?” he answers.

  “Please tell me you're not busy and aren't engaged in sexual acts.”

  Glen laughs. “No, I'm not. Why? Do you want to come over?”

  “Can I?”

  “Come on,” he says.

  We hang up and I walk over to the neighboring dorm house. It doesn't take me long to reach his room. His door is open, so I walk on in, but close it behind me. He's lying on his twin bed with his back propped up against the wall by a pillow. I lay down next to him and he slings an arm around my shoulders while I rest my head on his shoulder.

  “What's wrong? You never visit me.”

  “Where's your roomie?” I ask instead.

  “On a date. How come you aren't at Emerson's?”

  “Why do you have to ask so many questions?”

  “Says the nosey chick,” he points out. “Does this have anything to do with Kelly?”

  I sigh because Glen isn't going to let this go. I can't say I blame him all things considered. He lets me shift through my thoughts without any more pressure. “I like him, I really do.”

  “But?” Glen says.

  “I don't know if I'm strong enough or patient enough to stand by while he talks to her. I can't tell him not to talk to her when he's trying to find closure.”

  “But?” he repeats.

  “I wish he could give himself closure instead of waiting for her to hand it to him. I've only known him a few months and he's known her practically his entire life. He says he's happy with me and wants to be with me. Having her in the picture is bothering me too much though. I couldn't even enjoy Mom's birthday party because she was all I could think about.”

  “And that's why you didn't stay with Emerson tonight and ended up with me instead.”

  “Don't you feel lucky?” I joke.

  “Considering, I'm your second choice, third if you count Emerson, no, I don't.”

  I laugh. “Sorry. Can we watch a movie?”
>
  “Are you staying here tonight?”

  “Can I?”

  “You do realize this is a twin bed, right?” I stare at him until he sighs and gives in. “Fine, you can stay.”

  “Thanks. You're my favorite cousin.”

  He rolls his eyes before making me grab his laptop, so we can watch a movie on that. He picks his favorite military movie on Netflix. While we wait for it to load, he speaks one last time for the night.

  “Our moms drilled into us that we aren't supposed to give up in any capacity when the going gets tough. Sounds like you're giving up somewhere, Eva. You both deserve better than that.”

  “You're younger than me, you're not supposed to be wiser.”

  Glen laughs. We watch the movie before falling asleep.

  I hear a knock on the door, but I just roll over. The bed dips, someone curses, and then I hear a voice that wakes me up rather quickly.

  “Hey, Glen,” Emerson says.

  However, since I don't really wake up quickly in the morning, I end up rolling onto my back and try to keep my eyes open as I peer toward the door. “Emerson?”

  “Eva? What are you doing here?”

  “She slept over,” Glen answers. “Sorry, I overslept. Give me ten minutes and I'll be ready.”

  “Ready for what?” I ask, sitting up.

  “We're going out for breakfast before class,” Glen explains.

  “You're going on a date with my boyfriend?”

  Emerson sits down on the edge of the bed while Glen shakes his head at me, grabs clothes, and disappears for the bathroom. I fall back onto the bed and groan when I realize I need to get up, too.

  “How'd you end up here?” Emerson asks, looking down at his hands in his lap.

  “Catherine was with her boyfriend when I showed up, so I came here.” I move so I can sit next to him and rest my head on his shoulder. “Sorry for yesterday, Emerson.”

  “Care to explain what happened?” He takes my hand in his.

  “I rather move on and forget it.”

  “And I rather want to know what made you run from me, Eva.”

  Crap. I lift my head to look at him. “Can you let this one go if I promise it won't happen again? I just got lost inside my head. I'm not above begging, Emerson.” I give him a small smile, hoping it'll help.

  Glen returns to the room, but Emerson pays him no attention. He's studying me too intently.

  “Ready?” Glen asks.

  “Text me and we'll have lunch,” Emerson tells me, standing. He kisses me softly before he and Glen head out.

  I hurry to get ready for my own class. Based on the appearance of the other bed, Glen's roomie had a successful date because it doesn't appear as if he came home last night. I want to be out of here before he comes back. When I make it to my dorm, no one is there and I'm relieved. The last thing I need is to interrupt morning sex.

  My thoughts drift off as I get ready for my first class and go about my day. Glen was right. I gave up somewhere. I keep looking at my relationship with Emerson as if it'll inevitably end because of Kelly. How ironic that, in a way, I've doomed us instead of her. Do I not truly trust Emerson and what he says to me? Or do I, but my trust in him is overshadowed by how uncomfortable it makes me that he's talking to her?

  I mean, who wants their boyfriend talking to an ex? No one! Plus, she wants something from him, I know it, but I don't know what she wants. That bothers me too. But it doesn't matter if I don't like it because I won't say anything yet. I want Emerson to close the door on his past once and for all and I'm not sure he can do that if I intervene. I'll hold out until I can't stand it any more. Then, I'll talk to him and see what happens.

  For now, I need to convince him to leave well enough alone concerning my behavior yesterday. We're meeting at Smitty's, of course. Emerson eats here like once a week. I'm standing outside the entrance with my arms wrapped around myself, waiting for him to show up. The weather has finally started cooling down as we transition into fall. The air is chilly, especially with the breeze, and I wish I had brought a light jacket. At least I'm wearing jeans.

  The familiar rumble of a truck's engine causes me to glance toward the entry of the parking lot. I've never been happier to see Sweet Irene. A thought hits me, causing me to hurry over to where Emerson parked. When he opens the door, I ask, “Don't you keep a hoodie in the backseat?” If I'm not mistaken, he told me once that he keeps one in there once the weather starts getting colder, just in case.

  “Yeah,” he says, reaching back to grab it.

  “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” I take it from him, giving him a quick kiss before I slip into it. “My teeth were about to start chattering.”

  Emerson laughs. “You get cold too easily.” He starts laughing harder as he shuts his door and locks the truck.

  “What?”

  “Nothing, it just made me think of my grandma. She's always cold. Even when it's eighty-five degrees in her house.”

  My eyes narrow at him, but it only makes him laugh some more. He takes my hand and leads me inside. As usual, it's packed. I'm surprised when we're able to land a booth. A waitress is quick to greet us and Emerson orders for the both of us.

  “I can't believe you compared me to your grandma.”

  “It's the only comparison I'll make, promise,” he tells me, trying to fight a smile. While I came to lunch with the intentions of not mentioning yesterday or anything else too serious, Emerson seems to have different intentions. It's as if he knows something is bothering me, but instead of talking about that, he wants to ask a seemingly more important question. “Are you rethinking us, Eva?” he asks, losing his easy-going appearance to become more serious.

  “No,” I reply immediately. I'm not at all because I don't want lose him. I want to stay, but I've been struggling with the whole Kelly situation. I don't tell him that though. “I want you, Emerson. I want us.”

  He watches me for a moment before saying, “And you're sure you don't want to talk about whatever was going on yesterday?” I nod. “Okay. I won't push this time.”

  The waitress drops off our food and we eat quietly for a little bit before I break our silence, feeling uneasy with it for the first time.

  “How's your day so far?”

  “Good. Glen made me pay for breakfast since you said we were on a date.” He shakes his head, but there's a small smile on his face. “What about you?”

  “No complaints. What does your week look like?”

  “Working and doing homework. I think I have two papers due on Thursday, and I work Sunday, so no football again.”

  “Two weeks in a row? The guys are going to go into withdrawals,” I joke. “I won't know my schedule until I go in today, but Catherine and I are going to do something at some point this week.”

  “Save Wednesday for me,” he says.

  “Why? Have another surprise?” I ask a little too eagerly, causing Emerson to laugh.

  “Is that why you stay with me, Eva? For surprises?”

  “Of course not.” I try not to smile, but I can't help it. “But maybe a little,” I lie.

  “Well, I'm about to disappoint you because all I was thinking was you hanging out with me while I write those papers.”

  My eyes widen slightly with surprise. “You wait until the last minute to do your homework? Really?” I wouldn't have expected that.

  He nods. “I feel like I do my best work under pressure.”

  “But what if something comes up and you get interrupted or your Internet goes down? It'll put on more stress if you're waiting until the day before. Are you sure you procrastinate?”

  “Yes,” he chuckles. “Why is that so hard to believe?”

  “I don't know, it just is. But I'll pencil you in for Wednesday. Are you sure you want to add another distraction?”

  Emerson gives me a devilish grin. “I'm up for the challenge.” He glances at his phone. “I should go. I have to be at work soon.” He pays and then we head outside. Emerson walks me to my c
ar, opening the door for me, and I turn to him before I get in.

  “Are you turning on the charm for any specific reason?”

  “My girlfriend thinks I'm slacking in being a gentleman, so I'm working on meeting her standards.” There goes that grin again and I'm sure I'm wearing a matching one.

  “You know, Emerson, I'm starting to think you're the one who's too much for me.” I lean forward to kiss him, relieved we're back to normal, and sad he has to go.

  After class Tuesday, I have some time to kill before I go into work, so I text Catherine to meet me at my car. Every now and then, we'll fork out some cash to get massages. I took the liberty of booking us one in twenty minutes. It doesn't take long for Catherine to show up and we get into my car.

  “This is kind of a bad idea,” she says.

  “Why?”

  “Because we aren't going to want to do anything for the rest of the day.”

  “True, but it'll be worth it. Did you talk to Parker or have you been too busy having sex with him instead?” I ask.

  “Too busy having sex,” she mumbles under her breath.

  “Catherine!”

  “What? Every time I try to bring it up, I get distracted by how hot he looks and I can't help it.”

  “Oh, come on. You're chickening out! First, you wanted to break up and now, instead of talking, you're going at it like rabbits. You should talk to him.”

  “Like you're talking to Emerson,” she snaps. “You're so torn up over this Kelly crap, but I don't see you talking to him. Don't give advice you aren't willing to take yourself, Eva.”

  Her tone is like a slap to the face. Catherine and I have never really fought. It just hasn't been part of our friendship. The fact that she snapped at me like that means she must really be struggling with this. I don't know what to say to her, so I say nothing at all. Not to mention she has a point about me keeping silent about my own situation.

  We don't speak again until after the massage, which didn't do anything for me because I was too busy thinking about what Catherine had said. The difference is I'm trying to let Emerson sort through it himself and Catherine is trying to break a bad habit. I thought I was helping, but maybe not. On the ride home, Catherine apologizes.